One Month Since Losing My Beautiful Boy Brutus Options

[BrutusMom]

Moon Beam, Doxie, and Mistletoe--from the bottom of my heart I cherish all your kind words and efforts to help me through this very terrible time as I know each of you have your own pain and sorrow after your losses of your own precious furbabies. From my heart to yours I extend warmest hugs and comfort as you have so generously given me. I am committed to read each and every post on this site and I have become embroiled in all the beautiful and heart breaking stories of wonderful beautiful creatures leaving behind grief stricken mommies and daddies. My thoughts and feelings are so very raw I can barely write in words what I want to say. My creative talents are stagnant at this moment as all I know is that I miss my Brutus to the point of distraction. Thank you all again. I am grateful to you and to this site as I have great need.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Brutus' Mom, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. I can so relate to what you share with us as you write "My creative talents are stagnant at this moment as all I know is that I miss my Brutus to the point of distraction." After each of my beloved companions joined the angels - - prior to my beloved Noah - - I was able to create a loving tribute to them to share with friends and family. When my beloved Noah transitioned from this earthly realm I could hardly think of what to do for him, and when I did begin the task it took me so many attempts to just figure out the simplest formats of what I wanted to do, and the formats kept changing because making a decision on any level was too difficult. It was all I could do to focus on remembering to pay bills and even what day it happened to be. And I had to write everything down because I literally couldn't remember from one minute to the next what I had done - - or needed to do. The grief "fog" is now diminishing, and I am putting the finishing touches on my beloved Noah's memorial. But the sad thing is this memorial is the "last thing" I will be able to do for my brave beloved Noah who literally sacrificed his well being for mine when I was in excruciating pain for 9 months last year. The life I had known for 14 years with my beloved Noah is now a treasured memory, and "creating" a life now alone as a senior citizen is difficult.

The point of sharing my experience with you is to try to let you know that what you are experiencing now is very normal deep grief. At some point in time your creative energy will return - - perhaps differently than what it was before - - but your beloved Brutus will show you the way - - for his sweet Living Spirit is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you for love is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space.

Thank you again, Brutus' Mom, for sharing your beloved handsome boy with us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[BrutusMom]

Moon Beam - Thank you again for your kind words. I am sorry to hear that you were in such pain as your beloved Noah was silently going through his own pain. I have read all of your posts before becoming a member and I cried along with you as you wrote each one. You are gifted in your words as you know all the right things to say to bring comfort and calm to those who seek answers to questions that have no real answers. It is very clear that you and all the other gifted members know exactly what everyone is feeling because you have walked the miles in their shoes and maybe are still walking the long grief journey. Thank you for your shoulder to cry on and your kind words of comfort and hope. I look forward to seeing your final tribute to you beloved Noah and I hope you receive his sweet guidance to help you along the way. I am Denise by the way and I am so very pleased to meet you.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Denise, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. One of the many hard parts of grieving a loss of a beloved companion is not having anyone to share it with who truly understands what you're feeling. That is why this wonderful forum was established as a safe place where we can come to share what is in our hearts without fear of recrimination or rejection. It is an honor for me to be able to be here to try to offer some measure of comfort, support, and encouragement to you. And I want to thank you so much for your comforting support in my grief adjustment journey especially since you are in the throes of your deep grief.

Denise, I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have peaceful evenings blessed with your beloved Brutus' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[BrutusMom]

SIX WEEKS!!!! I am still so lost, broken and confused and at a loss as to what I am suppose to do. I see and feel you everywhere and the silence in this house is deafening. Rude awakenings. I have set up a memorial for you in the special spot on the hearth where you loved to hide your babies. And as I step back to look at it, a voice inside me says "is this all there is left after 11.5 wonderful and life-full years?" And then another voice says, "this is a tribute to your baby in honor of that wonderful and life-full 11.5 years you had shared with your sweet beautiful boy!" Your urn ashes with the photo I took of you just 5 days before you died, your paw print and fur clippings inside the cherry wood box your ashes were in when they sent them to me, you puppy photo after your first grooming, the photo of you in the sun room that was given to me by my friends at work at my retirement party, your collar with the diabetic warning tag that Aunt Diane got you 3 Christmas' ago--and a beautiful angel keeping watch that lights the room when all the other lights have gone out. You are no longer by my side, but forever in my heart!! Rest in Peace my sweet beautiful boy. Run and play--be a puppy again--no more shots, no more pain and bask in the warmth of the Rainbow Bridge sun. Mommy loves you--we are connected at the soul, and the soul never dies!!

[BrutusMom]

My sweet Brutus...

In the beginning... I wasn't looking to get a dog. I always had cats because they are more independent and I traveled alot. It was August 2006 and I had recently been widowed as my husband Jerry had died after his short battle with a rare form of colon cancer. Jerry and I were together for 3 years and he died 3 months after we were married. I was still in deep mourning and my sister, your Aunt Diane, felt sorry for me and asked if I wanted to go with her to visit her new puppy Romeo. He was still to young to take home but the breeder wanted all new parents to visit and spend time with the puppies beforehand. And I was a big dog person. I had a beautiful siberian husky in my younger days. My Natasha had been gone for about 20 years and I still kept her close to my heart. I really was not all that fond of mini schnauzers but that was the only breed my sister had. I did not want a "yappy" dog. So, when we got to the breeder's house, there were four puppies just running around. She picked up her Romeo and I was just standing there. Then all of a sudden, one of the puppies left the group and ran over to me. I picked him up and the breeder said that you were a male and the only one that had not been spoken for at the time. You started to lick my face and then you did an amazing thing--you actually fell into me! You pressed your little body so close to my heart that my heart felt the hug!! Immediately I said to the breeder, this little boy is mine and his name is Brutus! I love Shakespeare and the name was from one of his plays and not the brute from the Popeye cartoon (I also suggested the named Romeo for my sister--again Shakespeare)! Just then, the breeder got a call asking if he had a male left from his litter!! He had to inform the caller that all his puppies were spoken for. You gave me a reason. A reason to get up in the morning and a reason to come home at night. You gave me back my dreams that I had lost when I lost my Jerry. You gave me back my hope for tomorrows that were gone when I lost my Jerry. You gave me back my life that had become so empty. I knew, right then, that I needed you as much as you needed me. So together, we build a wonderful and very loving life. So you see, I wasn't looking to get a dog. Instead, I got a fur-baby and I became a fur-mommy. Jerry was my soul mate. I lost my soul mate, but now I had found my heart dog--my canine soul mate. How blessed I was that day!! And each and every day for the last 11.5 years my blessings just grew and grew! And I was pleased that you were not yappy! You were a 30-lb. ball of fire with the bark of a much bigger dog. The UPS guy was surprised to see how small you were because he was expecting to see a German Shepherd charge the door! My heart misses your hugs, that you continued to give, pressing your body so so close to mine that our heart beats were so close they could hear each other. So you see, I wasn't looking to get a dog. Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for giving me back my dreams and my tomorrows. Thank you for being. I honor you my brave sweet beautiful boy and will forever keep you close to my heart. Rest in peace and I will see you again when it is my time. I will claim you then as I did on that magical day in August 2006.

PS-if you haven't already, look for your big sister, my sweet Natasha Blue of Trojan. She will be the black and white siberian husky that looks very much like a wolf, with the most beautiful blue eyes you will ever see!!

[moon_beam]

Hi, Denise, thank you so very much for sharing with us your heartfelt love letters to your beloved Brutus. I have tears in my eyes right now as what you so eloquently share about your love bond with your beloved Brutus is what my heart also feels for my beloved Noah. I know so very well the pain and emptiness your are feeling intertwined with the eternal thankfulness and gratitude that your beloved Brutus is always and forever a part of your heart and memories that nothing can ever take away from you. May you always feel your beloved Brutus' sweet Living Spirit close to you, Denise, for he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have peaceful evenings blessed with your beloved Brutus' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam