Lost The Best Thing In My Life, My Cat Options

[imissyoucat]

Two days ago I had to put down my best friend, co-captain, and comfort counselor, Cat. Maybe this is being negative, (um, yeah) but in many ways I have felt kinda unlucky in life. I've had few fulfilling romantic relationships and was diagnosed with cancer at 33 ending my dream of having children. But always when I looked at Cat I knew I was so blessed to find this gorgeous creature who looked at me with love and concern shining in her huge green eyes. I cried when I brought her home as a kitten 14 years ago, because that skittish feral baby I reluctantly picked out solely on the basis of her good looks, suddenly jumped out of the carrier like she had just won a prize, so excited to love and be loved. I knew she was gonna break my heart.

Cat has battled IBD for the last 7 years, her weight plummeting once from 11lbs to 7, then over the last four years down to less than 5. When she died she weighed 4.3 lbs and still had an appetite but just could not eat much or absorb nutrients. My guilt is that I tried to control her condition for the longest time through diet alone and only started medication (prednisolone) recently. It worked for a few weeks, then she stopped eating again. Her constant cries of hunger and rummaging the house for anything to eat (brooms? Really cat?) were heart wrenching. The vet said in her emaciated state, that she didn't think Cat could turn it around even with additional meds and procedures. Her labs were abnormal. That it might even be cancer (the IBD was not biopsy proven.) So I made the decision to stop.

I always assumed she would make it to 20 years old, and when she finally died, I would know with certainty it was time (I had some doubt); but also, that I would have a husband and children and other pets to comfort me in my loss. You know, the way people assume life is gonna turn out. I love my extended family and friends, and I am not a hermit, but at the end of the day, CAT was my partner, the closest thing I had to my own family and an endless source of mutual love and affection.

I am just really lost right now and I don't think other people in my life understand the depth of what I'm going through, nor do I want to reveal so much of my despair to make them think I'm a suicidal looney. I've been very comforted reading some of the stories of like-minded people on this board. It's only been two days so I don't think the full impact of the loneliness has hit me yet, and I need to gather my resources for the onslaught. Thanks for reading.

[moon_beam]

Hi, imissyoucat, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Cat. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Unfortunately our society just barely acknowledges the grieving of a human family member or friend. Even though clinical professionals now recognize that the grieving of the physical loss of a beloved companion is identical, our society in general has little tolerance for it.

I assure you, imissyoucat, you are among friends here who do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. There are no strangers here, and there will never be a need for you to put on a "public face" here to disguise what is in your heart and on your mind.

This grief journey is filled with so many different emotions sometimes, and quite frequently during the deep grief, overwhelming us at one time. There are so many ups and downs, twists and turns and turnarounds that we can feel like we don't know which way is up - - or out. It is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. Unfortunately the only way to endure through this maze of emotions is take each day one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, and to give yourself permission to openly grieve as you feel comfortable doing so. Some people think that if they suppress their grief it will make their loss less painful. Clinical studies have proven the opposite to be true. Crying is a very healthy response to grief, for crying releases the toxins that build up in the body from the stress of grief. So please give yourself permission to cry and to grieve the physical absence of your beloved Cat. I assure you eventually the seering pain that is in your heart now will ease, and you will be able to smile again when you remember your beloved Cat.

Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture(s) of your beloved Cat with us - - but only if / when you are up to that. Right now I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of loss you are feeling, but I wish to reassure you that you are not alone in your grief journey. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and often as you need us.

Imissyoucat, thank you so very much for sharing with us your beloved Cat. I hope tonight will be a peaceful one for you and your family. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, imissyoucat, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[imissyoucat]

Thanks for your kindness. I would love to share a picture.


 cat4.bmp ( 240.05K ) Number of downloads: 31


Oops, guess I did that wrong. how do you insert an image that isn't an attachment? Does it have to be hosted somewhere?

[leejaye]

Dear imissyoucat, I am so very very sorry about the loss of Cat, she is gorgeous - I lost my Mischief cat (best friend and child for 17 years), I used to joke with her that we were going for the guiness book of records, that she'd make it to 21, when she got really sick that last week I tried to make bargains with the universe to give her some years from my life...please come here whenever you need to, noone here will ever think you are a loony - sending you huge hugs and some good energy for your wounded heart Leejaye

[Petunia]

Dear imissyoucat,

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It has been 4 days for me and I feel like most of the world would consider me looney too, but I think we are just in great pain from loosing our best friends.

It sounds like you were an amazing mommy to Cat and she was lucky to have you. It sounds like you did everything for your beautiful kitty and you were both lucky to have found each other. I don't have children either, (bad eggs, screwed up fallopian tubes). So my cats are my babies and yes, they are family.

