I Lost My Duck While I Was Away... Options

[Quack]

Hi.
It's been a week now since my 10 year old male duck, Mido, passed away. I'm so devastated because I had to go on a trip really far away and I came home to find he had died. I was so heartbroken to leave because he was hurt -had been limping from a swollen knee for a few weeks then, and I took him to the vet, but couldn't find him (the only one vet I trusted- as you may imagine, vets treat mostly dogs and cats, and I had lost another duck before right back from a vet that didn't know how to treat her- gave her a shot that might have killed her. I live in Mexico City so it's even more difficult to find proper avian care).

Since he was eating and drinking normally -which was a lot- and still active I thought he was mostly ok. I was hoping to find the vet when I came back from my trip. But I had a miserable time over there and I really didn't want to say goodbye to my friend, leaving him when he was not ok. I held him thinking "what if this is the last time?" and said to him I'd be back in a few days. On Sunday, the day he passed, I was miles and miles away, but I felt terribly sad, and wanted to cry. I think I already knew in my heart he had gone. I thought he had died alone, but my brother was with him in his last moments.

He was my third duck. My grandma gave me two lovely duck girls back in 1994 (Omega and Longines- yes, they all had Swiss watches names), so this made 18 years of taking care of ducks. They taught me so many lessons about life. I never thought they could be so wonderful creatures, so intelligent and with unique personalities, treats, tastes and voices. I was too young and made terrible mistakes with them. I caused an accident that made one of my girls break her hip and be unable to walk all of her life- this happened 18 years ago and I still feel so guilty. I of course cared for them as much as I could and for long as they lived, but I've never forgiven myself for this.

When Omega, the girl that couldn't walk well died, I had a terrible time. My grandma had passed away as well that year, and my boyfriend at that time brought me Mido, a mischievous, demanding and lovely duckling, to be my remaining girl's companion. He brought so much joy to our lives, including my other duck girl's. It was like she was young again. She lived 5 more years and passed away when she was almost 12. I also was devastated when she passed. Both my girls died in my arms, and I still miss them sorely.

But now it's different. The loss was unexpected, he seemed healthy and active, except for that knee. And I was not there for him. I really don't know what could have taken his life. I'm having nightmares about it. Maybe he ate something, maybe he got hurt because of something and didn't notice, maybe he was sick and I didn't notice. And I'm feeling terribly guilty now. For all the times I was not there for him, or when I failed to care for him properly. All the feelings of guilt about him and my other ducks are now hurting me so much. I can't stop crying and can't concentrate on everyday life. I have no other pets- I didn't get Mido companion because I was so hurt every time I lost one. He seemed content being alone--- or so I thought. He had a mirror, toys, and lots of attention from me. Now I feel guilty even for not getting him a buddy! I used to cuddle with him all the time. He was my only company and felt so happy to be with him, stroke his head and wings, and smell his feathers, and looking at his grey eyes, and talking to him, and playing with him. I was happy to be greeted by him when I came home from work/school. Since I am a lonely person and haven't been able to build many human relationships -but that's a different story- my life feels so empty now.

Life has become more complicated as the years have passed, and I have bills to pay, a dissertation to finish, and working for the money. But I can't go on. At least not for now. I lost a friend to a drunk driver and broke up with a guy last month. -different stories as well- This makes me feel even worse. It's too much for me to take. In my little house, everything reminds me of him. I wish I could be with him again. As the day of light comes in, I feel the agony of another day without calling his name, feeding him and caressing his beloved head. I cry when I see his empty spot, or find one of his feathers lying around and acknowledging he's gone. I miss my feathered friend so much.

[missingmygranny]

I'm sorry. You hear so much about the traditional pets that you forget there are all kinds of pets that people have and that touch their hearts. It's not easy and especially when they are a part of your life. Is it possible for you to get another? I know you have a lot on your plate right now but if it's possible it might be the best thing for you to get back on track. So sorry honey!

[Tom's Dad]

I too am sorry for your loss. In the area where I work there is a large pond with many geese, but a few ducks as well. I always enjoy seeing them and always greet them both coming from and going to work. They are amazing creatures. Again, my deepest condolences on your loss. You have come to a good place for support, even though I myself am not so eloquent.

[DannysMom]

Dear Quack, I am very sorry for your loss. I had no idea that ducks could be such wonderful pets. While it was so sad to read your story it was also very educating. I can imagine how hard it is for you since you had Mido for such a long time. That is quite a lovely picture of him. I can see how special he was to you. You will most likely hear this from moon_beam as well...that your Mido is restored to his former youthfulness in the company of the angels, and proudly spreading and flapping his wings again.

Hugs,
DannysMom

[moon_beam]

Hi, Quack, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Mido. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion can bring to surface the sorrow of previous losses, and can enhance the sorrow of recent losses of other human family members and friends.

This grief journey is a very painful one both emotionally and physically. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time. There are many different emotions we experience that can overwhelm us all at once, and unfortunately guilt is one of the emotions we all experience and is one of the hardest to reconcile. Guilt comes from hindsight -- from looking back at all the things that didn't make sense at the time they were happening, from looking back and recognizing things we would have done differently if we had known the outcomes ahead of time, from questioning all the things that we did and did not do, and asking the universal "whys."

The physical loss of a beloved companion makes us realize that we are mere mortals - - we make mistakes and we learn from them. Our beloved companions know this and accept us for our human shortcomings. They love us for who we are - - sometimes in spite of ourselves - - they give to us their unconditional love and undivided attention and we in turn surrender ourselves to them completely without fear of rejection.

This grief journey is one of adjustment to the physical absence of our beloved companions, and it is a very painful adjustment both physically and emotionally. We live in a physically oriented world governed by the five senses of taste, touch, smell, sight, and hearing. Every time our companions touch us, rub against us, they are physically imprinting themselves onto us so that they can identify us out of all the other millions of people on this planet. When they precede us to the angels we literally go through a physical withdrawal from them, which is why we can literally experience physical pain in not being able to hold them, smell them, see them, touch them, hear them.

The good news out of all this grief misery is that the special love bond you and your beloved Mido share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Mido's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey just as he always has and always will. He is forever a part of your heart and your memories, Quack, - - your beloved Mido is forever a heartbeat close to you.

Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling in your deep grief is very normal - - very painful both physically and emotionally, yes - - still very normal. Unfortunately there is no easy way through this grief adjustment journey - - there are no fast forward or delete buttons we can press that can speed up the process or immediately make it disappear. It is a journey filled with all the "first withouts" - - the first holiday, the first birthday, the first vacation, the first hour, the first day, the first week, the first month, and so on. It is a journey that will not be resolved in an hour, a day, a week, a month - - or even 6 months. But I promise you, Quack, that one day when you least expect it you will be thinking of your beloved Mido and you will feel your heart smile again - - truly smile - - and this is what your beloved Mido wants for you.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow that is in your heart. I can only hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey. One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Mido with us, Quack. He is a very handsome companion, and you are blessed with the privilege of being his Forever Mom. I hope today is being kind to you, Quack. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Inessence]

Quack, being painfully introverted myself, fully understand how you feel. The loss of constant companionship and finally having a heart-connection with a another living being is an terrible thing to have to endure.

[Quack]

Hi.
I do appreciate all of your words. I still wake up crying and feeling guilty. I remember things and then I start feeling remorse. I know as humans we're far from perfect but I should have known better, after losing my other birds, that I should have been more careful and compassionate. I did try. I learned from previous mistakes but made new ones. I try to stop those feelings of guilt thinking I was so careful with him on his last years, tried to keep him from harm as he was so mischievous, tried to anticipate the danger, but it's hard to accept we can't control everything in order to keep our loved ones safe. Such is life, right?

I also force myself to think he had a good life in general. But it's difficult to accept I still failed at so many things. I go to the place where I have their urns (my three ducks) and I say sorry, I ask for forgiveness. I did love them all, so much. They were precious gifts and I find a bit of consolation when I remember I did tell them they were loved. I never minded caring for them, maybe there were times when I was too tired or busy or sad to be a better owner, but I hope I cared for them properly most of the time.

We have so much to learn when it comes to care for another living creature that depends on us completely! I am thankful that they brought me so much joy and happiness. I'm thankful that there are places like this where other people offer support to the ones that have gone through the same pain and grief. I'll never cease to be amazed by the beautiful souls that animals have, all of them. I never thought ducks could be so adorable, smart and fun. Well, they are!

Thanks again.