Heartbroken Options

[ScootersMommy]

My heart is officially shattered. My sweet baby, Scooter ("Tooter") crossed the Rainbow Bridge on Friday after a month long fight with a URI. He was 18 years old and has been with me since he was about 6 weeks old. I always knew this would be hard, but, I could have never fully prepared for this pain. He helped me through so many tough times in my life, and how can you get used to a pet who slept next to you for 18 years, not being there anymore? Anytime I see his photo, find his little hairs, or see the bed without him on it, I lose it all over again. I know this is going to take time, and it's especially going to be hard over the Holidays, but I just want to find some small shred of peace. I literally feel like I just lost a child...he is so special to me and I miss him so much already. I feel guilty that his transition wasn't as peaceful as it could have been. My mom and I had just finished his 4pm feeding...I was still holding him when he began the process. I knew what was happening, clutched on to him and began to scream and cry. I feel some comfort in knowing that he was in my arms, next to my heart when he took his final breath, but, I also feel like I made it more stressful on him by not being calm. I guess we all tend to feel guilty about some aspect of the passing of our babies. He is truly one of the great Loves of my life and that will never change. Rest in peace my sweet Baby. Mommy loves you more than words can ever say.

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[moon_beam]

Hi, Scooter's Mommy, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Scooter. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. How blessed your beloved Scooter is to have transitioned from this earthly realm in the place he loves the most surrounded by the familiar sights, sounds, and smells of his home and embraced in his Forever Mom's loving arms.

Scooter's Mommy, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time which is one of the many reasons why it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. One of the many emotions we all experience is guilt / remorse which comes from looking back and trying to reconcile all the whys, what ifs, and if onlys that haunt and torture our hearts and minds at a time when we are so emotionally vulnerable. I hope in time you will be able to find a peace in your heart that your beloved Scooter perfectly understands how difficult it was for you to feel him transition from his physical body. Your tears and screams did not distress him but knows they are your expressions of your deepest sorrow in knowing that he would no longer be physically present with you. He wants you to know that the love bond you and your beloved Scooter share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Scooter's sweet Living Spirit is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

Scooter's Mommy, I know all too well from firsthand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Scooter with us, and for sharing this wonderful picture of your beloved companion. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[ScootersMommy]

Hi moon_beam,

Thank you so much for your lovely, comforting words.

Nothing can prepare you for this kind of loss. I had been trying for the last couple of years, not because he was sick, just because he was getting older and I had to face the reality that my time with him was dwindling. He slept most of the day, so at night, he would wake me up by pawing gently at my face. Once I was awake, I would rub his belly, kiss his little head, scratch his ears and tell him how much I loved him. Most of the time I would begin to cry, because I knew there would be a time that he wouldn't be waking me up anymore. The love I have for him is unlike any I've ever felt. We share this bond that I haven't even felt with most humans. When he started getting sick, I was in denial... I just knew that I could "love" him well again. I think deep down I knew that his time was borrowed. It doesn't help that the Holidays are approaching. All of our Christmas photos always have him laying in my lap while opening presents, or playing in the wrapping paper. I just can't believe that I'll never spend another Christmas with him.

I have good moments and bad. Times when I think I'm going to be ok, then others when I feel lost, depressed or angry. Anger is hard for me to deal with because I am a lover of peace. I guess more than anything, I worry about him. Was he scared? Is he lonely? Is he happy? I guess if I knew the answers to those questions I would feel better. If he could tell me that he was no longer in pain, that he was happy and watching over me, I could deal so much better.

Thank you for being such a caring, compassionate, understanding soul. Namaste to you moon_beam.

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[moon_beam]

Hi, Scooter's Mommy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and for sharing this wonderful picture of your beloved Scooter draped in Christmas lights. This grief journey is both emotionally and physically painful, Scooter's Mommy. I sooooooo understand your lament about the holidays - - what is supposed to be the "most wonderful time of the year" can in reality be the "most horrible time of the year" when your heart is grieving the physical loss of a beloved companion. It's another one of the many "first withouts" of this grief adjustment journey - - and it is a particularly painful one.

Please let me try to reassure you that your beloved Scooter is now restored to his former youthfulness in the company of the angels - - he is romping in heaven's perfect garden and sharing all the wonderful memories of his earthly journey with you with all the other companions who - - like your beloved Scooter - - are patiently waiting for the appropriate time when their human guardians join them in perfect joy. Until then, if there's any "good news" in the midst of this painful grief journey it is that our beloved companion's sweet Living Spirits are always with us in our hearts and memories - - they are always and forever a heartbeat close to us.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Scooter's Mommy, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scooter's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam