I had my Penny girl put to sleep last Thursday. I am profoundly grieving for her. Much more than I ever thought I would be. Her health started declining at the beginning of August and it went so quickly. The first diagnosis was a Vestibular Event and then a few days later she had a seizure. She was then diagnosed with Canine Cognitive Disorder and a probable brain tumor. Due to her age, we opted not to do an MRI. We put her on Anipryl and saw some positive results. I woke up at 5:30 that day and found her in the middle of a horrible seizure. I don't know when it started but it continued for 30 minutes after I got in the floor with her. She was not able to get up after it like she had the others. I woke up my husband and told him it was time. We took her in about an hour later. Our vet made me step back when he was proceeding to give her the medicine (I think more for my sake) because I really thought I was going to try and grab her off the table. It happened so fast. Once he got it in I was able to hold her and within seconds she was gone. I stayed with her for a few minutes afterward and she looked so peaceful - better than I had seen her look in weeks.

I'm grateful that I had a few weeks to really love on her and tell her how much she meant to me. I feel like I will never be able to move past the guilt that I killed her

Hi, Lindsey, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Penny. Losing a companioin is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Lindsey, this grief journey is filled with many different emotions that usually overwhelm us all at once - - it is a journey frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. It is very painful journey - - both emotionally and physically - - that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time - - in your own way and in your own time. It is a journey that does not resolve in an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - for it seems that every moment of every hour of every day is a constant painful reminder that your beloved Penny is no longer physically with you. There are all the "first withouts" to endure -- the first time coming home without her greeting you, the first birthday, the first vacation, the first holiday - - the first shopping no longer needing to get her food or favorite treat or toy - - and it seems the painful reminders never end for each one is like a knife through the heart.

The good news through all this pain is that the love bond you and your beloved Penny share is eternal. It is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Penny's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey now just as she always has and always will. She is always and forever a part of your heart and your memories, Lindsey, - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow that is in your heart. I can only hope that the words I share with you will somehow offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey. One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone in your journey. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Penny with us, Lindsey. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture(s) of her with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Lindsey, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you moon_beam. Here are two photos - one on the night we found her in August 2004 and the night before she died. I will post more later when I can sort through my emotions some more.

Forgive me you just broke my Heart.

When a Doxie finds a friend this Red smooth coat will be there to the end she will pick just one
to lay in the grass as Leafs fall from the skie as she gives chase you will see the flying Doxie
this one will jump into your heart and tell storys of a friend that Kneels with open arms..

As you know are Doxies teach us special things that guide us in times of need for are friends
Guard the ones they love...Mighty Lions that never run that hold are hearts when they sing
We hear every word they speak as tears fall by are feet.

I have many questions one comes to mind I will tell my story as my Neighbors look on...
every winter the snow falls yet my friend stands 3 inches tall as i shovel my backyard i make a maze
for my friend to travel as i watch and smile; as this princess runs through my mind..

I have spoken for a friend...I have many words i think not appropriate at this time...
I will say your friend sits so nice when water runs down her back those beautiful eyes bring
the strongest to there knees you have truly touched my heart...

To the ones that lay in are arms we whisper songs that light a path for are friends we sit by there side
and hold them as we help the ones we love cross over as are hearts beat as one.


As gods of time will never touch this earth Only the purest of Hearts will carry the ones that
Bring...
The Sun
The Breeze
The Leafs that fall from the Trees
As chase Begins as each blade of Grass Bends intime you will always see your friend through Her eyes
That brings us sight for the Teachings of a Doxie Begin when we look into there Heart...

My Broken words...

Thank you My Doxie and Me for the beautiful words.

I see you've had the blessing of Doxie love too

Penny was a rescue and we aren't quite sure what she was mixed with. I've heard Lab, Corgi, Pom. She was a pretty solid girl. I never knew my heart could hurt this much. I keep second guessing everything the past few weeks. Did I do the right thing, did I hang on to long, not long enough.

I'm sure your Doxie and mine are playing together now - free of pain and sickness.

Hi, Lindsey, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing and the wonderful pictures of your beloved Penny. What a pretty girl she is. There is no doubt from the expression on her face and in her eyes that she knows she is loved - - for all time - - by her Forever Mom and Dad. Love is eternal - - it is a growing living Presence that is forever with us even when we are physically separated from our loved ones. I hope as your deep grief eases that your heart will be comforted by the many beautiful memories you share with your beloved Penny.

Please permit me to address what you shared with My Doxie, "I keep second guessing everything the past few weeks. Did I do the right thing, did I hang on to long, not long enough." Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal in this time of deep grief. When we experience a traumatic event - - and the physical loss of a beloved companion is a traumatic event - - we look back and try to reconcile all the things that didn't make sense at the time they were occuring, and sift through all the "what ifs" and the constant questions that literally torment our hearts. From what you have shared with us, Lindsey, there is no doubt in my mind that you and your husband did everything in your human and humane power to give your beloved Penny a happy and healthy earthly journey - - a home where she knows she is loved. Hopefully in time your heart will find comfort as your deep grief eases, and you will be able to hear your beloved Penny's sweet soft whisper in your heart say to you, "I love you, too, and thank you for loving me. All is well - - I am always with you."

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, Lindsey, and thank you again so much for sharing your beloved Penny with us. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you moon_beam.

I'm realizing today the severity of the seizure she had. I feel certain in my heart that even if she had been able to get up that day that she would have had significant brain damage. It was too severe and too long. When she managed to open her eyes she looked so sad. I'm not sure I will ever think it was the "right" thing but maybe the "best" thing for that day. I'm also realizing that I never could have made that choice had I not loved her so much and I'm finding that comforting.

I've been praying almost constantly for signs that she is okay and at peace. Tonight while my daughter and I were walking our other dog, a feather kept floating around us. I'm normally not big on signs but when it fell at my feet I picked it up and brought it home. Miles was a puppy when we rescued Penny and she has been his loyal friend for 8 years. Miles hates birds. He cannot stand them to be anywhere near his house and barks and chases them. Penny loved to annoy Miles. I thought it was pretty fitting she might choose to send us a feather to say her spirit is near

I think I will miss her forever but I also am realizing that I let her go out of pure love and respect and I'm grateful I had a couple of weeks to mentally prepare and tell her all about all of the wonderful joy she's brought to my life.

Hi, Lindsey, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I love the feather floating around you and your daughter. I do believe that our beloved companions find ways to let us know they are always with us - - and since your beloved Penny loved to annoy Miles - - what better way for her to let you know she is with you than with a feather.

When our companions precede us to the angels, they take a part of us with them - - a part of us that belongs only to them - - to hold in safekeeping until it is our appropriate time to join them in eternal joy. This is one of the many reasons why our hearts do not feel completely whole - - like one of the broken heart necklaces. Eventually the deep grief does ease and our hearts eventually embrace new experiences, but I promise you, Lindsey, that no matter how much time passes in your continued earthly journey that you will never forget your beloved Penny - - nor will your love for her ever diminish.

I hope today is treating you, your family, and your precious Miles kindly, and that each of you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Penny's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Two weeks ago tonight - Penny was clicking through the house having the best day we'd seen in awhile. My world stopped at 5 am. Two weeks ago tomorrow I lost a large part of my heart.

I feel like everyone around me feels like I should be "over it."

I'm not anywhere near over it. I think the past few days I've been in denial and that my body has needed that just to rest.

I still expect to see her when I get home. I see her out of the corner of my eye. My daughter had a dream about her as did my college roommate (who knew and loved her too.) When will she come to me?

When does it stop hurting so badly?

I miss you Penny Girl.

An Angel Left Her Wings
@Tina M.Marascia
My apologies for my Modifications to a Heart felt poem
i changed some words to light a friends path.



I have this little angel. For me she left her wings so i might see
the beautful colours that dance beside my feet as i her the clicking
sound of Paw prints that Holds me in my sleep.She has no idea how
much happiness she truly brings.She brightens up my days with her
smiles and her Barks<Or Demands>;She helps me to remember all
the blessings that i have.

Her face,it is so perfect, she's sweet and soft and pure with her Red velvet fur
that grace the steps i take intime She tries her very best to please and do whats right.
She wakes me in the morning she wakes me late at night to tell me she loves me as
she pass through my mind.

Every person that has known her sees this light within a friend that holds me tight
I know in this whole great world, she has a special place as Penny has helped me in my life
a time when she brings a smile that breaks the day before we drift through the night
The light that shines is brighter when my Angel spreads her wings as she lets me know
i did what was right as she smiles upon the ones that carry us through the night
and help them cross over this gift that we give is priceless as we stand by there side
as are friends start to drift away and we Beg for forgivness as we reach for the light...

When she sees someone sad,it opens up her heart as she runs free
She wants to do all that she can; she wishes to do her part
As she lays her paw upon your heart as you sleep she runs with memories
with thoughts of a friend that lays her to sleep as she leaves Angels wings
by your feet to comfort you intime of need...

I know that God must love,He showed me with His Grace
I knew just how complete when I look into my Angels face.
In that very moment when i look upon her cage;I knew that she
will always hold a special place in my Heart for she brings the sun
As the rain stays away for a friend that pass with each breath i take.

When God entrusts to you an Angel. who has left her wings for you.
Encircle her with love with everything you do in a story in your words
She will always love you as she sits and waits for a friend to carry her
down Heavens Gate so she can run free...

Thank you! My heart was heavy reading it but it is so true. I have to keep reminding myself that though she is physically not here she will always be with me. I miss her more than I've ever missed anything. I finally put most of her belongings away in a bag. It hurt to much to look at them. I left her collar out. I would give anything for one more day with her when she was healthy.

My Penny girl,

I looked through pictures of you from the past few months earlier. Tears were streaming down my face. You looked so good just a month before you got sick. I keep wondering if I missed something or if I didn't do enough. Some days I feel like it was "too soon" until your dad reminds me of how sick you were that morning. I did what I thought was best for you. I put aside my selfishness to let you go. I never wanted you to be hurt, confused or in pain. I would do anything to have you back smiling and happy. I miss you so much that it physically hurts. Miles still misses you too. I try to love on him a lot and take him for walks and car rides but those things are a temporary fix. He has stopped looking for you since I showed him your ashes. I think he knows you are gone but that doesn't make your absence any easier.

You were a good dog Penny. And I'm so glad I told you that every day.

I just never thought I would be without you so soon.

Kisses and pancakes,
Mommy

Lindsey,

I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet girl. I too have euthanized my beloveds, and you do know when it's time. But I truly feel it is the one last kindness we can do for them. It's still not easy. I love that the people who post don't tend to say "well i'm a dog person, or cat person". We are all animal people & grief binds us. Thanks for your thoughts & prayers for me. You have mine as well.

Midgesmom

Up until last year I would have said I was a dog person

We are now owned by two cats - one that showed up in our front yard and waltzed in the front door about a week before Penny got sick. I have no doubt in my mind God sent her to me to help me get through this pain.

It is amazing how "animal" people can relate. I have a lot of positive in my life but even my husband doesn't seem to fully understand the extent of my grief. I had Miles and Penny when we met so they were always more "my" dogs.

Lindsey when you speak of Pennys last day i know what might have been for my 2 friends have past the same
way so penny is more Dachshund i am sorry to say its there way of telling us that its time for them to leave
for we would hold them until eternity.

We are there Angels as we hold there head and kiss there last breath and are heart breaks with all the time that pass
they learn a language not of there own but for the ones they love they search are hearts and they know we will carry
them intime of need we earn the right in the end to speak only to easy are friends pain and to do whats right
For the words are friends speak only we can see..

A special friend has touched your heart a connection made deep when words run free you see how much love Penny..
Brings you can read each click behind your feet This little one will follow only the purest of Hearts she follows Lindesy..


I to have many items i hide such as my friends

Tooth brush
Tooth paste
Her leash
Last visit to the Vet Paper work to let me know all is well;
all this is kepped in a Drawer along with my Broken Heart
For me my friend was running in the backyard at 16...
<Left this space Blank>

Few things that i have found to help in the grief that is to speak of your friend or write when you seek the answers
by looking back into your friends eyes you will see Penny run out to the Tallest Tree making her way around with
great speed she sees the one that holds her Peace as you kneel she sprints as you see the Flying Dachshund with no
Fear she jumps into your arms as she knows you care....

Thursday again. I hate Thursdays. No matter how much better I've been doing Thursday hits me like ice cold waves in the face. As soon as I wake up I begin going over that whole morning in my mind until 11:02 am when Penny was gone. Huge lump in my throat today. I had 3 weeks to prepare for reality without her and now it's been 3 weeks since I let her go. I never anticipated the pain would be this horrible. I think it's reassuring in a weird way that our bond was really that strong. I loved her immensely and she loved me immensely in return.

I ordered a book - Dog Heaven to read to my 4 year old. She has processed everything really well but occasionally will whisper when she thinks I can't hear her and say a prayer to tell God to tell Penny various things. Dog Heaven is simple and sweet and I sob every time I finish it. Last night I said a prayer and told God he might skip the ham-sandwich biscuits for Penny and try peanut butter instead. Ham was decent but peanut butter would get that sweet dachshund smile every time! Every ounce of me aches to see her again, running in Heaven. Waiting for me.

I miss you Penny today and every day since you had to go.

Hi, Lindsey, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. For awhile - - what seems right now to be an eternity - - Thursdays will feel like a crushing blow to your heart. For me it has either been a Monday or Wednesday when my companions have preceded me to the angels. For almost an eternity your heart will say "this time last week, this time last month, this time 3 months ago, this time last year" - - and it will feel your heart is breaking anew not having your beloved Penny's sweet physical presence with you. There is no way in heaven or on earth that we can ever prepare ourselves for the painful reality of not having our physically with us sharing our daily lives because we live in a physically oriented world governed by the 5 senses of taste, touch, smell, hearing, and sight. But I assure you, Lindsey, that your beloved Penny's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will. She is forever a part of you in your heart and your memories - - she is forever a heartbeat close to you.

I am so glad you have a book to read to your daughter that will help both her and you in your grief adjustment journey. I am so smiling at your asking God to skip the ham-sandwich biscuits and try peanut butter instead. Believe with all your heart that He hears your prayers for your beloved Penny and that He is holding her in His loving arms as she patiently waits for your appropriate time to join her in eternal joy.

I hope today is treating you, your family, and your precious Miles kindly, Lindsey, and that each of you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Penny's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I'm having a really rough night and I'm not sure why. I keep thinking I will dream about her or see a sign but it isn't happening. I just need to know she is okay. Subconsciously I know that's true but my day to day thought process can't seem to move past denial and guilt. My heart literally feels like it breaks all over again when I wake up and realize she isn't coming home.

Four weeks ago today I had to say goodbye.

For the first Thursday since - my morning was not as horrible. I am a social worker that does adoptions for foster kids and I had court at the time of her passing. I didn't even realize it had passed that time until this afternoon.

I miss her unbearably some days and other days I still just love her.

I think I will always miss my girl but my heart is slowly healing.

It's been a month today Penny girl. Some days felt like they were never going to end and other times felt like it all went by so fast. I hope some day I'll feel strong enough to tell your story. I miss you so very much.