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> Here We Go Again
Barronk
post Feb 4 2017, 04:01 PM
Post #1





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 26
Joined: 27-March 15
Member No.: 8,583



Sometimes I wish I was making this stuff up. This will be my third time writing on this forum. Our Boston Terrier Abby died in March of 2015, Our Dog Sadie died January 8th of this year, and now just a
month after Sadie died it seems that our Dog Baxter is now on his way out. Suffering from unknown neurological symptoms that are getting worse by the day. And while he was kind of messed up
when Sadie was alive as soon as she died his symptoms went from OK to severe and they are getting worse every single day.

We have lost all of our dogs in a 2 year span, with two of them being only a month apart. And while baxter is still here, he does not have long. He can barley walk and now the medication they have
him on for his anxiety has him not even walking anymore. He uses the bathroom on himself and literally this came out of no where. I have gone from being extremely depressed to extremely angry.
Only I have luck like this. My family is dying off and there is nothing I can do about it.

After Baxter goes we will have no pets. It is just I, my wife and my two children. I am done with animals, its too sad to see them go. And now I will have to add Baxter to my grieving list before I could
even come to a conclusion on Sadie.

It just isn't fair.

-Kevin
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moon_beam
post Feb 5 2017, 11:53 AM
Post #2


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From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Kevin, please permit me to offer you my sincerest empathy in what you are going through with your precious Baxter. I do soooo understand how depressed and angry you are feeling right now facing the reality that your household is now in the process of losing your remaining precious companion, particularly so very soon after the physical loss of your beloved Sadie.

In December 2006 my beloved number one kitty son Eil joined the angels at 6 years of age due to end stage Lymphoma. In November 2009 my handsome canine companion Oslo joined the angels at 15 years of age due to a sudden stroke, but he had been enduring through many medical challenges over the years up to that event. In March 2010 my beloved beautiful feline baby girl Abbygayle joined the angels at 6 years of age due to end stage Fibrosarcoma. My sole survivor companion Noah - - Abbygayle's sibling brother - - will be 14 years of age in May, and I know our time together is becoming limited. Due to my age and now fragile health my precious Noah will be my last companion during the remainder of my earthly journey.

For better and for worse we are not blessed with the gift of foresight when we embrace our companions into our hearts and homes. We do not possess the foreknowledge as to the how and when they will transition from this earthly journey. If we did possess this gift then we would be faced with the task of deciding not to give our hearts to and share our homes with these precious souls whose earthly physical journey is shorter than ours - - because through the "gift" we would know the how and when our hearts would be broken adjusting to their physical absence, and we would deprive ourselves the blessing of their unconditional love.

Only in time will you be able to decide for certainty whether or not you wish to share your heart and home with other precious souls who need the love of a human guardian. Right now just focus on your precious Baxter's needs, knowing that love is eternal.

Thank you so very much for honoring us in sharing your precious Baxter with us, Kevin. Please know your precious boy, and you and your family, are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how your precious Baxter is doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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LittleGirl's...
post Feb 5 2017, 12:25 PM
Post #3





Group: Moderators
Posts: 845
Joined: 24-March 04
From: Maine
Member No.: 274



Kevin,

I am saddened and stunned to read of Baxter's condition! Your anger is very understandable! I'm just so sorry!!

I like moon_beam's sentiment. It's so true: Only in time will you be able to decide for certainty whether or not you wish to share your heart and home with other precious souls who need the love of a human guardian. Right now just focus on your precious Baxter's needs, knowing that love is eternal." A needy soul or 2 would lose out on the best gift in the world--your love--if you decide not to adopt/bond again in this lifetime. At the same time, it would be a very understandable choice, should you decide. The pain is nightmarish and you have had TOO MUCH of it and in so short a time period! sad.gif

Back to the present: Baxter knows how much you love him and how heartbroken you are to see his decline. He understands that you must do what you feel is right---how much to intervene and when to decide that it's time---and that everything you do and decide is because of your love for him. wub.gif

Please write again when you feel up to it! Write every day if it helps---about your anger or grief or discouragement, anything.

We are here for you, even though that does not take away your pain.

Empathizing with all of you right now, and feeling helpless. Will await more news from you.

Love to you and your family,

Kathy


--------------------
Compassion for all animals. www.earthlings.com
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Barronk
post Feb 9 2017, 05:10 PM
Post #4





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 26
Joined: 27-March 15
Member No.: 8,583



Baxter left us today.

My first post was my response to finding out that he was dying. I was angry and confused and the post wasn't helpful in the least. So here I will try and tell the story as short as I can.

Baxter was my wife's dog. When I met her she had two Boston Terriers, Abby and Baxter. Abby was already 14 by the time I met my wife and Baxter was supposed to be around 5 years of age.
I instantly fell in love with both of them. I had not owned a dog since my last golden, rusty, passed away in 2007. Shortly thereafter we got Sadie, a Doberman Pincher. That was our family, my wife
myself and the 3 dogs. We were cramped in the place we lived but we were happy. We then moved to Saint Louis in 2014. The next year in march of 2015, at the age of 18 Abby passed away on her
own. That is when I found this website. I was crushed over Abby's death. Afterwards Baxter and Sadie continued on. Healthy and loving each other as they always did. They had formed a strong
bond by this point. In January of 2016 Sadie fractured her leg. She was misdiagnosed and we found out she had osteosarcoma in April of that same year.

Fast forward to January of this year. Baxter had always had seizures. Petite mal. They were minor and few apart. The vet's always said that unless he is having two a month there was no real reason
to put him on medication. Towards the end of Sadie's life, Baxter had naturally slowed down as he was aging. We found out that the estimated age at the shelter was completely wrong and he was
much older than we thought. He was having issues with stairs but then he always did. But he continued to do his normal thing. Sadie's cancer came back late last year and she eventually succumbed
to her cancer on January the 8th 2017.

After Sadie's death Baxter was never the same. We were grieving the death of Sadie but we were looking forward to being able to spend one on one time with Baxter, something that we had never been
able to do before. But that was not meant to be. After Sadie died Baxter was a complete mess. We of course wrote it off as grief. So I took him to the vet to get him some help. By this point he was
having balance issues, so much to the fact that the vet was not convinced that there may not have been something more going on, the first guess was a tumor or lesion in the brain that was causing the
balance issues. I of course wrote all this off. How could a brain tumor present that quickly? How could it take him out so quickly? No way not him. Baxter had a few more years with us and I was
looking forward to getting them started.

His decline was quick. Eventually his motor skills got worse and worse. He couldn't walk and then he couldn't even stand. He lost control of his bladder and he cried whenever we went out of the room.
making it agonizing for me to even go to work. I am lucky that I worked close to home so I came home every two hours to make sure he was ok.

Last night he began to cry almost non-stop. Nothing I did would console him. For some reason I decided to do a flick test on his eyes and there was no response. My Baxter had gone blind within
the few hours I was gone. When my wife woke up she saw him laying on the couch just crying. With no way to console him. I woke up and we locked eyes. We knew it was time. There was nothing
more we could do for him. And he was scared, not even acknowledging that we were there with him.

In less than 2 years we have lost all of our fur babies. Abby died at 18, Sadie died at 6, and Baxter died at 13 maybe 14. We are locked in our grief. It is so weird not having an animal in the house.
I can't even imagine at ever loving another dog ever again. At least not as much as I did my other three. It's hard to believe that we lost them all so quickly. I am so lost I don't know what to do.
I don't know how to continue on. I miss them so much.
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moon_beam
post Feb 10 2017, 03:17 PM
Post #5


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Joined: 20-July 08
From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Kevin, please permit me the opportunity to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Baxter, and try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very normal. Unfortunately there is no easy way to navigate this grief adjustment journey. There are no fast forward or delete buttons we can press to speed up the process or make it automatically disappear. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time sometimes one moment at a time that feels like you're trapped on a never ending emotional horror roller coaster ride.

I can so perfectly understand how you're feeling when you share with us "In less than 2 years we have lost all of our fur babies." When my beloved companions and I moved into our home in the country in 1996 they were very senior citizens. My beloved feline companion Holly was 15 and my beloved canine companion Samson was 13. Within 8 months my beloved Holly became very ill our first Christmas in our new home, and in January 1997 she was diagnosed with multiple cancers requiring her earthly journey to be compassionately transitioned to the angels with the help of her veterinary care provider. My beloved Samson had multiple health issues but otherwise was "hanging in there" - - until March 1998 when his kidneys completely failed requiring his earthly journey to be compassionately transitioned to the angels with the help of his veterinary care provider. I thought I would NEVER have another companion in my life, but my beloved Holly and Samson didn't want me continuing my earthly journey alone. So gradually they guided me on paths that eventually first brought my beloved canine companion Oslo into my heart in November 1998, then our feline companion Eli joined us in June 2000, and then our feline companions Noah and Abbygayle completed our household in August 2003. As you know within a 3 year period Eli, Oslo, and Abbygayle joined the angels in a time frame from December 2006 to March 2010 - - and so it is just my precious Noah and me now.

It is important right now that you focus on your grieving, Kevin, rather than whether or not you will ever want to embrace a new companion. Your heart and home needs time to adjust to the major physical losses you have experienced. The only way to "continue on" is to take one day at time, Kevin - - this grief adjustment journey cannot be rushed or pushed aside.

Kevin, thank you so very much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Baxter, Sadie, and Abby with us. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers during this very difficult and sorrowful time, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Gunners Mama
post Feb 11 2017, 11:28 AM
Post #6





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 69
Joined: 26-February 16
Member No.: 8,788



Barronk I was just reading your post. I am so sorry for your losses. I know how you feel when you aren't even over one loss and then the second one comes right after. We lost our Gunner on Christmas night 2015 and then our Squiggy 5 months later. Our Squiggy''s behavior changed after that and we thought that it was because he was grieving. Then after awhile we thought that it could have been that he was losing the little bit of vision that he had in his only eye. I knew something wasn't right but I didn't know exactly what it was. Then my husband called me frantic saying that Squiggy was having a seizure. He had never had one before. He had another one in the car as he rushed him to the vet. They then sedated him to try to stop them. That's when they told us that it was most likely a brain tumor. It was like someone had punched us in the stomach and took our breath away. There was nothing that could be done for him. We had no other option than to have him put to sleep. We couldn't believe like you that a brain tumor would come up so quickly and take him away. We thought that we had quite a few more years with him. Please know that I am sending hugs and prayers to you to you and your wife.
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Barronk
post Mar 4 2017, 11:33 PM
Post #7





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 26
Joined: 27-March 15
Member No.: 8,583



Thank you all for your kind words.

It's been difficult, these past couple of weeks dealing with the loss of both of our dogs. Life moves on but it feels empty. I know right now that it is not the right time to get another dog. I cannot even imagine having another dog
in the house. I hope that one day our hearts will open back up so that we can give another dog a good home, and I am sure that day will come. But I miss my babies so much, especially at night time. I spent the majority of my time
with them at night when my wife and kids were asleep. It's been very weird trying to occupy my time at night with others things rather than being with them watching a movie or just doing any old thing with them.

Maybe in a couple of years we will get another. But as of right now it seems like a long shot. I guess this is still the grief talking.
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moon_beam
post Mar 5 2017, 01:40 PM
Post #8


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From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Kevin, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your family are doing. It's important that you give yourself the opportunity to grieve for your beloved Sadie and Baxter. When / if the time comes for you and your family to embrace a new companion, your beloved Sadie and Baxter will guide you to the precious soul who will be the "right one" for you.

I hope today is treating you and your family kindly, Kevin, and that you will have peaceful evenings blessed with your beloved Sadie's and Baxter's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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bluejules
post Mar 20 2017, 09:03 AM
Post #9





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 31
Joined: 16-February 05
Member No.: 712



Hi Kevin and everyone, just to let you know that today is a very sad day as we have finally had to say goodbye to our Dobie, Dylan, who finally lost his battle with lymphoma. He had been doing great, his lymph nodes went down and he was so cheerful...but last night he got up after sleeping and cried out in pain. He couldn't turn his head to the left. He just stood with his head hanging down and couldn't eat or drink. We knew the time had come and took him to the vet.

He is now in the Chapel of Rest at the pet cemetery. I knew this was coming but I am heartbroken. I will miss him so, so much.

If I close my eyes I can see him now, free from pain, bounding around just like he used to as a youngster.

Trying so hard, but you all know how painful this is.
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