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> Lost My Princess Cat 2 Days Ago
leejaye
post May 14 2011, 08:47 PM
Post #1





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 329
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From: sydney, australia
Member No.: 7,103



I lost my best friend of 17 years 2 days ago, she was the most beautiful courageous soul i have ever met - only a tiny little cat but with the biggest heart. I got her when i was at uni and she has been the biggest part of my life ever since, she shared everything with me, she was there in a way noone else in my life has ever been, just giving me her love, we understood each instinctively from the day we met when she was the last tiniest kitten in the pet shop. 12 months ago my Mischief cat was diagnosed with feline breast cancer, a massive shock since she had always been healthy and was desexed and should have had almost no chance of of developing this disease. Fortunately i work with my partner and we were able to arrange our work so i was able to spend most of that time caring for her, we went to the vet about 2 months ago and they were amazed at how well she was doing, especially for her age, the cancer seemed stabilised, her coat was as beautiful, shiny and soft as it had ever been. We came home and continued in all the little routines of our shared life, getting up together to get breakfast, back into bed for a cuddle, time for a drink, sitting in her favourite sunny spots in the garden - we filled the day together as often as we could. Then last week she went off her food, grew quite lethargic and wanted to drink heaps, her breathing was becoming laboured (the cancer had spread to her right lung some time back but seemed to have stabilised at some point with the meds so that she usually breathed normally) and she just wanted cuddles so we went to the vet and she told us Missy had damaged kidneys from the cancer meds, she had fluid on her lungs because her kidneys weren't processing properly, so she gave Mischief a diuretic shot to shift the fluid and sent us home with a scary looking fluids bag and line and needles for subcutaneous fluids. I spent the week giving 24 hour care, sub q fluids, meds, syringing food, trying to keep the balance between her lungs and her kidneys, she tried so hard for me, she was such a little fighter, but on Friday she could hardly breathe or walk and i did the hardest thing i have ever had to do, I held her little head and her little paw while the vets gave her the injection and just told her how much i loved her and all that she was in my life, the vet said i didn't have to stay but i couldn't let her leave without me there, i didn't want her to be scared or think that i'd left her when she really needed me, she did so much for me it was the very least i could do for her, they let me stay with her afterwards but i only stayed for about 10 minutes holding and stroking her small beautiful furry little body, otherwise i would have stayed forever. I said goodbye to my best girl, my love , my little one, and my brother and i just drove for hours he let me talk when i needed, cry when i needed, be silent when i needed, i thought i might hold up, but i got home and went to sit in her spot near the heater and i lost it, i didn't think it would feel like someone ripped a hole in me, and i know i'm crying for myself, cos i had to do this for her but damn it hurt, hurts, it actually hurts in my chest and my gut. I woke up at 3am looking for her and remembered and just started sobbing convulsively and i asked her to please stay with me alittle longer til i could cope and her dad was home (my partner who has known and loved mischief and me for 10 years had to go overseas for work just before we went to the vet that long week ago). I'ts only 2 days later and i'm still crying at unpredictable times but yesterday afternoon i was looking at my photos of her, all pictures of her in her favourite spots doing her favourite things, and i was thanking her for that and thinking of all the good stuff and i got this feeling of comfort like she was there with me, it's still with me, i slept with her blanket and little cat toy and collar again last night the bed didn't feel quite as empty as it did. I've been crying while i write this and i still don't know what to do with the day, or tomorrow or the next day without her here, quite how to fill the gigantic hole a tiny cat has left.
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kaylasmom
post May 14 2011, 09:09 PM
Post #2





Group: Pet Lovers
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Joined: 10-May 11
From: maryland
Member No.: 7,099



Hi leejaye,

Please allow me to offer my condolences to you for the loss of Mischief. I had to put my own 16 year old baby girl to sleep on Monday after 15.5 fabulous years together. I know that there truly are no words I could say to ease your heart, but know that you have found a site here that offers the opportunity to not only share your pain but also your happy memories of Mischief.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Kaylasmom
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Peggy's Human
post May 14 2011, 09:17 PM
Post #3





Group: Pet Lovers
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Joined: 13-March 11
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 7,037



Dear leejaye,

Your story brought tears to my eyes, I am so very sorry about the passing of Mischief. I know how painful it is to watch them decline and then have to make the decision to help them move beyond their pain. It is one of the most difficult things we are asked to do in this life. It is also one of the most loving things we can do when that time has come. I and others on this site can relate to what you’re saying about being lost without her and about sleeping with her things around you. The hole left in your heart by their passing is sheer agony and it feels like the pain will never end and we’ll never be able to get beyond it. It is also more difficult when you are going though this without your partner present so you can support each other. How wonderfully compassionate your brother was, to spend that time with you, just being there in what ever way you needed. He clearly has a loving and compassionate heart.

I realize your heart is in despair and it feels like the pain is consuming you but I promise, it will get better. It takes time but you will eventually reach a point where memories of your beloved Mischief will bring you more smiles than tears. For right now, the tears are healing and allowing you to release some of the pain you feel because your sweet Mischief is physically absent but with you in spirit – and I’m sure she’s with you in spirit. The love you shared is still with both of you. Please know that on this site, you will find people who are at different stages of grief and are always willing to offer compassion and a supporting shoulder when ever you need it.

You will be in my prayers and I hope the pain in your heart eases soon. Please let us know how you’re doing, when you feel up to it. Also, if you feel up to sharing any of your favorite stories about Mischief, we would love to read them.

Please take care of yourself,

Peggy (the human)
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Abby's Mom
post May 14 2011, 09:28 PM
Post #4





Group: Pet Lovers
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Hi leejaye,

I have been where you are and am still there so much of the time. I lost my beloved little precious dog Abby on 5/4/11 and my life changed forever. Like you, Abby and I shared everything and she was there for me always in the 16 1/2 years we had together. I got her the day after my dad's funeral and she helped me through that time and so many others. She was actually born on my dad's birthday, which made her special in a way that I can't even verbalize.

I too, have been wondering what on earth to do with myself over the last week and a half and I so remember those first few days, where the sobs were gut-wrenching and the feeling of loss seemed so overwhelming that I didn't think I could endure it. Yes leejaye, there were and are times/days when it physically hurts and I mourn my baby to my very core.

But I will also tell you that it does get a little easier with every passing day. Some days are better than others and I'm still so new to this process that I almost don't even feel right offering any kind of advice because there is no roadmap. We all must deal with our pain and loss in our own way and in our own time.

But please know that you are NOT alone. You did the very best thing for your precious Mischief and she knows how very much you loved her. She loves you too and cannot wait until the time comes that you are together again. That is what I believe about my Abby too.

You will figure out a way to live in your new reality as I am finding a way to live in mine. So it's okay to sob, cry, mourn and remember her in whatever way you choose to do it.

It will get better, I promise. I'm better today than I was a week ago and taking it one day at a time seems to be the key. I still light a candle in front of her urn and the little shrine I've made for her every single night. I know that too will eventualy end and that I'll some how regain my sense of normal and find peace in remembering our time together with happiness. I'm not there yet but I am working toward that.

I'll get there and so will you leejaye. But please know, that the support that you can find on this site is the best ever! These people are some of the most caring souls I have ever encountered and they can and do help.

My sincere condolences for you and your sweet Mischeif. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Abby's Mom
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Lana
post May 14 2011, 10:05 PM
Post #5





Group: Pet Lovers
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From: Montreal
Member No.: 7,087



Hi Leejaye,

I understand what you're going through. I lost my 14-year-old cat, my best buddy Hobbes a little over a month ago. She had restricted cardiomyopathy, which no one knew about until she developed a paralyzing blood clot in her hind legs. Even if we had tried to save her, she would have only survived maybe a year and she would have been suffering the whole time. When it happened, it was the worst day of my life, and, like you, I was inconsolable for a very long time. I'm still grieving, but somewhat more quietly. I still feel that hole you talk about, an existential gap.

17 years is quite a long time, and I understand what you mean by "best friend". Hobbes was my best friend too. Like Mischief was so loyal and loving for you, Hobbes was also there for me when times were tough and when the humans around me were of little help. I am very sorry for your loss. However, Mischief gave you 17 years of love and affection. Now she gets to be free from pain. And who knows? She may still exist somewhere, happy and restored, her consciousness still intact and still loving you. Call it Heaven, but I believe it is possible that she has transcended her organic body and become transformed into something even greater. Energy is never lost, after all.

Still, the feelings of emotional and physical pain you describe are something I understand all too well. I know it hurts. But it's healthy. The feeling of loss is an indication of how much she truly meant to you. And don't worry; you're not alone. There are people here who will help you through your pain and show you a level of empathy and compassion I have seen in few other places. I for one can totally understand not only the crying, but sleeping with meaningful belongings. I have given special status to the blanket I last wrapped Hobbes in, and I keep two of her toys on a ledge above my bed. I sleep with the blanket, hold it often, and have even referred to it as "Hobbes" -as though something of her still exists in that blanket. I understand the need for the physical presence, something to tie our buddies to Earth. From my own experience and from others I have read, this is totally normal.

I can't tell you that the pain totally goes away. I'm still grieving myself. But I can tell you this: Mischief is always with you, and has made you the person that you are. You are a living honor to her memory. I know it hurts now, but you can find strength in this. Mischief sounds like she really was a positive force in your life. Together, we'll help you find that positive force again, and to preserve Mischief's good lessons and memories. No one here expects you to forget it, get over it or ever stop loving your Mischief. You can feel free to express yourself here and work with us to help you through your grief. No one knows how long this will take; grief is different for everyone. But no matter how long the pain stays sharp, you are not alone.

I wish you the best, and want to extend to you my deepest sympathies. Mischief was a friend of the truest kind, and will always exist as a part of you --and perhaps in another form. She will not be forgotten.

-Lana
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leejaye
post May 15 2011, 02:16 AM
Post #6





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 329
Joined: 13-May 11
From: sydney, australia
Member No.: 7,103



Thankyou all so much for your kind compassionate replies, i just needed to do something, to tell someone. Thankyou for telling me abit about what you are all going through, i'm so sorry that we all seem to be united in our losses, but it helps me to know that there are other people who know what i am talking about, it doesn't bring my Mischief girl back and the ache doesn't go, but it recedes a bit for a time, especially if i just try to think about all our good times and what a little (big) gift she was to me.
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moon_beam
post May 15 2011, 11:10 AM
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Hi, Leejaye, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Mischief. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions -- at great sacrifice to ourselves - - so that they can once again be healed to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Leejaye, the wonderful responders have shared with you the deepest thoughts of my heart, so please read their responses to you often in the sincerest hope you will find comfort and support through their heart-felt words to you. This grief journey is one of "adjustment" - - painful adjustment both emotionally and physically - - to the loss of our beloved companion's physical presence with us. We live in a physical oriented world - - sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell. The good news is that the love bond we share with our beloved companions is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Hopefully, as your deep grief eases, you will be able to feel your precious Mischief's sweet Living Spirit forever with you in your heart and your memories - - for she is still sharing your earthly journey just as she always has and always will, Leejaye, - - your precious Mischief is always a heartbeat close to you.

Leejaye, thank you so much for sharing your precious Mischief with us. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing some picture(s) of her with us - - if you would like to do so. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Leejaye, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam



--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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leejaye
post May 16 2011, 04:45 AM
Post #8





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 329
Joined: 13-May 11
From: sydney, australia
Member No.: 7,103



Attached ImagePeople have understood much more about my girl than i thought they would, even though i had looked at this forum when she got sick last year, i didn't understand how much reading your words and shared experience would help, i still don't know what to do with myself (my partner and i cleared these 2 and half weeks while he is away so i could be with Mischief) and bedtime is still the hardest, you get through all day and she's still not there, thought i kept seeing and hearing her today, feel like she is with me - she never liked to see me sad. Have attempted to attach a photo of her in one of her favourite ambush spots, about 18 months ago!
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moon_beam
post May 16 2011, 02:50 PM
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Hi, Leejay, thank you so much for letting us know how you're doing and for sharing with us a picture of your beautiful Mischief. The days are filled with "busyness" of work, errands, chores, while the evenings are very hard to endure as there is no escape for our hearts from the unrelenting sorrow that our beloved companions are no longer physically with us. It is incredibly difficult to adjust to not having them physically present to touch, to see, to feel, to hear, to enjoy the smell of their fur.

Leejay, it is not unusual for you to hear and see your precious Mischief, so please don't think you're going crazy. These are ways that your preious Mischief is letting you know that she is still with you. These "signals" may be frequent at first particularly during your deep grief but may become less pronounced as your deep grief eases. When this happens please do not be upset - - I promise you will always have your precious Mischief with you in your heart and your memories.

Leejay, thank you again so much for letting us know how you're doing and for sharing this wonderful picture of your precious Mischief with us. I love your description "favorite ambush spots" - - oh how well I know about these!!!

