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> Noushka And Tasha I'm Missing You Both So Much
janika
post Nov 14 2009, 01:55 AM
Post #1





Group: Pet Lovers
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Hello to you all. I know if you're reading this you've also suffered great loss and will be feeling heartbroken too.
Over the weeks since Noushka left us to become another of my 'Angel Dogs' I have looked on this site many times and found some comfort from knowing that I am not alone. The messages, poems, stories written on here about beloved pets are so beautiful and they have kept me going.
I am finding things very hard at the moment . It's now about 10 weeks since I said goodbye to Noushka and almost 4 years since Tasha. They are now both in the garden they loved to play in. We planted two white flowering shrubs and lots of snowdrops around them. They 're Samoyeds and loved to play in the snow. I will miss them so much this Christmas and I'm dreading the first snowfall.
I try to keep thinking of all the happy times and how much love we shared but I feel so lost and empty without them. Losing Noushka has brought back the pain of losing Tasha. I just try to think that now they are together again. I do believe that they are with me in spirit and know that as in life they will always be by my side.
Thanks for reading this and if anyone can help me I would love to hear from them.
Love
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madi
post Nov 14 2009, 07:57 AM
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Hi Jan, madi here, I have just read your post and yes, I understand how it is with Christmas coming up soon and like me, you are not looking forward to facing it without your cherished ones. In my case, being on the other side of the world, it was first spring that I dreaded, because Ulriich used to sit out in the sun with me and I dreaded sitting out in the spring garden without him. I visited a friend last night and her husband showed me where he had put to rest his two much loved dogs, Blue and Billy. He only lost Billy two months ago and Blue about a year ago and they had these two beautiful resting spots under a tree, complete with little crosses and stones and beautiful flowers everywhere. I felt a bond with him as I shared his loss, as it's only us animal lovers that can really understand how each other feels. It is difficult to think of the happy times when you are unhappy, because you still miss them and that seems pretty normal to me. Grieving takes it's toll on you doesn't it? I don't sleep much, but I do try to mix with my friends as much as possible to keep the depression at bay. Blessings to you Jan.

madi xx
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tanbuck
post Nov 14 2009, 02:24 PM
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Janika, I wish I had something to tell you to help. But since I am at the 11 week mark myself, I'm at a loss on how to best handle Christmas. I guess we just have one another on this site to keep reminding ourselves that we aren't alone. That's the only thing that really helps me. I hope that the snow and Christmas won't be as painful as you fear. I really do.
-Donna
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AngelCareOne
post Nov 14 2009, 09:43 PM
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{{{{{To Mommy Janika from Noushka and Tasha}}}}}

Mommy, We Hear your Voice on the Wind! And We Hear you call out our names! Bring us your Peace and our wounds they will Heal! We are the Voice of the past that will Always Be! We are the Voice of your hunger and pain. Answer our call, and we'll set you Free!

We are the Force that in Springtime will Grow!

We are the Voice of the Future! We Will Remain!









"The Voice"

I Hear your Voice on the Wind!
And I Hear you call out my name!

"Listen, my Child," you say to me . . .
"I am the Voice of your history . . .
Be not afraid, come follow me!
Answer my call, and I'll set you Free!"

I am the Voice in the Wind and the pouring rain.
I am the Voice of your hunger and pain.
I am the Voice that always is calling you.
I am the Voice! I Will Remain!

I am the Voice in the fields when the summer's gone.
The dance of the leaves when the autumn winds blow.
Ne'er do I sleep throughout all the cold winter long.
I am the Force that in Springtime will Grow!

I am the Voice of the past that will Always be!
Filled with my sorrow and blood in my fields.
I am the Voice of the Future! Bring me your Peace!
Bring me your Peace and my wounds they will Heal!

I am the Voice in the Wind and the pouring rain.
I am the Voice of your hunger and pain.
I am the Voice that Always is calling you.
I am the Voice!

I am the Voice of the past that will Always be!
I am the Voice of your hunger and pain.
I am the Voice of the Future!
I am the Voice! I am the Voice!
I am the Voice! I am the Voice!





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janika
post Nov 15 2009, 02:08 AM
Post #5





Group: Pet Lovers
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Thanks to all of you who have read my posting and sent kind thoughts and prayers and especially to Madi, Donna and Dottie(Angel) for the kind words. Dottie the pictures and poem you did are beautiful. And you did snow dogs too. Thanks so much.
I know you are all going through so much pain and sadness yourselves and my heart goes out to all of you.
Dottie, How is your Styx ? I have been thinking of him and hope he is not suffering, bless him.
I feel slightly more positive today, helped by your lovely messages. I hope you will all have a good day too. Yesterday was dreadful, I just couldn't stop crying, and then I snapped myself out of it as my Angel Darlings will hate to see me upset. When they were here with me they used to nuzzle and push up my hand to stroke them and lay their heads on me if ever I was down or sad.
I'm looking forward to spring and the flowering of their snowdrops on and around where they are in our garden.
Thanks once again to all of you.
Thinking of you with love
Jan ******x
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chele
post Nov 15 2009, 03:53 PM
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I'm so sorry you are hurting.
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janika
post Nov 16 2009, 12:18 PM
Post #7





Group: Pet Lovers
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Thank you for your kind words Chele.
I read your posts about your darling Callie, so I know you understand how I am feeling.

I am pleased that Callie helped you to find Sandie, and I am so happy that things are working out for you both.

Love Jan x
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AngelCareOne
post Nov 17 2009, 01:25 AM
Post #8





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QUOTE (janika @ Nov 15 2009, 02:08 AM) *
Thanks to all of you who have read my posting and sent kind thoughts and prayers and especially to Madi, Donna and Dottie(Angel) for the kind words. Dottie the pictures and poem you did are beautiful. And you did snow dogs too. Thanks so much.
I know you are all going through so much pain and sadness yourselves and my heart goes out to all of you.
Dottie, How is your Styx ? I have been thinking of him and hope he is not suffering, bless him.

I feel slightly more positive today, helped by your lovely messages. I hope you will all have a good day too. Yesterday was dreadful, I just couldn't stop crying, and then I snapped myself out of it as my Angel Darlings will hate to see me upset. When they were here with me they used to nuzzle and push up my hand to stroke them and lay their heads on me if ever I was down or sad.

I'm looking forward to spring and the flowering of their snowdrops on and around where they are in our garden.
Thanks once again to all of you.
Thinking of you with love
Jan ******x


Dearest Jan,

I read your post, what you said about them being Samoyeds who loved to play in the snow and you were dreading Christmas. Then I found what I felt would bring you the most comfort using images and this particular song since I usually express myself so much better that way than with words. I'm so pleased you liked it and it brought you some solace.

I Wish You Peace!!!



Always,
Dottie xoxoxox
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AngelCareOne
post Nov 17 2009, 01:37 PM
Post #9





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I think you might like this one much better, Jan.



Many Comforting Hugs!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox
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janika
post Nov 18 2009, 02:10 AM
Post #10





Group: Pet Lovers
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Hi Dear Dottie

I couldn't believe it when I saw the samoyed picture you have done for me. I will try and find pics of Tasha and Noushka to post on here as you have captured them both , exactly. It is absolutely amazing and it made me so happy, thankyou so much.
I'm sure you must be in touch with my Angel Dogs as the picture is perfect, an exact likeness of them both.

Just tried to upload some pics of them both, but saying file size too big. I'll keep trying.

Hope Styx kitty is still doing ok.
Thinking of you.
Lots of love
Jan xx
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AngelCareOne
post Nov 19 2009, 05:45 PM
Post #11





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QUOTE (janika @ Nov 18 2009, 02:10 AM) *
Hi Dear Dottie

I couldn't believe it when I saw the samoyed picture you have done for me. I will try and find pics of Tasha and Noushka to post on here as you have captured them both, exactly. It is absolutely amazing and it made me so happy, thankyou so much.
I'm sure you must be in touch with my Angel Dogs as the picture is perfect, an exact likeness of them both.

Just tried to upload some pics of them both, but saying file size too big. I'll keep trying.

Hope Styx kitty is still doing ok.
Thinking of you.
Lots of love
Jan xx

Hi, Dear Jan. Who knows? We all have that third eye at least at times.
I'd love to think your fur babies have visited me.

Oh, and Styx kitty is hanging in there. Bless his heart!

Please do try to share one or more photos of your Angel Fur Kids Tasha and Noushka when you're able. Until then, I hope you like this one, too.



More Comforting Hugs and Love!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox
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janika
post Nov 19 2009, 06:08 PM
Post #12





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Dottie, it is just unbelievable. It is just like looking at a photo of my Tasha and Noushka. I feel a sense of comfort as I am sure it is their way of letting me know, through you, that they are together and watching over me.
I am thinking of you and Styx Kitty, I was worried as I hadn't seen you on here for a couple of days.
I read your story and couldn't believe what you went through. Your dreadful experience and suffering has given you the ability to help so many people on this forum. You are a very special lady.

Still trying to upload my pics onto here so that you can see how spot on you are with the picture.

Love and hugs
Jan xx
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janika
post Nov 20 2009, 03:52 PM
Post #13





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Had a bad day again. I know you are all suffering too and I try to be positive, but it's so hard.
Sheppie I hope you are ok, I've been thinking about you all day and it brought back the memories of when we had to pick up Noushkas ashes.
I've been looking at photos of my angel girls all day. Oh I miss them so much. The house seems so quiet and empty now.
The leads are still hanging in the cupboard. I still keep finding beautiful samoyed hair . I do vaccum but always make sure that some hair is left.
Every time I come home I expect my wonderful greeting and to see Noushka, tail wagging,and hear that lovely woowoo sound that sammies make.
Tasha, was my first samoyed. She's been my Angel dog for almost 4 years now. She had diabetes for the last 7 years of her life. She was blind but still had such a happy life. She came willingly for her insulin injections twice daily, and never flinched. When she was 14 and had lost all quality of life I had to make the decision for the vet to come to our home to give her peace from her suffering. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make. I hugged her right to the end.It broke my heart.
Twelve weeks ago Noushka who had been slowing down a lot but was still enjoying a slow walk every day, went off her food for a couple of days. I called the vets and they said she's probably just having an off day.
She quite often went off her food so I wasn't too worried, but thought she should be checked out after a further couple of days. The vet found mammary tumours and said that her breathing was bad. She said she would keep her in over night for tests.
She called me later that evening and said that Noushka had Pneumonia. She said it was treatable but would be very lengthy and expensive and no guarantees, then they would have to investigate the mammary growths. I said to treat the pneumonia and to do everything she could. She said I could call in the morning to see how she was and that the treatment would be 5 to 10 days. I didn't sleep at all that night. I just wanted to go and see her. At 8.30 am the vet called and said Noushka hadn't made it through the night.
It was like a nightmare. I still feel as if I'm living a nightmare. How could she go so quickly and I wasn't even with her. I felt so guilty that I hadn't taken her to the vets earlier. Then I felt guilty that I Had taken her to the vets and she wasn't at home at the end. Then I felt bad that I hadn't said a final goodbye. Oh I just hope she knew how much I loved her.
Thankyou for reading this. This forum has really helped me. I know that there are so many of you that understand how I feel and you have been such a comfort to me.
Love you my darlings, Tasha and Noushka ***x

Love to you all
Jan xx
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madi
post Nov 20 2009, 06:12 PM
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My thoughts are with you Jan, those bad days seem to throw you right back to square one don't they? Just take one day at a time, 3 months is not very long, my loss is at the 6 month stage now, it's better than at 3 months, but I still miss that boy heaps. Last night I dreamed I was looking for Ulriich with a torch and I found him sitting near the pantry where he stood out vividly with the torch light surrounding him. I suppose that's because I was out looking for him with my torch in the dark the night he died. I wish I could post a photo of my boy on here, but I can't see him without wanting him and it kills me. I have photos and videos still on my phone and I wish I could get over this, other people seem to be able to face this part. Anyway Jan, I am thinking of you and Noushka and Tasha and sending you love and hugs. Hang in there dear lady.

madi xx
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AngelCareOne
post Nov 20 2009, 08:24 PM
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Dearest Jan, I know it hurts. Your pain is palpable. I can see your tears, hear you weep and sometimes you even forget to breath. I am so sorry this is happening. It seems to be a not so very funny cosmic joke that we are destined to outlive our most cherished and beloved fur and feather kids by decades. Somehow, I'll bet that Noushka and Tasha get that "joke" from their vantage point in that Great Catbird Seat. It still doesn't make it any easier when we lose our darling fur kids no matter how young or old they are.

This may sound simple, and probably is, but I do talk with Alex a lot, write to him, make him pretty pictures because he loved them so much and gift him with the videos he used to watch with me as he sat on my right shoulder. He loved that so much and it does bring me some small solace. Still, what we'd all give to have them back. Even if just for a moment or two or three. And, the really simply part is that I'd love to think of him and all my past fur and feather kids as Angels watching over me.

Jan, I hope, wish and pray with all my heart that one day you'll have only the most wonderful memories of Noushka and Tasha instead of it all serving as only hurtful reminders at this time. And, don't let anyone tell you how long or short to grieve. You take as long as you need to feel all you do. Please keep coming back to talk as much and often as you're able. It's by sharing and caring that we help each other get through this gosh awful terrible time in our lives and begin to find that Healing Path.











Big Hugs to You and Angel Fur Kids Noushka and Tasha!!!

I Wish You Peace!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox
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janika
post Nov 21 2009, 02:47 AM
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Thanks again Dottie, and for the lovely Pic. They loved to push their noses along in the snow and emerge with their faces covered in snow. Happy memories ........ aaaah !!
I managed to sleep ok so hopefully will have a better day today. I found some more photo's of my angel dogs yesterday so I will scan them in. Like you say it does help when you do something constructive like that. I wish I had your ability to create such wonderful images. You certainly have many gifts which you use to help so many on here.
My son visited yesterday with his girlfriend, and we were all talking about our angel girls and all the funny little things they used to do. He called round 2 days before we lost Noushka and she was so pleased to see him, even though she was obviously so poorly she managed to wag her tail and come to sit with him. Also my daughter and her family visited at the same time. I was so pleased that she saw them all, and of course that they had seen her, before the awful day we took her into the vets. She loved them all so much.
I know Tasha will have looked after her through her passing. That gives me comfort.

I am thinking of you and Buddy looking after your Styx Kitty. I do hope she isn't suffering. From what you say she sounds to be quite peaceful. She will feel all the love around her. Alex will be watching too and looking after you all.

My love and thoughts are with you.

Jan xx
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janika
post Nov 21 2009, 03:08 AM
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Madi thanks for your love and kind words.
I know that you too are hurting so much and missing your darling Ulriich. This pain is the worst. I hope you can take comfort from your other furry friend. It's amazing what a furry hug and a cuddle can do to make things feel better.
I hope that soon you will be able to post a photo of Ulriich on here as I would love to see him. When the time is right of course.
Hopefully today will be a little better than yesterday....... for us all.
I hope the temperature is better for you. That must be swealtering heat. Doesn't look too bad here in Uk, very grey and overcast (quite usual) but the storms and rain seem to have abated. No snow as yet. I'm waiting for it with mixed feelings... so many memories of my sammies in the snow.

Love and hugs

Jan xx
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janika
post Nov 21 2009, 11:08 AM
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Attached Image

Hello I'm trying to upload some pictures of my Angel dogs. Hope this works. This is Tasha as a puppy.

Love Jan x
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janika
post Nov 21 2009, 11:46 AM
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Attached ImageAttached Image

Tasha and Noushka, my Angel dogs.

Love you so much sweet darlings.

Love Mummy Jan xx
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AngelCareOne
post Nov 21 2009, 01:07 PM
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Dearest Jan,

They are so very, very beautiful!!!

Please tell me if that's Tasha on the left and Noushka on the right? Thanks so much!

Many Comforting Hugs!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox
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