My Sweet Wolfie Is Gone And I'm Devastated Options

[Kellyt]

Today is four weeks. Four weeks-I can't believe how time somehow goes by. I pray for the strength to get through each day, and then as the days turn into weeks, I become more and more sad about the passing of time and the growing distance between Wolfie's last day on earth and the present. I know our bond is everlasting, and that he is in my heart for all time, but it hurts so badly to think of how much time has gone by. I'm starting to feel the need to do more to actively honor his life and look at photos more often. As crushingly painful as it is, looking at pictures sometimes helps, makes me feel closer to him. I haven't been able to write in my pet loss journal yet, but want to start.
Thanksgiving was rough. We spent the weekend with relatives, at my aunt's family vacation home. A cherished place became a source of pain as we mourned the recent loss of my uncle as well as the loss of Wolfie, and dealing with so much loss and change was surreal. So many firsts and reminders-the first car ride without him, and driving past all our usual Wolfie pit stops, constantly looking out into the yard he played in just a few months ago, remembering all the places in the house where he loved to curl up and sleep, and seeing the confusion on my aunt's dog's face when we walked in without Wolfie. The pain weighed on me all weekend.
Had to almost literally drag myself to work today. So many work pressures and deadlines, and I honestly don't want any part of it. The weight of the grief is just about all I can handle right now.

Missing you with all my heart and soul, Wolfie, throughout every minute of every day. You are my sunshine. Thank you for everything.

[Sassy]

Today is four weeks. Four weeks-I can't believe how time somehow goes by. I pray for the strength to get through each day, and then as the days turn into weeks, I become more and more sad about the passing of time and the growing distance between Wolfie's last day on earth and the present. I know our bond is everlasting, and that he is in my heart for all time, but it hurts so badly to think of how much time has gone by. I'm starting to feel the need to do more to actively honor his life and look at photos more often. As crushingly painful as it is, looking at pictures sometimes helps, makes me feel closer to him. I haven't been able to write in my pet loss journal yet, but want to start.
Thanksgiving was rough. We spent the weekend with relatives, at my aunt's family vacation home. A cherished place became a source of pain as we mourned the recent loss of my uncle as well as the loss of Wolfie, and dealing with so much loss and change was surreal. So many firsts and reminders-the first car ride without him, and driving past all our usual Wolfie pit stops, constantly looking out into the yard he played in just a few months ago, remembering all the places in the house where he loved to curl up and sleep, and seeing the confusion on my aunt's dog's face when we walked in without Wolfie. The pain weighed on me all weekend.
Had to almost literally drag myself to work today. So many work pressures and deadlines, and I honestly don't want any part of it. The weight of the grief is just about all I can handle right now.

Missing you with all my heart and soul, Wolfie, throughout every minute of every day. You are my sunshine. Thank you for everything.

Kelly,

No words will come close to easing your pain, I have found and currently do find a bizarre solace in knowing I am not alone in my extreme grief and pain, that there are people like me all across the globe suffering in the same way I am. I would never wish this pain of my worst enemy, but knowing I am not alone and I can share without fear of repercussion or judgement is a vital part of healing.

If you are anything like me the word 'healing' and 'get over' burned me like acid, you don't want to get through this, you don't want to get over it .... But you do get through it .. And one day, and no one knows when, there is not date or time, but one day you will be sitting somewhere in the sun and Wolfie will come to you and you will smile instead of cry, you will speak of him with immense pride and love and no tears will pass.

But until that time, be kind to yourself, surround yourself with kind hearted folks who will provide you with support and space to grieve your loss.

I find silence helps me at work, I too had to go back in to work too quickly, I have started finding quite places to regain composure and my lovely colleagues have kindly not asked "how are you?" Knowing it is a bloody redundant question.

There are some great people on this site, many of whom have unfortunately experienced your overwhelming pain, sometimes more than once, we are all here for you, pour your heart out, tell us all the most amazing stories of Wolfie, make us laugh, make us cry, we are your wailing wall.

Take care

Cryss
Mum to Sassy, Evie and Jedi all angels

[moon_beam]

Hi, Kelly, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I, too, share your heart-filled sorrow and pain as you continue your grief adjustment journey to the physical absence of your beloved Wolfie. Sassy has shared with you what is in my heart - - I cannot say it any better. So as you read her response, please know that her words of comfort are shared by me as well.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Kelly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Wolfie's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Kellyt]

Dear Cryss,
Thank you so very much for your reply. I so appreciate your support and kind words. Yes, I am so sad for everyone's losses and pain, but am so glad to be able to share my feelings and sorrows with people who get it. I hope to learn more about your precious Sassy, Evie, and Jedi as I share my Wolfie stories.

While the simple words 'thank you' don't really express my gratitude fully, I don't know what else to write but that...THANK YOU.

-Kelly

[Kellyt]

Dear moon_beam,

Thank you so very much for your kind words. Your ongoing support has helped me so much, and has given me hope in my darkest hours. I know I need to be patient and gentle with myself, or at least I need to try to be.
You are an exceptional human being, and I am eternally grateful for you and all the kind people here.

Warmest regards,
Kelly

[Kellyt]

Six weeks and two days. I can't believe how quickly time is going by. The distance between the present and when he was living with us is ever increasing. Now I do think about how I am also getting that much closer to the day when I will see him again. Don't get me wrong, I will complete my journey here and do the best I can to be a good person and live a meaningful life, but I look forward to seeing my sweet angel and other loved ones when it's my time.
It's becoming a little easier to focus on the love and not be as consumed by the pain, but there are still so many days where the grief is overwhelming and I still can't believe Wolfie's gone. It's still so surreal so much of the time. I have yet to start journaling and figuring out exactly how we're going to honor his life and amazing spirit. I'm thinking a tree and a stone marker of some sort. Daffodils. A donation to the shelter where Wolfie spent five long months before we adopted him. I think the pressures of life and possibly me needing to just be with my grief for awhile have prevented me from doing all that. I will get to it in time.
I talk to Wolfie a lot. It helps some. I feel him with me. I do. I just wish he were here. That wishing will never go away.

On Friday, I'm going to meet an 11-year-old dog who is in need of a home. Her story was posted on facebook by one of the out of state rescues I follow. She looks so much like Wolfie it took my breath away. When I found out she was only 15 min away, my husband and I decided we had to at least offer to foster her. I'm a little afraid of meeting her and it being painful, but I want to help this poor girl. Funny, her name is Biscuit, and at first I didn't think anything of it, but soon after I realized that the night before I saw her post, I was thinking about how I was craving biscuits and how I would probably make some soon. Not a typical thing for me to make. So, I decided it was a sign from Wolfie, and while I'm nervous that it may be too soon, I feel that if she's meant to be with us, it'll work out.

Wolfie, we are loving you and missing you every minute of every day, sweet boy.

Thinking of all of you and wishing you peace.

-Kelly

[moon_beam]

Hi, Kelly, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I am glad to know you are beginning to find it "a little easier to focus on the love and not be as consumed by the pain, but there are still so many days where the grief is overwhelming and I still can't believe Wolfie's gone. " Kelly, please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal grief. This grief adjustment journey is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride with many ups and downs, twists and turns and turnarounds. One of our forum correspondents has a topic titled "just when I think I'm beginning to feel okay . . . " She talks about how the grief even months down the road can be overwhelming - - particularly when she is now least expecting it after several months into her grief adjustment journey. There is a part of you that will always miss your beloved Wolfie's sweet precious physical presence with you - - even years down the road. The good news is that as time progresses you will find yourself more and more able to "focus on the love" you and your beloved Wolfie share - - which is eternal.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers as you and your husband go to visit with Biscuit. You can always begin with fostering her - - if you feel comfortable doing that at this point in time. The decision to adopt will come in time - - at the right time - - be it with Biscuit or with another waif later on. The same is true about beginning your journaling and honoring your beloved Wolfie. All of your suggestions sound wonderful: "a tree and a stone marker of some sort. Daffodils. A donation to the shelter where Wolfie spent five long months before we adopted him." Perhaps you can find a combination of ways that you can honor your beloved Wolfie - - in time you will know what and how you want to do.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Kelly, and that you and your husband will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Wolfie's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing and to sharing your treasured memories of your beloved Wolfie. And please let us know how things go with Biscuit.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Kellyt]

Six months today. I cannot believe it's been six months. Time somehow goes by, and life somehow continues. I miss Wolfie so much, and think of him every day. The pain is still overwhelming at times. I'm trying to figure out answers to questions like Where is Wolfie now? Can he somehow still feel my love? Is his spirit still here, or has that passed on as well? I struggle with his physical absence and the unknowns/questions. Questions whose answers I guess everyone has to decide for themselves. I guess you could say I'm fortunate to have not experienced any significant losses up to this point in my life. Losing Wolfie has been by far the most traumatic and painful. I read a quote recently: "Dogs come into our lives to teach us about love, and they leave us to teach about loss." When I'm feeling particularly in need of making some sense out of this, one thought I have is that Wolfie is my ultimate teacher. Who better than the most precious of beings to teach me such an important lesson?

I also read that at some point it's important to let go, and it brought me immense pain. I take great comfort in picturing Wolfie being connected to me still, and in "talking" to him. To imagine giving that up is something I can't do. Maybe that's not even what the sentence means, but that's how I interpreted it.

Reading through all the posts from the fall brought back all the unimaginable grief and pain, but it also reminded me that the support on this site is truly incredible. I hope everyone here ultimately finds peace and some measure of comfort.

-Kelly

[Scarlett's M...]

My approx 6 yr old shepherd husky mix, Wolfie, died unexpectedly today. I took him to a state of the art 24 hr emergency vet, and despite numerous tests and ultrasounds, they missed diagnosing what wound up killing him-pancreatitis. My husband and I cannot believe that they didn't catch it sooner. There was talk of leptospirosis and liver cancer, as his enzymes were through the roof, but an ultrasound revealed gallbladder issues. Wolfie went in to surgery, and we were very cautiously optimistic, as the vet did say there could be infection complications bc he had bile in his abdomen.
Fast forward two hours, and we get a call that Wolfie took a turn for the worse and his heart stopped during surgery. We race there, in the middle of an impending hurricane, to find out he was gone. GONE. All due to a heart arrhythmia brought on by complications from pancreatitis. We were shocked and stunned. Pancreatitis was never mentioned, despite all the blood test and ultrasounds. Not once!
So now,needless to say, we are devastated. Our boy is gone. We weren't able to have children, so he's our baby. Everything I do, smell, see, and touch reminds me of him. To think of a future without him takes my breath away. I plan on going to a support group, but in the meantime, we're here, left to struggle with our shock and grief at losing the most gentle, sweet, funny, beautiful creature. We were so blessed to have him in our lives, but we feel cheated bc we didn't have more time with him, and bc he didn't have the long life he so deserved.

My husband and I are in the depths of grief over the loss of our furry baby Scarlett only 4 days ago. Reading your story helped a little as we have some similarities in common. We've been racked with guilt and are heartbroken. We keep repeating over and over why didn't we question the Vet more, why didn't we bring her in sooner, why, why, why's are the only thoughts swimming through our heads right now. Our Scarlett was mis-diagnosed, we were told she had pancreatitis even when we told the Vet she was dealing with recurring UTI's - I asked the Vet in the ER if they were linked he said "no" I asked if there was a mortality rate in this diagnosis and he said "no". We took our sweet baby home with an IV patch - the next day our baby showed no signs of improvement - we brought her back into the ER and a new doctor saw her this time - needless to say our sweet Scarlett did not have pancreatitis we are waiting for the results but the new Vet at the ER suspected it to be related to her UTI - I keep wondering if I'd okay'd an ultra-sound would that first doctor had changed his diagnosis? Would it have been in time - should we have taken her in sooner.... should... should... should's and why, why, why's are the only thoughts I have right now - that coupled with the incredible loss of our baby. My husband and I decided not to have children we loved our Scarlett so much - she was our child.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Kelly, thank you so much for sharing with us how you were doing on your and your beloved Wolfie's 6 month angel-versary.

Please let me try to reassure you that you NEVER need to "let go" of your and your beloved Wolfie's eternal love bond. It is PERFECTLY OKAY for you to continue to talk to your beloved Wolfie for the rest of your earthly journey as you talked to him while you were sharing his earthly journey - - for the sound of your voice is forever a sweet sound to his ears as he continues to listen intently to every word you say. I promise you that your beloved Wolfie's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know you and your beloved Wolfie will soon be commemorating your 9 month angel-versary. I hope life is treating you kindly, Kelly, and that your evenings are peaceful with your beloved Wolfie's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Kelly, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam