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> Jessie Has Cancer, how to deal with the thought of losing her
Sue Rose
post Mar 10 2014, 05:58 PM
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Group: Pet Lovers
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Jess has been in the family for 13 years, we had her as a rescue when she was between 1 and 2 years old. We've just found out that she has an agressive cancer, and it looks like we're going to have to make the decision to have her put to sleep as she is suffering. This is awful and my husband and myself are struggling to come to terms with it. Our children are grown up and living away and we dote on Jess, she is our baby. She's a beautiful black lab/collie cross, and has a funloving mischievous personality. Friends don't understand how we feel.
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moon_beam
post Mar 11 2014, 12:08 PM
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Hi, Sue, please permit me to offer you, your husband, and your precious Jessie my sincerest condolences with Jessie's sad diagnosis of end stage cancer. I know all too well from first hand experience how painful it is to know that your earthly journey with your precious Jessie is now coming to an end.

Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling and experiencing is very normal - - it is called Anticipatory Grief which is an emotional roller coaster ride all of its own. You ask a universal question: "how to deal with the thought of losing her". Sadly, there is no easy way to travel this grief adjustment journey. You and your husband, and your precious Jessie, know your earthly journey is coming to a close. The most important thing is to make each moment you still have together as comfortable as possible for your precious Jessie until you know beyond all shadow of a doubt that the time to release her from her failing, frail physical body is at hand. Some people think that they need to hide their tears and emotions from their precious companions during this time and during the final procedure, but for some reason I have never been good at hiding how I'm feeling - - especially from my precious companions. Your and your husband have never hidden your feelings from your precious Jessie before, and now is not the time to begin.

I am soooo smiling at your precious Jessie's "pedigree" of Lab and Collie. My beloved Samson who joined the angels in March 1998 also is of Lab and Border Collie descendant. I do know how much joy your precious Jessie has brought to you and your husband during her earthly journey, and how painful your grief adjustment journey will be once her physical body is no longer with you.

Although clinical professionals recognize that the grief journey for the physical loss of a beloved companion is the same as for the loss of a human family member or friend, sadly our society in general - - and sometimes the people who are closest to us both emotionally and geographically - - do not. This is one of the many reasons why this wonderful forum is here - - as a safe place where we can come to share what is in our hearts with others who truly do understand what we are feeling. We are here for you for as long and as often as you need us, Sue.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your precious Jessie with us, Sue. Please know you, your husband, and your precious Jessie are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how each of you are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Sue Rose
post Mar 12 2014, 08:12 AM
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Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 6
Joined: 9-March 14
Member No.: 8,263



QUOTE (moon_beam @ Mar 11 2014, 12:08 PM) *
Dear Moon Beam,

Thank you so much for your kind words, they have comforted us during this difficult time. Today at 5.30 we are taking our lovely Jess to the vets because it's time to let her go. She's miserable, and has lost her 'spark'. She's normally a bit of a rascal, and she knows that she makes us laugh. We both know that we're doing the right thing, but as you say it's a rollercoaster time emotionally, and we brits still aren't great at showing emotion publicly.

I just met a friend for coffee and a chat, and luckliy she is a dog owner and understood how I was feeling, it helped to talk.

I'm glad that you understand the lab/collie cross 'pedigree' through owning your precious boy. They really are characterful dogs, full of fun! We're remembering the good times, and know that she's had a good life and been loved by everyone who's met her. It has helped so much to talk to you, and I know that I will meet her again when my time on earth comes to an end.

Sending all good wishes,

Sue

Hi, Sue, please permit me to offer you, your husband, and your precious Jessie my sincerest condolences with Jessie's sad diagnosis of end stage cancer. I know all too well from first hand experience how painful it is to know that your earthly journey with your precious Jessie is now coming to an end.

Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling and experiencing is very normal - - it is called Anticipatory Grief which is an emotional roller coaster ride all of its own. You ask a universal question: "how to deal with the thought of losing her". Sadly, there is no easy way to travel this grief adjustment journey. You and your husband, and your precious Jessie, know your earthly journey is coming to a close. The most important thing is to make each moment you still have together as comfortable as possible for your precious Jessie until you know beyond all shadow of a doubt that the time to release her from her failing, frail physical body is at hand. Some people think that they need to hide their tears and emotions from their precious companions during this time and during the final procedure, but for some reason I have never been good at hiding how I'm feeling - - especially from my precious companions. Your and your husband have never hidden your feelings from your precious Jessie before, and now is not the time to begin.

I am soooo smiling at your precious Jessie's "pedigree" of Lab and Collie. My beloved Samson who joined the angels in March 1998 also is of Lab and Border Collie descendant. I do know how much joy your precious Jessie has brought to you and your husband during her earthly journey, and how painful your grief adjustment journey will be once her physical body is no longer with you.

Although clinical professionals recognize that the grief journey for the physical loss of a beloved companion is the same as for the loss of a human family member or friend, sadly our society in general - - and sometimes the people who are closest to us both emotionally and geographically - - do not. This is one of the many reasons why this wonderful forum is here - - as a safe place where we can come to share what is in our hearts with others who truly do understand what we are feeling. We are here for you for as long and as often as you need us, Sue.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your precious Jessie with us, Sue. Please know you, your husband, and your precious Jessie are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how each of you are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

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moon_beam
post Mar 12 2014, 12:08 PM
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Hi, Sue, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies as you and your husband now travel the very painful grief adjustment journey in the physical loss of your beloved Jessie. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Sue, this grief journey is a very painful one to navigate both emotionally and physically. It is a journey that cannot be reconciled in a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" to endure. But I assure you it is a journey you do not travel alone, for each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Although your beloved Jessie is no longer physically with you, there is one thing that will never change - - the love bond you and your beloved Jessie share. Love is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. I hope you will find comfort in knowing your beloved Jessie's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will - - for she is always and forever a part of your heart and memories, Sue - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you and your husband travel your grief adjustment journey.

Sue, thank you so very much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Jessie with us. Perhaps sometime you would like to share a picture of her with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Sue Rose
post Mar 13 2014, 02:30 AM
Post #5





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 6
Joined: 9-March 14
Member No.: 8,263



QUOTE (moon_beam @ Mar 12 2014, 12:08 PM) *
Hi Moon Beam,

Thank you again for your email, I'm taking comfort from your words, knowing that you understand our grief. I'm in bits this morning, I miss her so much, she's not here wanting her breakfast and waiting for her portion of my cup of tea. I'm talking to her, I know she's in heaven and not in pain anymore, but I miss her.

I take comfort from the fact that she died so peacefully, our vet was very compassionate and gave us as much time as we needed with her to say goodbye.

Thank you for understanding this terrible pain and journey that we must travel. I have to go to work later, but cannot stop crying, I hope my boss understands. I'm talking to my daughter soon, she has three dogs of her own and is so upset about our precious girl. Our three children were 9, 11 and 13 when we had Jess, and all love her dearly. My eldest daughter and my son spoke on the phone last night and they were also very upset.

I will ask Craig to help me upload a picture of my lovely girl.

All best wishes,

Sue

Hi, Sue, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies as you and your husband now travel the very painful grief adjustment journey in the physical loss of your beloved Jessie. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Sue, this grief journey is a very painful one to navigate both emotionally and physically. It is a journey that cannot be reconciled in a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" to endure. But I assure you it is a journey you do not travel alone, for each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Although your beloved Jessie is no longer physically with you, there is one thing that will never change - - the love bond you and your beloved Jessie share. Love is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. I hope you will find comfort in knowing your beloved Jessie's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will - - for she is always and forever a part of your heart and memories, Sue - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you and your husband travel your grief adjustment journey.

Sue, thank you so very much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Jessie with us. Perhaps sometime you would like to share a picture of her with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

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moon_beam
post Mar 13 2014, 12:39 PM
Post #6


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Joined: 20-July 08
From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Sue, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. I'm so very, very glad to know you have family to offer you and your husband comfort and support during this time of deep grief.

Although we know our beloved companion's are no longer in pain and suffering, it is very normal for us to miss them when they precede us to the angels. We live in a physically oriented world governed by the five senses of sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. Every time our companions rub against / touch us, kiss / lick us, they are chemically imprinting themselves onto us so that they can identify us from all the other millions of people on this planet. When they precede us to the angels, we literally go through a physical withdrawal from this chemical imprinting, and it is a very painful adjustment both physically and emotionally.

Even after the deep grief eases, there will always be a part of us that will miss our beloved companions as we continue with our earthly journey. The GOOD NEWS is that as our deep grief eases the sorrow that encompassed our hearts will be replaced by the warmth of the many treasured memories we share with them.

I know all too well how difficult it is to suppress this very deep grief during working hours. I remember being so very thankful for the privacy of the restroom where I could retreat to try to regain my composure so that I could go back to my desk and resume my work. I remember getting into my car for the drive home and the flood gates of gut-wrenching sobbing breaking loose from having been suppressed all day long. This is a time when we have little control over our emotions, and sadly, not everyone can be as understanding as we need them to be. But each of us are here for you, Sue, for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, Sue, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Jessie's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Sue, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Sue Rose
post Mar 14 2014, 03:33 AM
Post #7





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 6
Joined: 9-March 14
Member No.: 8,263



QUOTE (moon_beam @ Mar 13 2014, 12:39 PM) *
Hi, Sue, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. I'm so very, very glad to know you have family to offer you and your husband comfort and support during this time of deep grief.

Although we know our beloved companion's are no longer in pain and suffering, it is very normal for us to miss them when they precede us to the angels. We live in a physically oriented world governed by the five senses of sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. Every time our companions rub against / touch us, kiss / lick us, they are chemically imprinting themselves onto us so that they can identify us from all the other millions of people on this planet. When they precede us to the angels, we literally go through a physical withdrawal from this chemical imprinting, and it is a very painful adjustment both physically and emotionally.

Even after the deep grief eases, there will always be a part of us that will miss our beloved companions as we continue with our earthly journey. The GOOD NEWS is that as our deep grief eases the sorrow that encompassed our hearts will be replaced by the warmth of the many treasured memories we share with them.

I know all too well how difficult it is to suppress this very deep grief during working hours. I remember being so very thankful for the privacy of the restroom where I could retreat to try to regain my composure so that I could go back to my desk and resume my work. I remember getting into my car for the drive home and the flood gates of gut-wrenching sobbing breaking loose from having been suppressed all day long. This is a time when we have little control over our emotions, and sadly, not everyone can be as understanding as we need them to be. But each of us are here for you, Sue, for as long and as often as you need us.

Hi Moon Beam,

It's Friday morning and my lovely Jessie's loss has hit me so hard again, it's not nearing her breathing in her sleep, not seeing her waiting by the bathroom door as I have my shower impatient to come downstairs for breakfast. And coming home to an empty house. And forgetting fkr a few seconds and looking for her. I know that you understand all of this so well, and thank you for listening and supporting me. I feel as if I've lost an arm or a leg, I was so close to her I knew what she was thinking, and she knew me so well, too.

I hope that this deep grief passes soon, I'm trying so hard to remember tne good times, and telling myself that she's with the angels now.

I'm going into work soon, my colleagues are being very supportive, some understand better than others, but it's ok if I take a few minutes out when I need to. I think work can be a good distraction and I feel that I need routine and structure in my day.

I can't thank you enough for your encouraging words and understanding.

Bless you,

Sue



I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, Sue, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Jessie's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Sue, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

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moon_beam
post Mar 14 2014, 01:07 PM
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Joined: 20-July 08
From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Sue, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief when you share with us: "I feel as if I've lost an arm or a leg, . . . " Indeed, you have lost a very vital part of your life - - and your very self. One example I can think of is the broken heart necklace / charm: your heart is holding one half of the charm while your beloved Jessie is holding the other half to keep you close to her as she patiently waits for your appropriate time to join her in eternal joy. When that day comes you and your beloved Jessie will match those two halves of your heart and will be united as one again - - forever.

But until this day comes, your beloved Jessie's sweet Living Spirit is forever in your heart and memories and continues to share your earthly journey now as she always has and always will - - but it is extremely difficult right now for you in your adjustment to the absence of her physical presence.

Unfortunately there is no easy way to navigate this grief adjustment journey, Sue - - there are no fast forward or delete buttons we can press to speed up the journey or make it automatically disappear. And because of this, it is important for you to understand that we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us, Sue - - there are no time limits here, no "expiration dates" for you to come and share with us what is in your heart - - whatever you feel comfortable sharing with us as often as you need / want to.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, Sue, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Jessie's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Sue, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Sue Rose
post Mar 15 2014, 03:12 PM
Post #9





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 6
Joined: 9-March 14
Member No.: 8,263



Hi Moon Beam,

Thank you again for your kind words. They give much comfort. Craig and I are feeling more peaceful and talking about happy times that we all had. Also discussing whether to have another dog, not to replace Jess, but because we have a lot of love to give and there are so many dogs needing a new home.

Altogether feeling more peaceful and sure that Jess is in heaven and happy.

Thank you again,

Sue
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moon_beam
post Mar 15 2014, 03:24 PM
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Joined: 20-July 08
From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Sue, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your husband are doing. Adopting a new companion after a loss is a very personal decision. Some people find it helpful to adopt sooner than waiting as having a companion in the family offers additional comfort and helps to ease the extreme sadness. There is no doubt in my mind that your beloved Jessie will guide your and your husband's paths to that "special someone", and your hearts will know beyond all shadow of a doubt that you have found a new companion. In no way will he / she "replace" your beloved Jessie, but he / she will find his / her own special place in your hearts - - and this is what your beloved Jessie would want.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, Sue, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Jessie's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Sue, and please let us know how you're doing. And we look forward to sharing your new companion - - if you would like to share him / her with us.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Sue Rose
post Mar 17 2014, 11:27 AM
Post #11





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 6
Joined: 9-March 14
Member No.: 8,263



QUOTE (moon_beam @ Mar 15 2014, 03:24 PM) *
Hi Moon Beam,
Thank you again for your comforting words. We're still thinking about and discussing adopting a new companion, and know that Jessie will guide us. We've had a lovely weekend with friends who also own a dog, and it has helped having doggie company again. It was very healing for both of us and enabled us to talk about the funny things that Jessie did, and how she made us laugh. These friends knew Jessie too, and understood how we both were feeling.
On the whole I feel that I am healing, although I still have an ache in my heart. I think that Craig and I are weathering the storm, your wise words have helped so much.

Thank you again,

Sue

Hi, Sue, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your husband are doing. Adopting a new companion after a loss is a very personal decision. Some people find it helpful to adopt sooner than waiting as having a companion in the family offers additional comfort and helps to ease the extreme sadness. There is no doubt in my mind that your beloved Jessie will guide your and your husband's paths to that "special someone", and your hearts will know beyond all shadow of a doubt that you have found a new companion. In no way will he / she "replace" your beloved Jessie, but he / she will find his / her own special place in your hearts - - and this is what your beloved Jessie would want.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, Sue, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Jessie's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Sue, and please let us know how you're doing. And we look forward to sharing your new companion - - if you would like to share him / her with us.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

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