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bluemoon
61 years old
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UK
Born Nov-25-1962
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Joined: 20-February 07
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Last Seen: 4th February 2009 - 07:27 PM
Local Time: Mar 29 2024, 09:42 AM
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bluemoon

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21 Dec 2007
Im sorry I havent been around, we moved house, and got a bit lost in all that.
My heart goes out to all of you that are doing that 1st xmas with your babys gone.
I am struggling so much to keep myself together for the holidays, but each day reminds me of how much I miss my Gizzy.
Hubby and I put the decorations up this week, it was so hard fighting back the tears, Gizzy adored all that, he would jump into all the tinsel and find a bit he took a fancy too, he would drag it around the house. I found the small bit we tied into a loop to put round his collar last year, my heart was breaking. I have wrapped it around the angel's wings. The gifts went under the tree today, he would be so sneaky as he chewed the corners on all of them ! He also new there would be some for him on the tree, and would wait for us to go to bed and climb it, we would get up every morning to find he had opened one. When I think back, I would get angry with him for it, but how I wish he was here to do it now.
I am missing carrying him around the house saying "Look at all the prettys Giz" He loved the shine of Christmas, he would tilt his little head and have that funny smile on his face.
Only a couple more months and it would be a whole year without him. I was told the pain got easier, but I dont think it does. It strange how people have stopped asking how things are now, almost like everyone has forgotten. I am so glad I can come here and have a good cry while typing. Its the one place where I dont feel silly.
Anyway, you are all in my thoughts, and I wish each and every one of you a verry happy Christmas.
Ruth xx
14 May 2007
Im sorry I havent been very active recently, I have been reading the messages, I just havent been strong enough to offer the well needed support to you all. Things are very tough for me, personaly. I am bouncing back.

Its been 12 weeks now since My Gizzy left me, why do I still cry everyday.
Everytime I see a black cat, I just want to pick it up and run home with it, crazy to feel that way, I just cant help it...... I hope this gets better, right now it feels like it never will.

Below is a pic of my Gizzy, taken 10 days before he passed away. It isnt totaly clear, but the best I have of my last memorys with him.
You can see where the brain tumour was causing his third eye.
He was so brave, not to let us know he was in pain, I just wish I had known.
Ohh dear, I better go now and have a private cry.
Ruth xx

16 Apr 2007
Has it really been 2 months, it feels like much longer since I cuddled my Gizzy.
My husband and I were sat talking last night about Gizzy, and we both cried so hard, we really do miss him so much.
We know we are lucky to have our other three babies, but you know, the house just seems so empty with our wise old man gone. Nothing seems to be the same anymore.
This was the FIRST time my husband really let out how he felt, for 2 months I have felt I had to hide they way I was feeling, but it was such a relief to me to know all along he was really feeling the same. I think it has probably been harder on him, as he signed the paper to allow the vet to put Gizzy to sleep, I couldnt do it. I had to do that 14 years ago with my Grans cat, there was no way I could do it again. If left to me I would have been selfish and bought Gizzy back home. He mentioned this last night, that he felt he had ended Gizzys life. Of course he didnt, he took over where I was too weak.
Im not sure if the sadness we both experienced last night is part of the healing, or just another roller coaster of grief... what I do know is, we understand each other a whole lot more now, when it comes to dealing with the loss of our Gizzy. We have decided that we will try and get another baby, maybe a black one like Gizzy, but also the time isnt right for us yet emotionally, we will just wait for the signs. When the time is right it will hit us like a bolt from the blue, im sure.
Im sorry to go on, today is hard, I keep thinking things will get better, but they dont seem to just yet.
Ruth
x
2 Apr 2007
Its been 6 weeks now since my Gizzy left me. I was told it would get easier, but its so wrong. Its not easier, infact its harder. Everyday is a struggle. It is spring now, and Gizzy loved to soak up the early morning sun on the window ledge. Each morning I pull back the curtains and half expect to see him sat there with his big smile. He would pur, and rub his face all over mine. Its so not fair. I cant see this ever getting better.....

Dearest God
Be good to him, my precious boy,
For all the joy he gave me treat him well.
Let him run and play and climb Heaven’s highest tree;
Give him all the love and trust that he gave me.

Guide him gently, take him through
So he may know eternal life and peace with you.

The bond we share will never die;
Our souls as one will never part.

O hear my prayer, dear Lord
And know it’s true
That I may mend the anguish
of my breaking heart.
23 Mar 2007
I wrote in one of my messages about a dream I keep having, in which my Gizzy is sat on the garden shed roof, I can see him, and he meows at me, but when I get closer he seems to get higher and higher out of reach. Almost like I am only allowed to see him, not touch him.
This is the strange bit.....
About an 30 minutes ago, I was sat here reading some of the meassages on here, as they give me so much strength, I felt compelled to look out of the patio window.
As I looked out, there was this cat on the roof of the shed, he was staring at me. A black cat with a white patch on his chest, my heart skipped I thought "its my teddybear !" I went racing out to the garden and he sat there looking at me, he let me reach up and touch him. Then he ran away. I noticed his head wasnt as slim lined as My Gizzy's so of course it wasnt him, but for a few moments I could have sworn it was. My Emba and Tiga were the other side of the window going CRAZY. Now they are sat here with me in the window waiting for the cat to return. I will try to get a photo if he does return.
I have NEVER seen this cat in the area before, I know I am not imagining it, as I called my son to come and see, he was very spooked by it. Me, I am so excited its unbelievable. Its almost like my dream has to come to life.
I wonder if this was a sign from my Gizzy, or was it just a stray cat... I dont know, but I do know I have never seen him before. I hope he comes back. I hope I am not going crazy.
Ruth xx
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