How Have You All Adapted Without Your Beloved Ones?

3/21/16- Capone got killed by a car. Dead on impact. 2 years old- All red copper husky. Cutest and funniest dog ever.

Do things get easier? No.
Do you learn to live without them? Yes, because that's all you can do.

I don't try to sit here & hurt, but I guess this is one love that I cannot shake. Nothing can ever fill this hole. That's just the way that life is going to be... It's an ache that comes from down in your throat & towards the back of your head. You almost feel like your stuck in a dark world where no matter what you do, what you see, you will always be reminded of the dog you will no longer be with this lifetime. I don't want to wait a whole life to see you in the spirit world. Heck, I don't want to wait any longer. But what am I going to do about it? Stay strong for Luna, because thats all I can do. Everyday i'm reminded of how much Luna loves you. She remembers you and her ears perk up when I say your name.

I just came on here to express my thoughts & that if I don't let things out & don't write it out, i'm stuck in my own head. Although I feel like this sadness will never dissipate, I have to keep moving forward and make the best out of what I have. I don't know how long until it will be that I might go a week without crying.. But let me tell you every single day I suffer with deep sadness knowing my baby is gone & I was unable to protect him. I know he wouldn't want me sad, but I cannot help this deep agony that is constantly following me. I love my animals to death and before he passed he would go to beach & dog park all the time & enjoy every second! I wish he was around to enjoy the pool & yard I got a month after he passed I would truly give anything to have him back again. I never knew how much someone can hurt, and for how long you can hurt. The love for my Capone is so strong that no matter what I do, what feelings I try to shake... deep down my heart cries every single day. Mentally im tired of crying, but I never feel better if I hold it in. Every day I want to cry. I cry 2 maybe 3 times a week still .. after 6 1/2 months. Every night as I fall asleep I start to think of him but try to stop myself. Under the circumstances of his death, I accept that I probably won't be healing as fast as many of you do. But thats for my body & mind to choose when to stop grieving. I constantly live on edge now and am always on alert for my dogs. I experience much more anxiety about my dogs..

Anyways, I just came on here to write, express my feelings & let you know how my journey has been. Not everyone heals quick, and thats okay. My life is not terrible. If Capone was here, it would be 100% excellent. W/O him and his joy, I will not be the same. Never will be, a new me, a new beginning.. My spirit has experienced a very low point in life but with new experiences means more spiritual growth. I take it for what it is & move on with life as happy as I can be. I try to live for today, live for the moment, & stay happy. Although no day has been easy after his passing...

For You Capone

I think about you everyday more than 100x. Words can't describe how empty I still feel almost 6 months later. This has been the hardest year of my life yet.. Without you, the one who always made me smile no matter what. The one who would howl and love me unconditionally. The best dog in the world. The funniest most handsome dog.. Life without you will always be incomplete. I have tried to move on and be happy without you. But i just cant. I love you way too much to ever let go.. I cant feel happiness like I use to.. Any time im up and happy, I think of you and immediately feel guilt. I should have just locked that door so you couldnt have pushed through. I shouldnt even have brought you to my shop. Im supposed to keep you safe .. Because you were a child to me. And now there is nothing I can do to bring you back & all I ever feel is pain that Im the one that caused you to get hit by that car.. You and Luna ran 3 blocks & that was all it took for you to be gone in an instant. Only 2 years old & so full of life. You were about to have a huge yard and pool .. I was about to give you everything you could of wanted but you left us here alone.. me & Luna.. I know you probably saved her by you getting hit .. But I really wished this was a nightmare. Bc the past 6 months have felt like one. & I will always feel the blame.. Its tough when you have two options, thinking of the good times that were so good it hurts that we cant have more or the images of the way I last seen you. In the vet on a stretcher cold & dead .. Or in the back of my suv, lifeless while i brought you to the vet. I knew you werent even there the moment i found u in the road surrounded by 3 strangers. No matter how hard I try to forgive myself, I cant because I didnt keep you safe. It was such a beautiful morning and you just wanted to run free... It wasnt your fault, it was mine. Im so sorry.. I just wish you could come back to me... I always see you in my dreams .. & I miss you even more as the days move on.

A Little Poem

So quick you were gone,
so great we got along
now the nights are long,
since you're not in my arms,

your fur was the softest,
your nose brown & wet,
i loved all your howls,
ill never forget...

now that your gone,
im sad & cant move on,
your impact in my life,
is more than what words can write..

love you Capone, rip.

Today I Sit Here Feeling Really Sad.. Still .. After 3 Months

I never knew what missing someone is really like until they're gone forever.. and you can not touch nor squeeze them ever again. And that realization of never being able to have them physically in your presence, is the worse feeling in the world.
I sit here just missing my little boy so so much. he was worth more than a human to me. he made me happy. made me at peace with life. was there for me through my hard times. always made me laugh. always kept my spirits up. then gone one day, hit by a car, killed so quick at age 2, right after finally growing up and behaving so well.. & i sit here thinking gosh, life is not fair at all. why did this happen? all my joy i had just completely gone.. its been over 3 months and i dont think i will ever stop missing my capone & wishing there was something I could of done to save him or prevent the situation from happening.. i am so lost and feel so lonely without him. i have a bf & luna & a new pup but it will never be the same and i do not ever feel the same happiness i felt when capone was there. my heart is so hurt still.. i feel like i will never ever stop crying over him... i try to tell my self look, its going to be ok. but truth is... its just not ok. I cant feel that happiness that i once felt...

I know some of you feel this way too and i just want to let you know your not alone..
we can all get through this together even though its the hardest thing ever... it may take a long time for some of us to heal, but we will one day...

<3 <3 <3

My Sweet Little Beary, Gone To Soon

Capone is and always will be my majestic little bear husky. He was so goofy and handsome. He had the best personality ever. Two days ago I was just about to open my business for the first day ever !! I had brought both of my huskies to work with me, I put them inside behind the doggy gate and proceeded to go out to the car to grab my bag. I turned around once I got to my car & both of my huskies were taking off down the road....they had opened the gate and nudged the door open. I started chasing after them & not even two minutes into the chase I could see from the distance three people surrounding my little boy who laid in the middle of the road, lifeless. His beautiful blue eyes completely dilated and wide, almost to where they were black. His tongue was out and I started shaking him yelling Capone wake up wake up.. The moment I saw him I knew he had passed .. I was just trying to see if he would react even though I knew he wouldn't. I could not believe this nightmare was happening. I couldn't even cry at first because I was in such shock. He died on impact. My other husky came running to me before I got to his body. She had a large cut on her paw, but she was ok. We ran over to our little Beary and I couldn't believe what was happening. He was the best boy you could ask for. He would howl at you all the time , wipe his face on the carpet after eating , he was such a goof. Every time I was out without my pups I couldn't wait to get home to see them. My bf & I always would say I want my puppies when we were out and about. And as soon as we get home, Capone would give us the biggest sweetest howls. Even just going to do our Landry in the neighbor hood coming back 5 mins later he would hoot and holler in joy. He was so happy. Seeing his soulmate (my other husky), Luna be in agony with out him hurts even more than my pain alone. She loved him so much and they had a bond unlike no other. She doesn't want to eat or play. She only lays in the spots he lays. And she cries sometimes for him. It's only been two days, and I can tell you right now these are the most terrible days I have ever experienced. The image in my head of my beautiful boy keeps replaying over and over and over . And I keep mourning and wishing my Beary was still with us. He was the most beautiful dog I've ever seen and made so many people happy in his short two years . Everyone loved his unique self. Personality and looks, all around a 10+. Now I go on walks with my boyfriend and Luna and I have nothing to hold, no one to walk. And it hurts so bad, he was my little boy, my precious angel. He was my son. I spent so much time and care and took them everywhere together, the beach, dog parks, other parks, roller blading , monkey farm.. They were my number one. And he was mommys little boy. And Luna is daddy's little girl. My bf hurts so much too, but he was my little boy who would stare at me all the time , watching me go from room to room , howling for me, wanting his belly rubbed. Getting so excited Everytime we went for a walk or when we got home .. He was just so perfect and I still cannot believe this happened. I lost a different husky , Sky 7 years ago when I was out of town my mom was watching her and she ran out the house came home and was showing signs of distress so they took her to the vet and she died there. They believe internal bleeding from possibly a car. There was also a lot of rattlesnakes in the area so we aren't sure what it really was. That was heart breaking enough, I got her for my 8th birthday . She died at age 8. Another gone too soon. But my little Beary who I gave my entire heart to did not deserve this and I don't know why God had to take him so young. I'm just in so much pain. And everyone is so hurt and affected by this because he was a huge part of my family's & my bf family's life . He was the center of all our joy & lunas. And now Luna is going to miss her soulmate so so much. This kind of pain is one I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy . The feeling is unbearable, one minute your sobbing the next your ok, the next your wondering why or what or wishing you would have done things differently . I wish so bad to be with my little boy again. It hurts so much because it was so unexpected . It was supposed to be the best day of my life (opening a shop) and it turned into the worst day of my life. I still can't believe he's gone and I just wish the pain and awful image would get out of my head . I miss him more than anything . I hope he is in the spirit world playing with sky. The image of him was unbearable. There was no blood at first. Just the look of death, no response, open dilated eyes, the worst thing I will ever see .. I wish this was all just a nightmare and I could wake up and hear his howls again and pet his furry soft ears. He had such a long, fluffy copper coat. I miss you Beary,we all do. You were so amazing in every way possible and thank you so much for bringing the most awesome memories into mine, Luna and daddy's life . We love you deeper than any love there is .... Rip little bear . how will I ever get over this and drown out the last image I had of him?