My baby, a husky mix named Leo the Lion (Leo for short), passed away on February 5, 2012. He passed away after suffering multiple seizures before going into cardiac arrest.

He started having seizures in November 2011. He had a total of five seizures before the vet started him on Phenobarbital in January 2012. He was crying non-stop and his hind legs started dragging. He was not enjoying any of his favorite past times or treats. He didn't even want to walk by the second to last week of January. He also suffered three more seizures while on it. I ask to change the medication within the same month because I was not happy with it and neither was Leo. The vet told me to stop giving him the Phenobarbital on January 29, 2012 and was prescribed Potassium Bromide, which would take a week to come in.

Being off the Phenobarbital for less then two day I saw major improvements. Leo seemed happy and him self again. He was running around, digging holes, going for for our two hour walks, bring me his toys. I was happy and so was he. For a month I was planing to go to Death Valley to do some geological survey for school and I was going to take Leo, but then he got off the medication and we were still waiting for the Potassium Bromide to come in, so I decided not to take him in case he had a seizure. (I wouldn't have anything to treat him with if he went into a seizure.) So for the second time since I adopted him I left him behind. I left on February 3, 2012 and was going to be back the next day in the evening. I left him in the care of my mother and sister. On February 4 at 1am-ish Leo has a seizure, the first one my mother has seen and the first one my sister had to deal with without me there telling her what to do (or get me). I'm not to sure what happen as both my mom and sister can't really recall what happen, beside them going into panic mode. My sister rushed Leo to the 24 hour animal hospital where he went into another seizure there. He had four seizures before the night was over and partial seizure about ever ten minute from 3pm to 9:20pm.

Since I was in Death Valley I had no signal on my cell phone and didn't find out what was happening until around 5pm on the 4. Sadly I was still about three and half hours away from home. When I finally got home I call the animal hospital and they told me he was doing better just really out of it. They told me I could come visit him the next morning. I went to see him the next day and he was medicated out of his mind, but at one point he recognized me and started sniffing me and giving me a lick. The vet working with Leo told me that Leo might be able to go home later that day and she would call me around 6-7pm to tell me if I could. So I waited after my visit. I got a call around 7pm saying they want to keep him for one more night because his eyes were moving around a lot, but they told me they thought it was because of all the medication and seizures he had. Other wise he was doing really well and most likely I could pick him up in the morning.

At 9:20pm the vet called me again to tell me that Leo temperature was a little high, but nothing to worry about and that they were going to give him some antibiotics just in case it is an infection.

11:31pm February 5, 2012 the night vet calls me and tells me Leo went into cardiac arrest. I ask if he was still alive and the vet told me he was sorry. I don't remember much beside running to my sisters room so she could talk to the vet because I was not understanding a word he was saying.

I'm having a hard time dealing with Leo's death. I only had him for a little over two years, but in those two years we did most things together. He slept on my bed (though I sure he thought I was sleeping on his bed), we went for walks almost every night, we went for hikes, we went kayaking together (not something you see a husky normally doing), we when out to eat together (In-N-Out mostly), went to the beach and the park, training classes and we celebrated holidays together (meaning to avoid going to family parties I stayed with Leo).

I feel guilt for leaving him for that one night. I'm not sure if I could have handle that night better, but I was with him for all of his other seizures with no problems. I feel more guilt for not being there for him the night it happened and for his final moments. Everything I own reminds me of him and how I do everything was so Leo could be right next to me while I was doing it (Cooking, studying, watching tv).

I miss him.

Hi, LeoTheLion, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Leo. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company.

Leo, from what you have shared with us there is no doubt in my mind that you did everything in your power to provide your beloved Leo a healthy, happy, loved, and safe earthly journey. Seizures are very difficult to treat in our companions just as they are in humans - - but more so because our companions cannot vocally tell us how the medications are affecting them - - we can only make this determination through trial and error and close observation. You were so very wise to stop the Pheno when you did, which in so doing stabilized your Leo's health and restored a positive quality of life for him. There was no way you could have known that your overnight trip would be the exact timing when your beloved Leo would once again experience seizures. We are mere mortals, LeoTheLion - - we do not possess the wisdom of foreknowledge - - only the benefit of hindsight. You made sure that your beloved Leo was in the care of people you trusted - - in this case your mom and sister. They did the right thing by taking your Leo to the ER where he could get the professional care he needed. Unfortunately, as happens sometimes with multiple seizures, the brain is adversely affected to the point where it can no longer sustain the rest of the body.

LeoTheLion, you DID make it home in time to see your Leo so that you both could share some precious moments with one another before he could no longer endure the stress of the fight that was happening with his physical body. Please let me try to reassure you that the deep grief you are feeling is very normal - - very painful both physically and emotionally - - yet still very normal. When our companions join us in our earthly journey they become the center of our universe. They are totally dependent upon us for their every need - - food, medical care, emotional and physical care. When they precede us to the angels, our ives are changed again. We are faced with the enormous task of "re-inventing" our lives - - of establishing "new normals" - - that do not include our beloved companions physical presence with us. And this is a very difficult adjustment for us to make - - both physically and emotionally. The good news is that our beloved companions are forever with us in our hearts and our memories. Your beloved Leo's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will. The love bond you and your beloved Leo share is eternal - - it is not dependent upon the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Leo is forever in your heart and your memories - - he is forever a heartbeat close to you.

Of course I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of loss in your heart. This grief journey is a one day at a time journey - - sometimes one moment at a time - - that can only be traveled in your own way and in your own time. But please let me try to reassure you that one day this horrible pain in your heart will ease, and you will find yourself thinking of your beloved Leo and will find yourself smiling -- truly smiling - - and your heart will fill with the warmth of your beloved Leo's eternal love. The reason why you can't feel it right now is because your heart is filled with deep grief - - and this is perfectly normal.

One of the many things you need to remember during your grief journey is that you are not alone. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Leo with us, and for the wonderful picture of your beloved companion. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, LeoTheLion, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you moon_bean your reply is very comforting. I've be re-reading your reply when ever the monster called guilt pops into my head. I'm sure I'll be reading it again tomorrow when I should be get Leo's remains back.

-Kristen aka LeoTheLion