Don't blame yourself for trying to control her illness with diet alone. I've taken steroids for an injury in the past and they just caused a whole other host of problems, I doubt it would be any different (probably worse in a cat). The steroids early on could have caused other issues.

I totally get the blaming and the guilt though, because I've been blaming myself for a host of things for the past 4 days, so I think it might be normal. Reading your post though, it's clear to me that you have NOTHING to feel guilty or blame yourself for - you were a great mommy to Cat (who by the way is beautiful)!

[kaylasmom]

Hi imissyoucat,
Please allow me to add my condolences. Cat was a beautiful girl. I can relate to the feeling that your girl was the best thingin life. Our babies never judge us and are always there for us. They don't care about looks or possessions. They just love. Spouses, friends, family may love us but not in that completely unreserved manner of our animal family members.
While I do have one son, conceived miraculously between my cancer diagnosis at age 27 and its reoccurance last year and subsequent hysterectomy I understand how it feels to have your desire to birth a child ripped from you. I hope things are well for you medically.
That being said, I don't know how I would have survived without my own baby girl, Kayla Rose. She was my constant companion through the ups and downs of life for nearly 16 years until her passing on 9 May.
Please know that you are among friends here. Like our babies, the people on this site do not judge. They listen, share and are just here for you as you need. Try to be good to yourself today.
Shelby

[moon_beam]

Hi, imissyoucat, there are instructions for posting pictures on the "Site Administration L-S Tech" topic. If you continue to have technical challenges, you can e-mail Tech Support and he will graciously assist you in posting your pictures.

I hope this helps you, and thank you again so very much for sharing with us your beloved Cat.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Gretta's Mom]

Hello ImissyouCat

I am SO sorry to hear about the passing of your kittie, Cat. It's the worst thing on earth to have to go through. Some people say it's even worse than losing a person. Remeber, love is forever and infinite. You and Cat have exchanged parts of your souls. Your love will be with her and hers with you forever - exactly as it was when she was still with you. I love her name, Cat, and your calling her your co-captain. The sadness is crushing right now. All of us here at LS are with you in love and care. Please take care of yourself right now, I Miss You Cat. Cat is watching over you, guiding your steps, "co-captaining" and most of all loving you and being loved by you - exactly as before - except you can't see or touch or hear her - and that's like a gunshot to the heart. She's waiting for you ..... and, as my wonderful vet said about my Gratte, "She's in a safe place now."

Sleep well,

Gretta's mom

[BonniesMom]

So sorry for the loss of Cat. I lost my little dog in July so I sympathize.

Please don't feel guilty about not starting meds sooner. I'm pretty sure you can't take prednisone long term. It causes equally serious complications, sometimes worse ones, than the condition you are treating. I've been given it a few times and my doctor was very strict about it only being a short term drug.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[notoriouskitty]

Hi imissyoucat. Firstly lets hope iv'e replied to your post the right way! forgive me everyone if i havent...i'm still a newbie! Letting your baby go with dignity was a wonderful gift! I only wish to god i had had the courage to let my boy go the same way. I will live with that guilt and regret everyday of my life. As my boy only crossed over 5 days ago the grief and pain is still very raw, but you are NOT a crazy looney at all....if you are then we all are too! hey we might as well all be looney together right? Strength in numbers and all that.....Anyway...what you are going through is exactly what i'm going through at the moment so you are NOT alone! I know you will recieve all the love and support you could want from this forum and in time your sadness will be replaced by beautiful memories of your baby. I'm so so sorry for your loss. I really do understand how you feel.

Kitty ***

[imissyoucat]

Thank God, each of every one of you, who has replied and also just those going through this-- I feel a little bit more human tonight instead of just a blob of cells merely trying to exist moment to moment.
When I was going through breast cancer, I used to read support boards voraciously, but I would never participate. I always felt just a little bit stoic about reaching out. But this has just hit me in a much softer spot. It's harder when it's about someone you love rather than yourself...? I think so. But also, no one has called to check on me in days. I don't know if they just don't want to deal with my grief (the people close to me know how much I adored Cat) or if they just think an animal death is some event that just blows over in about 24 hours and you move on.

[moon_beam]

Hi, imissyoucat, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. There can be many reasons why the people in your life are not calling to see how you're doing - - some folks cannot deal with grief at all, some folks may think they would be intruding into your privacy, and some folks may truly be insensitive to your sorrow. Whatever their reasons may be for not reaching out to you, please know that each of us are here for you through every step of your journey. There is no "expiration date" here for sharing with us what is in your heart and on your mind. There is no need for you to put on a "public face" to disguise how you're feeling. You are among friends here.

I hope today is being kind to you, imissyoucat, and hope that you will find comfort, encouragement, and support in the words I share with you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam