Farewell To My Fuzzy Boys

3 weeks ago I had to say goodbye to 2 of my 3 Keeshonden. Twix was 14 and Zag was 12. Both were retired dog agility champions. Our bond from years of joyful running together as partners in the ring was incredibly deep. I had to make the heartbreaking decision to free them from pain 2 days apart. It all happened so fast, it still doesn't seem real to me much of the time. My heart is broken and I feel like I am living in a haze.

One day, Zag had trouble standing. In the space of 3 days that progressed to the point where he could not move at all without help. He was in a lot of pain despite my vet increasing his pain meds (he'd had back issues for a couple years, but nothing like this). I took Zag back to my vet for an X-ray and full bloodwork. I took Twix along on the appointment because he seemed a little off to me.

I was so filled with fear for Zag that when the vet told me Twix was in even more critical condition than Zag, I was in total shock. Twix's heart was surrounded by fluid; it could hardly beat. What I was seeing in him was the result of oxygen deprivation. I took the night to take this in, and let them drain the fluid around his heart the next day. The bad news was that they were then able to see a huge mass on Twix's heart. He was already severely anemic. Twix would die soon in great pain unless I helped him. I spent a few hours with him at home: cuddles, remembering our years together, and a slow walk thru the redwoods behind my house. Then I set my wonderful Twix free.

Zag's condition continued to deteriorate even as I dealt with what was happening to Twix. Zag's X-ray showed he had Spondylosis. A bone spur was connecting 2 vertebrae. From the pain he was in, it must have been pressing on a nerve. His pain was alleviated some by acupuncture for a few hours, but otherwise the pain continued to increase. I had scheduled another acupuncture session but, time ran out on us. Zag's blood pressure was very high, his kidneys were failing and he would no longer eat. His pain was so bad he was barely aware of my presence. 2 days after losing Twix, I took Zag again to my vet. After a long talk, we agreed the kindest thing would be to free him from the pain.

And so my boys are together again, as they were for nearly all of Zag's life.

My 2 year old Keesie Wizard has been a great comfort. Cuddling with me when I cry yes, but mostly by being the sweet silly boy he is, making me laugh despite my sadness. Wizard is so dear, but not even he can fill a home by himself that was once full of 3 delightful fuzzy dogs. My focus now is to keep his life joyful as much as I can. I don't want his delightful happy nature to be marred by my heartbreak.

This isn't the first time I have traveled along this grieving journey. But it is the first time I had to say goodbye to two beloved companions at the same time. It is just too much.