My Sweet Gabby

We had to put my sweet kitty to sleep on Sunday. She had suffered too long with CRF. I regret my selfishness. I should have let her go sooner. And though I knew this day would come (I thought I had emotionally prepared myself) I am utterly devastated. I couldn't bear taking her into the vet so we had a mobile vet come to our home. I was with her when she passed, holding her, kissing her. When it was over I collapsed. It was as though every ounce of strength and courage had left me. Even now it feels as if I can't go forward after this. Nothing has any meaning for me. It all seems so pointless now without her. I don't think I've cried this much since my grandfather died when I was fifteen years old. I work from home and I keep looking down at the place where her bed used to be a few feet away, now an empty spot. I sometimes forget she's gone and start to fill her water bowl or look over as if I will see her. And then the sadness fills me all over again. I've spent the last couple days in and out of bed, sobbing uncontrollably. Sometimes I think I just want to die.

I've read so many of the posts on this forum. So many suffering over the loss of their beloved. It breaks my heart to read these but in a small way it comforts me to know I'm not alone--even though I wouldn't wish this kind of suffering on anyone.

I hope this place proves a source of strength for me and I hope I can provide comfort to others as time goes on and we all face this seemingly unbearable healing process together.

Peace and love.

My Sweet Gabby

My Sweet Gabby, love of my life. You suffered for so very long and I regret my selfishness. I couldn't bear to part with you. I still can't believe you're gone from my life. I look down where you used to lay and I often expect to see you still there, looking up at me with those beautiful little eyes. I've yet to accept your passing. All that I have left now is this unbearable emptiness. I hope you know how much you were loved. During your last minutes I hope you understood that we were ending your suffering. I would give anything to have you back. To hold you in my arms. To stroke your fur. To tell you how much I love you. To tell you how sorry I am for those times when I lost patience, not with you but with the illness that eventually took you from me. The tears I have cried seem endless. The time ahead without you seems pointless. I am broken without you. I will go on though. So that I can carry your memory. For with that you will never truly be gone.

You are missed my Sweet Gabby. Missed and loved.