It's Been Almost A Year Options

[sad]

I'm not sure if it is Mother's Day that is getting to me or what. A year ago on Mother's Day I spent much of the day trying to get my cat to eat. He had had kidney problems for several years (but just barely abnormal) but had then developed thyroid problems. He was doing OK but when I gave him some thyroid med he got worse and never ate really after that even though I stopped the med. A little bit of food now and then when I would bring it to him. He was coughing and sneezing as well. He had had bouts in the past where he did not eat but always snapped back. This time was worse and he seemed to want to be by himself-sleeping on my bed. He did seem to pick up a bit before I took him in but it was a different vet and she made me make a quick decision and I don't know if I should have done what I did. I will never forget the loud cries on the way to the vet-he had never done that before and I think he knew. At the vet he would not come to me and just stared into space and kept trying to get back in the carrier. I could not stay and watch-after they started to hold him down. I felt like I was murdering him and did not know what to do. I thought of taking him home but did not know what to do. After what seemed like forever-why does it take so long-they told me he was gone and I had to pay the bill and leave-they were in a hurry to get me out and actually pretty nasty-hey they got paid-why make me feel worse. I was in a daze and sometimes feel like I still am. People ask me when I will get another cat and I will never do this again-I don't know how you all manage to keep doing it. Today I just miss him so much and feel like I let him down and I don't know if I made the right decision.

[tanbuck]

Hi. I'm sorry your memories have come back to bother you today. I'm also sorry about the circumstances at the vet. That was no way to treat that kind of situation for you. You did the best you could given the situation you were in and the information you had at that time. And you might not ever decide to get another pet and that's ok. In my case, I was adamant that we would not get more. And I didn't get more, one got me. Her circumstances were such that she needed to be in our home. It is very hard because it was waaaaay too soon. She is a sad little girl and she has a sad new mommy. We're sad together, I guess.
So, don't feel like you HAVE to get more or that you should even get more. My vet told me that if it was meant to be, then I would wake up one day and say it's time. (Of course, that's not exactly the way it ended up happening but it's a good way to think about it) If it's meant to be, it will be and you'll know.
Try not to be hard yourself. I hope tomorrow will be better for you.
-Donna

[ladywolf]

Hi Sad--

How appalling, the behavior of the vet's office. How APPALLING! Vets like that are worse than nothing, and shouldn't be allowed to practice!

I too am very sorry that these memories are surfacing for you today, but they come up when they need to come up, and there's no way to stop them--it's all part of the grieving process, difficult as it is. Occasions like holidays, Mother's day and the like tend to cause them to resurface for a lot of us...

I agree with Donna--you don't ever NEED to get another pet--but one may in fact find you. I've had eleven dogs now, including Ladywolf, who is dying, and while I SAY that I may never have another dog, in reality I know that some needy dog or wolf will eventually find me again. How we go on doing it? I think of the words to the Beatles song:

"And in the end
The love you take
Is equal to the love...you make!"

Loss of our pets is devastating, but I wouldn't trade the experience of THAT kind of loving for anything. No man has ever loved me the way that my wolf-dog does! Never! She is my soul-mate, and even though she is rapidly slipping away from me and it is incredibly painful for me (maybe not for her, because she may not be aware of her impending death), I would do it all again--all fifteen years of it--in a heartbeat!

Give yourself more time to heal before you make a unilateral decision about future pets.

Much love from Margi and Ladywolf

[sad]

Donna and Margi
Thank you for your replies. I'm also sorry for what you are both going through. My cat was my best friend for 15 years and was always there and it was so hard not to be able to help him any longer. We had been through a lot together. I wish that there was a different vet but at that point I could not face putting him through another ride to probably the inevitible-although I do wish that I was a little more sure about what needed to be done and wish they could have been gentler with him. I was in and out of there in under 1/2 an hour if that gives you an idea how rushed it was and I think I was in the waiting room for at least 15 minutes while they did the euthanasia. I just don't think I could ever face going through all this again. It is just too heartbreaking. I just wanted him to be happy and healthy and tried all I could to make life good for him. He was my baby.
Donna-I hope your new furbaby helps to ease the pain from your loss. Margi-my heart goes out to you with watching your beloved decline. Thanks to both of you for understanding that I might not ever be able to face getting another pet.

