Madeline Options

[madeline]

hey everyone,

I didn't know where to post this. I had Madeline, a beagle mix, for 5 years. She is 9 years old. Last year I got very very ill and almost died. Madeline saved my life in ways too profound to say right now. Unfortunately, in the process we got fleas from a neighbor;s dog and she came down with crippling arthritis and grew lumps and became inactive and dehydrated easily. Because of my disability and not working I could not afford proper vet care for her nor could I give her the exercise she needed nor get rid of the fleas as she was so ill I was afraid the Frontline was worsening her. She would tremor. So Saturday, after two days of near carrying her up the stairs, I took her to the spca. They will adopt her out if she passes the doctor. If she doesn't they will euthanize her. I wish I had had the money to get a good work up for her, all the x-rays and biopsies. I did for most of our time together but last year ripped me apart financially. I tried rehoming her and couldn't find anyone that wanted 9 year old arthritic dog. I am feeling immense guilt that this may mean she is euthanized. Why didn't you sell your truck I think? Move to get away from the fleas and so she wouldn't have to climb stairs? Well we did move, three months ago. I couldn't do it again. The what if's are haunting me. And I miss her. I've been crying for three straight days. I have an anxiety disorder and she was very much like a service animal to me. I don't know what I'll do without her. She kept me going. But I couldn't take care of her how she needed though now it;s funny I have a job interview on Thursday. Maybe it could have all worked out. Is it wrong I got tired of caring for her illness? That I just couldn't do it? I feel like something is wrong with me for giving her up. Why didn't I try harder? Why when she swallowed a chicken bone and nearly died did I kind of half-hope she would a couple of weeks ago? (I took her to the vet, she recovered). However it was then I realized I didn't have the money. I had to borrow from a friend. What is wrong with me? I am hoping I did the right thing. I call Wed. to find out if they euthanized her. I feel like a dog murderer.The local rescue never called me back. I wish I had found a home for her with wealthy people. The last look she gave me was of love.

thanks.
Amy

[Flossie's Mom]

Amy,

Your story is absolutely heartbreaking to me. I wish there was a way you could keep Madeline safe at least until you find out the result of your job interview.

If there was a way to have them hold off until you find a better option that would be great. Is there a craigslist in your area? There are many people on the pets section that are so helpful to people having a difficult time. Sometimes many rescues are so hard to find or get in touch with. But sometimes posting on craigslist brings attention to a rescuer of a need they may be able to help you with.

What an awful position to be in after all the two of you have been through together. But I understand that we sometimes have to do what we have to do. You don't want her to suffer and it took a lot of strength to be willing to give her up so she may have a chance of finding a home that can afford to get some relief for her. It is out of your love for her that you have given her this second chance.

No matter how it goes please try to remember the love you shared and that you did the absolute best you could.

Let us know and talk about any feelings you have no matter what the outcome as many of us here have faced very difficult times with our beloved pets and understand that coming here is very beneficial. No one judges others here as we have walked a rough road ourselves even though our circumstances may be different.

Again, I am so sorry you've had to make such a difficult decision. I hope for good news and will keep you in my thoughts & prayers.
Ginger

[madeline]

hi there,

I called the spca today. They euthanized her yesterday they said for "humane" reasons. Unfortunately, the arthritis was so bad she couldn;t get up the stairs to my second floor apartment. I had posted on craigslist last month and had a couple replies but I was selfish I suppose and kept her thinking I could do it, that I needed her. Well I guess I couldn't. By the time her legs were so bad it came to give her to the spca I couldn't wait any longer, post on craiglist again, she was in awful pain. It's all like this blur, with a desperate decision I wish I had never had to make,involving a vet that I owed money and friends tired from my own illness not able to support my dog. Part of why I didn't foster her was I believed she deserved a stable home, I had read it somewhere, especially in her old age. She had gone back and forth twice last year with me so ill to my friends and I didn't want to continue to do that to her. I got a doggy spirit message from her last night, which would have been when she was euthanized, that she was alright, that she understood, and to take care of myself because she no longer could. It was a good message, when just hours earlier I felt her calling me, panicked, something was wrong, but I had signed away my rights there. I have to trust the spca did what was in her best interest. I know they euthanize older dogs. I wish there had been another way. Last year I withdrew from benzos and got down to 85 lbs. She saved my life. I am doing better 5 months off the medication. I wish I could have saved hers. I'll share my poem:

Bear (aka shake your butt, aka Chachi, aka Madeline)

They will wonder
Why the tears fall so hard
They will call you just a dog
They will think I have lost my mind
Again

But they did not sit with me through every seizure
They did not tell me the gas was left on
They did not refuse to eat until I had my fill
They did not forgive when I could not sit still

They did not come for me when I was deepest in hiding
Only you, who knew my mind, who knew the stars
Only you who carried me so long
Your legs began to fail
Only you would have lain down your life
And said goodbye with your tail still wagging.

Amy,

Your story is absolutely heartbreaking to me. I wish there was a way you could keep Madeline safe at least until you find out the result of your job interview.

If there was a way to have them hold off until you find a better option that would be great. Is there a craigslist in your area? There are many people on the pets section that are so helpful to people having a difficult time. Sometimes many rescues are so hard to find or get in touch with. But sometimes posting on craigslist brings attention to a rescuer of a need they may be able to help you with.

What an awful position to be in after all the two of you have been through together. But I understand that we sometimes have to do what we have to do. You don't want her to suffer and it took a lot of strength to be willing to give her up so she may have a chance of finding a home that can afford to get some relief for her. It is out of your love for her that you have given her this second chance.

No matter how it goes please try to remember the love you shared and that you did the absolute best you could.

Let us know and talk about any feelings you have no matter what the outcome as many of us here have faced very difficult times with our beloved pets and understand that coming here is very beneficial. No one judges others here as we have walked a rough road ourselves even though our circumstances may be different.

Again, I am so sorry you've had to make such a difficult decision. I hope for good news and will keep you in my thoughts & prayers.
Ginger