Help Needed For Cruel Response To Loss Of Dog, hope people see this, & quickly Options

[Furkidlets' Mom]

I don't know if anyone can help me with this, but I've been asked by a friend to write a Letter to the Editor in response to another one written by irate parents who took offense to a previous letter, and I can't find a THING on the 'net that might help me compose a proper response, considering the comparisons made between animal companion loss and human child loss - there's nothing really helpful and specific out there about this, it's still such a 'taboo' subject. I'm so upset myself over this exchange, I can't seem to come up with the right way to tackle it. (everything that comes to mind is full of !!!!!!!!!!!s, and I know that won't go over too well in a paper)

The first letter:

I am very upset that on a weekend after hours (noon) there is not a vet in (3 towns) who can be on call for an emergency.
Unfortunately, March 7 a dear friend’s dog was hit by a van in front of my house in "town x" (who by the way did not even stop, just drove away).
The dog did not have a chance but we at least had to try, I phoned seven different vet clinics in the area and no one could help us. We drove to the "x" emergency clinic in "x" they confirmed the outcome and had him humanely put down.
Why did the dog have to suffer for over two hours when he could have been put down immediately?
To all of you, who think that “it’s just a dog or cat” they are our kids and we love them just as much as you love your children.
The hospital has a doctor for humans on call on the weekends, why can’t the vet clinics take turns on the weekends so we don’t have to drive to the city and make the animals suffer. I guess they are not as important.
I have had animals all my life, cats, dogs, horses and can’t imagine life without one. All of my “pets” which have come from rescue organizations or are the “cats that are not wanted”. All have been spayed or neutered and they give us unconditional love, never complain except when I am a little late with dinner, and the best we can do is to make them suffer longer when they are hurt?

Here is the letter that followed this week:

In response to "x's" letter.... - How dare you compare a dog or cat to our children.
How dare you assume that the love for our children even remotely compares to the love of our pets.
How dare you lay the blame on the driver of the van who hit that dog and not on your friend who was negligent by letting that poor creature run on the street.
Ms. "x", we too have owned many animals we love them dearly. Guess what happens when one of them dies? We mourn quickly then go get a new one. Have you ever experienced the loss of a child? Obviously not. We have and again we say, how dare you.

I'm so distraught myself over such an inconsiderate and non-compassionate response to the first woman's plea, that I can barely think straight.....knowing there are people like this right in our neck of the woods, and to make matters worse, I happen to know that the man involved in the 2nd letter was, or possibly still is (!), one of our local firemen! Lord help any poor animals caught in a burning building if HE'S on call! I found this letter to be so sickening on so many levels, I can barely speak.

Anything anyone knows of that I might quote? Anyone who might have some wise suggestions? I only have tomorrow to get this in in time for next week's paper, if possible. In my view, these people (and probably many more, locally) need some re-education, in several departments.

[toonie]

You may want to tell this fireman that the good thing that his letter reveals is that he very obviously never needs to wear a helmet.

but seriously, it does make me wonder about firemen like him; you wouldn't trust that one to do much for the furries in a burning house now would you unfortunately no one screens for these qualities when picking them for the job yet it could easily be done since lots of people covet that job for the decent salary plus all the spare time it allows.
Perhaps another letter later....

I know folks who have lost a child but they do not use this tragedy as pathos to discount other people's losses, his own loss should have taught him that grief is more related to our connection to the personality than to the type of relationship. I don't think absent fathers have much grieved their abandonned children's demise just through the fact that they were blood relatives. You may want to let that brute know that a touch more compassion would enhance his skills, be they as a father, as a fireman or as a human being. Fight fire with fire you may (or may not?) want to use some of this all from Margaret Mead except for the last two quotes.

Instead of needing lots of children, we need high-quality children.

The solution to adult problems tomorrow depends on large measure upon how our children grow up today.

[

We won't have a society if we destroy the environment.

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.

Margaret Mead


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Three keys to more abundant living: caring about others, daring for others, sharing with others.”
William Arthur Ward
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i believe the most important single thing, beyond discipline and creativity is daring to dare”
nevastopdancin Maya Angelou

Well good luck and though I feel compassion for that letter writer's immense loss, I do feel he needs to be told that other losses should be allowed to be expressed and that to discount those losses through pathos is a very sad exploitation of a tragic event.

[Nemo's Mommy]

Wow........ yes... that makes me pretty mad, too. It comes from a lack of understanding. You could say something like below, or the ideas of below.


In response to the Firefighter's email, (note NCR refers to the non-compassionate response the fire-fighter posted)

NCR writes, "Ms. "x", we too have owned many animals we love them dearly. Guess what happens when one of them dies? We mourn quickly then go get a new one." My response- That is an opinion, and nothing more. NCR, are you saying that if anyone does not feel exactly the same way you do, that they are wrong? That is the kind of judgement and thinking in this world that makes me very sad.

I appreciate the fact that if people lose a child OR a pet, they feel the loss very deeply and we should always be sympathetic and kind to them. How can you tell this person "x" how they should be feeling/thinking? We should not tell someone how they should or shouldn't grieve, it just causes more suffering.

Why when you have experienced a tragic loss, are you unsympathetic to "x"'s loss? Does it seems in some way if "x" is grieving of the loss of a pet, and feels that pet was a child, that that somehow diminishes your loss? It does not in way, let me assure you. I understand your sorrow at the loss of your child, but please do not lash out at another that experienced a loss in your grief. That a person feels a pet is the same as a child to them, is the way many, many people in this world feel, and that has nothing to do with the love for your child, nor diminishes it in any way. We as a society should not tell people how much, who, what, when, and where they can love. This world is capable of great love and compassion, and love is not something to be told "how dare you" but looked at with compassion, love makes the world a better place. I hope someday you can look through your grief and find the world is a better place with love, and that there are no restraints on what beings should/shouldn't be loved. It is a gift to bestow upon others the compassion you yourself have received. Without compassion, empathy, and love this world would be nothing.

Something like that, along those lines. The person (NCR) really was just looking for a place to unleash their anger. Their anger would be better channeled somewhere else, maybe doing something productive for the community? Making a difference, instead of attacking someone else for loving another being in this world.

FK Mom, let us know what you end up writing.
~ NM

[goliath]

This is one of the postings you made a few years back that hit very close to home for me:

Grief Is...

Grief is putting on your makeup
And then crying it all off.
Grief is the isolation of feeling alone
In a world full of people.
Grief is seeing your loved one
In a passing car or a crowded mall.
Grief is hearing their voice on an answering machine
And calling back to hear it again.
Grief is wondering how the world keeps spinning
And the sun keeps shining.
Grief is wanting to tell everyone you meet
That your heart is breaking.
Grief is going into a dark theater
And crying - even when it's funny.
Grief is realizing that your world
Will never be the same again.
Grief is cleaning out drawers
But holding onto memories.
Grief is living your life
With one piece missing.
Grief is playing the radio
Just to drown out your thoughts.
Grief is staring at a picture
So you'll never forget the face.
Grief is knowing that unless you've been there-
There's no way to explain.
Grief is when it hurts to breathe
And once in awhile - you don't.
Grief is a pain in your heart
And an emptiness in your soul.
Grief is a road that must be travelled -
But a path that is never chosen.
Grief is tears and fears
And endless nights of wailing.
Grief is raw and noisy -
But sometimes so silent.
Grief brings us to our knees
And forces us to pray.
Grief is a friend
Disguised as an enemy.
Grief is a teacher
Whose lessons are hard.
Grief kills us slowly
Before it heals us.

Grief is grief no matter what causes it. The feelings are the same and knows no gender nor species. When someone we love passes away, we lose the precious source of the everyday joy and happiness that we have come to know. Whether it be through the loss of a human child, an animal, a parent, or a friend, the suffering of losing the very being that we feel closest to has gone and we are left feeling as though we have been thrown into a strange kind of world we know little or nothing about. It's difficult to say the least to try and explain what we all know here at LS about the kind of love we have shared with our furryloves.

I can't remember the author of the following quote but the words I have never forgotten:

Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened. Anatole ?

I can't say I would get into any kind of debate with these people over how one's grief outweighs another. However, I would definately show compassion toward this fireman who obviously has suffered a tremendous loss as well. Otherwise the public may be offended and not be open to anything you have to say. From my perspective the issue here would be to find out how you can obtain a 24/7 care service or hotline when these tragedies occur. Before writing your editorial, allow yourself to calm down so that your mind and heart are in balance so that you can communicate your concerns adequately and achieve the results you are looking for. It is a service that you want implemented for the sake of all the people who need a place to go when there is an emergency with their furchild. Unfortunately there are people who do like animals and do take good care of them but have no heart connection with them. There are others like us who have connected with a furrylove and see them as far more than just a pet. Like many other people here, the deep grief I went through after losing my Goliath sent me into a whirlwind of mourning unlike I had ever known before. Convincing another of how deep my love for him runs is futile if they have never known a love like ours themselves. Goliath may have been "just a dog" to some......but he was my everything and I have never loved anyone or anything nearly as much.

Good luck with your letter. I hope you are able to achieve the results you are looking for.

[goliath]

Here is another post made by you some time ago FK that may help you convey how many of us feel about the furry loves that make our life worth livng.

JUST A DOG

From time to time, people tell me, "lighten up, it's just a dog,"
or "that's a lot of money for just a dog."

They don't understand the distance travelled, the time spent,
or the costs involved for "just a dog."

Some of my proudest moments have come about with "just a dog."

Many hours have passed and my only company was "just a dog,"
but I did not once feel slighted.

Some of my saddest moments have been brought aobut by
"just a dog," and in those days of darkness, the gentle touch
of "just a dog" gave me comfort and reason to overcome the day.

If you, too, think it's "just a dog," then you probably understand
phrases like "just a friend," "just a sunrise," or "just a promise."

"Just a dog" brings into my life the very essence of friendship,
trust, and pure unbridled joy.
"Just a dog" brings out the compassion and patience
that make me a better person.
Because of "just a dog" I will rise early, take long walks and look
longingly to the future.

So for me and folks like me, it's not "just a dog"
but an embodiment of all the hopes and dreams of the future,
the fond memories of the past, and the pure joy of the moment.

"Just a dog" brings out what's good in me and diverts my thoughts
away from myself and the worries of the day.

I hope that someday they can understand that its' not "just a dog"
but the thing that gives me humanity and keeps me from being
"just a man" or "just a woman."

So the next time you hear the phrase "just a dog,"
just smile,
because they "just don't understand."

~Unknown Author~

[goliath]

FK, I love this one and have it framed in full view in my home. Maybe sharing some of these thoughts may lend a hand in conveying your message.

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:

1 - When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
2 - Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
3 - Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
4 - Take naps.
5 - Stretch before rising.
6 - Run, romp, and play daily.
7 - Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
8 - Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
9 - On warm days, stop to lie on your back in the grass.
10 - On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
11 - When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
12 - Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
13 - Be loyal.
14 - Never pretend to be something you're not.
15 - If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
16 - When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

* ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY!

[sissycat]

The response does sadden me. I have 4 children and at the moment 5 cats. My kids are getting a little older. Only one left at home. My cats are like my children also. My husband says sometimes they are treated better than him. hehe
I don't like it, but he does have the right to his own opinion. Like another said maybe he was needing a place to vent his anger. You know how we have this place to vent our anger. Just it wasn't the correct place.
I don't believe I would say anything negative. I think maybe he is just hurting in a different way.

Hopfully deep down in his heart if it came to saving the life of an animal from a fire he would do so.

[toonie]

I agree with the other posters and I now find my previous post was way off. It's a good thing that Furkidlets has gotten very good advice from Nemo's mommy, Goliath and Sissycat. I won't change what I posted for the sake of following, but I see that in there I got too carried away with my taking offense, although it was in sympathy for the letter writer whose own grief is so raw at this time. The lord's prayer kicks in : forgive us, as we forgive those who trespass against us....
As cooler heads such as Beth's have since said, the better outcomes will be had if the problem rather than the barbs are addressed.
The most immediate problem is the lack of round the clock vet care and using fighting words to reply to his letter would indeed be counterproductive as it would turn others off.
Also agree with Sissy Cat that we can not decide what he would do, perhaps his love for animals is more than what we do think, that it is just his own experience of loss and anger that caused him to react to the letter instead.
So let's start this over with kind thoughts for all who grieve including the fireman. And work on bettering the situation as we can. Thanks every one for the cool and collected thoughts from this.

[Furkidlets' Mom]

Thanks everyone, for all the good ideas so far. My main intent was/is really to address the idea that no one's grief, no matter what the source, should be attacked or minimized, & that animal loss is "worthy" of respect, too, and thereby re-educate people about that aspect.....& not even just re-educate this couple, because this is, after all, a newspaper Letter to the Editor, so is read by many. (I have a feeling their letter really came from the WIFE, more than the guy, considering its stark emotionality) I just need to make this really GOOD, as I'll likely be the only one around here who even responds to the issue. NM's idea that ...if "x" is grieving of the loss of a pet, and feels that pet was a child, that that somehow diminishes your loss? is bang-on to what I had in mind. (good one, NM!)

The larger difficulty is trying to get enough supporting ideas in place w/o going over the sparse maximum of a mere 400 words! I've already put down almost a thousand words in ideas that I now have to pick and choose from! Ugh! Therefore, I can't even 'waste' space to preface it with something kind, like "I'm sorry for your own loss." (sometimes they allow more, but most often they don't, so I can't take the chance they'll edit out some really vital point, as they also often do; not terribly bright, this editor)

I did find out a little more about these people in the meantime, too. I think I was mistaken about what the guy does....although it still could be he acted as a volunteer firefighter in town here at one time. But I now know for a fact that both him and his wife are into "ranch roping" big-time (hence, easy to see where their disdain for grief over animal loss comes from!), and his wife may have been either an ambulance driver or paramedic or something like that. And while they might have lost a child long ago for all I know, it sure didn't sound like it, as there is no late child of THEIRS mentioned in an obit. for their father, from awhile ago....only some nephew of their late father who predeceased him. No other obit with either of their names showed up in my search. So, to me, it sounds like this was just an excuse to rant against this other woman's idea that the loss of an animal is even important. I also noted how they thought the driver who fled the scene ought to be blameless for hitting the dog....even IF part of the blame lies with the sitter in being "negligent." But again, I'm not sure I even have the room to address THAT level of their letter.

So this ain't gonna be an easy task! I don't do "short and concise" all that well! I'll let you know what I come up with....and then we'll see if the right-wing publisher even deigns to PRINT the darn thing after all! (this won't be known until at least next mid-week, or maybe even the next, if they get a lot of letters for the week) So...off to the drawing boards.....thanks for everyone trying to help me with this sorry task! I really gotta move from this stupid redneck place.....I still regret making my kids live here for the largest part of their lives.... It didn't do ANY of us much good.

[Nemo's Mommy]

Hi FK's Mom-

Yes, some great feedback from everyone!

I think the response that was posted from these people probably sums up "a sore spot" in all of us, that a lot on LS have been through. I know I myself had a very close friend when Nemo passed that was like, "It's only a cat." How many times have we all heard that said to us before? I sat her down and had a long talk with her. When Ren and Zorro passed in 2008, she was actually much more compassionate and responsive to my loss. I thought that was good progress.

I think the trick is to get through to people that our animals are not second class citizens, that there has been a good shift in the world and it's progress in moving away from the feeling "they are just pets." We as a society need to move forward with animals rights and no longer hold a belief they are "second class citizens" and not worthy of the same love that we share with other humans. If you could somehow get that through. Yes, I agree, I think it's good you leave the response general and not directed back to the people.

I was reading in CatFancy the other day about a society called CATalyst that was formed and is dedicated to raising the status and well-being of felines. They want to improve the public image and health of the cat. Apparently they did a study and found that cats were taken to the veterinarian much less than dogs. They are really trying to educate the public about going to vet regulary. They teamed w/ vets and animal welfare organizations, the AAHA and AAFP to develop life-stage, feline health care guidelines for vets. The guidelines create "a standard of vet care that they will spread through the community". Great progress! Neat stuff!!!

I think the world is moving forward to a new day in which our animals are treated equally, it just will take some time to get the shift in thinking. If people could just come to understand that love, grief, is the same, no matter what "package" that being happened to be in.

I love that quote you have at the end of your posts~
Life is life, whether in a cat, or dog, or man. There is no difference there between cat or a man. The idea of difference is a human conception for man's own advantage. ~Sri Aurobindo

Good luck and let us know what you come up with.
Hugs
~R,Z,N Mom

[Flossie's Mom]

Is your right-wing publisher really likely to not publish your response just because he/she is a right-winger? Has he/she demonstrated a dislike for pets in the past?

It looks like there could be an opportunity here to get the vets in the area to "take turns" at least being on call for after hours or weekends. My vet here had another vet to cover for them & they in exchange were on call for the other office. A husband and wife team who cared for our dogs & cats for several years once we found them. Not all vets are created equal.

We are fortunate to have a 24 hour emergency clinic in our area. Rural area where we spent last summer has a vet who has her office/clinic on the bottom floor of her home. One of the most caring vets I've gone to. Her staff also went out of their way for us last summer when we had to put our dog down. We had been to another vet in a town in the area that were OK.... but I did not get the same vibes at that office. Different circumstances I'll admit but a couple of things they did bothered me the way they handled the care of our dog & cat both. Again....not all vets are created equal.

Good luck..................

[Furkidlets' Mom]

Here's what I've put together so far, not including/posting the brief "Re:" -- & only 149 words longer than the limit, which MAYBE they'll allow. I can't see how I can cut even MORE words out of this and still have it be really cohesive and hard-hitting. I've already cuts tons.


Psychologists have long recognized the grief suffered by pet owners is the same as that experienced after the death of a person and scientists have discovered, in quantifiable lab results, the chemicals & physical reactions in grief measured the same, identical effects in the body, whether over animal or human loss. This means we should have more compassion for ALL grievers, rather than just those we can relate to, or deem 'worthy.' It’s fruitless to compare anyone's loss with someone else's. The fact is that the worst loss is the loss that the grieving person is suffering.

More people in Canada today have pets than children, and most animal lovers regard their pets as family members. Since we're the only ones who know how much our animals meant to us, we're the only ones who can measure how very much we've lost. We have strong feelings about the loss of a ‘pet’ because we are capable of intimate attachments and deep emotional bonding. This is something to be proud of, not something to belittle. The pain we feel when these bonds are broken is real and worthy of our grief. Having a ‘pet’ is much like being a parent. Consequently, this loss can FEEL like the loss of a child. For many, the capacity that animals have for unconditional love and faithfulness has provided an experience of love not matched by humans. The species does not matter - the relationship does.

For some people, the death of a companion animal may be as devastating as, or more so, than the loss of a significant human relationship. (Anderson, 1994; Hart, Hart, & Mader, 1990; Sife, 1993)

"With their constant presence, availability and devotion, pets are our best source of unconditional love, becoming for many of us the ideal child, parent, mate or friend. As a grief counselor, it is not my place to tell another what s/he is "allowed" to love, nor is it my place to pass judgment on (this). Anyone who is open-minded enough…to read personal accounts of bereaved animal lovers simply cannot doubt the pain (they) feel…Offending a person in mourning is the very last thing I would ever, ever want to do." (Marty Tousley, CNS-BC, FT, Bereavement Counselor with Hospice of the Valley; Fellow in Thanatology; specializing in grief & the human-animal bond)

To suggest that an animal is simply replaceable is hurtful, insulting and enraging to someone who loves their animal deeply. To say that one who died can so easily be replaced diminishes the value of the animal who died as well as the relationship between the animal and person. A bereaved animal lover should not be made to feel ashamed of their need for our compassion, understanding, and support. To make them feel like they're emotional misfits only worsens & complicates the grief process.

Many psychologists, pastors & grief specialists know that we need as much support--but receive far less--with the loss of a companion animal. For far too long we have disenfranchised bereaved animal lovers, and left them with nowhere to take their grief. One’s own loss needn’t diminish another’s.

Additionally, the driver, guilty of a "hit & run," is not blameless. And we DO need closer emergency services for our animal companions.



Yes, I'd LOOOOVE to be able to add one or more quotes in, but there's just too much more direct things to say overall. Stupid word count constraints!

To answer your first questions, Ginger....yes. There used to be a small pack of feral cats living (and being fed and watered by our no-kill shelter woman, on the sly) right underneath the newspaper's building...and they knew about it, but not only would not lift a finger to help, the publisher told her he'd rather see them killed.

And the local vets.....HERE??? Not much hope for that. They won't even do subsidized spay/neuter yet, not any volunteer work, so I think working extra hours wouldn't go over well, either. Also, with a new supposedly, but most likely not really 'no-kill' shelter some people (filled with input/membership of local beaurocrats, Councilors, etc.) want to build here, one local vet claimed they could not have a vet on staff unless that vet owned at least 50% of the bldg.!! That's most likely BS....but shows you what they're like here. I've worked with rescued pigs, on a sanctuary around here, and the founder told me even the large animal vets aren't interested in looking at/examining any of her large animals who are in distress.....they'd just as soon shoot them (that's what one suggested he could do for her)....even if they're getting paid for their services. This is why that woman had to go to Calgary to get any service for her friend's suffering dog. And even there, I wouldn't be surprised if that dog COULD have been saved, but they just didn't want to bother.

This is why it's so important for me to write that letter..........and then hire a bodyguard for myself!

[myhrtisbrkn]

Pure Ego!

This is the sort of person for whom parenthood is merely a projection of their "exalted" genome into the future...parental love, nothing more than the narcissistic enjoyment of their own reflection. This is also the sort of man who upon deciding to commit suicide takes the wife and kids with him, because their world won't be worth living in without him in it.


They may print that; if they dare ... from someone who has lost a human child!

[Furkidlets' Mom]

I managed to pare it down a little bit more (just deleting or substi tuting less important words), so that it's now only about 100 words over the limit. Still have to submit it, though, as neither of their TWO email contact links seem to be in operation! (stupid, 2-bit paper) I'll have to call them on Mon. about it.

I also found out this couple DID lose their son a couple of years ago. He drowned. I think he was already a young adult. So, I'm sorry for them, but not sorry enough to excuse their lashing out like this about someone else's right to feel grief-stricken. I can't even imagine doing that to someone, much less in a public newspaper.

Please excuse my denseness, Dayna, but are you saying that you've also lost a human child as well? (and yet still obviously feel heartbroken over your furry kids)

[myhrtisbrkn]

We lost a son in his infancy, and an informally adopted son in Afghanistan. As to the depth and degree of anguish I felt over their deaths...I can't distinguish much between that and losing any of my furkids.

I'm sorry for the loss of that couples adult son, and for judging them without knowing all the facts. I get a little steamed about this issue. Would this world really be a better place if people gave less love, compassion, commitment, had less empathy for any species?

As to what you've put together...it's great. I can't find anything I would cut either.

[Furkidlets' Mom]

Oh my....I'm so sorry, Dayna. I had no idea. Please accept my very belated sympathies!

But thank you for sharing that, as it does help to know, once again, that it IS true that there are certain people who find the losses of any kind of child just as hard to bear...not that I'm taking 'delight', you understand. If I had had human kids of my own (and they'd died), I'm positive I'd feel the same, and I do know of a few other people who have experienced the same thing and expressed the same sentiments, so I KNOW some of you really do exist! In fact, the counselor I'd quoted (with her gracious permission) lost both a child (first) and her beloved first dog (second), and has said much the same thing and that is why I respect her perspective so much. In fact, it was actually the loss of her dog that was the impetus for her to begin her foray into the human-animal bond and the field of bereavement studies, way back when there was NO validity given to animal loss whatsoever. How's THAT for an inspirational message?!

But trying to convince the nay-sayers of that is usually virtually impossible, I've found. Most simply WON'T believe it's possible. So it would have been pointless to even write that I, personally, have found the losses of my furkids to be far worse than the loss of my own Mother, for example. That would have just opened up the floor to a whole barrage of "then there must be something VERY WRONG with you" types of comments back. And of course, it STILL wouldn't 'trump' the loss of a human child in their eyes. In fact, they probably wouldn't even accept YOUR feelings as valid, as I'm sure they'd find something to explain it away as 'different' from & therefore not as 'big' as their own loss.

Frankly, I'm just fed up with people who single out and malign animal loss, specifically. Yet, I've suffered the same garbage even with my human family losses, so I'm DONE with letting others get away with that nonsense scott-free, as if they're the ONLY ones in the world whose perspective and feelings count. Even if I barely cared about their loss, or they'd had a terrible relationship with their son in the first place, I'd never contemptuously say "how DARE YOU grieve over your son!" That's just despicable behavior, and having lost a child, in particular, doesn't give anyone the express right to disdainfully stomp all over someone else's grief or sentiments. To my mind, they ought to be thoroughly ashamed of themselves.

[Nemo's Mommy]

I totally agree FK Mom! I read your posting above and I think you did a wonderful job on it! I do think it's important just to stand up for animals and our other fellow human beings that are grieving. If we can educate the public to these things, and get them to see things from a different perspective, then we have created positive change in this world!!! Moving forward to a better tomorrow! Yeah!

Dayna, I am so sorry for your loss. My belated sympathies also.

I have also suffered some extremely painful human loss (that I will not go into for personal reasons), and also the loss of a nephew to SIDS when he was just 3 months old. You are so right, loss is loss, regardless. It's loss. We love, we grieve.

Hugs to all
~ NM

[myhrtisbrkn]

Thank you, both.

In fact, they probably wouldn't even accept YOUR feelings as valid, as I'm sure they'd find something to explain it away as 'different' from & therefore not as 'big' as their own loss.

You are quite right about that. I encounter that with startling regularity. It is surprising how many people have to be the biggest victim, or the most miserable wretch. I despair of knowing what to do with them , or for them. And nor do I have any more time for people who don't understand that if any life is sacred, all life is sacred, as it came from the same source.

FK. good luck with your letter. I hope it opens some eyes, and maybe some hearts. Bravo to you for being the voice of that heartbroken woman and her dog!

[Furkidlets' Mom]

Well, the Editor has at least opened my emailed letter.....I'll let you know if they print it, and as is. Could be this week, could be next week.

And yes, me, too, being tired of trying to explain the very basics of the sacredness of ALL life to total boneheads. As Susan Chernak McElroy has said, "Either ALL death is important, or NO death is important".......unfortunately, that's what we've seen come to pass so far in this world. Time to change that nonsense.

[Furkidlets' Mom]

Well, all this time later, I just wanted to let people know that even after 3 calls to the Editor of our paper, who told me he had my letter sitting right in his file, he has never published it in our paper. The first week, they made a mistake and mistakenly RE-published another letter I'd written (on a different matter) only a couple of weeks before, INSTEAD of this new one. That's when I spoke to the Editor again, and asked about my NEW letter getting in. He acted as if it was a "done deal." The next 2 wks. there was still no sign of my letter, so I called once more, having to leave a voice-mail message, which was never returned. And since then, nothing.

There was also a news story that was covered here, about a local drug house being raided. I noted there were 2 dogs mentioned briefly, but no further details on them. Later I spoke to my no-kill shelter friend and found out apparently there was a big problem in capturing one of these dogs, with neighbours having to leave out food and water, but no one allowed to step into this yard (since it was a crime scene area), and even the SPCA being given very little leeway in which to address this. The dog finally returned and was caught in a live trap....with NO food and water overnight, in a sudden, cold snowstorm, forced to sit all night on the cold metal of the trap floor, and no one allowed to help him. People were outraged....and wrote letters to the paper.......none of which were published, EITHER!

As I've said many times before, this town SUCKS when it comes to animals. In all of the now-18 yrs. I've lived here, nothing has changed for the good for animals and their status. And they call themselves "progressive" and search for headlining issues and projects to put them "on the map" in Canada. But animals??? Fahgeddaboudit! The more important the animal issue, the less coverage it ever gets, and when it does, it's slanted in favour of the 'bad guys', the liars, those in the town's back pockets.

THIS kind of garbage does nothing to help my grief, either! Now I know for certain that this town's officials (it's an old boy's club, including the paper) think it's O..K..A..Y to slam grieving animal guardians. We're nothing, and our grief doesn't matter a whit. And it was just these kinds of people who scared me into restricting my boy's jaunts (yes, even WITH us) many years ago, so that he ended up very frustrated and angry, which led to him developing a cancerous condition that killed him w/i a month. I can't help it -- I HATE this ignorant place! :angry2:

~ on another note, one of my friends/clients has suddenly passed away, and I also had a very upsetting experience with a lost doggie while we were on a short vacation recently...it all adds up to that much more grief to try and handle, in a place where no one gives a royal hoot....so I'm once again wishing I was back Home, with no one but my kidlets and their undeniable love....love that always over-compensated for the sheer suckiness of the people in this world.