It is almost 3 weeks since I lost my beautiful 7 year-old Doberman, Austin. Although I have stopped crying myself to sleep every night I do still sleep with his teddy bear. My husband says to keep it as long as I need to but when do I really start to heal? We just came back from vacation and the saddest part was knowing that this time I did not have my baby here waiting for me. It just hurts so not to his sweet face waiting so anxiously for me to give me him some loving My husband is anxious to have another and besides not being ready to handle puppyhood, housebreaking and obedience training - it just feels that rushing to get a new one is somehow trying to replace Austin. I also feel that it somehow diminishes the love I had for my baby. Does anyone have any thoughts on how long I'm going to feel this horrible sense of loss? I'm jst so sad and empty all the time amd I know that's not fair to my very sweet and patient husband.

Sincerely,
Missing Austin Desperately

I am so sorry for your loss, 7 years old is very young for a dog. I know how you are feeling it has been just over two weeks since I lost my 6 1/2 year old border collie/shepherd to cancer. I am still sleeping with one of her toy bears she was playing with not long before she passed. The first few days I actually cuddled with the toy to sleep, now I have it beside me in my bed very close by as it feels like a connection to her. I still miss her so much everyday when I come home and she is not here I feel such emptiness, I feel an ache in my chest but I do find after feeling guilty over all kinds of things I wish I'd done and crying for much of the first week I came to realize I have to think of the happy times and the fun things she did. I have been focusing on these now and I am still very sad but the crying has subsided. I have reserved a puppy but I won't get it until mid June and I am already feeling a little guilty that we have reserved a puppy just today when my other dog only passed two weeks ago. It just happened that someone in the neighborhoods dog had Australian Shepherds and I thought it will still be another month which still gives me some more time to mourn. You may want to start considering a new puppy but like me perhaps reserve one for a month or so from now. There are so many puppies and dogs that need our love it would be shame not to give love to another one. No other dog can replace the one I just lost as she was very special, but they all have their own personsalities so it is never really replacing the one thats gone, but finding a brand new friend and companion.

I am so sorry for your loss, both of you. My wife and I have struggled with this as well. Although my baby, Murphy is still with us, he is not doing well and I fear the time is getting close that I will have to make the decision and say goodbye. My wife thinks we should wait for a time, like a year, before we get another dog. I don't think I can wait that long. I need to have another lovely puppy to help me get over Murphy. I know exactly how you feel about 'replacing' him though. I feel it even now, just thinking about such things. That somehow I am betraying him.

I'm keeping you both in my prayers.

just know that whatever decision you make, you are absolutely NOT betraying him. He knows that.

take care and God bless....

I am so sorry that you lost your beloved dobie Austin. I believe that each person handles the grieving process in their own way. There is no right or wrong answer as to when one should seek another pet. It's a very personal choice, and I think you'll just know when it feels right for you.

I had 2 labs and in 2007 my 9 yr. old was diagnosed with inoperable cancer. I was devastated just knowing the end was near. Lizzy and I made sure each day was special with the time we had left. I actually had a deposit down on a lab pup...was told when the pups were due...and then found it was a false pregnancy. But, it all worked out for the best. I searched and searched and found a great breeder. She just happened to have 1 pup left out of a litter. I drove 7 hrs. to pick up my little Mandy. It was love at first sight!! Having a little pup to take care of again was so much fun. My other lab Elly was thrilled to have a new pal too. I truly feel that Lizzy led us to find Mandy. I still talk and think of Lizzy alot. I admire her picture that sits on my desk every day. And I am grateful for the time we shared in this life.

Each of our fur babies is unique....and they can never be replaced. You never get over missing your loved one....but you learn to go on. Austin would want you to be happy again. Just take your time and know that there is a little bundle of fur just waiting for you...when you're ready.

im so sorry for your loss. i know the painful and difficult times you are going thru. we all do. you have a wonderful husband. Dont try and hurry up the grieving process. healing is different for everyone. you should keep the teddy bear as long as you need to.

