Me, Myself, And Loki, One dude, one cat Options

[ChrisL]

I'm starting a new topic to put my occasional updates on life with Loki, things that are not directly about Dzambala, but just Loki and me in this new stage of life.

Don't have a lot to say today. One of those lovely Northwest summer days that reminds me why I moved here. Tomorrow I'm going hiking to Ramona Falls on Mt. Hood, one I've been meaning to do for a couple years now.

I'm just going to start off by posting the pictures of Loki that went bye-bye with the server dump, followed by a few more new ones.

[ChrisL]

New picture. Lying around watching people work is hard work:

[Kristina]

That is one gorgeous cat! I love cats that have that type of coloring. I especially love fuzzy exposed belly shots.


I have to say I am jealous of your hike. It has been way too hot here to do any type of outdoor activity. I did go play disc golf one morning before it got too hot but even that was pushing it. Yuck.

I don't think I have read any of your previous threads, but I am always up for jumping in to see how people are doing daily. I will search when I am finished posting here. I always look to people that are further along in the grief process than I am, it gives me something to look towards when my days and nights are complete messes because I miss Dixie so much.

I hope the day has been good for you. Much love.

[ChrisL]

Thanks Kristina. Your Dixie is a beautiful girl herself.

I lost my Dzambala just five days before you and Dixie parted. My thread Haunted by Golden Eyes is where I was posting about him and my grieving process, unfortunately lost the last two weeks like everything else.

I'll keep posting there as things specific to his memory come to mind, but this one is strictly about me and Loki.

In Dzambala's declining days from time to time I felt a touch of guilt toward Loki because he was not getting as much attention. I felt I'd always treated him as an afterthought compared to Dzamba. At one point I mentioned to someone that Loki might be starting to think his name was "Not You" because I'd say that to him when he came to me when I called Dzambala. He also had to endure getting shut in the bedroom when I fed Dzamba his prescription food (of course I'd give him his own food at the same time, and of course both cats wanted what the other one was getting). If not for Dzamba's passing, though, it might not have occurred to me to feel badly about some of those things.

It was the product of different personalities and different circumstances that brought us together. Dzambala was the cat with whom I experienced "finding each other" for the first time since a black cat named Ivan I'd had as a kid. Loki was adopted as a kitten by my ex-wife right around the time that she decided to leave me. I always liked him, and he and Dzambala really bonded during the two months that my ex and I were still in the same house after the break up. But Loki went with her and her other cat Kali at first. Loki came back into my life a few months after that. My ex had adopted a third cat, and both of the female cats disliked his, shall we say, physically gregarious nature. So Loki came back.

Thinking back now, I could almost say that Loki's return marked my reaching acceptance of the end of my marriage. Whatever the case, I have resolved to love Loki as fully as I did Dzambala. The resolve part of that has been somewhat unnecessary, as it's just begun to flow naturally. I'm finding Loki can be just as affectionate as Dzamba was. He just isn't as much of a clinging vine. If we are lucky, we will have many more years together, but the loss of Dzamba has taught me to cherish every moment I have with Loki, because I can never know the time we have.

[leejaye]

Hi Chris, Thanks for another great Loki moment! Mischief had the same kind of belly fur - does Loki get a winter coat? As soon as it started getting cold here Mischief looked like she'd added a pair of fluffy trousers to the outfit...really good to hear you and Loki are settling into your life together, give him his favourite pat for me and enjoy your hike! Leejaye

[ChrisL]

Leejaye,

Yeah, Loki does that. He's medium-hair in the summer, long-hair in the winter. His coat is very similar to my mom's cat Violet (except he's twice her weight). Mischief always reminds me of Violet.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Chris, thank you so much for starting this new topic on you and Loki, for sharing with us how you both are doing, and for the wonderful pictures of your precious Loki.

Chris, when a child - - fur child or human - - is not well, our focus is on them - - because they need our primary attention. And it does feel like other beloved companions get short-changed in the process, but they do understand what is happening. I had to be firm with my two little tykes Noah and Abbygayle when my number one kitty son Eli was in his final journey and needed assistance with his food. When my beautiful Abbygayle was in her final journey I had to stand guard over her at meal time so that Noah would not pinch her food as well - - for as long as she had an appetite to eat something. So, please don't be upset with yourself about separating Loki from your beloved Dzambala during meal time. You weren't denying Loki anything except getting into serious mischief.

Chris, I hope you and Loki will have a very pleasant day together, and a very peaceful and blissful evening blessed with your beloved Dzambala's sweet Living Spirit to cheer you. Thank you again so very much for sharing with us how you're doing and these wonderful pictures of your precious Loki. Please know you both are in my thoughts and prayers, and am looking forward to knowing how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[ChrisL]

Tonight I found myself noticing Dzambala-like mannerisms in Loki. Something about the look on his face and the tone in his voice as he crouched on the chair back asking for love. Of course I've been paying closer attention and spending long summer vacation days alone with him. But I know there's more to it than faces in the clouds. The "more", to me, has nothing to do with anything supernatural. Loki spent all but 4 months out of his 6 years with his older brother. He couldn't help but pick up on those ways, and it is those ways in which Dzambala carries on his existence in Loki, while Loki is no less himself.

Meanwhile I am almost done with the first stage of packing. All the superfluous belongings packed, or at least as much as will fit in the boxes and bags that I have. A carload shipped off to collect dust elsewhere. The more I go through all the stuff around here, the more of it really seems superfluous, non-essential. Tomorrow, I vacuum, something I've been neglecting for WAY too long.

Oh, and the hike Sunday was great. 7 miles roundtrip, temperature upper 70s -- enough to work up a good sweat, and for a good endorphin high. I can't remember sleeping as well as I did last night in a while.

I look kind of indistinct in this photo, but here is where I was when I was there...

[Kristina]

What a fantastic picture. I am glad you were able to get in a good hike. I think it will be quite a while before many outdoor activities can be done here, it is just way too hot.

I feel you on the mannerisms thing. Macy sometimes will do things that Dixie would do, and honestly it freaks me out because Macy is sort of like a slug. She just lies in the bed and that is about it.

Good luck with the packing. I despise packing and unpacking. I am not moving again until I can afford for someone to come move and pack everything for me!

I hope the day is treating you good my friend. Much love to you.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Chris, thank you so much for letting us know how you and your precious Loki are doing, and for the beautiful picture of your hike. That looks like it should be on a postcard.

It is not uncommon for other companions in the household to take on traits / behaviors of loved ones who are no longer physically present. A part of it does come from their living together, but it's also a part of the "survivor" characteristic inherited from their wild cousins - - a means of "carrying on" the established unit of the "pack" or "pride." But it also happens when a new companion comes into the household. Time and again I hear stories of how a new companion will "do something" or "sound like" a beloved companion who is now with the angels. I do believe our beloved companions who precede us to the angels are still very much a part of us and our ongoing lives. It is quite awesome some of the accounts I have both heard and read about.

So, enjoy your precious Loki, Chris - - and your beloved Dzambala when he comes to visit, as I know you are already doing.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Loki kindly, Chris. I hope the rest of your packing goes well, and your move goes smoothly. Please know you and your precious Loki are in my thoughts and prayers, Chris, and look forward to knowing how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[leejaye]

Hi Chris, Another fantastic photo - it reminds me of some rainforest about an hour and a half's drive from where I live - it's the perfect place to hike on a hot summer day, it's always cool and the climb to the top of the waterfall is your workout for the next week! Last time I moved I did a mega-cull, so much of my stuff seemed irrelevant or downright useless clutter, I gave or threw away so much of it - although, in hindsight, I got too gung ho, there are a few things I regret tossing...still they're just things at the end of the day...I'm so glad Loki is getting his time in the sun, my mother had 2 dogs - one was diabetic so needed a reasonable level of care, he was also the bigger dog and a more dominant personality, when we lost him to bone cancer the other smaller dog really came into his own, his personality came out in a way it hadn't been able to before...hope you guys are enjoying lazy summer days, Leejaye PS Give Loki a pat for me!

[ChrisL]

Going up to my mom's cool hillside home above the Columbia tomorrow. Loki is making the trip with me again. And this time, I'm taking my real camera, not just the phone, so I hopefully will get some good photos of him in the garden.
Peace,
C

[ChrisL]

Loki once again enjoyed his time up at the garden home. He was allowed to explore with supervision. Then he was begging to get let out yesterday before my mother and I took a trip. Thankfully, after bringing him back to my apartment he has shown no desire to go outside here - he obviously knows the difference.

As promised, here are a couple choice photos of Loki enjoying my mother's garden:

[ChrisL]

Loki and Phantom seem to get along -- from a distance, at least. That is, Phantom wants to be buddies (as he does with every other cat), and Loki may not care to but he's too mellow to make a big drama out of it. I was sitting in the grass as one point on a triangle with the two of them, they were about 10 feet apart here, having an intense but peaceable stare at each other.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Chris, thank you so very much for sharing with us these wonderful pictures of your precious Loki. I am so very glad you are becoming closer to one another. With each of your posts I can so relate because of the journey my little Noah and I have gone through these past 17 months since his baby sister, Abbygayle, joined the angels.

Chris, I hope you and your precious Loki are having a good day. Have you moved yet? I'll be interested in knowing how you and your precious Loki get acclimated to your new digs.

Please know you and your precious Loki are close in my thoughts and prayers, Chris, and I look forward to knowing how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[ChrisL]

Just a brief update tonight.

I've learned two interesting things about Loki recently that I didn't know before. One is cute, the other is useful.

The cute one is that he is afraid of his own reflection.

The useful one is that since I started feeding him canned food in the morning, and putting the food away when I go to bed, he will bug me quite persistently to get out of bed to feed him. I started this as a weight control regimen, but I can see a use in it. As someone with really rough awakening, this new habit of his will help me keep a routine of getting up at a regular time. Now, I just have to adjust that to a reasonable (earlier) time before school starts back up.

I'm moving out in a week, next weekend. I'm putting my stuff in storage and staying with my mom for a few weeks. School starts the last week of September, so I will be moving into a new place about 7-10 days before that. I'm still figuring out the cash flow situation, so it will be a little while before I know exactly where I will be living. But I've settled on a broad area - within a mile of a streetcar or light rail stop that lies within the free rail zone of central Portland, so my commute will be both free and fast enough. There are two buildings I have my eye on in particular, that hopefully still have openings by the time I'm able to put down my deposit.

[Cheryl83]

Hi Chris,

Thanks for the recent pictures -- I so enjoy looking at them. The one of Loki and Phantom having a "stare-out" really made me giggle.

I want to wish you all the best with settling into your new wake-up routine with Loki (I know exactly what you mean about sleeping patterns -- I'm currently in my summer break from school, and I'm too used to late nights and late wake-ups, but I have to get used to waking up early again before school resumes at the beginning of October), with your move, with your studies, and with life in general.

I also want to thank you for expressing yourself so eloquently, and for being so candid. I really enjoy reading your posts.

Take care of yourself, and of the fuzball

Cheryl x

[moon_beam]

Hi, Chris, it's always a blessing logging in and getting caught up with how you and your precious Loki are doing. I'm chuckling about your Loki's reaction to his reflection. And oh how so true about the feline alarm clock. My Noah knows exactly when his meals are supposed to be served - - rain or shine - - week day, holiday, weekend - - matters not. But the truth is I am happy to be his "servant" - - and on the weekends and holidays when I don't have to go into work, we go back to bed after his breakfast and have a nice cuddle - - which is heavenly.

Chris, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you that you and Loki will have a place to call "home" when you go back to school in the exact location that you'd like to be. Sounds like a wonderful arrangement with the free transportation. Will look forward to sharing your news as this new transition in your life evolves. Please know you and Lok are close in my thoughts and prayers, Chris.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[ChrisL]

Moving time!
Thursday: finish packing and stacking.
Friday: Move stuff to storage.
Saturday: Cleaning day.

Some good monetary news has come through which should mean that I will have money in ample time to get one of the better places. Thank you, US Department of Education. It also means I will be able to pay off a debt at my old school (or turn it into a lower interest debt, anyway) so they will release my transcript that has been holding up my Grad School admission. Some of the worst financial aftermath of my drinking days is finally starting to clear, and I can give my undivided attention to my studies. {Correction: attention only divided between studies, and Loki}

[ChrisL]

Hey everyone again. I finished typing that last post an hour or so ago and neglected to hit submit...

Just a few minutes ago, I got struck by the cat health worry bug.
Loki's pupils are different sizes. It is not a radical difference, but it is distinctly noticeable. I looked it up, and it can be caused by neurological issues...or a tumor. It could be nothing, but I'm going to have to keep my "eye" on it and hope it doesn't persist and necessitate a bunch of tests, not to mention being an actual serious medical issue for him.

I've occasionally had this symptom myself, which turned out to not be anything serious. In my case it's just part of what I refer to as my G.O.D. (General Oddness Disorder). Hopefully Loki just takes after me in that way...

Peace,
Chris