Candle Ceremony Options

[Foxeysmom]

*****HI EVERYONE................I decided to move this from the Cyber-Shoulder area to "Death and Dying" as one of our regular posters once said that this area was "the most alive part of the FORUMS..............***
And, she has always been right.........
You, dear Connie, will receive a lot more exposure here, in the Death and Dying support area..........I can assure you of that.............
I myself added a story about my ill furkitty in the Disease/Illness area, and I've only received like 2 responses so far.
I think that your topic will definitely FARE BETTER OVER HERE..............

If, for some reason, we find that that's not true, I can easily change it back...........

Okay, my new friend....????

God Bless, you and yours...............Love, Denise xo

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*******THE START OF CONNIE'S POST******** PLEASE READ!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello all, I've just discovered this group and I think it's wonderful. I'm not sure if if I'm in the right place to ask my questions....but here it goes. I work for a veterinary hospital and we are going to have our first candle light ceremony in memory of loved companions. I am in charge of putting the ceremony together as I am interested in grief support for our clients. I have some basic ideas for the ceremony, but would love to have input from others as to what to include or not to include. Also, if there are any good poems or saying that you are aware of, can you share them with me. I appreciate any help or assistance you can give me.

Thank you so much, Connie
(if I've posted this in the wrong place, please let me know ok)

[BabyHannahsMom]

Hi Connie. That's a great idea. As you might have read, our experiences with vets have run the gamut from excellent to really, really bad. I don't know if this is the best place to put your question, but one of the moderators or MD, the site's founder, probably will tell you. I just know that there's not as much "traffic" here as there is in Death and Dying Support.

We have lots of poignant, heart-wrenching " stories" and lots of poems that we can share. I would particularly like to see you include specifics about euthanasia to your clients BEFORE they have their "pets" euthanized. The guilt is almost universal under those cir%%stances, and I think some of that could be prevented with a good grief counselor and/or vet BEFORE it is done, if it has to be done.

Feel free to email me from this site if you would like. I will add a few of my favorite poems now.
[I]Living Love[/I]by Martin Scot Kosins
If you ever love an animal, there are three days in your life you will always remember...

The first is a day, blessed with happiness, when you bring home your young new friend. You may have spent weeks deciding on a breed. You may have asked numerous opinions of many vets, or done long research in finding a breeder.

Or, perhaps in a fleeting moment, you may have just chosen that silly looking mutt in a shelter - simply because something in its eyes reached your heart. But when you bring that chosen pet home, and watch it explore, and claim its special place in your hall or front room - and when you feel it brush against you for the first time - it instills a feeling of pure love you will carry with you through the many years to come.

The second day will occur eight or nine or ten years later. It will be a day like any other. Routine and unexceptional. But, for a surprising instant, you will look at your longtime friend and see age where you once saw youth. You will see slow deliberate steps where you once saw energy. And you will see sleep where you once saw activity. So you will begin to adjust your friend's diet - and you may add a pill or two to her food. And you may feel a growing fear deep within yourself, which bodes of a coming emptiness. And you will feel this uneasy feeling, on and off, until the third day finally arrives.

And on this day, if your friend and God have not decided for you, you will be faced with making a decision of your own - on behalf of your lifelong friend, and with the guidance of your own deepest Spirit. But whichever way your friend eventually leaves you, you will feel as alone as a single star in the dark night.

If you are wise, you will let the tears flow as freely and as often as they must. And if you are typical, you will find that not many in your circle of family or friends will be able to understand your grief, or comfort you.

But if you are true to the love of the pet you cherished through the many joy-filled years, you may find that a soul - a bit smaller in size than your own - seems to walk with you, at times, during the lonely days to come. And at moments when you least expect anything out of the ordinary to happen, you may feel something brush against your leg - very very lightly. And looking down at the place where your dear, perhaps dearest, friend used to lay - you will remember those three significant days.

The memory will most likely be painful, and leave an ache in your heart. As time passes the ache will come and go as it has a life of its own. You will both reject it and embrace it, and it may confuse you. If you reject it, it will depress you. If you embrace it, it will deepen you. Either way, it will still be an ache.

But there will be, I assure you, a fourth day when - along with the memory of your pet, and piercing through the heaviness in your heart - there will come a realization that belongs only to you. It will be as unique and strong as our relationship with each animal we have loved, and lost. This realization takes the form of a Living Love - like the heavenly scent of a rose that remains after the petals have wilted, this Love will remain and grow - and be there for us to remember.

It is a love we have earned. It is the legacy our pets leave us when they go. And it is a gift we may keep with us as long as we live. It is a Love which is ours alone. And until we ourselves leave, perhaps to join our Beloved Pets - it is a Love that we will always possess[/COLOR

]May I Go?
May I go now?
Do you think the time is right?
May I say good-bye to pain-filled days
and endless lonely nights?
I’ve lived my life and done my best,
an example tried to be.
So can I take that step beyond
and set my spirit free?
I didn’t want to go at first,
I fought with all my might.
But something seems to draw me now
to a warm and loving light.
I want to go.
I really do.
It’s difficult to stay.
But I will try as best I can
to live just one more day,
To give you time to care for me
and share your love and fears.
I know you’re sad and so afraid,
because I see your tears.
I’ll not be far,
I promise that, and hope you’ll always know
that my spirit will be close to you,
wherever you may go.
Thank you so for loving me.
You know I love you too.
That’s why it’s hard to say good-bye
and end this life with you.
So hold me now, just one more time
and let me hear you say,
because you care so much for me,
you’ll let me go today. — Susan A. Jackson

Please Don't Feel Guilty
Please don't feel guilty. You don't need to. I don't want you to be rough on yourself. I heard you speak last night. I heard you say how guilty you are for what you think you didn't do right. You did more than I ever would have expected anyone to. You loved me through it all. I never doubted your love for me. Whatever decisions you made, I know were made with my best interest in mind. Please don't feel guilty. It breaks my heart to hear you speak of your guilt. You don't need to feel guilty. Please don't.
--Betty J. Carmack
From Grieving the Death of a Pet

She Is Gone
You can shed tears that she is gone
or you can smile because she lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she's gone
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and lose your mind,
be empty and turn your back
or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
-- Author Unknown
From Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers - The Grief Healing Site~

When Is It Time?
When is it time to say goodbye,
To all the love I've known,
When is it time to end your pain,
And leave me all alone?

I've watched you on your good days when
I feel your strength renewed;
But shortly after little ups,
The down days then ensue.

We ride this roller-coaster of
Emotions as we try,
To make it through another day,
And yet, I can't deny ...

That as I look into your face
On days that have been bad,
I see a look that beckons me
It's tired, and hurt, and sad.

The little spark I used to see
Behind those loving eyes,
Is growing ever clouded
By life's cruel inhumane side.

I try to see beyond the pain
You feel with every step;
And softly whisper to myself
This may get better yet.

If I can bear to watch you
Just another day or two;
I justify my reasons to
Ensure I cling to you.

For letting go is harder for
The person left behind;
It means that if I let you go,
I cannot turn back time.

Back to the days I long for now,
When you were full of life;
And every day held promise,
And our futures, clear and bright.

But now the lights are darkening ...
We take it daily now;
I cannot see our futures clear
Or think beyond this cloud.

I think the hardest part in this
Is never knowing why,
I have to be courageous
And I have to say goodbye.

For if I let myself admit
It's time to let you go;
I'd have to face reality
Without you ... but I know ...

That soon I have to face the
Final outcome that I dread,
And holding on will only serve
To hurt you in the end.

You've given such unselfish love
For all our time in life,
But if I hold too tightly,
You'll not move t'ward the light ...

On to a better life, where you
Can once again be free,
Of all the pain and discomfort
That holds you here to me.

So if I find the courage just to say
This last farewell,
I hope you will forgive me for
The time it took me; still ...

I'll hold with me, the memories
That in my heart remain,
Pray one day, down the road a'ways
... They'll lesson my own pain.
by Kit McCallum

Rock Me to Silence…
Your eyes are so misty, your hand trembles so,
We’re rocking in silence in the chair I love so.
Before my eyes close let me speak of my life
For a book can be written in the glow of my eyes.
Such care you have given most dogs can’t boast,
With love I’ve been showered your gentle hands on my coat.
Not once in my life did I ever harbor fear
For my protector, my Mom was always so near.
In sickness you’re there never leaving my side,
The worry, the fear shining bright in your eyes.
As my body aged adjustments you made
To make my life easy, such understanding you gave.
I remember my life, so happy, so sweet
Since the day I was born and you chose me to keep.
Now the vets at the door his bag in his hand,
His head is hung low, in silence he stands.
I hear the snubs of your crying, I sense your deep fear
But don’t worry Mom, I know you’re right here.
Tho I fear the darkness, I must go alone,
You know without saying I’ll so miss my home.
I’ll miss you so Mom when I’m not at your feet
And will anxiously wait until again we will meet.
I want you to know that I’ve not one tiny regret
For I have the best Mom any dog could get!
Just grant me one favor before I have to go…
Would you rock me to silence in the chair I love so?
Kathy Henderson

I personally really love the poems. When I can't find my own words to express my sorrow, I can always find a poem that pretty much says it for me. I do that a lot. Sometimes it hurts so much there are really no words. We all just KNOW what it feels like.

[LittleGirl's...]

Marcia,

You have shared SO many touching poems on this site. I was overdue for a good cry and just had one as I read through these.

Thank you.

Kathy

[Steph]

It sounds like a great idea. Maybe you could have some kind of plaque, or something with the names of the departed little ones on it and have it read out. Have lots of kleenex on hand! Maybe have a little site where people can bring pet toys or anything else in memory of their beloved furbaby.

My vet's have started the following web page: http://www.eglintonvet.petplace.com/pet-Memorial.asp

I would definitely attend something like that if my clinic had it.

[Bronte's Mom]

Ohhh, make sure you have the parents bring pictures and/or toys of their babies. You may consider having them each tell a funny or heartwarming story. That way the memorial can end with a positive note. Great idea, I wish my vet offered that. Big hug, April.