It's Been 4 Years Since My Baby Died.

It's been almost 4 years since my Bichon Frise, Wally Baxter, died on me. I had to have him put to sleep due to extreme epilepsy. I loved him very much and posted here at the time. Photo here (with my kitty, Pooka)... http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.ph...ost&id=2968
Well, Pooka is starting to get old because my girlfriend is chronically ill and I can't be here except for 2 hours a day. I love Pooka so much as he is my last baby alive.
I'm an engineer and I've been unemployed for about 4 years too. I'm not sure why. I've been searching, but I'm almost 50 and companies seem to not want to hire older engineers or outsource design to India (even though they lose money in the act....long story as to why they do that). However, I'm in a lot of depression and I'm thinking back to my Wally, whom I love very much, and who I now call "Saint Wally". I will lose my home if I can't find work soon as all my savings are spent and my retirement and I'm in quite a bit of debt.

I'm still looking for work of course, but with all this depression, I'm thinking the thing that hurts me the most is that I don't have a pet dog and companion for Pooka and I can't even afford to take Pooka to the vet. I wouldn't want to get a puppy when I could end up homeless.

I miss my Wally (my favorite baby ever) so so much. I've gotten over the tears for Wally, but just occasionally, I'll break down in tears when thinking of him, and the wonderful times we had together, him running beside me with his ears flopping around as he'd pant looking up to me and looking as if he's smiling at me. We both had a great time on such days. Or when he'd sleep next to me on the bed and I'd put my arm around him and we'd snuggle together at night.
I miss him so much.

I love my little Pooka and even he misses Wally, with whom he used to play hide and seek.

I don't mean to be a bore, but I'm just feeling a bit down and am missing my little baby.

Thanks
-Donald

News About Advantage, Heartgard And Other Meds...

Sep 2008, my little baby (Bichon Frise) named Wally Baxter died of excess epileptic fits (I had to send him to heaven as he had 9 attacks in a row, went blind from one and had 3 more while in the vet's place. At that time, everyone involved agreed it was the best thing to end his suffering. It was actually a post on this site that put the initial seed thought in my head about medicines causing his problems, as he was having these attacks initially about once a month (pretty awful), but then they'd go away.

Now, over the last few days I've been both hearing on CNN and reading on the web that medicines including Advantage, heartgard and to a lesser extent, Frontline, were being blamed for all kinds of problems in pets, including seizures and shakes.

I had learned to manage my grief after almost a year and a half since his death when this comes along. I'm experiencing both attacks of sadness and intense rage. The sadness is that I might have been to blame for my baby's death by giving him medicine, rage because we take these meds because we love our pets and we think these medicines are going to protect them, when, in fact, they could be killing them. We trust our vets and the drug manufacturers and food manufacturers to have our pets' best interests at heart. Even more rage because I don't know if it was this that gave him the epilepsy or not.

Anyone out there having their hearts ripped out again because of this?????

Thanks
-Wally's Dad

It's Been 5 Months And I'm Still Crying...am I Nuts?

My little dog (Bichon) Wally Baxter died in September. He was only 6, and I had to have him put to sleep because he had such terrible epileptic fits and he was having 10 of them a day.....it was time.

He died with me sitting on the vet's floor with Wally laying on my lap with his head resting on my arm, his nose between my arm and my stomach.....me telling him what a good boy he was, as he fell asleep and that was our parting.

I loved him so much. I've posted before with the details. He was my child as far as I was concerned. However, whenever I think of him, I either end up talking to him in heaven, and I know he's there as I have to believe that love that powerful is something valuable to God. If not, I want to go where he went :-)

Last night I saw a monologue on youtube where a guy was talking about his dog's death and he showed his dog's grave with his ball on the grave, and I just started crying again. I had to be consoled by my girlfriend. I found myself thinking about him again tonight and the tears were dripping (though this time I wasn't bawling like last night). My girlfriend sent me the photo below in email and it cheered me up and stopped the tears as I couldn't stop laughing. The dog on the left is smiling going "Oh boy.....what a feast!"....crack me up....see below....comments continue after the photo...



Well while that stopped the tears for now, I have to tell y'all that those tears keep coming. At first I told myself it's healthy to let it out. I'm depressed by other things too (been unemployed as an engineer for over a year now).....but it's my dear dear Wally Baxter that makes me cry. I miss him so so so much....it just aches. I don't want to get another dog in case I lose my home due to not finding work. I also feel that it's too soon and that I'll be "cheating" on Wally. I know that logically that doesn't make sense, but emotionally, I can't control that.

I feel better now that I've seen that photo again and that I've had a chance to vent here. Thank you all and thanks be to God for this site.

-Donald

My Dog Wally

Wally (or Wally Baxter being his full "cute" name that we gave him) was a cute Bichon Frise male. He was big for a Bichon (about 21 pounds or so).
However, the one thing I'll always remember about wal, was the fact that he gave and received love in an absolutely pure way, something I think most humans are incapable of. We (humans) seem to require conditions on our love. Wally never required anything to love absolutely.
I would often come downstairs and get him up on a couch and scratch his tummy while telling him of all my troubles. He would move his head from side to side as if he understood me. Of course he didn't understand my words, but I do believe he understood my emotions and whenever I'd pause, he'd lick my hand as if to tell me "It's OK dad, it'll be OK". He understood when I was in emotional pain and he knew just how to relieve that. Of course the way he'd pretend to listen made me laugh and always raised my spirits.
He then began to get epileptic fits. He's been doing that for about 9 monts (he was only about 6 yo). I didn't realize how violent his attacks were until after he died and I looked on youtube on the web and the fits shown on there were nowhere near as violent as his attacks. It finally came to a head. Usually, with his barbituate medications, he'd have one to three fits and then would be OK. I'd stay up all night with him, and then he'd be good again for another month. However, then he had a really bad night, where I gave him vallium &%^ shots, as well as doubling his barbituate medication and he still had something like 9 attacks in one night. Of course I brought him to the vet the next day and he had 3 attacks during the day. The vet said he wasn't going to get better and it was time. He had this slight whine to his voice telling me "Make it go away dad". I didn't realize until later that the attacks were making him temporarily blind due to the brain damage they were doing. So, we (my girlfriend and I) gave our consent and they put him to sleep first. He climbed up on my lap (which was what he did when I first met him as a puppy) and fell asleep there with his head on my arm, with me telling him that he was a good boy, "good Wally".....and he pretty much went out immediately. I got a cutting of his hair and then the Vet gave him the meds to stop his heart. It didn't take much since he was almost dead from the sleeping drugs....and that was that. We cried quite a bit then and there. (I'm afraid I'm tearing up as I'm typing this).
A day doesn't go by when I don't miss him. To me he was my only child. I have other pets (cats), but none was ever as close to me as wally. I know he's in heaven now, as love like that is valuable to God and isn't just discarded.
Problem is that every time I look at his photo for long, I end up crying because I miss him so. Anyways, thank you for sharing. I've tried to enclose a photo of Wally with his brother Pooka (still alive cat).