as far as getting another pet, i know exactly how you feel. when i lost my cat fred to complications of diabetes, my heart ached and i thought i would never get over it. one week later to the day he got sick (he died three days later) my friend approached me with a little dog who needed a good home. of course my first reaction was like yours. no i cant, i just lost fred. how could i possibly replace him etc. but i gave it a shot. when lucy came two days later, it got worse. i cried all day because i felt so guilty. i missed my little fred so much and it took my wonderful friends to talk me "off the ledge" and keep her. and im so glad i did. shes the little light of my life and she made me smile again. my fears did not come true: lucy didnt replace fred at all. in fact i have his little toy ( a little pink lobster) sitting right next to his insulin in my office (i keep the insulin bottle because it has his name right on the box). i think of him all the time and i still cry because i miss him so much. at home i have a little memorial for him. my point is, i know its human nature to feel all of this guilt of getting another pet. i had almost convinced myself that i would never have another one again because the pain of losing them was so great. what i had forgotten is that the joy they bring while they are with us is priceless. your heart is so big it has enough love for austin and for a new pet. i didnt learn that until lucy (a week later!! can you imagine?) came into my life. your love for austin will never diminish. ive had cats and dogs, hamster and gerbils, oh and birds all throughout my life. everytime one of them passed, my heart ached. i can tell you that 20 (ehem) something years later, i still have all the love for them that i did when i first got them. my mother and i will often reminisce about the times that tiger did that, chiquita did this and 9 times out of 10 we will end up crying because we love and miss them so much.
i know you miss austin so much and again im so very sorry!!!! time heals and one day your sadness will be overcome by happy memories of austin. and perhaps a new little one will help you smile again. you will know when you are ready.
you are in my thoughts.
patricia

Hi, Hlsesgirl, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your precious Austin. I am so glad your husband is sensitive to your feelings of loss. The grief stages are the same for the loss of a beloved companion as they are for the loss of a human family member or friend. The first year of loss is the hardest because it is the year of adjusting to all the "firsts" without our beloved companion - - the first holidays, the first birthday, the first vacation, the first - - whatever - - are all reminders that the physical presence of a very valuable member of the family is missing. The grief healing journey is also filled with many ups and downs and twists and turns - - just when you think you have come through the worst something you hear or a memory comes to mind and you can find yourself feeling like it is the first hour of loss - - not 6 months later. Unfortunately there is no easy way through this grief healing journey - - it's a one day at a time journey that can only be traveled at your own speed. The most important thing is to know that you are not alone. Along with your husband each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Take your time about adopting another furchild. Some folks have adopted right away thinking that it will help them through the pain of loss only to come to find out that they simply cannot bond with their new companion - - which turns to tragedy for the companion animal and the human caregiver. When you are ready to embrace the commitment to another companion animal you will know it and there will not be any doubt in your heart. However, in the meantime, you might consider pet sitting for a family member or friend or becoming a foster caregiver for a furry friend who is waiting for a new home. These are just suggestions that some folks have found helpful as they traveled through their grief healing journey. Hslesgirl, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you ALL for your kind words, prayers and sharing your stories. It's been such a blessing finding this website and being able to say what I need to say to people who truly understand what I am going through. And I know now I am BY FAR not alone in this. I wish I could reach out to each of you who are also suffering - either with loss or illness of a fur baby. I'll keep you all in my prayers. It does my heart so good to know how many people love their pets as part of their families. It's also amazing how talking to so many people opens your eyes and gives you a whole new perspective. When i went to pick up Austin's ashes on Wednesday last week I met the sweetest little elderly nurse who worked at the emergency animal hospital where he had been. When she gave me the box she told me to remember that though I was hurting so badly he was now a beautiful, healthy boy playing ball while wearing his wings. She said she could see how much love I had for him and part of my grief was not having him to shower that love on. She said it was time for me to find another furbaby to love. When I explained that I felt rushing to get another somehow seemed to diminish what I felt for him. She patted my hand and smiled and said (and I quote!) "No honey, it doesn't dimish it at all. Finding another baby who needs someone to love it as hard as you loved Austin is a tribute to him. Think how lucky that baby will be to have some love it like you do (and always will) Austin." Though I am not ready yet, she has given me much to think about and I know I am not a person who can live without a pet for long. She and all of you have made a tremendous difference in this process for me and I am ever grateful. I am trying now to offer comfort to thos ewho are just joining this website and are just starting their grieveing process. I'm also sending out special prayers to Jim and Murphy. I'll ask God to give you both whatever you need to get through the times ahead. LuvLabs, Patricia and Moonbeam - THANK YOU!Thank you for caring. And Trulie, my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry about your border collie. She too was just too young to be gone. Thanks to you I don't feel so childish for having snuggled Austin's bunny for the first few nights after he was gone. It now has a special place on our bed each day after it is made and I believe I will leave there for a long time to come. Everyone be well, love the furbabies you are still blessed to have (if you have them) and I will continue to check back and see how we are all doing.

Love, carol

what a special moment you shared with that wonderful nurse. what she said to you is priceless, and so true. thank you so much for sharing that with us.
you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. i pray that your pain will lessen and instead you will be filled with the happy, wonderful memories that you shared with austin. he will be in your heart forever.
patricia