IPB

Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

 Forum Rules Site Rules and Courtesies
 
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> You're Still Right Here With Me
jaspersmom
post Mar 5 2014, 11:34 AM
Post #1





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 66
Joined: 6-February 14
Member No.: 8,229



I can't believe that it has been a month since I had to say goodbye to my dear sweet cat Jasper, my precious baby and my very best friend. It feels like so much longer since my sweet boy left this world, those first few days were like a blur in some ways, as though I was detached from everything and everyone, as though I was in some very bad dream, and I just wanted so badly to wake up and pretend that this was not real, how could he not be here with me anymore. I do remember the pain being so intense, nothing I have ever felt before or ever want to feel again, and as I looked at my life, and this so called new normal through tears that would fill an ocean, I just could not understand how everything and everyone could just be going on as usual, when my whole world had come to such a sudden and devastating stop.

There have been a few changes since those first few weeks, the sharp and intense pain seems to have been replaced with an emptiness and a deep inside sadness. Those first few days were unbelievable, such an unrelenting and emotional roller coaster. Sometimes I would just totally give in to the grief and cry my eyes out, but then amidst all the emptiness and despair, something very special started to happen. I started to feel my Jasper again, he was right here beside me and his presence was so palpable, I could almost reach out and touch him, I would see fleeting shadows and glimpses of him, such a wonderful lifeline he gave me to grasp onto. One particularly difficult night, I actually felt him jump onto the bed in his favorite spot, I heard all of those four dear little paws bounce right onto the bed next to me, it is amazing that my sweet baby knew how badly I was hurting, the anguish I was in, and he broke through the bonds of this physical realm to comfort me, and to let me know that just because I can't see him or touch him, does not in any way mean that he is not here.

The instant replay and hauntingly clear images of our last few days together when he was so sick are now starting to fade, and they are slowly being replaced by little spurts of our special times together, the first time I held him, and he seemed to melt right into my lap as though he knew he was home. Our first night together when a storm was raging outside, but he was cuddled up right next to me without a care in the world, because he knew he was with his mama, and he knew he was safe. Although I can feel him here, I still cannot wait for the day until he runs to meet me, and he tells me about all of the adventures he has been having, and I long for that day when I will be able to scoop my sweet boy up in my arms, kiss his little head, and tell him how I have carried him with me in my heart every single moment of every single day.

Those first few days when I was in the deepest and darkest throes of my grief, I found a beautiful poem which really spoke to me, and I believe it was sent from above by my special little boy, always by my side, forever in my heart ... I love you Jasper.

I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep,
I could see that you were crying, you found it hard to sleep.
I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear,
"It's me, I haven't left you, I'm fine, I'm well, I'm here.

I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea,
You were thinking of the many times your arms reached out to me.
I was with you at my grave today, you tend it with such care,
I want to reassure you, that I am not lying there.

I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key,
I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said "It's me."
You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair,
I tried so hard to let you know that I was standing there.

It's possible for me to be so near you everyday,
To say to you with certainty, "I never went away."
You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew,
In the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.
The day is almost over, I smile and watch you yawning
And say "goodnight, God bless, I'll see you in the morning."

And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,
I'll rush across to greet you, and we'll stand, side by side.
I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see,
Be patient, live your journey out ... then come home to be with me.



Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Dodgers
post Mar 5 2014, 12:03 PM
Post #2





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 17
Joined: 23-February 14
Member No.: 8,247



Hi jaspersmom. Your sharing was beautiful and touching I do believe that my dodger also broke thru the curtain
In the form of a perfect bark. His bark thAt I know so well. The bark was inside the house. Beautiful and strange. Today is day 26 for me. The teArs keep coming. Just not as frequently. I miss my buddy. I am sorry for your pain and thNks for the poem
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
moon_beam
post Mar 5 2014, 12:48 PM
Post #3


Forum Moderator


Group: Moderators
Posts: 8,088
Joined: 20-July 08
From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, jaspersmom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Indeed, during the very deep seering painful grief we wonder if there will ever be a time when it will ease. There is no end to missing the physical presence of our beloved companions who are patiently waiting for our appropriate time to join them in eternal joy, but as you are discovering in your grief adjustment journey the seering pain does ease so that we can embrace our beloved companion's sweet Living Spirit and our hearts can be warmed once again with the many treasured memories we share with them.

I can so relate to how you have been feeling when you share with us: "I just could not understand how everything and everyone could just be going on as usual, when my whole world had come to such a sudden and devastating stop." It never ceases to amaze me how the world continues on as though nothing has happened - - jobs get done, bills get paid, and we hear people around us laughing - - it's as though life is mocking our deepest grief and sorrow when our lives will never be the same.

The GOOD NEWS is that our lives permanently and eternally change for the better when we embrace our companions into our hearts and homes - - because they are always and forever with us in our hearts and memories, and nothing in heaven or on earth can ever take this away from us - - not even the painful adjustment to their physical absence.

I hope today is treating you kindly, jaspersmom, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Jasper's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
jaspersmom
post Mar 10 2014, 10:24 AM
Post #4





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 66
Joined: 6-February 14
Member No.: 8,229



QUOTE (Dodgers @ Mar 5 2014, 12:03 PM) *
Hi jaspersmom. Your sharing was beautiful and touching I do believe that my dodger also broke thru the curtain
In the form of a perfect bark. His bark thAt I know so well. The bark was inside the house. Beautiful and strange. Today is day 26 for me. The teArs keep coming. Just not as frequently. I miss my buddy. I am sorry for your pain and thNks for the poem


Hi Dodgers. Thank you so much for your kind words, that is amazing how your dodger also broke through the curtain with a perfect bark, I can just imagine how much hearing that wonderful sound must have meant to you. The times I have felt my Jasper's presence here with me have been absolutely beautiful and so very comforting, in my darkest hours he must have felt how much I needed him. I understand so well how much you miss your sweet doggie, and I am so very sorry for your pain and sadness, it is just so incredibly hard not having them here with us in the physical sense. It still feels like there is such a huge part of me missing and that my family is broken.

There were a few days when I was feeling my Jasper's presence all around me so frequently, but now those times seem to be fewer and far between, and I am worried that he is fading from my world somewhat, never from my heart and soul though. He is my first thought in the morning, my last thought at night, and I carry him with me every second of every day. I was thinking that maybe he is just so busy right now in that perfect world, frolicking and playing, and making new friends, who knows, maybe your dodger and my jasper are running together along a crystal cool stream in the sunshine, happy and carefee as I write this. I would never want him to feel bad when he looks down and sees his mama crying, I guess that is what true love is all about, no matter how much we ourselves are hurting, no matter how much pain we are in, the only thing that really matters is that our sweet babies are happy, even after they have passed over to be with the angels, we just want to know that they are not scared or alone. I miss my Jasper so very much, and I know I am going to see him again one day, but until then the days are so hard, the nights are so very dark and cold, and the only time I can really and truly smile is when I think of the day when he and I will be reunited, and I am sure you feel the same about dodger. Take care and I hope you can find some peace and comfort in the days ahead, the one thing that always helps me is that I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that our dear companions know how very much they are missed, how very much they are loved, and when the time right, we will be with them, never ever to be separated again.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
jaspersmom
post Mar 10 2014, 01:02 PM
Post #5





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 66
Joined: 6-February 14
Member No.: 8,229



QUOTE (moon_beam @ Mar 5 2014, 12:48 PM) *
Hi, jaspersmom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Indeed, during the very deep seering painful grief we wonder if there will ever be a time when it will ease. There is no end to missing the physical presence of our beloved companions who are patiently waiting for our appropriate time to join them in eternal joy, but as you are discovering in your grief adjustment journey the seering pain does ease so that we can embrace our beloved companion's sweet Living Spirit and our hearts can be warmed once again with the many treasured memories we share with them.

I can so relate to how you have been feeling when you share with us: "I just could not understand how everything and everyone could just be going on as usual, when my whole world had come to such a sudden and devastating stop." It never ceases to amaze me how the world continues on as though nothing has happened - - jobs get done, bills get paid, and we hear people around us laughing - - it's as though life is mocking our deepest grief and sorrow when our lives will never be the same.

The GOOD NEWS is that our lives permanently and eternally change for the better when we embrace our companions into our hearts and homes - - because they are always and forever with us in our hearts and memories, and nothing in heaven or on earth can ever take this away from us - - not even the painful adjustment to their physical absence.

I hope today is treating you kindly, jaspersmom, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Jasper's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi moon_beam. I so appreciate your beautiful words of kindness and support. I really don't know what I would have done without this forum and the understanding and compassion that I have found here. In those first few days after losing my Jasper, this place was like a refuge for me from the unbelievable pain and sadness, and to this day has been my light in the storm in every sense of the word.

I haven't been feeling Jasper's presence here as much as I had been the last few days, and I have felt sad that he seemed to be fading from me and my world, but as much as I love him, I don't think that could ever happen. Maybe he was just coming to me when he knew I needed him the most, maybe he knows that I am getting just the tiniest bit stronger now, so he can keep playing and making new friends in that perfect new world, maybe he knows that even though his momma is still hurting, that I am going to be okay, and I am sure he knows we will both be together again when the time is right. I still feel so connected to him, and I suppose that no physical separation can ever break that close and special bond we have. I am still unable to look at his picture, it just hurts too much, and I tucked his toys and his little collar with the bell safely away until I am a bit stronger, oh what I would give to hear that bell jingling again.

My other kitty Jingles has been my saving grace, he is just so affectionate and loving now, and he always seems to know when I need him the most, and there he will be. I am so thankful and blessed to have him in my life, he and I have been through so much together. I remember those first few horrific days, whenever I thought I couldn't go on, I would see my Jingles sitting there looking up at me so confused and scared, missing his buddy, wondering why his world had been completely turned upside down, and I just knew then that I would have to go on for him, he needed me. It's funny how just when you think you won't be able to go on for another moment, you see another little soul who is so lost and hurting, and you have to put aside your pain and go to them and reach out to them, and the sadness you are both feeling comes together as one, and you know you will not have to walk this long dark road alone.

I wake up in the morning sometimes with this deep inside emptiness, oh my gosh, how very much I miss my little guy. He was and will always be the light of my life, and even though our family may be broken without him here, maybe just maybe, it's not shattered, how in the world could such a dear and sweet little soul ever leave such sadness and so many tears behind him. He gave me so very much, how blessed I am to have had him in my world for even such a short time, my sweet and special little boy ... If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to Heaven, and bring you home again.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
jaspersmom
post Mar 12 2014, 10:53 AM
Post #6





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 66
Joined: 6-February 14
Member No.: 8,229



QUOTE (jaspersmom @ Mar 10 2014, 02:02 PM) *
Hi moon_beam. I so appreciate your beautiful words of kindness and support. I really don't know what I would have done without this forum and the understanding and compassion that I have found here. In those first few days after losing my Jasper, this place was like a refuge for me from the unbelievable pain and sadness, and to this day has been my light in the storm in every sense of the word.

I haven't been feeling Jasper's presence here as much as I had been the last few days, and I have felt sad that he seemed to be fading from me and my world, but as much as I love him, I don't think that could ever happen. Maybe he was just coming to me when he knew I needed him the most, maybe he knows that I am getting just the tiniest bit stronger now, so he can keep playing and making new friends in that perfect new world, maybe he knows that even though his momma is still hurting, that I am going to be okay, and I am sure he knows we will both be together again when the time is right. I still feel so connected to him, and I suppose that no physical separation can ever break that close and special bond we have. I am still unable to look at his picture, it just hurts too much, and I tucked his toys and his little collar with the bell safely away until I am a bit stronger, oh what I would give to hear that bell jingling again.

My other kitty Jingles has been my saving grace, he is just so affectionate and loving now, and he always seems to know when I need him the most, and there he will be. I am so thankful and blessed to have him in my life, he and I have been through so much together. I remember those first few horrific days, whenever I thought I couldn't go on, I would see my Jingles sitting there looking up at me so confused and scared, missing his buddy, wondering why his world had been completely turned upside down, and I just knew then that I would have to go on for him, he needed me. It's funny how just when you think you won't be able to go on for another moment, you see another little soul who is so lost and hurting, and you have to put aside your pain and go to them and reach out to them, and the sadness you are both feeling comes together as one, and you know you will not have to walk this long dark road alone.

I wake up in the morning sometimes with this deep inside emptiness, oh my gosh, how very much I miss my little guy. He was and will always be the light of my life, and even though our family may be broken without him here, maybe just maybe, it's not shattered, how in the world could such a dear and sweet little soul ever leave such sadness and so many tears behind him. He gave me so very much, how blessed I am to have had him in my world for even such a short time, my sweet and special little boy ... If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to Heaven, and bring you home again.


Hi Jasper, it's mommy. Well the days are getting longer now, the flowers are beginning to bloom, and spring is right around the corner. How I wish I could really feel and embrace the beauty of this new season, but all I can think about is your not being here to enjoy it with me. This is supposed to be the time for rebirth and joy, not this unrelenting and deep down sadness. I remember how you used to love to sit on the windowsill, and feel those breezes and listen to the birdies sing, all while keeping your dear little paw on my shoulder, always connected to me. I sometimes can picture you in your new perfect world, running with your new friends beside a sparkling crystal blue stream, having so much fun climbing and jumping on all those beautiful rainbows, carefree and happy.

My only wish is that I was right there with you my sweet boy, but my journey here is not yet over, and your brother Jingles needs me, he misses you so very much. Whenever I feed him, he still looks back toward the bedroom just waiting for you to come out, sometimes if he hears a noise, his ears perk right up, and you can just see the spark of hope in his eyes, he is hoping it is you. Even though you were an inside kitty, every night before I go to bed, I open the front door and look outside, like somehow you are out there somewhere, and as much as it hurts and unrealistic as it is, I guess I am still waiting and hoping beyond hope, that you will come home. I feel so blessed for even the short time we had together, and I am so sorry for the years we didn't have, but I want to thank you for finding me and coming into my life. You gave me so much, you taught me so much with your sweet and gentle ways, you will always be my little ray of sunshine my sweet boy. Maybe while you are playing and frolicking with your new friends in that wonderful new perfect world, maybe just maybe, you could find time to send your mommy a rainbow, I sure could use one right about now.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
moon_beam
post Mar 12 2014, 12:24 PM
Post #7


Forum Moderator


Group: Moderators
Posts: 8,088
Joined: 20-July 08
From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, jaspersmom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious Jingles are doing, and for sharing your beautiful love letter to your beloved Jasper.

Your heartbreak, and heartache, is palpable in your words, and I know so very much what you are saying when you share with us: "It's funny how just when you think you won't be able to go on for another moment, you see another little soul who is so lost and hurting, and you have to put aside your pain and go to them and reach out to them, and the sadness you are both feeling comes together as one, and you know you will not have to walk this long dark road alone." I have seen my precious Noah's little heart broken as he has witnessed each of his housemates precede him to the angels, and we have come closer to one another through each adjustment journey.

I truly wish with all my heart there were an easier way to navigate this grief journey for both you and your precious Jingles. I also understand how you're feeling when you share with us: "How I wish I could really feel and embrace the beauty of this new season, but all I can think about is your not being here to enjoy it with me. This is supposed to be the time for rebirth and joy, not this unrelenting and deep down sadness." I remember so well when two of my beloved feline companions joined the angels as spring was blossoming - - it didn't feel like spring at all to me but rather the arctic cold of winter. Even hearing the birds singing seemed to be a betrayal.

I promise you, jaspersmom, one day the sorrow that is in your heart now will ease, and you and your precious Jingles will be able to once again enjoy the renewal of spring and the promise of new life it brings. But until this day comes for you, jaspersmom, please know we are here for you to share the not so bad days, the not so good days, and the days when it feels like your heart can no longer bear the burden of your deepest sorrow.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Jingles kindly, jaspersmom, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Jasper's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Dodgers
post Mar 12 2014, 03:58 PM
Post #8





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 17
Joined: 23-February 14
Member No.: 8,247



Hi jaspersmom. A month. It's been so painful with the warm days days whenever and dodger would be on the move when I got home from work my wife and I rescue cats and have 9 precious ones. One of them was sleeping in the strangest place for a few days(in front of the bathroom door). Nearby where dodger would often lay down this areA allowed dodger to strTegically monitor all comings and goings on the main floor (bThroom. Living room den and bedroom) anywAy I have to wonder if the cat. ( Josie) who always tried to snuggle up to dodger was sensing his spirit. Anyway I strongly believe we wil see our loved ones again. They are peaceful beyond measure playing and waiting. Peace Jaspersmom
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
kk0711
post Mar 15 2014, 04:11 PM
Post #9





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 30
Joined: 6-February 14
Member No.: 8,230



Hi jaspersmom,

I was just checking in to see how you are doing? It's almost 2 months since I lost my precious Ar. It seems so hard to believe. I have had some pretty good days but also still get hit with grief waves that surprise me. Your letter to Jasper was so sweet and I could really relate to the idea of spring is happening and my Ari is not here to enjoy it. He loved to sit in the sun and roll around and when I would leave the house in the morning, I would raise up all the shades and tell him that I was ,"leaving him sunshine" while I was gone so that he would not miss me.

My husband and I are getting two kittens in about 3 weeks, excited, scared, happy, and sad...all at the same time.

I hope you and Jingles are doing well,

Kristin
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Snapdragon
post Mar 15 2014, 04:38 PM
Post #10





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 76
Joined: 14-March 14
Member No.: 8,271



Hi Jaspersmom. Wow. I so completely feel what you said in your 3/5 post. I just lost Molly-Rose on 3/11, just four days ago. And yes, life seems to still be out there, going about its business, but I feel so, SO disconnected from any of it. I have NO interest in anything. Nothing. I just sit here, staring out the window, in disbelief that Molly is gone. We had her for 16 yrs and now, with her gone, it feels like life should just stop. Your describing the pain being so intense...it really does help knowing that I’m not alone in that degree of pain--not that I would ever wish this kind of pain on another living soul, but knowing that I’m not a freak, feeling SO much pain, does help, even if a small bit. I feel like I would give my right arm to have her back. I just miss her so, so, SO much, it is just such a searing hot pain. You understand. And yet there's nothing one can really do, eh? So, I'm just starting to read through others' posts...that may be perhaps the only comfort I can find. Though I do have very sympathetic friends, who love me, I just don't feel like they "get" it. Tomorrow we're going over to our best friends' house for dinner and, though they're good and loving people, I know they will not understand my grief. Anyway, thank you for sharing your story and feelings; and I am happy for you that you are having even moments/days, here and there where you’re not feeling that degree of pain. What a relief!! Perhaps you give me hope in that way?
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
jaspersmom
post Mar 15 2014, 10:12 PM
Post #11





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 66
Joined: 6-February 14
Member No.: 8,229



QUOTE (Snapdragon @ Mar 15 2014, 05:38 PM) *
Hi Jaspersmom. Wow. I so completely feel what you said in your 3/5 post. I just lost Molly-Rose on 3/11, just four days ago. And yes, life seems to still be out there, going about its business, but I feel so, SO disconnected from any of it. I have NO interest in anything. Nothing. I just sit here, staring out the window, in disbelief that Molly is gone. We had her for 16 yrs and now, with her gone, it feels like life should just stop. Your describing the pain being so intense...it really does help knowing that I’m not alone in that degree of pain--not that I would ever wish this kind of pain on another living soul, but knowing that I’m not a freak, feeling SO much pain, does help, even if a small bit. I feel like I would give my right arm to have her back. I just miss her so, so, SO much, it is just such a searing hot pain. You understand. And yet there's nothing one can really do, eh? So, I'm just starting to read through others' posts...that may be perhaps the only comfort I can find. Though I do have very sympathetic friends, who love me, I just don't feel like they "get" it. Tomorrow we're going over to our best friends' house for dinner and, though they're good and loving people, I know they will not understand my grief. Anyway, thank you for sharing your story and feelings; and I am happy for you that you are having even moments/days, here and there where you’re not feeling that degree of pain. What a relief!! Perhaps you give me hope in that way?


Hi Snapdragon. First of all, I would like to tell you how very sorry I am that you had to say goodbye to your precious Molly Rose. I so feel your pain and your heartache, and I wish I could ease that for you in some way. I remember that first horrific week after I lost my Jasper as though it was yesterday. The sharp and unrelenting pain, the deep down ache and emptiness, and it just seemed as though all the color had gone out of my world, everything had turned to grey, the coldest and darkest winter of my soul. Never ever have I felt such searing pain as when I walked out of that animal hospital with that empty carrier, I really didn't feel as though I could go on. You are experiencing many of the same feelings and emotions that I went through that first nightmare week. I used to want so badly for someone to just wake me up from this awful dream. this could not be happening to me, where was my Jasper and why wasn't he here, and most of all, how in the world could I go on.

I want to try to reassure you that although I am still in the very early stages of missing my sweet boy, it does get just a tiny bit easier as time goes by, the raw pain is not as intense. There are days though that I find myself taking one step forward and two steps back, like when I found some of his little toys that he had hid under the couch, how could he just not be here anymore, and where was he. Then there were times when I would feel his presence so close, I couldn't actually touch him, but I knew without a doubt that he was there. I truly believe that they are with us still in so many ways, they know our anguish and they will do whatever it takes to break through in the smallest and subtlest of ways, to let us know they are near.

My Jasper was only seven years old and his illness took him so suddenly, that I didn't really have alot of time to say goodbye to him. But in those last few moments as I held him, as sick and hurting as he was, when he looked up at me with those beatuiful green eyes somewhat glazed over with pain, I saw so clearly a glint of recognition, he knew I was there, and he knew how much very much he was loved. I used to replay that moment and those last terrible days in my mind over and over again as though it was a movie, my thoughts just seemed to keep hitting the rewind button over and over again, I was so stuck in that awful awful place. At least now that haunting memory is starting to fade, and is being replaced by happier memories of our precious and special time together.

I so understand how you feel Snapdragon, and my heart goes out to you, that is so very hard to have to say goodbye to your beloved companion after sixteen years together. I can tell from your words how very much you love her, and how much you are hurting, I've been there and I am still there, and I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in this. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my sweet boy, and the tears still come, and the littlest thing can take me back to square one again. I don't know what I would have done without this forum, and reading such understanding and compassionate words from those who are going through the same struggle as we are, although I would not wish this deep down sadness on anyone.

I can relate to your words that although your friends may be sympathetic, they just don't get it, you are so right about that. That holds so true in my case also, it just seems to me that people seem to be uncomfortable when I try to talk about Jasper to them. I wish that they could realize that he was here, he is here, he always will be here, he mattered, he was and always will be the light of my life, just as your Molly Rose is. At least now I can actually say his name now without crying, but I am still not strong enough to look at his pictures, it's funny what grief will allow you to process, isn't it. and your heart knows how much you can take.

Losing such a big piece of our life and our heart is so very very hard, it will change you and you will never be the same, but you know what Snapdragon, it will get just a bit easier as time goes by. My Jasper was an indoor kitty, but every night I find myself opening the front door and looking out, like he is out there somewhere, like I am looking for him in the darkness, but in my heart, I know where he is. I can just picture my Jasper and your Molly Rose running and playing together at this very moment, jumping and climbing on rainbows in that perfect new world, and when the time is right, they will perk up their little ears, and they will have that spark of recognition in their eyes, as they see us, then they will run to greet us, and with tears of joy, we will scoop them up in our once empty arms, knowing that we will never be separated again.

Even though he hasn't been there very long himself, I am going to send my sweet Jasper a special message to take your dear Molly Rose under his wing, and show her around the wonderful new world they are now in, and you know what Snapdragon, I bet that when you are least expecting it, one day very soon, you are going to look up into the sky and you are going to see the most beautiful rainbow ever, and you will know, without a shadow of a doubt, who it is from. Your Molly Rose knows how much she is loved, and this I believe with all my heart, true love like that never ends, it only waits.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
jaspersmom
post Mar 15 2014, 11:47 PM
Post #12





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 66
Joined: 6-February 14
Member No.: 8,229



QUOTE (kk0711 @ Mar 15 2014, 05:11 PM) *
Hi jaspersmom,

I was just checking in to see how you are doing? It's almost 2 months since I lost my precious Ar. It seems so hard to believe. I have had some pretty good days but also still get hit with grief waves that surprise me. Your letter to Jasper was so sweet and I could really relate to the idea of spring is happening and my Ari is not here to enjoy it. He loved to sit in the sun and roll around and when I would leave the house in the morning, I would raise up all the shades and tell him that I was ,"leaving him sunshine" while I was gone so that he would not miss me.

My husband and I are getting two kittens in about 3 weeks, excited, scared, happy, and sad...all at the same time.

I hope you and Jingles are doing well,

Kristin


Hi Kristin. It was really good to hear from you, and I am so happy to hear that you and your husband are going to get two new kittens soon, and I can certainly understand how you would feel excited, scared, happy, and sad all at the same time, but what a truly wonderful adventure this is going to be for you all.

I think springtime can be a tough time for people experiencing such a loss as ours, because it is a time for rebirth and new beginnings, but sometimes it can be hard to embrace this new season when you are enveloped in such sadness and emptiness, and when you wake up every morning knowing that someone very special is missing from your world. Jasper used to love to sit in the sunshine and roll around in the sunbeams too, just like your Ari. That is really sweet how you would tell him that you were leaving him sunshine when you would go out in the morning, it is so apparent how very much he was and is loved. I bet that Jasper and Ari are having such fun together amongst the beauty of their new wonderful world, I can just imagine them running, climbing, and jumping on all of those beautiful rainbows.

I am doing a little better these days, and Jingles and I seem to be coming right along, and I have good days and bad days, but for the most part, the terrible pain and sorrow is easing up just a bit now. I can relate to your words about the waves of grief coming, as I have experienced that also, there is no getting over it or under it, just have to ride the wave until it breaks onto the shore. I sure do miss my Jasper, but Jingles and I keep going and we carry on. Jasper was such dear little soul, such a happy go lucky little guy, he would never want to see me sad, so I put one foot in front of the other, and keep on walking, and I am making it through as best I can.

Thank you for writing Kristen, it was really good to hear from you, and I am so glad that you are starting to feel better, and that your home is about to be graced with such joy and happiness of two sweet little kitties. I am so happy for you, and I can't think of a better way for you to honor your precious Ari and all the love he left with you, then by opening your heart and home to these two dear little ones who really need you. Please keep in touch and let me know how you are doing, I would love to hear all about your new little ones, brighter and happier days are coming to your world for sure, nothing better to heal a broken heart than the sweetness and love of a precious kitty times two.

Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Snapdragon
post Mar 16 2014, 12:00 AM
Post #13





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 76
Joined: 14-March 14
Member No.: 8,271



Thank you, Jaspersmom. Thank you for your kind and supporting words. It is unbelievable, isn't it, how much pain comes from their loss. I cried reading your words....
I had an hour where I was preoccupied with some business I had to take care of on the computer. It was almost a reprieve from the pain, not much, but a wee, wee bit. But then that stopped and the full blast of the pain and emptiness returned. I might look at the sofa and think of Molly curled up on a quilt and, again, honestly, I just want to die. I just can't stop thinking how devastatingly painful this is. I suppose the more "normal" things I can do, may help, even if I don't feel like it. It's just that, I think like you said?, that all of the color is gone out of the world--things just don't seem "real" and the world feels flat and dead.
Well, I made it through another day. Day four. I just feel like life is going to be just a very long string of painful, meaningless days for a very long time to come.
I have a family wedding to go to at the end of May. I hope the world does not seem too black then, I'd really like to be present and happy for the couple. Well, who knows.
It's coming up on bedtime....Molly used to coming running and leap into bed after I got in. This last year she started sleeping at my side. There's nowhere in the house I can't go/be without seeing her. I think partly what may make the pain so, so, SO bad is that I think these pets of ours are as close to us as our breath; we seem to develop such very close and intimate relationships with us. When I was home (meaning not at work or just out) she was almost always by my side or in the room with me...often interacting with me, wanting my attention...just SO a part of my life.
I'm rambling now.
So to say, thank you, again, Jaspersmom, for your kind words and thoughts.

Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
jaspersmom
post Mar 18 2014, 12:32 PM
Post #14





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 66
Joined: 6-February 14
Member No.: 8,229



QUOTE (jaspersmom @ Mar 5 2014, 12:34 PM) *
I can't believe that it has been a month since I had to say goodbye to my dear sweet cat Jasper, my precious baby and my very best friend. It feels like so much longer since my sweet boy left this world, those first few days were like a blur in some ways, as though I was detached from everything and everyone, as though I was in some very bad dream, and I just wanted so badly to wake up and pretend that this was not real, how could he not be here with me anymore. I do remember the pain being so intense, nothing I have ever felt before or ever want to feel again, and as I looked at my life, and this so called new normal through tears that would fill an ocean, I just could not understand how everything and everyone could just be going on as usual, when my whole world had come to such a sudden and devastating stop.

There have been a few changes since those first few weeks, the sharp and intense pain seems to have been replaced with an emptiness and a deep inside sadness. Those first few days were unbelievable, such an unrelenting and emotional roller coaster. Sometimes I would just totally give in to the grief and cry my eyes out, but then amidst all the emptiness and despair, something very special started to happen. I started to feel my Jasper again, he was right here beside me and his presence was so palpable, I could almost reach out and touch him, I would see fleeting shadows and glimpses of him, such a wonderful lifeline he gave me to grasp onto. One particularly difficult night, I actually felt him jump onto the bed in his favorite spot, I heard all of those four dear little paws bounce right onto the bed next to me, it is amazing that my sweet baby knew how badly I was hurting, the anguish I was in, and he broke through the bonds of this physical realm to comfort me, and to let me know that just because I can't see him or touch him, does not in any way mean that he is not here.

The instant replay and hauntingly clear images of our last few days together when he was so sick are now starting to fade, and they are slowly being replaced by little spurts of our special times together, the first time I held him, and he seemed to melt right into my lap as though he knew he was home. Our first night together when a storm was raging outside, but he was cuddled up right next to me without a care in the world, because he knew he was with his mama, and he knew he was safe. Although I can feel him here, I still cannot wait for the day until he runs to meet me, and he tells me about all of the adventures he has been having, and I long for that day when I will be able to scoop my sweet boy up in my arms, kiss his little head, and tell him how I have carried him with me in my heart every single moment of every single day.

Those first few days when I was in the deepest and darkest throes of my grief, I found a beautiful poem which really spoke to me, and I believe it was sent from above by my special little boy, always by my side, forever in my heart ... I love you Jasper.

I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep,
I could see that you were crying, you found it hard to sleep.
I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear,
"It's me, I haven't left you, I'm fine, I'm well, I'm here.

I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea,
You were thinking of the many times your arms reached out to me.
I was with you at my grave today, you tend it with such care,
I want to reassure you, that I am not lying there.

I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key,
I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said "It's me."
You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair,
I tried so hard to let you know that I was standing there.

It's possible for me to be so near you everyday,
To say to you with certainty, "I never went away."
You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew,
In the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.
The day is almost over, I smile and watch you yawning
And say "goodnight, God bless, I'll see you in the morning."

And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,
I'll rush across to greet you, and we'll stand, side by side.
I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see,
Be patient, live your journey out ... then come home to be with me.


Hello everyone,
I thought I would share this sweet story that touched my heart like no other one ever has. I know some of you may have had the opportunity to read it, but for those of you who have not, it is really beautiful and so very comforting. I still am unable to read it without the tears flowing, but I do believe they are healing tears, and everytime I read this story, I seem to feel my Jasper so very close to me. I hope that this gentle story, which I believe to be true and real in so many ways, will give you some comfort and help to ease some of your sadness.

The Little Orange Boy (Choosing Tears)


~ Anne Kolaczyk

The little orange boy stopped. Behind him, kitties were playing, chasing
each other and wrestling in the warm sunshine. It looked like so much
fun, but in front of him, through the clear stillness of the pond's water, he
could see his mommy. And she was crying.

He pawed at the water, trying to get at her, and when that didn't work,
he jumped into the shallow water. All that got him was wet and Mommy's
image danced away in the ripples. "Mommy!" he cried.

"Is something wrong?" The little orange boy turned around. A lady was
standing at the edge of the pond, her eyes sad but filled with love. The
little orange boy sighed and walked out of the water. "There's been a
mistake," he said. "I'm not supposed to be here." He looked back at the
water. It was starting to still again and his mommy's image was coming
back. "I'm just a baby. Mommy said it had to be a mistake. She said I wasn't
supposed to come here yet."

The kind lady sighed and sat down on the grass. The little orange boy
climbed into her lap. It wasn't Mommy's lap, but it was almost as good.
When she started to pet him and scratch under his chin like he liked, he
started to purr. He hadn't wanted to, but he couldn't help it. "I'm afraid there
is no mistake. You are supposed to be here and your mommy knows it deep
down in her heart," the lady said.

The little orange boy sighed and laid his head on the lady's leg. "But
she's so sad. It hurts me to see her cry. And daddy too."

"But they knew right from the beginning this would happen."

"That I was sick?" That surprised the little orange boy. No one had ever
said anything and he had listened when they thought he was sleeping. All
he had heard them talk about was how cute he was or how fast he was or how
big he was getting.

"No, not that you were sick," the lady said. "But you see, they chose
tears."

"No, they didn't," the little orange boy argued. "Who would choose to
cry?"

The lady gently brushed the top of his head with a kiss. It made him
feel safe and loved and warm -- but he still cried about his mommy.

"Let me tell you a story," the lady said.

The little orange boy looked up and saw other animals gathering around.
Cats--Big Boy and Snowball and Shamus and Abby and little Cleo and
Robin. Merlin and Toby and Iggy and Zachary. Sweetie and Kamatte and Obie. Dogs
too--Sally and Baby and Morgan and Rocky and Belle. Even a
lizard named Clyde and some rats named Saffron and Becky and a hamster
named Odo. They all lay down near the kind lady and looked up at her, waiting.
She smiled at them and began:

A long long time ago, the Loving Ones went to the Angel in Charge. They
were lonesome and asked the angel to help them. The angel took them to a wall
of windows and let them look out the first window at all sorts of
things--dolls and stuffed animals and cars and toys and sporting events.

"Here are things you can love," the angel said. "They will keep you from
being lonesome."

"Oh, thank you," the Loving Ones said. "These are just what we need."

"You have chosen Pleasure," the angel told them.

But after a time the Loving Ones came back to the Angel in Charge.

"Things are okay to love," they said. "But they don't care that we love
them."

The Angel in Charge led them over to the second window. It looked out at
all sorts of wild animals. "Here are animals to love," he said. "They will
know you love them."

So the Loving Ones hurried out to care for the wild animals. "You have
chosen Satisfaction," the angel said.

Some of the Loving Ones worked at zoos and wild animal preserves, some
just had bird feeders in their yards, but after a time they all came back to
the Angel-in-Charge. "They know we love them," they told the angel.

"But they don't love us back. We want to be loved in return."

So the angel took them to the third window and showed them lots of
people walking around, hurrying places. "Here are people for you to love," the
angel told them.

So the Loving Ones hurried off to find other people to love. "You have
chosen Commitment," the angel said.

But after a time a lot of Loving Ones came back to the Angel in Charge.
"People were okay to love," they said. "But sometimes they stopped
loving us and left. They broke our hearts."

The angel just shook his head. "I cannot help you," he said. "You will
have to be satisfied with the choices I gave you."

As the Loving Ones were leaving, someone saw a window off to one side
and hurried to look out. Through it, they could see puppies and kittens and
dogs and cats and lizards and hamsters and ferrets. The other Loving Ones
hurried over. "What about these?" they asked.

But the angel just tried to shoo them away. "Those are Personal Empathy
Trainers," he said. "But there's a problem with their system
operations."

"Would they know that we love them?" someone asked.

"Yes," the angel said.

"Would they love us back?" another asked.

"Yes," the angel said.

"Will they stop loving us?" someone else asked.

"No," the angel admitted. "They will love you forever."

"Then these are what we want," the Loving Ones said.

But the angel was very upset. "You don't understand," he told them. "You
will have to feed these animals."

"That's all right," the Loving Ones said.

"You will have to clean up after them and take care of them forever."

"We don't care."

The Loving Ones did not listen. They went down to where the Pets were
and picked them up, seeing the love in their own hearts reflected in the
animals' eyes.

"They were not programmed right," the angel said. "We can't offer a
warranty. We don't know how durable they are. Some of their systems
malfunction very quickly, others last a long time."

But the Loving Ones did not care. They were holding the warm little
bodies and finding their hearts so filled with love that they thought they
would burst. "We will take our chances," they said.

"You do not understand." The angel tried one more time. "They are so
dependent on you that even the most well-made of them is not designed to
outlive you. You are destined to suffer their loss."

The Loving Ones looked at the sweetness in their arms and nodded. "That
is how it should be. It is a fair trade for the love they offer."

The angel just watched them all go, shaking his head. "You have chosen
Tears," he whispered.

"So it is," the kind lady told the kitties. "And so each mommy and daddy
knows. When they take a baby into their heart, they know that one day it
will leave them and they will cry."

The little orange boy sat up. "So why do they take us in?" he asked.

"Because even a moment of your love is worth years of pain later."

"Oh." The little orange boy got off the lady's lap and went back to the
edge of the pond. His mommy was still there, and still crying. "Will she ever
stop crying?" he asked the kind lady.

She nodded. "You see, the Angel felt sorry for the Loving Ones, knowing
how much they would suffer. He couldn't take the tears away but he made them
special."

She dipped her hand into the pond and let the water trickle off her
fingers. "He made them healing tears, formed from the special water here. Each
tear holds bits of all the happy times of purring and petting and shared
love. And the promise of love once again. As your mommy cries, she is healing.

"It may take a long while, but the tears will help her feel better. In
time she will be less sad and she will smile when she thinks of you. And then
she will open her heart again to another little baby."

"But then she will cry again one day," the little orange boy said.

The lady just smiled at him as she got to her feet. "No, she will love
again. That is all she will think about." She picked up Big Boy and
Snowball and gave them hugs, then scratched Morgan's ear just how she liked.

"Look," she said. "The butterflies have come. Shall we go over to play?"
The other animals all ran ahead, but the little orange boy wasn't ready to
leave his mommy. "Will I ever get to be with her again?"

The kind lady nodded.

"You'll be in the eyes of every kitty she looks at. You'll be in the
purr of every cat she pets. And late at night, when she's fast asleep, your
spirit will snuggle up close to her and you both will feel at peace. One day
soon, you can even send her a rainbow to tell her you're safe and waiting here
for when it's her turn to come."

"I would like that," the little orange boy said and took one long look
at his mommy. He saw her smile slightly through her tears and he knew she
had remembered the time he almost fell into the bathtub.

"I love you, Mommy," he whispered. "It's okay if you cry." He glanced
over at the others, running and playing and laughing with the butterflies.

"Uh, Mommy? I gotta go play now, okay? But I'll be around, I promise."

Then he turned and raced after the others.




Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
jaspersmom
post Mar 21 2014, 05:09 PM
Post #15





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 66
Joined: 6-February 14
Member No.: 8,229



f[quote name='jaspersmom' date='Mar 18 2014, 01:32 PM' post='81199']
Hello everyone,
I thought I would share this sweet story that touched my heart like no other one ever has. I know some of you may have had the opportunity to read it, but for those of you who have not, it is really beautiful and so very comforting. I still am unable to read it without the tears flowing, but I do believe they are healing tears, and everytime I read this story, I seem to feel my Jasper so very close to me. I hope that this gentle story, which I believe to be true and real in so many ways, will give you some comfort and help to ease some of your sadness.

The Little Orange Boy (Choosing Tears)


~ Anne Kolaczyk

The little orange boy stopped. Behind him, kitties were playing, chasing
each other and wrestling in the warm sunshine. It looked like so much
fun, but in front of him, through the clear stillness of the pond's water, he
could see his mommy. And she was crying.

He pawed at the water, trying to get at her, and when that didn't work,
he jumped into the shallow water. All that got him was wet and Mommy's
image danced away in the ripples. "Mommy!" he cried.

"Is something wrong?" The little orange boy turned around. A lady was
standing at the edge of the pond, her eyes sad but filled with love. The
little orange boy sighed and walked out of the water. "There's been a
mistake," he said. "I'm not supposed to be here." He looked back at the
water. It was starting to still again and his mommy's image was coming
back. "I'm just a baby. Mommy said it had to be a mistake. She said I wasn't
supposed to come here yet."

The kind lady sighed and sat down on the grass. The little orange boy
climbed into her lap. It wasn't Mommy's lap, but it was almost as good.
When she started to pet him and scratch under his chin like he liked, he
started to purr. He hadn't wanted to, but he couldn't help it. "I'm afraid there
is no mistake. You are supposed to be here and your mommy knows it deep
down in her heart," the lady said.

The little orange boy sighed and laid his head on the lady's leg. "But
she's so sad. It hurts me to see her cry. And daddy too."

"But they knew right from the beginning this would happen."

"That I was sick?" That surprised the little orange boy. No one had ever
said anything and he had listened when they thought he was sleeping. All
he had heard them talk about was how cute he was or how fast he was or how
big he was getting.

"No, not that you were sick," the lady said. "But you see, they chose
tears."

"No, they didn't," the little orange boy argued. "Who would choose to
cry?"

The lady gently brushed the top of his head with a kiss. It made him
feel safe and loved and warm -- but he still cried about his mommy.

"Let me tell you a story," the lady said.

The little orange boy looked up and saw other animals gathering around.
Cats--Big Boy and Snowball and Shamus and Abby and little Cleo and
Robin. Merlin and Toby and Iggy and Zachary. Sweetie and Kamatte and Obie. Dogs
too--Sally and Baby and Morgan and Rocky and Belle. Even a
lizard named Clyde and some rats named Saffron and Becky and a hamster
named Odo. They all lay down near the kind lady and looked up at her, waiting.
She smiled at them and began:

A long long time ago, the Loving Ones went to the Angel in Charge. They
were lonesome and asked the angel to help them. The angel took them to a wall
of windows and let them look out the first window at all sorts of
things--dolls and stuffed animals and cars and toys and sporting events.

"Here are things you can love," the angel said. "They will keep you from
being lonesome."

"Oh, thank you," the Loving Ones said. "These are just what we need."

"You have chosen Pleasure," the angel told them.

But after a time the Loving Ones came back to the Angel in Charge.

"Things are okay to love," they said. "But they don't care that we love
them."

The Angel in Charge led them over to the second window. It looked out at
all sorts of wild animals. "Here are animals to love," he said. "They will
know you love them."

So the Loving Ones hurried out to care for the wild animals. "You have
chosen Satisfaction," the angel said.

Some of the Loving Ones worked at zoos and wild animal preserves, some
just had bird feeders in their yards, but after a time they all came back to
the Angel-in-Charge. "They know we love them," they told the angel.

"But they don't love us back. We want to be loved in return."

So the angel took them to the third window and showed them lots of
people walking around, hurrying places. "Here are people for you to love," the
angel told them.

So the Loving Ones hurried off to find other people to love. "You have
chosen Commitment," the angel said.

But after a time a lot of Loving Ones came back to the Angel in Charge.
"People were okay to love," they said. "But sometimes they stopped
loving us and left. They broke our hearts."

The angel just shook his head. "I cannot help you," he said. "You will
have to be satisfied with the choices I gave you."

As the Loving Ones were leaving, someone saw a window off to one side
and hurried to look out. Through it, they could see puppies and kittens and
dogs and cats and lizards and hamsters and ferrets. The other Loving Ones
hurried over. "What about these?" they asked.

But the angel just tried to shoo them away. "Those are Personal Empathy
Trainers," he said. "But there's a problem with their system
operations."

"Would they know that we love them?" someone asked.

"Yes," the angel said.

"Would they love us back?" another asked.

"Yes," the angel said.

"Will they stop loving us?" someone else asked.

"No," the angel admitted. "They will love you forever."

"Then these are what we want," the Loving Ones said.

But the angel was very upset. "You don't understand," he told them. "You
will have to feed these animals."

"That's all right," the Loving Ones said.

"You will have to clean up after them and take care of them forever."

"We don't care."

The Loving Ones did not listen. They went down to where the Pets were
and picked them up, seeing the love in their own hearts reflected in the
animals' eyes.

"They were not programmed right," the angel said. "We can't offer a
warranty. We don't know how durable they are. Some of their systems
malfunction very quickly, others last a long time."

But the Loving Ones did not care. They were holding the warm little
bodies and finding their hearts so filled with love that they thought they
would burst. "We will take our chances," they said.

"You do not understand." The angel tried one more time. "They are so
dependent on you that even the most well-made of them is not designed to
outlive you. You are destined to suffer their loss."

The Loving Ones looked at the sweetness in their arms and nodded. "That
is how it should be. It is a fair trade for the love they offer."

The angel just watched them all go, shaking his head. "You have chosen
Tears," he whispered.

"So it is," the kind lady told the kitties. "And so each mommy and daddy
knows. When they take a baby into their heart, they know that one day it
will leave them and they will cry."

The little orange boy sat up. "So why do they take us in?" he asked.

"Because even a moment of your love is worth years of pain later."

"Oh." The little orange boy got off the lady's lap and went back to the
edge of the pond. His mommy was still there, and still crying. "Will she ever
stop crying?" he asked the kind lady.

She nodded. "You see, the Angel felt sorry for the Loving Ones, knowing
how much they would suffer. He couldn't take the tears away but he made them
special."

She dipped her hand into the pond and let the water trickle off her
fingers. "He made them healing tears, formed from the special water here. Each
tear holds bits of all the happy times of purring and petting and shared
love. And the promise of love once again. As your mommy cries, she is healing.

"It may take a long while, but the tears will help her feel better. In
time she will be less sad and she will smile when she thinks of you. And then
she will open her heart again to another little baby."

"But then she will cry again one day," the little orange boy said.

The lady just smiled at him as she got to her feet. "No, she will love
again. That is all she will think about." She picked up Big Boy and
Snowball and gave them hugs, then scratched Morgan's ear just how she liked.

"Look," she said. "The butterflies have come. Shall we go over to play?"
The other animals all ran ahead, but the little orange boy wasn't ready to
leave his mommy. "Will I ever get to be with her again?"

The kind lady nodded.

"You'll be in the eyes of every kitty she looks at. You'll be in the
purr of every cat she pets. And late at night, when she's fast asleep, your
spirit will snuggle up close to her and you both will feel at peace. One day
soon, you can even send her a rainbow to tell her you're safe and waiting here
for when it's her turn to come."

"I would like that," the little orange boy said and took one long look
at his mommy. He saw her smile slightly through her tears and he knew she
had remembered the time he almost fell into the bathtub.

"I love you, Mommy," he whispered. "It's okay if you cry." He glanced
over at the others, running and playing and laughing with the butterflies.

"Uh, Mommy? I gotta go play now, okay? But I'll be around, I promise."

Then he turned and raced after the others.

Hello everyone,
Well it's me again, just thought I would stop by and share how I have been feeling lately. On April 3, it will have been two months since that horrific day when I felt as though my world had ended, and life as I knew it came to a screeching halt and a complete standstill. I know my words may sound quite dramatic, but that is literally and exactly how I felt. Since then, I have had some good days, some bad days, and days when I have seemingly gone right back to square one again, but I have found my soul slowly beginning to heal, a little bit at a time. My heart goes out to each and every one of you, and reading so many of your stories of such loss and sadness helped me to see that I am not alone. Reading your kind replies means so much to me, that even though you were going through your own struggles and sorrow, you reached out to me. Then of course, there is moon_beam, your gentle and compassionate words helped me so very much, and everything you wrote was so very true and so very right, and it was just what I needed to hear. Like when the guilt kicked in and I felt that I should have noticed something was wrong with Jasper sooner, your words spoke to me like no others, and so lightened my burden, and after reading your posts, very often I would feel as though a weight had been lifted off of me. Your kindness and special understanding of what each of us are going through is truly a gift and Heaven sent, of this I am sure, and I can't thank you enough for being there for me.

Jingles and I have been holding each other up, he has been such a source of strength for me to keep on going, whenever I would feel like just giving up, there he would be, looking up at me so scared and confused. He needed me more than ever, and I must admit, that first week or two, I was so wrapped up in my own despair and devastation, that I was not able to give him the comfort he so needed. I wish I could have been able to give him what he needed those first awful days, but it was all I could do just to keep breathing, that was a job in itself. So now I am making up for lost time, and being there for him every step of the way, which is what Jasper would have wanted. I still miss my boy so very much, my heart still aches and my eyes still cry, and I cannot wait for the day when we will be together again, all three of us, we were always such a team, it was always the three of us against the world. Wow it's funny how your life can change forever in an instant, isn't it? I wish I could tell everyone with a pet to give them extra kisses and hugs, to show them every single day how much they mean to you, to love them like there's no tomorrow, because sometimes there will not be.

I loved my Jasper with every fiber of my being, and I know he can feel my love even now, but if I could have him back, I don't think I would ever let him out of my sight again. I thought he was so safe here, we had just moved to my new place in September, so he had only six months here before he became so ill. I tried so hard to keep him safe, he never went outside without me, he only ate the very best food, he had regular vet visits, I was even careful about the toys I let him play with, still it was not enough. After I lost him, I wanted more than anything to move from here, as far away from here as possible, all I could think of was that this place was tainted now, I could not be happy here anymore. Well as time has gone by, I have come to the realization that my house is not ruined by his death, but it is blessed by his life, he did not die here, he lived here, and every corner of this house is still filled with his wonderful presence, and the sweet love and light he brought into my world. We were so very close, we were almost as one, and I know without a doubt, that our special kind of love can transcend time, space, and yes even death, and that nothing could ever break our connection. Jasper, my one in a million kitty, I hope you know how very happy I am that you found me and came into my life, your mommy loves you so very very much. You are truly my bright and shining little star, and I am sending belly rubs and blowing kisses to Heaven just for you, my sweet boy.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

Reply to this topicStart new topic

 



Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 28th March 2024 - 05:37 AM