Leejay, I hope today is being kind to you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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leejaye
post May 18 2011, 03:28 AM
Post #10





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 329
Joined: 13-May 11
From: sydney, australia
Member No.: 7,103



Thanks moon beam, felt really numb, kinda disconnected yesterday, and crying this morning, but then the vet rang and said her ashes were ready to pick up, am strangely comforted by having her home - my brother organised this for me and paid for it, so thinking about his kindness, my mischief's goodness in my world and the generous hearts on this forum, i feel a little better. I still have this feeling that some of her energy is with me and always will be, i guess i'm still crying for myself, i can still feel her beautiful fur under my hand, her little furry head on my shoulder, or her little body tucked up next to me in bed, hear her talking to me, and i miss it all, i know one day these memories will bring me nothing but smiles cos i was so lucky to have known her and had her in my life, but right now it still feels like an amputation. This is one of the hardest journeys i have been on.
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moon_beam
post May 18 2011, 04:41 PM
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Hi, Leejay, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Yes, it is perfectly understandable your feeling comforted in getting your precious Mischief's ashes back home. I have felt the same way, as have many of our forum friends have also shared in their experiences. How so very special that your brother assisted you with this.

Unfortunately the physical loss of our beloved companion is one of the hardest experiences we will know on this side of eternity. This grief journey is one of adjustment, as opposed to "getting over" the physical absence of your precious Mischief. I thank you so much for sharing your precious Mischief with us, Leejay. Please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us, - - there are no time limits here.

Leejay, I hope life is treating you kindly today. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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leejaye
post May 19 2011, 07:19 PM
Post #12





Group: Pet Lovers
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From: sydney, australia
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it's a week today my beautiful friend since we parted i miss you so much i love you so much i know the time was right but i just want you back with me to walk around the garden again, you always liked that, i love how you used to stop and check to make sure i was coming too, my princess how can it be that there has been a whole week of world without you in it, you were worth so much more than most of the people i know, you made me so happy,and i know you loved me, how is it that you are not here with me, it just doesn't feel right, every day without you has been hard, today particularly so, i was so lucky to have you for 17 years, selfishly it just wasn't enough, i thought i lost you last year when they told me you had cancer, and then 6 months ago when you got that stupid stomach bug, you were so courageous, so brave, my good fighting girl, i really don't think you wanted to leave me but you looked so tired my love and you couldn't breathe and we couldn't fight anymore, those last couple of days i was making all sorts of bargains, i wanted to give you some years from my life but the universe wasn't listening and so i'm sitting here alone crying for my loss and just hating last friday. i know we had to do it but damn i miss you my little one.
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leejaye
post May 20 2011, 12:26 AM
Post #13





Group: Pet Lovers
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From: sydney, australia
Member No.: 7,103



Attached ImageAttached Image

This is a picture of mischief and her friend Stumps. Stumps is a one footed sulphur crested ##atoo who visits for food most afternoons, he came this afternoon and i think he might be missing her too, i really thought he was looking for her, on a down day it's good to take out these memories...
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moon_beam
post May 20 2011, 02:50 PM
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Hi, Leejay, one of the many hard things to adjust to is the "reality" that "life goes on" - - the chores still get done, bills get paid, work gets done, dishes get washed, errands get run. I compare this deep grief phase similar to functioning on "automatic pilot" - - things get done but there is no feeling of "connection" to what is happening. After all -- how could there be any feelings of "connection" when the purpose for our lives - - the center of our universe - - is now no longer physically with us.

Leejay, I wish I could be physically with you - - to hold you, to offer you my shoulder to lean on. But even though I'm not physically with you, please know I am here for you - - reaching out to you across the cyber miles - - holding you as you shed your tears of deep grief. It's okay - - let the tears flow - - for they are healing tears - - and eventually, someday, perhaps when you least expect it, you will feel the healing begin in your heart and soul and spirit. But it can only happen one day at a time, Leejay, and with healing tears as frequently as your heart needs to let them flow.

Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful picture with us, Leejay. During the deep grief our memories are like two sided coins - - on one side they warm our hearts with the most precious memories we will ever be blessed to have on this side of eternity, while on the other side these precious memories can feel like a sword piercing our heart to the very core of our existence. I promise you, Leejay, one day the piercing pain you feel in your heart will ease, and you will be able to smile again when you remember your precious Mishchief. I assure you, Leejay, your precious Mischief's sweet Living Spirit is forever with you - - she is always a heartbeat close to you.

Leejay, right now I know there are no adequate words in any language that can even come close to comforting your broken, shattered heart. But please know each of us do know what you are going through and we are here for you, with you, and beside you through every step of your journey - - for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Leejay, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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leejaye
post May 20 2011, 05:18 PM
Post #15





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 329
Joined: 13-May 11
From: sydney, australia
Member No.: 7,103



dear moon_beam, thank you once again for your compassionate response, and for helping me through this journey, i am so lucky that i found this website, the support i have found here has really made a difference and helped me to understand what's going on in my head and my heart, i hope i can give some of this back when i am standing far enough away from some of my own grief. I was so upset yesterday morning, then smiling at her photos in the afternoon, it's a crazy ride isn't it?
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Peggy's Human
post May 20 2011, 10:56 PM
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Dear leejaye,

Thank you for sharing the beautiful pictures of your beloved Mischief. What a stunning cat she was! I love the one with Mischief and Stumps. I love when cats and birds (and cats and dogs, etc) end up being great friends. 

When reading your posts, it took me back to the first weeks when I lost by sweet Peggy. It’s so difficult when you do things without your beloved pet for the first time. They are conspicuous by their absence and it just seems to deepen the pain of loss. As our wise Moon_Beam says, every time we do something without them is a ‘first’ and the first year is full of these events. You never know what’s going to trigger a new round of grieving. For me, tonight into tomorrow marks the 12th week of life without Peggy (1:20 am Saturday morning). I have no idea how so much time has gone by, and yet, I’m still here and life has gone on. Unimaginable to me, prior to her passing and immediately after her passing. However, as much as I miss her and there are times when the tears fall, I was able to move past the paralyzing, mind and heart numbing pain. Actually, numbing isn’t the right word. I was NEVER numb in the first weeks. It was more of being paralyzed from the intense, never ending agony of the soul. I wasn’t interested in eating, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t focus on work and I had no interest in spending time with friends who would want to ‘cheer me up’. When I wasn’t working, my only real communication aside from my mother (who lives with me) was this site. I just couldn’t handle dealing with others who couldn’t understand and had no interest in mundane conversation. WHO CARED about the stupid stuff going on in the world when PEGGY WAS GONE! One of the world’s brightest lights went dark when she passed and I knew that nothing else really mattered at that point. My life had permanently changed, and not for the better. I had to give myself time to come to grips with her loss and how to adjust to that change.

You, dear Leejaye, are struggling to cope with that same situation. And as Moon_Beam pointed out, evenings/nights can be the most challenging. That is the time when we typically spent the most one-on-one time with them and had our evening rituals of feeding and snuggling while we would unwind from our busy day. Now, you struggle to create new habits and your very soul is crying out to recapture the reassuring and comforting habits that revolved around and included your beloved pet. Getting through this period is truly a process. All you can do is deal with each situation as it comes along, be kind to yourself when the grief washes over you and try to find something that will bring your poor injured heart comfort. It takes time but I promise you, it will get better. You will reach a point where the intense pain will abate and you will feel a deep sadness. The sobbing tears will still come on occasion but it won’t last as long. The intense pain will occasionally overwhelm you, but again, it won’t last as long as it did in the beginning. And one day, as inconceivable as it seems, you will laugh and realize you actually feel the humor and joy in that moment. For me, the first time I laughed and really felt it, I realized I was finally on the road to healing. I have experienced some set backs along the way and have realized I will always love and miss Peggy but I know she’s in a better place and we’ll be reunited some day. I honestly believe this and believe it’s true for you as well.

Leejaye, please know that even when I’m unable to logon and post, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I’m praying that the pain in your heart eases soon and you’ll be able to find more smiles than tears in your treasured memoires of your beautiful Mischief (who is obviously hanging around you, trying to help you deal with her passing!).

Big hug to you!

Peggy (the human)
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leejaye
post May 22 2011, 01:45 AM
Post #17





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 329
Joined: 13-May 11
From: sydney, australia
Member No.: 7,103



Dear Peggy , thankyou so much for your reply, it articulated exactly what i have been feeling, more clearly than i have been able to put it in order in my own head, i really thought i was more prepared for the day i lost Mischief, although how can you ever prepare for the physical loss of someone as special as she was to me, as special as all our furry children are to us? i do hang on to the thought that she is in a better place, back in her kitten body, waiting for me - my brother said she is with his two dogs (we lost them 3 and 4 years ago - my mum used to call them our brothers!), making faces at them like she always did! Thankyou again for your great kindness, i have felt particularly isolated with my partner away but this forum has made a massive difference, love and cyber hugs to all of you
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moon_beam
post May 22 2011, 10:42 AM
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". . . how can you ever prepare for the physical loss of someone as special as she was to me,. . ."


Hi, Leejay, as you are discovering there is no conceivable way we can ever "prepare" ourselves for the physical absence of our beloved companions. Even when we know they are terminally ill or have suffered a traumatic injury - - our hearts are NEVER prepared to cope with their physical absence. This is one of the things that makes Anticipatory Grief so different - - because while they are still physically with us our hearts are clinging to the hope that "something" will happen that will allow our precious companions to continue to be with us - - just one more minute, one more hour, one more day, - - one more lifetime. Our earthly journey with our beloved companions is NEVER long enough. This is one of the many reasons why, when the moment comes to release them from their earthly journey, the transition in no longer having their sweet physical presence with us is so unbearably difficult - - is so grievously heart wrenchingly painful.

Leejay, as Peggy has so comfortingly shared with you, you are not alone in your grief journey. We are here for you to help you through all the "firsts" you are now having to endure and "adjust" to - - the first hour, the first day, the first month, the first birthday, the first vacation, the first holiday - - each and every day holds a "first" - - and I know how painful - - truly excruciatingly painful both emotionally and physically - - it is to endure every day of "firsts." Eventually, though, as your deep grief eases, you will come to know - - really know - - that your precious Mischief is indeed with you. Her sweet Living Spirit is always with in your heart and your memories continuing to share your earthly journey just as she always has and always will. And no amount of time can ever take this away from you, Leejay - - not even the dimming of our minds through age can ever take away or diminish the eternal love bond we share with our beloved companions.

Leejay, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I wish there were some easier way through this grief journey, and if I knew of one I'd be sharing it for sure. Unfortunately, the only way through this journey is to give yourself the time and space you need to grieve - - to shed the healing tears that your heart and soul and body so desperately need to shed to wash out the pain of your heart so that you can once again embrace the happiness that your precious Mischief wants so much for you - - the happiness that right now seems so impossible to believe can ever happen.

Leejay, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam



--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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leejaye
post May 29 2011, 07:57 PM
Post #19





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 329
Joined: 13-May 11
From: sydney, australia
Member No.: 7,103



Mischief's dad came home from overseas on Friday (2 weeks since i lost her) and we have spent the last few days having a cry about her - Friday night was so hard, Missy used to snuggle herself under her dad's arm and rest her head on his shoulder every morning and fall asleep with us every night like this, her dad just sobbed his heart out and ripped the slow forming scabs off my own grief, we miss her so much, i think he is comforted having her home, but was unable to even look at her urn until yesterday and the inscription i picked set him off again, he feels so guilty because he wasn't here with us, i told him she knew how much he loved her and i whispered all this to her that last day. My own heart is filled with a deep down aching, i have all my photos of Missy on a digital photo frame which i have been switching on every day, but the last couple of days i haven't turned it on - i want my own memories to be stronger than a photo and they are, I'm remembering all sorts of things from when she was a kitten which i haven't thought about for years, and in the midst of the ache i can occassionally smile. My precious girl I will miss you forever, one more kiss and cuddle from you could never be enough, i hope i will see you in my dreams, i must cos part of you still dwells in my heart, i can feel it.
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moon_beam
post May 31 2011, 04:37 PM
Post #20


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Joined: 20-July 08
From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Leejay, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I'm so glad your husband is home, and that you are being able to comfort one another.

"i have all my photos of Missy on a digital photo frame which i have been switching on every day, but the last couple of days i haven't turned it on - i want my own memories to be stronger than a photo and they are, I'm remembering all sorts of things from when she was a kitten which i haven't thought about for years, and in the midst of the ache i can occassionally smile."

Leejay, having physical reminders of our beloved companions - - pictures, toys, etc. - - are helpful in that they are PHYSICAL reminders of our beloved companions' earthly journey with us. Like you, though, I focus on the pictures that are within my heart - - that encompass so many things that were not captured with a photograph - - which bring comfort and happiness to our hearts. Your precious Mischief wants you to remember her with a happy heart, Leejay, and in doing this will bring honor to the many treasured memories you have of your earthly journey together.

Thank you again so much for sharing with us how you're doing, Leejay. I hope today is being kind to you, and that you and your husband will have a peaceful evening. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Leejay, and look forward to knowing how things are going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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