3 Years Today And Still Missing My Girl....

I haven't been here in awhile, but I wanted to share some thoughts about Sasha today....it's the 3rd anniversary of her death and I'm missing her so much. I rescued her as a 5 week old puppy from our local shelter when I was only 14 years old and she was with me for 16 wonderful years. I can't believe it's been 3 years today since I last held her. I can still remember how her fur felt, how she smelled, the sound of her 'voice'.....I can't believe I have actually survived this long without her. I sure didn't think it would be possible, but somehow I have. I was so devestated by her death( and the guilt of being the one to decide that it was time), in the beginning, that I thought about joining her. I couldn't remember what life was like without her, and I didn't really want to. I had to accept that she was gone, and try to adjust to my new life without her....it was so, so hard...still is at times....she was...is...my canine soulmate. My special girl that noone will ever be able to compare to. I have other furkids...a Great Dane, 2 cats, 3 horses...but, although my love for them runs deep, they aren't her and it's just not the same. I know in my heart I will never love another like I love her. I still think about her everyday. I still have all of her pictures up...she is still the screen saver on my computer...I still wear my teardrop pendant that holds some of her ashes around my neck every day (I never take it off). <sigh>I miss her so much...
Although my struggle with the grief of losing her has been long and hard (and I'm not anywhere near the finish line) the pain has begun to subside. I still have my 'bad days' when I have cry fests because I miss her so much that it hurts, and I still cry when I hear certain songs, or something sparks a special memory for me, but over the years my tears of pain have been slowly replaced by tears of pride...tears of grat*itude that I was so blessed to have been chosen as her mommy and given 16 long years with my girl....for that I will be eternally grateful. My sister-in-law has never shared her life with an animal (poor girl), and made the remark to me "If this(referring to my level of heartbreak) is what happens when a pet dies, I don't EVER want one...it's not worth it!"...not worth it...to me it is more than worth it....worth every tear, worth every sleepless night, worth every bit of crippling guilt, worth every ounce of pain....and I would do it again a thousand times if given the chance....she was that special...I love her that much....

Just Wanted To Put This Out There....

When I was at Petsmart last night, I was in the kitty section and I overheard a guy telling his girl that she was crazy for wanting to buy one of those automatic cat boxes...that they had to be junk and in no way work like it says.

I just wanted to tell everyone that they are the best thing ever invented!! I have had mine for years and I just love it! I have never had any problems with it and it is soooo convenient! I just change the container once a week and add more litter! It is soo important for our kitty's health to keep a clean litter box, so if you have a hard time remembering, or crunched for time....or have a cat like mine that wants his boxed cleaned constantly ....this is the answer! It is well worth the investment!

Just wanted to share !

I Had To Bury A Kitty Today

He/she was at the edge of my property when I went out today...must have been hit by a car. I didn't even know his/her name, but I wanted everyone to recognize that this beautiful creature, although unknown, was an important furchild none the less. I wanted everyone to know that he/she was black with a small white patch on his/her chest, and appeared to be a young kitty...about 6-8 months maybe . As I bundled him/her in that old towel to take him/her to be buried, I cried as though I knew this kitty. I cried because he/she had no choice in his/her unfortunate fate. I cried because this world is so harsh to such innocent creatures. It is very cold and windy here today, and as I dug that hole my face was burning from the cold wind blowing against the tears I was crying for this furbaby. I felt so many emotions come over me. One moment I am just angry at the irresponsible person that was at fault for this, the next I am crying my eyes out for this poor kitty and wondering what he/she was like. What were his/her little 'quirks'? What type of personality did this furbaby have? It was very dificult to dig that hole....the ground is cold and I live in Georgia so there is hard red clay to contend with so it was physically exhausting....but more so it was emotionally exhausting. I have never buried an animal before. Mine have always been cremated. As emotional as the process was I couldn't imagine going through those motions for one of my own. I was out there for quite some time. It gave me time to reflect on how lucky our furkids are and I had to ask myself why there are others who aren't as fortunate. What did they do to deserve this? Why are the most innocent the most mistreated? Why is this world so ignorant and @#$%^* up that these things continue to happen regardles of the amount of info. that is out there?? When I couldn't dig anymore, I placed him/her, wrapped in a towel and then placed in a bag, into the hole. I cried again and I told him/her that I may not know them, but I loved them anyways and then I said a little prayer. It was strange how the horses stood so quietly and watched the whole process. They are always nosey, but usually they bore quickly with whatever we are doing and go about their business. This time they all stood and stared as though they knew what was going on...it was really strange to me. Anyway, I guess I'm babbling at this point. Sorry, but I'm still a bit emotional about the whole thing.

I'm also worrried about him/her being buried because I couldn't get the hole very deep...only about 2-3 feet and that was after working on it for quite some time. Is this going to be deep enough? I called my husband to get his opinion and he said (as sad as it sounds) that I should have just layed his/her body in the hole unwrapped so he/she could return to the earth more quickly...what do you guys think I should do?

In my prayers is that little black kitty ?-2/14/2007

Urinary Problems...

My Zada (Great Dane) has been 'leaking' urine lately. When it first started, I took her to the vet (of course), and they diagnosed it as simple incontinence. Now she has begun to actually empty her bladder while she is sleeping, and it appears to be discolored. I have an appointment today with a specialist in hopes that he can offer something more as far as what may be causing this (I hope that it is just incontinence and not something more serious), and hopefully a way to help control it....for obvious reasons, Zada isn't very happy with what it is happening to her and she seems so confused by it. She always sniffs it when she gets up and then looks at me as though she thinks she has done something wrong...it's so sad. I just love on her and tell her it's okay and that it isn't her fault. The only therapy the vet has offered is the use of hormones to try to decrease the problem, but this has it's own set of drawbacks. I know from my own experience in animal medicine that incontinence doesn't have many treatments. Has anyone had any experience with other treatments that they found helpful? Furkidlet's mom...if you are reading this, I know I haven't always been very receptive to the thought of using homeo's, but being faced with this has left me with a willingness to try anything. Do you know of anything that might help my girl?? Anything for urinary health in general? I'm desperate!
Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers that it isn't something more serious...the discoloration of her urine has me very concerned...

Just Missing Her...

I have been really missing my girl something awful the last couple of days. I always miss her....but it has been amplified for some reason lately. Like today, she and Zada would always get their baths outside during the summer, and Sasha always loved it. Since Sasha has been gone, it has always been rather depressing during bath time...I'm always thinking about how she would be standing next to me and Zada waiting her turn (she always went 2nd because she really enjoyed it so I would take my time with her). Today, I was thinking about Sasha while I was giving Zada her bath, and I began to cry. I was thinking about how that would probably be the last outside bath of the summer this year, which led me to think about the passing of time, which then made me think about how long Sasha has been gone...and how long it will be until I see her again,etc., it was a pretty rough 'bathing session' to say the least. I actually found some comfort in the dumbest thing...the overspray of the hose started making a rainbow right next to Zada. I know that water makes rainbows, so I'm not saying that in itself was anything special, it just made me feel a little better and served as a reminder that Sasha will always be with me and that is what I need to try to think about.....