Saying Goodbye To My Soul Pug Options

[pug_mom]

Hi moonbeam-

It's been 2 months now. I'm still waking up with that familiar pang. I have to go to work and I just feel dreadful. How I miss my Ling. his soft fur was the first thing I touched in the mornkng. His little snoring sounds. The way he was would yawn and stretch. As you said, touch, smell, sight - having to adjust to this new reality. Moon beam, I'm realizing this pain will never go away. And that frightens me a bit. All I want is to hold my sweet ling. even for a moment. I sometimes think I even took advantage of those days he was here in my life. 13.5 years. Even the last week with him. The last night. Because we didn't know- it was like every other night. And maybe I should of known. Thats why i question now if I would feel differently if I put time aside to spend every waking hour with him and cherished every moment. It just feels like I wouldn't feel this terrible. Even just a little tiny bit. I don't know. I'm going in circles. This grief is unrelenting. I will not allow guilt in - this I will have control of. But the emptiness- the loss. It's so hard. I think back to all our times together- the walks we took, new park or beach new neighborhood, the different homes we have lived together, the endless morning and evening rituals we shared, the people we've met, the life we lived - he was my constant. It's as if I thought he would live forever. Because I feel like I never truly allowed myself to think of a world without him. I know we can't prepare for death. And they have such short lives compared to ours. His decline was so quick. He was growing old and every one around me saw that - but not me. I suppose you can never be ready for their death. It just hurts. I miss him. I feel lost.

[moon_beam]

Hi, K, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I can so understand how you're feeling when you share with us "I'm realizing this pain will never go away. And that frightens me a bit. I'm going in circles. This grief is unrelenting." Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief, K. During the deep grief the physical and emotional ache of sorrow and emptiness in our hearts and lives is unrelenting, and it does feel like it will never stop. I promise you, K, that it will not always be like this. One day very likely when you least expect it you will find yourself thinking of your beloved Ling Ling and you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and you will feel your heart fill with the warmth of your many treasured memories once again. The deep sorrow you feel now will not be as intense or unrelenting - - and you will be able to find a "new normal" that will feel "right" for you - - always knowing that your beloved Ling Ling's sweet Living Spirit is always and forever a part of you - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I hope today is treating you kindly, K, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ling Ling's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[pug_mom]

Hi-

It's the start of a new week. I'm still adjusting to this "new normal." One thought I had this weekend has given me a little bit of healing: i can be sad, I can cry whenever I need to, but I won't let the grief stop me from living. So I got up Saturday and exercised for the first time since Ling passed. It felt good and though I even teared up during the workout, i was still doing something positive. I also have been talking with a pet loss counselor and had a reiki healing session. I'm approaching my healing with nourishing mind, body, spirit. And allowing the sadness and grief to be.

The acceptance of his death may be the hardest part of this grief. The mornings being the most difficult. The thought that I will never get to see touch or hear my sweet ling leaves me heartbroken. Our history, the life we shared, I really feel as though I may have thought he would be there with me as long as i was on this earth. Our pets short lives never truly - or maybe I didn't want to think of it- sunk in all those years we were together. How many times did I hold him or pick him pet him kiss him in his 13 years and didn't think twice about it. What I wouldn't do to have one of those moments again with him. I still struggle with how unceremonious his last few days were. He deserved a celebration while he was alive for the love and loyalty he gave me. I have been through a lot of loss in my life- never did I cry 40 days straight. This is the hardest journey I have been on and I know I will make through the other side a changed person. But for now, his absence weighs heavy on my heart and shoulders.

[moon_beam]

Hi, K, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I am so glad you are finding some healing in your grief adjustment journey, and am so encouraged in your approach as you share with us "I'm approaching my healing with nourishing mind, body, spirit. And allowing the sadness and grief to be."

I'm not sure we ever "accept" the physical loss of a loved one - - whoever the life form - - and particularly the physical loss of our beloved companions. I have personally come to the realization that this grief journey is more one of "adjustment to" their physical absence which is both emotionally and physically challenging with enduring through all the first withouts one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. I hope your counselor will continue to be a source of comfort, support, and encouragement as you travel your grief journey, K, and please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope today is treating you kindly, K, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ling Ling's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[pug_mom]

As i navigate through my new life without my sweet Ling, I become weighed down with thoughts of the afterlife. I want to believe there is something after death but my skeptical mind keeps pulling me back in, which in turn makes the loss of Ling so much harder. Will i ever see him again? Is this life it? It breaks my heart to think of these short years being it. And yes, the love never dies but it still hurts to know we can never express that love in physical form. I can't escape this dark cloud- I've allowed it to be, I've tried to live life, talk, walk, breathe - and yet the grief persists. My counselor said the loss is still so new and everything I'm feeling is normal. I suppose time just feels like it has stopped and I am left screaming in the inside- "don't leave me" to my ling even though he is already gone. The schedule is work, home, sleep - and the entire time my mind is thinking about Ling. I know in time I will get to a place of understanding and peace again, because I have lost many before and have learned to live life again. Somehow this one feels different, it cuts deeper, and I worry it will take a long time before I find joy in life again. Not sure what to do with myself today except start the work week and carry along as always. I miss you Ling- wish you here with me.

[moon_beam]

Hi, K, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Your counselor is very right in comforting you that your grief is still so very new and is still very much in the "early days" of adjusting to the physical absence of your beloved Ling Ling. Generally speaking professional counselors recognize that the first year of loss is the hardest transition because it is filled with all the "first withouts" to endure through. For example, this is the "first holidays" your beloved Ling Ling will not be physically with you, and you may find the upcoming holidays to be particularly difficult to endure through - - having to put on what I call the "public face" to friends, family, co-workers, etc., all the while feeling the tight knot in your chest and heart as you are all too aware that these are the first holidays "without" your beloved Ling Ling's precious physical presence to enjoy them as well. Your counselor is right in trying to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief, and hopefully in time your heart will eventually find peace as you travel your grief adjustment journey. This grief journey is both emotional and physical, K - - which is one of the many reasons why it is a very painful journey.

Sometimes all we can do is just put one foot in front of the other allowing the days to flow into each other doing the things that need to be done even though our hearts and minds are only functioning on what I call "automatic pilot" as we re-define our lives with the "new normal." Please know we are here for you, K, for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope today is treating you kindly, K, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ling Ling's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[pug_mom]

Hi Moonbeam & All-

It's been over 3 months now since I said goodbye to my Ling. not an easy 3 months, but here we are Christmas Eve. The first Christmas without my Ling in 13 years. I'm driving 6 hours up north to see family. a drive I would of done with my Ling. that's a big "first without". My Ling loved going to grandmas house. It might of just been his favorite place in the world actually. I used to ask him, "ling ling wanna go to grannnndmas house?" And he would just bark and bark and do his happy pug dance as if he was saying "yes, yes!".

It's been a tough road. My counselor gave me a bit of advice that I have been trying. She told me for every negative thought I had, I would counteract it with a positive one. For instance, "I'm so sad ling isn't here with me this Christmas, but how grateful i am to have celebrated 13 years of holidays with him." Something along those lines. It's basically "training" my mind to think positive even if I don't feel positive. She mentioned that when we grieve, we tend to get stuck in this endless loop of sadness to the point that we actually get used to the feeling. That feeling good and happy becomes an almost foreign feeling. I've been trying my best to practice this exercise.

The truth is, I am SO grateful to have had my ling for those long, full 13.5 years. He was an amazing dog who I loved above all things in this world. I am so lucky I was able to give him a life full of love and joy. That everyday of his life was nothing but love, eat, drink, sleep, play.

How I miss him so so so much. Going back home, where Ling and I spent ten years of his life, will be tough. Every part of that city will remind me of him. My family, who treated him like a family member, have not seen me since he passed. I have mixed emotions about this trip. I will never stop missing my little ling. this I know. When you have something in your life for so long and it's gone one day, it is a pain that no words describe. Ling was home to me. Wherever he was, that was home. Everyday, for so long, he was just there. My shadow. He had a great life. He did. And he was my soul mate in so many ways. Their lives are just too short. And sadly, I almost forgot that. As if he would live forever.

I'm in a strange place these days. Numb maybe. I am trying so hard to stay positive, but also of course, allowing myself to cry and doubt and feel Sad when I do. I move forward because I have no choice. Maybe that's how I have got here. I tell myself that I am not alone in my pain. That some pet parents out in the world are feeling this exact feeling at the same time. 3 months will tun into 6 into 9 and before I know it a year will pass. And that hole in my heart will never be filled and I know what people mean now when they say that. It will get better or at least I will get used to his absence. I've adjusted after loss before. I tell myself he wasn't meant to be here for 20 years. Though 16 was the magic number in my head.

I have signed up to volunteer at a rescue as a way to honor my ling and give back. One day at a time. That's all I can do. Thanks for listening moonbeam and anyone else who has come here with a broken heart. have a happy holidays.

[moon_beam]

Hi, K, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I'm glad your counselor is offering you comfort, support, and encouragement in this grief adjustment journey. From first hand experience under different tragic circumstances many years ago I know how challenging it is to do the thought re-orienting exercise. And even now these many years later I still need to practice it from time to time. This grief journey is one of "adjustment to" the physical absence of your beloved Ling Ling. You will never "get over" him not being physically with you - - because the reality is his sweet Living Spirit is ALWAYS with you in your heart and memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I hope this time being with your family will be comforting to you, K. As always, I hope today, and every day, is treating you kindly, and that you will have peaceful evenings blessed with your beloved Ling Ling's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam