IPB

Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

 Forum Rules Site Rules and Courtesies
 
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> Perhaps Too Soon To Find A New Friend
asorryone
post Mar 29 2012, 05:14 AM
Post #1





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 12
Joined: 11-March 12
Member No.: 7,518



Just under a month ago my beloved bestfriend Tyson passed away, suddenly.
I endured two weeks of terrible pain, pinning for my bestfriend. The tears then began to dry as I acknowledged the wonderful 6 years my family and I had given her - full of love, safety and warmth. The house seemed so broken. The sunny days seemed so pointless without Tyson to take for walks and runs.

We then came across pups for sale in my local area and as we were able to look back on Tysons life with happiness and no regrets, thought we were in the place to give love to another canine companion and perhaps be lucky enough to find friendship in another and in turn give her a wonderful quality of life.

Now, I am reverting back to my feelings of deep sadness over the death of my beloved Tyson - perhaps it was too soon. My mother and siblings have not shared these feelings of mine - they are happy to welcome the pup and have not experienced a backward flow of emotion. My father has become completely opposed to the idea of ever having a dog and doesnt seem himself.

This little pup is beautiful and such a playful soul. I do find that I have a place in my heart for her but as we try and teach her the basic 'sit' and the word 'no' it reverts my mind back to my beautiful Tyson. She was such a gentle soul. She took to our home very well and learned very quickly. She was so smart and unique I just feel as though this little pup will never be her and whilst I am not trying to replace Tyson - because I know I never could and I am longing tomeet her once more in the afterlife - I am scared that I have trivialized myself and Tysons relationship to the outside world. I dont want people to think that we are trying to replace Tyson - she is irreplacable.

Also the circumstances in which Tyson came to us were very unique. Her mother was a stray and we homed her. She had 6 pups and became aggressive after giving birth. When the day came to give the pups and mother to new homes we decided to keep on. Tyson was the only pup in the litter that had any brown on her body and so we decided we would keep her.

Its as though she came walking into our lives and she fitted in with our family life so well. She was so smart, I cannot describe how smart she was words would do no justice. Now, buying this little pup almost seems like an artificial relationship. Tyson came to us and was as though she was tailored for us and this little pup has been bought and its as though we are building an artificial relationship. It may seem strange and silly but i cannot help the way I feel. I am deeply saddened.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Gretta's Mom
post Mar 29 2012, 07:07 AM
Post #2





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 2,020
Joined: 13-April 11
Member No.: 7,067



Dear ASorryOne

My heart goes out to you in your first experience of loss. In one of your posts you said you thought that you would cry forever. I too have felt that way many times in the past. It's a scary feeling and showws a deep hurt and fear. It doesn't really last forever but wher you're on the front end of it, it definitely feels like it will.

I want to respond to your title "Perhaps it was too soon to find a new friend" and your post that goes with it. The friend who went with me to set my Gretta (the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived) free - almost a year ago - told me something that has stuck with me: that every person has his or her own 'right time' to find a new friend. Sometimes it's the same day, sometimes a year or two and sometimes never.

You and wonderful Tyson sound like you had the exceptionally close bond that me and my Gretta HAVE! (More about that later or on another day. We were together every minute except when I was at work. Even my wonderful vet would comment on how much we loved each other. And then she was gone. Empty house, empty arms, empty heart. I missed her so much that I slept on her (huge, orthopedic) dog bed for a week! About three weeks later, I tip=toed onto the web site of the rescue organization from which I had asopted beautiful Gretta. Since I'm close to retirement, I was looking for an older dog, since I didn't want to find myself in the position of being on a fixed income and not able to give a dog the care he or she needed. There was a black lab (so they said) named Rufus - with the most beautiful soulful eyes - but he was only 7. I met another "candidate" - a Chessie - terrier mix - who turned out to BE a TERROR! Back i went to Rufus and decided to adopt him.

Oh, the feelings of disloyalty, questioning, second guessing myself. What had I done! I promised Gretta nobody would ever sleep in her dog bed or eat from her feeding station and here was this giant black dog (he turned out to be part Newfie) doing just that. And I surely didn't feel much actual love for poor Mr Rufus. In fact I almost gave him back to the foster mom who loved him very dearly and had acreage for him to run around in and other dogs to play with. My city flat with no yard must not have looked so good to him.

After about a week, I had to face my feelings. I hugged Rufus and had a talk with him. I told him (even though I really didn't feel much like it) that he was NOT a substitute dog, that he was loved for himself and that he had a forever home with me. You KNOW who I was trying to convince with THAT talk! Shortly thereafter, I had to go out of town on an emergency visit and then in short order I made a 5-week trip to India. Rufus's foster mother took care of him - and of course cried when she had to give him back to me. While I was in India I seriously considered actually giving him back to the foster mother, since he'd )in my mind) have a much better life with her.

But I didn't. Lots of posts here helped me decide to make good on my (hasty) promises to Rufus and keep him. Like you, I can't say I felt a deep love for him like I did for Gretta. Gretta and I were soul mates - we carried a piece of each other's soul and I was still grieving deeply. People told me "no dog is like another." But to my ears that sounded like so much hot air.

Fast forward to almost a year later. Rufus and I have a bond between us, one that is completely different from the one I still have with my Gretta. It's come as a result of our spending so much time together. We walk 4 times a day (the no-yard thing) and we play some goofy games inside like "give me the bone" with his squeaky toy. The evenings of lying on the floor next to Gretta and curling up with our bodies together are over. Rufus isn't a cuddler. Slowly, ever so slowly, my heart has opened to Rufus. Not in the same way and maybe not even as much as it did with Gretta - but Rufus and me are a pair! He can sense when I'm crying while posting here and stuffs his giant nose (not to be ignored) under my elbow to get me away from the computer.

Like you, the relationship felt very artifical at first - and somewhat so for a long time. But like your new friend the puppy - his fur is soft, his heart is good, and he needs a secure home. Just that little stroke of the soft soft fur eventually works its magic on your heart - but it takes a LONG time.

Please don't give up on your new friend. For some reason unknown to you, Tyson has sent the little one to you. You are meant for each other in some way - a different way from you and Tyson, but a way, nevertheless. It may take a long time and you will never feel about any other dog the way you feel about wonderful Tyson. Just remember though that the little wet puppy nose and the soft fur and the waggy tail all tell you that puppy can fill some of the void in your heart. In the US we have a phrase "puppy love" to describe very young people's first infatuation with each other.

You'll never "forget" or be 'disloyal' to Tyson. he sees you from the Perfect World where he is now and loves you and has sent someone for you to get to love. Act "as if" and soon it will be true - you guys will be in "like" and then, slowly slowly, in love. A special and unique love - just you and puppy. And all the while Tyson will be up there saying, "You go, mom!"

Sorry for the long post. I just wanted to share some of my feelings of "how can I ever love a dog again?"

Please let me know how you and puppy and Tyson are doing. If you'd like, you can send me a private e-mail at jbgreatthegreat@gmail.com

Love and gentleness to you today, (not) Too Soon.

Gretta' (and Rufus's) mom
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
moon_beam
post Mar 29 2012, 03:24 PM
Post #3


Forum Moderator


Group: Moderators
Posts: 8,088
Joined: 20-July 08
From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, asorryone, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me add my reassurance to Gretta's Mom's that you and your precious Tyson will always have your unique eternal love bond. Each companion brings his / her own special personality which makes each relationship unique. It doesn't matter HOW they come to us - - be they a stray, a rescue, or specifically purchased. The most important fact is that when your beloved Tyson entered into heaven's perfect garden, he and our Heavenly Father Creator began the process of selecting another precious soul just for you and your family and began guiding your paths to the point where they would meet - - which has happened. The amazing thing about the heart - - be it human or other life form - - is that it has the enormous capacity to give - - and receive - - love. The more love it gives the more room there is to receive it back. And our hearts remember each and every one - - be they human or other life form - - with whom we have created an eternal love bond.

So, enjoy your new family member, asorryone. Love doesn't always come "at first sight." Sometimes love comes softly through the day to day routines and taking care of each other's needs. One day you will find yourself looking at this new little life in your home and your heart will smile and you will not be able to imagine your life without her. And hopefully, too, your father will be able to find room in his heart to accept and enjoy this new precious soul.

I hope this helps you in your adjustment journey, asorryone. What you are feeling is very normal. Just take it one day at a time with this new family member. I promise you your beloved Tyson is smiling in approval.

Thank you again so much for sharing with us how you're doing, asorryone. I hope you will have a very peaceful evening. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how things are going for you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
DannysMom
post Mar 29 2012, 07:56 PM
Post #4





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 1,113
Joined: 3-February 12
Member No.: 7,464



QUOTE (asorryone @ Mar 29 2012, 06:14 AM) *
...

Also the circumstances in which Tyson came to us were very unique. Her mother was a stray and we homed her. She had 6 pups and became aggressive after giving birth. When the day came to give the pups and mother to new homes we decided to keep on. Tyson was the only pup in the litter that had any brown on her body and so we decided we would keep her.

Its as though she came walking into our lives and she fitted in with our family life so well. She was so smart, I cannot describe how smart she was words would do no justice. Now, buying this little pup almost seems like an artificial relationship. Tyson came to us and was as though she was tailored for us and this little pup has been bought and its as though we are building an artificial relationship. It may seem strange and silly but i cannot help the way I feel. I am deeply saddened.


Dear asorryone, I am glad that you and your family decided to get this little puppy. I find myself echoing moon_beam's words. It doesn't matter how they come into our lives, whether bought or rescued. My case in point is Danny, my beloved Tuxedo cat. He came into my life as I walked into a pet store on an impulse just to look at the kittens I saw playing in their cages. It was love at first sight with Danny, and it was truly meant to be as he turned out to be such a sweet, gentle soul. There was a reason that this particular puppy came into your lives, and the fact that he was bought does in no way cheapen her. I can tell you are still grieving very much over Tyson, and this is to be expected. It is hard to open oneself up to love again when one is still grieving. I've had the same experience with Mindy, my 8 month old kitten. She is not Danny, and never will be. But she is just as lovable and sweet and deserving of love. I had to let go of my expectations and accept her for who she is and truly get to know her. It takes time. Tyson was an adult dog, and now you have to 'start over' again with a puppy who needs to be taught the basics. That can be disappointing at times, but please be patient with this little pup. She can't be expected to behave perfectly and do all the things that Tyson did. It takes time to build a new relationship. Let go of your expectations and accept this little pup for who she is. Perhaps you'd like to share her with us in the 'New Beginnings' forum.


--------------------
Danny: March 4, 2001 - December 28, 2011
Tina: October 27, 1997 - April 28, 2012


To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Gretta's Mom
post Mar 31 2012, 07:18 AM
Post #5





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 2,020
Joined: 13-April 11
Member No.: 7,067



Hi ASorry One

How are you and the new little fur-friend getting along? Tyson is up there saying "Puppy, I told you my mom is the best!" Take it slowly and one day, when you least expect it, you turn around and ask yourself, "How did that happne?" We're with you all the way.

Gretta's mom
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

Reply to this topicStart new topic

 



Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 2nd December 2020 - 04:44 PM