Buck

My baby is gone. All my boys are gone. I'll tell more later.
-Donna

Buck's Not Well

Hello to you all. Those of you who have followed my posts for Niles and Frasier may remember that I have mentioned our lab mix, Buck. On top of a hundred other things I am dealing with this evening unrelated to my pets, Buck is having problems. Last year in March he had an issue with his back or shoulders where he could barely get up and could only walk gingerly in a circle. When we took him into the vet we discovered his kidneys were beginning to fail but that didn't have anything to do with the inability to walk. He eventually pulled out of it and we chalked it up to him pulling something while playing.
We've managed to keep his kidneys pretty much under control although he is due next week for his next check. His last numbers had gone up so I suspect they won't be good this time either. Tonight he is in obvious discomfort and is unable to turn to the left or lay on his left side. My husband has been massaging him but Buck keeps hollering out. I can't begin to tell you all the other things I'm going through this evening but suffice it to say that serious family problems on my side of the family are coming to a head. Things are very tense. I guess I'm telling you all this because I want you to know why I'm freaking out over Buck. He could be ok by morning but I'm sure I won't sleep tonight. We just gave him one of his pain pills that we give him for his terrible hips (we usually give him one every other day). I hope that will help but it didn't help the last time. I don't know what to do.
With having lost Niles and Frasier so recently and so close to one another, I will simply unwind if Buck begins to rapidly decline. I know y'all can't do anything and I'm not searching for answers as to what is wrong with him, I just needed the support. Please remember him this evening in your prayers, if you will. Thank you.
-Donna

Niles Is Gone

Dear friends, my baby left this morning at about 5:45. He didn't make it until the vet got here. It wasn't as peaceful as I had prayed but he's resting now. I'm in that numb place at this moment. I'll write more later. Thank you all for your prayers last night.
-Donna

Niles' Story

Hello to all. I haven't been on the forum in awhile and I feel bad that I haven't been able to offer support to y'all. Some of you may know me from "Frasier's Story". If you've read it, then you know we lost Frasier last August. My immeasurable grief has been the same as all of yours. Unfortunately we share that in common.
I'm not ready to tell everything yet but we are now losing Frasier's littermate, Niles. He is dying of kidney failure. That's the first time I've said it that way and the tears are welling up in my eyes to the point I can't see. We just found out last week and I'm dealing with getting ready. So many of you know what I mean. To make matters worse, we had our dog Buck rechecked for his kidney values last week as he has been in compensated kidney failure for a year now and his numbers had taken a dramatic jump. He is doing very well though so we are just thankful for each day we have him.
I'll talk more later and again, I'm sorry to all of you who have come here to the forum since the last time I was on and I didn't offer support. I was pushing myself away from this website in denial that Niles might be leaving me.
My broken heart goes out to all of you as I know yours is broken too.
-Donna

Frasier's Story

Frasier’s story begins 14 years ago on a stormy night. I worked at my vet at the time and we were getting ready to close for the evening. One of our clients came in to drop off 2 kittens to be neutered the next day. She was overwhelmed by how many pets she had. When those 2 little orange heads poked through that cardboard carrier I immediately asked if I could have them! It’s not easy for me to make a quick decision so where that response came from, I do not know!
She told me I could have Niles(whose name was Simba) but not Frasier because he was a love bug and they didn’t want to give him up. When she came to pick him up I again told her that I would take him if she ever wanted to give him up. Luckily for me, 2 months later she did. My heart expanded and I fell in love again. The “brothers” were reunited and our life together began. Four years later we got Buck, a yellow lab/golden retriever mix. Niles couldn’t have cared less but Frasier had found his nemesis! He loved to hate Buck! Even though Buck had never done anything to hurt him, Frasier always acted like he was about to be eaten alive. But even still, he always made sure he was near Buck. He tried so hard to keep his love for Buck a secret but he was so transparent.
Frasier lived in his own imaginary world most of the time. We often joked that he wasn’t all there. Bless his heart. He played with wads of paper like they were hot potatoes. He would walk down the hall with one in his mouth meowing the whole way. In his mind, the plastic wrap off the ice cream carton was a dangerous anaconda. He entertained himself and us at the same time. He was the court jester of the house. He loved his brother, Niles, and I believe he looked to him for when to be scared and when not. If they heard a loud noise he would look at Niles and if Niles didn’t react then he didn’t react. If Niles looked afraid, Frasier would get afraid. They slept together so much I hardly have any pictures of them apart from one another.
Then came last year. I often noticed that he would sit away from us and had a look on his face like he knew something. My husband kept telling me to quit worrying so much. By Christmas, it was obvious I wasn’t worrying in vain. He started having trouble having bowel movements. He was diagnosed with megacolon and inflammatory bowel disease. This was manageable with medication although it was a daily adjustment as he would hit bumps in the road frequently. I always knew he was physically stronger than Niles but I began to realize that he wasn’t strong mentally. We could tell that he was troubled by his illness even when he didn’t need to be. He looked worried and medicating him really took a toll on him.
In June I began saying he just didn’t look like he was thriving. He was losing weight even though his systems were functioning. He began to pull away from Niles in July. His expression would fall when Niles came in the room. It was as if he was thinking, “why does he have to come in here?” He began sleeping during the day in the guest bedroom. I tried to tell myself that he just found a new spot as they often do. But deep down, I worried. I tended to his every need and tried to take the burden of worry from him. We finally found a food he was excited about and I felt like he was putting on some weight. Then I noticed that the weight was only in his abdomen and he still wasn’t thriving. My worry grew into a sick feeling in my stomach. Three weeks ago he stopped having bowel movements. I thought he was becoming impacted. My vet and I have been in constant contact this whole year (Buck has medical issues as well) and we decided to give him a little more time since it stressed him out so much to go to the hospital. He then quit eating and his abdomen was very large. I took him in on a Thursday and the vet discovered it had nothing to do with his megacolon. His abdomen was full of fluid - the result of either cancer, liver failure, or heart failure. The tests came back indicating heart failure. It would be manageable if we could get the fluid down. Days later, the medication hadn’t worked and he was even more uncomfortable. He then stopped urinating. I knew the medication had destroyed his kidneys. It was just too much to ask his kidneys to get all that fluid out. The night before he died was another stormy night just like when he first came into my life. I felt it was a sign. We took him back the following Thursday and the blood test confirmed what I already knew. The vet said the best thing would be to put him to sleep that day because the level of his kidneys indicated that he was on the verge of neurological breakdown and seizures. I couldn’t allow that for baby Frasier. My husband took him home and I left work. The vet was coming to our house on his lunch break so we could do it at our home instead of the hospital. I am so grateful for that. But I sat watching the clock and counting the hours then minutes before he would be gone. I felt like I was waiting for the grim reaper. When I got within one hour left of his life, I could barely breathe. I sat in the hall and stared at him as he tried to get comfortable and rest. I can’t bear to even look at the watch I was wearing that day because it counted down to the worst hours of my life. His last moments were peaceful for him but there aren’t words to describe what I was feeling. Over and over in the days that followed, I felt like he had been physically attached to me and was being pulled from my body. I was overwhelmed with the physical part of grief.
I have sniffled, cried, wailed, and sat silent with my head back and my mouth open. I have pounded the floor, I have screamed, and I have sat expressionless. I’ve been in the fetal position and I have squatted on the floor and I have spent a lot of time on my knees. I don't want anything new in the house because I don't want there to be anything he doesn't know about. I don't want there to be life without him. I know I will go on and I know I will be ok but I just wanted to tell his story to the universe so that someone/anyone will know his story. I miss you baby Frasier. My little Bean Bean.