[mom2stew]

Dear Sad,
I feel very bad about what you went through last year. I just lost my dear soulmate 2 weeks ago and also had to go through the horrific experience of having to decide what was best for him. It is very difficult to make these decisions when you feel like your heart is being ripped out at the same time. I followed the advice of a friend of mine who has had many animals of various species and loved them all--she said that one day my kitty would make it clear to me that it was just too difficult to be a cat anymore. Simply existing (sleeping/hiding all the time, barely eating) is not the kind of life that a kitty wants, and this is when we, as their keepers, have the duty to step in and help. Now, not everyone shares this opinion, but I do--it sounds to me like your cat was making it very clear that he just couldn't do it anymore.
The yelling in the car, hiding; I don't think he knew what would happen, but I do think he was effectively communicating that he wasn't happy with how he was feeling anymore.
The experience you had at the vet is absolutely appalling. And you were so vulnerable at the time, there's nothing you could've done at the time to make it better. They made the experience so horrible for you that it seems to be a big part of your memory. I hope that you can heal from it enough to be able to not associate those horrible memories with your furry friend. He deserves to be remembered as the healthy, happy friend that he was...this is something that I'm working on with my loss too, I tend to only think of Stew as the sick, scared, skinny, vulnerable kitty that he was at the end, which only makes me sad. In reality, the sick days were only a tiny part of his life, the rest he was big and fluffy and sweet yet sassy, confident but tender and loving...THIS is how I will remember him.
I can honestly say that a piece of me died when I lost Stew. I don't think I'll ever get it back. I miss him so much. The pain of the last month has been the worst I've felt in my adult life. However, I wouldn't want to spare myself this pain if it meant giving up all of the precious memories I have of Stew. It's just me in pain now, not him, so I can take it...I think. So far I'm surviving at least. Will I ever get another? Like Margi and Donna said, it may have to find me, but I'd hate to let all of this space we have go to waste when there are so many homeless little angels out there.
Wow, I must be having a good day, because a week ago I couldn't even think about other kitties...
I wish you the best with your ongoing healing, this is a great place to be to help you heal. It has done wonders for me.
Kelly

[sad]

Kelly
Thank you for the reply. I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. I know what you mean about trying to remember the cat when he was healthy. I was just clearing some files in my cabinet and decided to set aside the one I had for my baby and I was surprised at how large it was-one of those hanging file folders-absolutely stuffed full of vet receipts and notes of his progress, blood work etc. I still have dreams about him and he is still sick in those dreams-it is hard to remember him as being completely healthy as it seemed that there was always something going on during his life with me. But he always had a sweet disosition and sassy attitude right up to the end. And he was only terribly sick the last few days-even then I was not completely sure. The last day he was sitting in the window looking out when I woke up which surprised me since he had not had the energy to do that the day before. I still wonder at times if he could have had a little more time but he had lost a lot of weight-which had never happened before. I think that is what did it for me-realizing how much weight he lost.
Reading some of the other posts maybe I should have done the cremation but like I said I was so rushed to make all these decisions and sign the papers, pay the bill etc. I did not realize I could have decided on the final arrangements in the next few days instead of so quickly. This is the first time I ever had to do this.
I hope you start to feel better soon. I know I am feeling pretty bad right now but maybe it is the anniversay and maybe I never really went through the greiving completely.

