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> Three Months Ago Today, I still miss Dixie just as much as day one.
Kristina
post Sep 29 2011, 05:32 PM
Post #1





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 90
Joined: 30-June 11
From: Ft Wright, KY
Member No.: 7,171



Today seems to be an appropriate day to start a memorial thread for my Dixie. It has been three months since we lost her, and my life will never be the same. I miss her every second of every day. The ache in my heart refuses to go away. On the outside I seem like I am fine and going on with my life, but on the inside I am a mess.

Dixie,

Mama loves you so much. I cannot believe it has been three months since I saw your face. Our whole family mourned you. Macy had a very hard time adjusting to life without you. She spent so much time looking everywhere for you. Dad misses you very much, but he doesn't show it like Mom does. The memorial service the doggy funeral home put on was very nice. I hope you liked it. I know you do not want me to be sad, but it is so hard not to be. You gave me 10 fantastic years, and to go from having you here to you being gone is a very hard transition for me to make. I hope you like how I set your cremains up, with your collar and other things on the shelf with them.

I am glad that you sent Lily to us. Sometimes looking at her makes me sad though, because she looks so much like you. I know you sent me that sign the day we got her. You always did what mom asked of you, even in your death.

I miss you breathing heavy in my face when you had to go outside, and never moving out of the way of the toilet when someone had to go to the bathroom. I miss our time when I would get down on the floor with you and you would throw yourself back in to my lap and lick me like crazy.

I know you are watching over your Dad and I. I like to think you are laying in the living room at night, when Lily suddenly stands up on the bed and starts staring and barking at something that I cannot see. I know you know that I miss you, but I hope you are having fun playing until Mom and Dad can be with you again. Macy will be there before us, and when she does eventually get there the two of you can play all day while you wait for us.

I love you puppy. I can't wait to see you again.

All my love
Mom


--------------------
Dixie
March 19, 2001 - June 30, 2011


Old in a locket that sits next to my heart,
I will always love you even though we had to part.
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Bobbie
post Sep 29 2011, 11:15 PM
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Group: Pet Lovers
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Dear Kristina,

Words that come only from a mother's love and heart! Thank you for sharing your love letter to Dixie! What a beautiful girl she is. And I want to offer my sincere sympathy on your earthly loss of her.

Every word echoes my thoughts of my Trevor, who died 10 weeks ago today.

My words are short, right now, but my gratitude to you is endless!

Good Night Trevor, Gretta and Dixie!

Bobbie
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leejaye
post Sep 30 2011, 07:27 AM
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From: sydney, australia
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Dear Kristina, Miss Dixie is joined with you forever - she will never leave you, yours and Lily's sense that she is with you is right there, spot on, the bonds you forged will never be broken. I know how much it aches to know we will not stroke our friends, or look into their eyes again, but I hope knowing your girl lives in you now, and feeling her there in you, brings you some comfort, sending you some really big hugs, leejaye
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LoveMyMickey
post Sep 30 2011, 01:03 PM
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Dear Kristina....Thank you for sharing your beautiful letter to Dixie. Time goes by so fast sometimes and it seems like our babies have been gone forever. Then other times it seems like only yesterday, they left us.......I hope you are having some peaceful days and yes, angel Dixie is watching over you and family.......Hugs..

LoveMyMickey


--------------------
"Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."
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moon_beam
post Sep 30 2011, 06:12 PM
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Hi, Kristina, adding my sincerest thank you for sharing your heart-filled love letter to your beloved Dixie with us. Love is eternal - - and the love bond you share with your beloved Dixie continues on now just as it always has. The transition adjustment journey in not having their precious physical presence with us is indeed a very difficult one. Your heart will always be your beloved Dixie's throne of honor as a testament to the love you share.

I hope today is being kind to you, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Dixie's sweet Living Spirit to comfort and cheer you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and always look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Kristina
post Oct 1 2011, 08:41 AM
Post #6





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 90
Joined: 30-June 11
From: Ft Wright, KY
Member No.: 7,171



Thank you Bobbie, leejaye, LoveMyMickey and moonbeam for your kind and supportive words about my note to Dixie. This grief thing is new to me, and I am going about it the best way I see possible. The 3 month mark was very hard for me. In fact that night when I was laying in bed with Aj already asleep and Lily, Macy and Kitty all passed out in the bed with us, I was crying and being so sad. I talk to her in my head all the time. Anyway the poem "Last Night" was running through my head. You know the one, "I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peek, I could see that you were crying, you found it hard to sleep..." Well as I was laying here I heard a huge thump from the bathroom and I just smiled. It sounded exactly like her laying down against the tub. I heard it again last night as well. Also sometimes I feel this presence next to me on my side of the bed. Sometimes it is really strong and other times not so much. The night I was crying I felt it stronger than ever before. I swore that when I sat up to look I would see her there. Of course I didn't but that is what it felt like.

Lily still constantly barks at something unseen in the living room when we are in bed. Pretty much in exactly the spot where I could always see Dixie when I was sitting on our bed with my laptop. I know she is still here, I just can't see her.

I do still have moments where I forget she is gone. And I go looking for her, or panic because I think I forgot to feed her or give her her shot of insulin.

Another surprising thing is that Lily has not bothered the bookcase where I have her urn with cremains and some of her toys, collar, leash, and other things. I figured the first chance she got she would make a beeline for Dixie's things. She goes over and sniffs at it every now and then, but never bothers anything. The first day we brought her home I took her to Dixie's shelf and showed her pictures and told her all about Dixie. But of course she already knew about her, since Dixie sent Lily to us.

One thing I know is I will never ever stop missing my girl. She gave me 10 amazing years, and I can only hope she knows how very much she was and still is loved.

Thank you my friends. For checking in on me, and just for being there. It means more to me than you can ever know.

All my love.


--------------------
Dixie
March 19, 2001 - June 30, 2011


Old in a locket that sits next to my heart,
I will always love you even though we had to part.
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moon_beam
post Oct 1 2011, 03:10 PM
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Hi, Kristina, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. I am so o o thrilled you find Dixie's sweet Living Spirit a comfort to you. And how so very, very special that your little Lily shows respect for her sister's memorials. She knows she is a "special girl" with very big pawprints to follow in.

I hope today is being kind to you, Kristina, and will have a very peaceful weekend. Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Dixie with us, Kristina. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and always look forward to sharing your news whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Kristina
post Oct 11 2011, 05:41 PM
Post #8





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 90
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From: Ft Wright, KY
Member No.: 7,171



Hi puppy

This will be a short note, as you know mama had surgery again yesterday. I know you were there with me, and I know you know that I woke up in the recovery room crying about you. It is still hard to come home after surgery and you not be here. You were always here for all the other ones.

Lily has taken to laying in your spot in the bathroom. It made me sad at first but now it is more comforting and I can look in there and smile at her. I am sure you let her know it was ok to lay in your spots.

I still miss you all the time. And think about you all the time. I love you pup.

Love
Mama


--------------------
Dixie
March 19, 2001 - June 30, 2011


Old in a locket that sits next to my heart,
I will always love you even though we had to part.
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moon_beam
post Oct 12 2011, 04:31 PM
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Hi, Kristina, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and the beautiful love letter you wrote to your beloved Dixie. I hope your current recovery from surgery will go smoothly. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Kristina, and that your beloved Dixie is watching over you in a loving vigil letting you know she is with you at all times and in all circumstances.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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raerae777
post Oct 12 2011, 11:05 PM
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Group: Pet Lovers
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Kristina,

I love your sweet letter to Dixie. I know she meant so much to you and it is so hard without our girls. I like how you said Dixie sent Lily to you. I like to think that about Cinder and the babies as well. I feel like I have been holding a lot of things in with life being so busy lately. I need to get on here and write some. I also find myself smiling more now when I think of Cinder, but the pain is still there. I know our girls are having the best time and sometimes I can't wait until the day we get to join them again. But until then, they're always in our hearts. Always thinking of you!

Much love.

Cinder's Mama


--------------------
"The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man's." -Mark Twain
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Kristina
post Oct 20 2011, 02:36 PM
Post #11





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 90
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From: Ft Wright, KY
Member No.: 7,171



Well puppy

We have almost reached the 4 month mark. Just one more week. How can that possibly be? How can it have been so long since you left us? Mom is finally starting to feel more normal, but I still miss you all of the time.

Mama starts her new job tomorrow. I know you will be watching over me to make sure everything goes ok. Your dad and I need this very badly, so could you put in a good word with the big guy for us? I know that you are responsible for making sure good things happen to us.

I was wondering something the other day. Was your birth mom there waiting for you? Any of your siblings? I bet they were happy to see you and will keep you company until Mom and Dad can come be with you. Make sure you tell your birth mom how happy I was to bring you home with me the day I got you, and how wonderful your life was. I hope their lives were as good as yours was.

That's about all I can handle for now puppy. Mom is missing you something awful today, as I do every day.

I love you.


--------------------
Dixie
March 19, 2001 - June 30, 2011


Old in a locket that sits next to my heart,
I will always love you even though we had to part.
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moon_beam
post Oct 22 2011, 09:35 AM
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Hi, Kristina, thank you so very much for sharing your heart-filled love letter to your beloved Dixie with us, and for sharing with us how you're doing. Please know that your transition to "starting to feel more normal" is a natural process in this grief journey - - and it is one that your beloved Dixie wants for you - - because as your deep grief eases this allows your heart to be filled with the warmth of your treasured memories of your earthly journey with your beloved Dixie - - and this is a good thing.

I wish you the very best in your new job, Kristina. What will you be doing, if I may ask. I hope this job will be what you and your husband need.

I hope today is being kind to you, Kristina. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and always look forward to sharing how things are going for you, and your treasured memories of your beloved Dixie.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Kristina
post Oct 22 2011, 01:33 PM
Post #13





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 90
Joined: 30-June 11
From: Ft Wright, KY
Member No.: 7,171



Hi moonbeam

Thank you for checking in. I really hope I can get to the point where I can come here to offer support to others. Sometimes it is just so hard to read all the stories of loss. To know that others are hurting just as much as I am.

My new job is working for Amazon! I actually get to work from home which to me is the greatest thing ever. Yesterday was my orientation and picking up equipment day, and from now on I just walk two feet, sit down, and go to work! From everything I heard and saw yesterday I think I am really going to love this job. They seem like an incredible company to work for. I am so very blessed to have gotten this lucky in landing this job. And to think I passed it up several times before I applied, thinking it was a scam or too good to be true. They told us yesterday that over 1,500 people applied, and they hired less than 100. And it's permanent, full time work with so many advancement opportunities.

I had to quit going to school for a bit, but I am ok with it. Aj didn't want me to quit, but we need to get our debt under control, and I would really love to have a house eventually. I again feel very lucky that I was able to land a job so quickly in this economy. I haven't worked for over 2 years since I have been in school, so I figured it would take me a very long time to get hired somewhere. I applied back in mid September and they contacted me a day late. I did a pre employment test, had two interviews and filled out a form for my background check all within a week. Then I didn't hear from them for just over two weeks so I figured they didn't want to hire me. A few days later I had been in the shower, and I got out and checked my phone and they had called to offer me the job! I was so excited! I was actually supposed to start last Friday but the Monday of that same week I had another surgery so I talked to them to see what they wanted to do and they said just to push my start date back by a week as not to run the risk of hurting myself. Again a really great company.

And on that note I have 2 dogs looking at me to take them outside. I hope you are well my friend.


--------------------
Dixie
March 19, 2001 - June 30, 2011


Old in a locket that sits next to my heart,
I will always love you even though we had to part.
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moon_beam
post Oct 23 2011, 09:13 AM
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Hi, Kristina, thank you so much for sharing with us about your job and how things are going. Grieving takes a lot of energy, and when there are other concerns to contend with - - such as financial stability - - your mind and body can only handle so much stress. We're always glad to share your news, and thank you for the blessing of your warmth and compassion to be here for - - and with - - all of us whenever possible.

I'm so glad about your new job, and doubly so very glad that Amazon gave you a week's extension so that you could recover from your surgery. This sounds like a PERFECT job, - - for now - - and hope that you will eventually be able to resume your studies - - if that is what you would want to do at that time. I am so happy for you that this job came along for you when it did, and I wish you the very best in it. Working from home sounds soo o o wonderful.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Kristina. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and always look forward to knowing how things are going for you whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Kristina
post Oct 27 2011, 02:43 AM
Post #15





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 90
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From: Ft Wright, KY
Member No.: 7,171



It's after midnight now. Today marks 4 months without you. It seems so surreal. I remember looking forward to your birthday every year, because each birthday meant another year we had together. Now as the end of each month rolls around it just marks more time that we are apart. Mom misses you so much. I am glad that the deep grief seems to have finally left, and I am able to function and talk about you without crying, but the hurt is never going to go away. Anytime I see a lab that looks like you I feel so sad for a few minutes. When I see your friends having birthdays and turning 12, 13, 14 even, it makes me sad because I feel you were taken from us too soon. I know 10 is a great age for a Labrador, but I really thought we would have had a few more years with you.

My words are short tonight because your Dad and I are about to go to bed. Mama really likes her new job. Thank you for making it happen for me. I love you puppy. My love for you grows every day, and will never fade.


Goodbyes are not forever.
Goodbyes are not the end.
They simply mean I'll miss you
Until we meet again.


Love,
Mama


--------------------
Dixie
March 19, 2001 - June 30, 2011


Old in a locket that sits next to my heart,
I will always love you even though we had to part.
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Cheryl83
post Oct 27 2011, 08:23 AM
Post #16





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 655
Joined: 24-May 10
From: Liverpool, UK
Member No.: 6,508



Hi Kristina,

What a touching note to your precious, Dixie.

QUOTE (Kristina @ Oct 27 2011, 08:43 AM) *
Now as the end of each month rolls around it just marks more time that we are apart.


This thought used to upset me, too. But over time instead of thinking of each day as another day we've been apart, I started to think of it as another day closer to when we'll be together again. I truly believe that we will be reunited with them one day. I'm not a religious person, but I believe in love, and I believe that it defies the boundaries of time and space. I hope this thought offers you some comfort.

Wishing you a peaceful day.

Cheryl x


--------------------
It broke our hearts to lose you, but you didn't go alone,
For parts of us went with you ... the day God called you home


My beautiful Angel, Daisy - I will love and miss you forever xx
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Kristina
post Nov 7 2011, 11:09 PM
Post #17





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 90
Joined: 30-June 11
From: Ft Wright, KY
Member No.: 7,171



Thank you Cheryl for your kind and comforting words. I hope things are going well for you as well my friend.

I have been pretty sad the past few days, just missing her terribly. Two out of our three leashes broke in the same day, so I decided to get Dixie's leash off the shelf and use it temporarily. I used it once on Lily, and I got so upset I had to put it right back on the shelf. Then that night I had a dream about her, and pretty much every night since. My heart really hurts, and I miss her more than anything.

Life wise things are going well. I am in my last week of training for my new job and I really like it, although they do give a ton of information in a short amount of time which leaves me feeling exhausted and zombieish a majority of the time. I am sure that will get easier as I get more comfortable in my position. Being able to be at home is really great, but I now have to work at getting out of the house.

We are just about to have a very late dinner, then bed will be not far behind. I hope everyone is doing well. All my love.


--------------------
Dixie
March 19, 2001 - June 30, 2011


Old in a locket that sits next to my heart,
I will always love you even though we had to part.
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Kristina
post Nov 28 2011, 12:37 AM
Post #18





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 90
Joined: 30-June 11
From: Ft Wright, KY
Member No.: 7,171



Thursday marked the 5 month mark without you. I cannot believe that we are quickly coming up on the half year mark. It seems so surreal to me sometimes.

Your Dad and I went to the inlaws for Thanksgiving. I got incredibly sad, because the last time we were there, you were with us. You slept in the very bed that we slept in, you ran up and down the stairs with me. It was almost too much to handle. Dad and I talked about you alot.

I don't know what else to say. Everything has been said and thought a million times before. Lily is growing up so beautifully, and she looks exactly like you. At times I truly believe that you have come back to me as her. The similarities are just amazing. Both physical and personality wise. And I know you were not the typical lab, and neither is she. What are the odds of getting two that love/hate the exact same things? The water being the main one. Most labs love the water. You hated it. So does she. Plus the fact that she has snow white hairs in the exact same places that you had yours as you got older. There was a reason that you led us to her, and vice versa.

Mom is incredibly emotional over you lately. More than normal. Maybe it has to do with the holidays and these being the first without you. I missed giving you your fill of turkey on Thanksgiving, and I am going to miss seeing you tear into your presents on Christmas morning, and digging your nose into your stocking. I have to force myself not to think about these things too much, or else my heart aches more than ever.

I love you Dixie. You were a great dog, and I never want you to forget that. I could not have asked for a dog that was better than you. You were one of a kind, my number one girl. Always remember that.


--------------------
Dixie
March 19, 2001 - June 30, 2011


Old in a locket that sits next to my heart,
I will always love you even though we had to part.
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Cheryl83
post Nov 28 2011, 04:54 PM
Post #19





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 655
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From: Liverpool, UK
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Hi, Kristina,

Thanks for letting us know how you're getting on, and for sharing with us your touching love note to your precious Dixie. I haven't had much time to visit here lately -- uni assignments take up most of my time -- but when I do, it's nice to see familiar names and catch-up.

I'm sorry you're still hurting so much, but that's perfectly normal. It took me a good year before that nagging ache eased. The holidays are so hard, but you'll get through them! Everyone on this forum will be right there with you!

I'm afraid I haven't got much time to write, but I just wanted to stop by and say hello, and let you know that I'm thinking of you. I'm glad Lily is doing well -- would love to see a recent picture of her sometime, if you're feeling up to it.

Take care of yourself.

Hugs -- Cheryl


--------------------
It broke our hearts to lose you, but you didn't go alone,
For parts of us went with you ... the day God called you home


My beautiful Angel, Daisy - I will love and miss you forever xx
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moon_beam
post Nov 28 2011, 05:20 PM
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"Mom is incredibly emotional over you lately. More than normal. Maybe it has to do with the holidays and these being the first without you."

Hi, Kristina, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and your beautiful love letter to your beloved Dixie. Yes, unfortunately, the "firsts" are very hard to endure after our beloved companions join the angels. So your sadness through the holidays is VERY NORMAL, Kristina. Because these are the first holidays since your beloved Dixie joined the angels you may need to give yourself more emotional "room" to grieve your Dixie's physical absence. Knowing that her sweet Living Spirit is with is truly a blessing, but you are still going through the enormous adjustment to her physical absence. So, take it easy during the holidays - - as you feel you need to.

Thank you so much for sharing with us how your precious Lily is doing. There is no doubt that your beloved Dixie guided your and Lily's paths together, and that you are enjoying each other in your earthly journey together. This is what your beloved Dixie wants for the both of you, and she is so very proud of you.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Kristina. Please know you and your precious Lily are in my thoughts and prayers, Kristina, and that I look forward to sharing your news and your treasured memories of your beloved Dixie whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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