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> Still So Sad
Midgesmom
post Sep 16 2012, 04:19 PM
Post #1





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 5
Joined: 11-September 12
Member No.: 7,757



Hi All,

I've never posted anything before,but I just needed to tell my story to those who truly know.

Midge, Sweetpea, Kitten, Peanut, Roof rider, Angel Cat, just a few of the endearments to one who made me laugh everyday.

We brought her & her friend Chip- 1 yr. old tuxedo male home from the shelter in Oct. 2010. Unknown to us was how sick Midge was with terrible diarrhea due to tri trichinosis fetus. She was about 6mos. old. Over the next few months while trying to keep them both in, her & the house clean, get a diagnosis & some kind of treatment I had thoughts to take her back. But I just couldn't. Exhausted & desperate I started to let her go outside to our secluded backyard. She would go up to 6 times in 1 hour. I combed over the internet & finally found a drug that was a godsend. After treatment this tiny tabby with the too short tail & the bloated little belly got healthy & strong. She now loved outside, & we started to barricade the backyard. We put up new 8 foot fence, cut down a tree, put up netting & Luwan. She kept escaping. I would get up with before dawn to watch her find the latest escape route, then fix it. Nothing worked.

I didn't realize that tabbies were considered "working" cats who loved to hunt. She wasn't much of a talker, but she would trill & set on my shoulder. She loved closets & drawers. We would chase & scare each other. Her little tail would fuzz, but not for long. All you had to do was talk to her & her little head would start to roll from side to side & it would pull her right down so all of her body could roll too. She loved to run everywhere. Instead of walking , she would prance, kind of stiff-legged like a baby horse.

So again exhhausted & desperate, with a feeling of such dread & forboding, down came the barricades. I worried that if she got out, she might not be able to get back in. She was older now & I thought a little wiser. I cryed as I just didn't know what else to do. We played with her, watched her, checked on her. A few times when she went missing I was always able to find her. She was ecstatically happy, as I said running everywhere.

August 31, Fri. 2012 - It was a blue moon last night. Got up early with the sweetpea, as she climbed onto my shoulder I literally heard myself saying -is this the last time I'll see you? This was not unusual, as both my husband & myself had felt this way before. This feeling of absolute dread, like a train you couldn't stop was upon us again. One house away, there is a road with a 25 MPH. speed limit, & an attractive hedge on the other side full of mice. I went down there twice to look for her. I completely underestimated the heavier traffic load due to construction, & did not know that police had been writing tickets for up to 60MPH. My neighbor pulled into my driveway, he had Midge in back. Massive head trauma. On this side of the road. She was almost home. She was still warm, & she had that sweet kitten smell that was her. She was afraid of cars, but her answer was just to run.


The reason for my fear & dread had happened. I miss her desperately. Now I cry everyday. Plenty of guilt. I can barely function. She was just everywhere in my life. I have read the posts by you kind & hurting people & I know you care on a level that most people just don't get.

As I look this over, it looks like I'm trying to justify to myself? or to my Kitten? why I let her out. In 25 years here ,I never had a problem with my other cats. It just HURTS so much! Thanks for listening,
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moon_beam
post Sep 16 2012, 04:58 PM
Post #2


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Group: Moderators
Posts: 7,985
Joined: 20-July 08
From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Midgesmom, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physcal loss of your beloved Midge. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a company tragically intensifies the grief.

This grief journey is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at once. Guilt is one of these emotions, and unfortunately it is one of the hardest to reconcile. Although our furkids are referred to as "domestic" they still have the genetic traits of their wild cousins. Depending on the genetic traits they inherit, some furkids have a stronger desire for "freedom" than others - - which is why your beloved Midge was not contented to be "confined" to the safety of her yard. My number one kitty son Eli was a feline incarnation of Houdini, and I learned that when I heard the birds and squirrels sqwaking and chittering that Eli had managed once again to wriggle out of his collar and harness and go exploring. So I do understand your efforts to try to keep your beloved Midge safe, and I do understand your decision to remove the barriers so that she would have an easier time returning home.

From what you have shared with us there is no doubt in my mind that you did everything in your power to give your beloved Midge a happy, healthy, and safe earthly journey. When we embrace our companions into our hearts and lives we do it without the foreknowledge of the circumstances that will eventually physically separate us from them. This is a good thing for if we knew the circumstances we may choose to not include them in our lives and then we would be deprived of sharing their lives during their earthly journey, and I know you would not trade one moment for anything for the joy you and your beloved Midge shared during her earthly journey with you. You are now honored as her Forever Mom - - no one else on this planet can ever know this privilege and blessing. You and you alone now treasure the many cherished memories you have in your heart, and each of us are honored to share them with you.

Although your beloved Midge is no longer physically with you, the love bond you and your beloved Midge share is eternal. It is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Midge's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will. She is always and forever a part of you - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of loss in your heart. I can only hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey. One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone in your journey. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Midge with us, Midgesmom. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture(s) of her with us -- but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Midgesmom, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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LS Support
post Sep 17 2012, 10:23 AM
Post #3


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Posts: 1,069
Joined: 3-March 03
From: Midwest USA
Member No.: 1



this post has been moved to the D&D forum where it will get more attention.


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Midgesmom
post Sep 17 2012, 02:49 PM
Post #4





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 5
Joined: 11-September 12
Member No.: 7,757



QUOTE (moon_beam @ Sep 16 2012, 03:58 PM) *
Hi, Midgesmom, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physcal loss of your beloved Midge. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a company tragically intensifies the grief.

This grief journey is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at once. Guilt is one of these emotions, and unfortunately it is one of the hardest to reconcile. Although our furkids are referred to as "domestic" they still have the genetic traits of their wild cousins. Depending on the genetic traits they inherit, some furkids have a stronger desire for "freedom" than others - - which is why your beloved Midge was not contented to be "confined" to the safety of her yard. My number one kitty son Eli was a feline incarnation of Houdini, and I learned that when I heard the birds and squirrels sqwaking and chittering that Eli had managed once again to wriggle out of his collar and harness and go exploring. So I do understand your efforts to try to keep your beloved Midge safe, and I do understand your decision to remove the barriers so that she would have an easier time returning home.

From what you have shared with us there is no doubt in my mind that you did everything in your power to give your beloved Midge a happy, healthy, and safe earthly journey. When we embrace our companions into our hearts and lives we do it without the foreknowledge of the circumstances that will eventually physically separate us from them. This is a good thing for if we knew the circumstances we may choose to not include them in our lives and then we would be deprived of sharing their lives during their earthly journey, and I know you would not trade one moment for anything for the joy you and your beloved Midge shared during her earthly journey with you. You are now honored as her Forever Mom - - no one else on this planet can ever know this privilege and blessing. You and you alone now treasure the many cherished memories you have in your heart, and each of us are honored to share them with you.

Although your beloved Midge is no longer physically with you, the love bond you and your beloved Midge share is eternal. It is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Midge's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will. She is always and forever a part of you - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of loss in your heart. I can only hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey. One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone in your journey. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Midge with us, Midgesmom. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture(s) of her with us -- but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Midgesmom, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

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Lindsey
post Sep 17 2012, 03:57 PM
Post #5





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 48
Joined: 2-September 12
Member No.: 7,749



Midge's mom,

I will pray for you. I had my dog Penny put to sleep the day before you lost your baby. Some days are better than others for me. She was old and sick and I know I did the right thing but still struggle with incomprehensible guilt at times. Some days denial takes over and I do better than others when all I want to do is yell and cry. Your baby is not hurting and I'm sure she can feel your love for her even though she is no longer physically with you. You saved her life and in turn she gave you a piece of heart - and that will always be with you.

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Midgesmom
post Sep 17 2012, 11:32 PM
Post #6





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 5
Joined: 11-September 12
Member No.: 7,757



moon_beam,

Thanks for your strength & kind words. It helps more than you know, & more than I thought it would. I appreciate the generosity of your time at a time I feel so needy.

Midgesmom
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