Dear Sad,
I feel very bad about what you went through last year. I just lost my dear soulmate 2 weeks ago and also had to go through the horrific experience of having to decide what was best for him. It is very difficult to make these decisions when you feel like your heart is being ripped out at the same time. I followed the advice of a friend of mine who has had many animals of various species and loved them all--she said that one day my kitty would make it clear to me that it was just too difficult to be a cat anymore. Simply existing (sleeping/hiding all the time, barely eating) is not the kind of life that a kitty wants, and this is when we, as their keepers, have the duty to step in and help. Now, not everyone shares this opinion, but I do--it sounds to me like your cat was making it very clear that he just couldn't do it anymore.
The yelling in the car, hiding; I don't think he knew what would happen, but I do think he was effectively communicating that he wasn't happy with how he was feeling anymore.
The experience you had at the vet is absolutely appalling. And you were so vulnerable at the time, there's nothing you could've done at the time to make it better. They made the experience so horrible for you that it seems to be a big part of your memory. I hope that you can heal from it enough to be able to not associate those horrible memories with your furry friend. He deserves to be remembered as the healthy, happy friend that he was...this is something that I'm working on with my loss too, I tend to only think of Stew as the sick, scared, skinny, vulnerable kitty that he was at the end, which only makes me sad. In reality, the sick days were only a tiny part of his life, the rest he was big and fluffy and sweet yet sassy, confident but tender and loving...THIS is how I will remember him.
I can honestly say that a piece of me died when I lost Stew. I don't think I'll ever get it back. I miss him so much. The pain of the last month has been the worst I've felt in my adult life. However, I wouldn't want to spare myself this pain if it meant giving up all of the precious memories I have of Stew. It's just me in pain now, not him, so I can take it...I think. So far I'm surviving at least. Will I ever get another? Like Margi and Donna said, it may have to find me, but I'd hate to let all of this space we have go to waste when there are so many homeless little angels out there.
Wow, I must be having a good day, because a week ago I couldn't even think about other kitties...
I wish you the best with your ongoing healing, this is a great place to be to help you heal. It has done wonders for me.
Kelly

[sad]

To my beautiful cat:

It's been a year today that we had to say goodbye. I don't know what you were feeling or how badly but you were not yourself that day. You did not want any pets from anyone including me where you normally would love that. Before that you would be the first to greet anyone coming to the house. Everyone loved you, even those that did not like cats. You did get to take one last walk around the yard but did not have the energy to enjoy it much since you just laid down in the grass after taking a slow walk around. You were just so tired and sick.

I'm sorry I made you be an indoor kitty most of the time and I know how much you loved to go outside but I was selfish and wanted to keep you safe. But you did get to go outside with supervision whenever I could. I hope you had some enjoyment in your life here. I know you were home alone a lot and wish I could have been able to give you more company. You were always there to meet me when I got home and I could see you come to the window when you must have heard my car coming down the street. You were always such a good boy and always did your best to do what you thought I wanted. I remember with a smile the first night you were here. When I went to bed, you jumped up and looked at me with my head on my pillow, you saw the other pillow, and did your best to sleep with your head on it, just like me. You always used your scratching post, even the last day. You had so many toys in the basket but always waited for me to bring one out for you even though I would not have cared if you helped yourself. You liked it best when I would bounce the ball to you and you would bat it back to me. I remember when I shut the closet door one time when I did not realize you were in there and then later was calling you trying to figure out where you were. I called and called you and finally heard a little meow-you had just sat there patiently waiting for me to open the door. You trusted me to take care of you and I hope I was able to give you some happiness. I miss you so much.

Your mommy

[smokey/lady/max]

Hi Sad
When you go to post click on add reply then you will see where it says browse click on browse then find a picture in your alblums on your computer if you have some on there click the picture you want to post then click download it will download the picture then it will show in your attachments then just click attachment and it will post it when you click on add reply if you have trouble I will send you my number in a personal message and I will help you to post a picture. Good luck

Hugs
Anna

[ladywolf]

Hi Sad
When you go to post click on add reply then you will see where it says browse click on browse then find a picture in your alblums on your computer if you have some on there click the picture you want to post then click download it will download the picture then it will show in your attachments then just click attachment and it will post it when you click on add reply if you have trouble I will send you my number in a personal message and I will help you to post a picture. Good luck

Hugs
Anna

Hi Sad--

I am photo-posting-challenged myself, and usually take advantage of the kindness of others in getting pictures posted on here. (Janika posts pictures for me.) We would love to see a pic of your beloved kitty, so we know "who" we are talking about!

How are you doing with your grieving process, and other things, today?

Big Hugs--Margi and Wonderwolf