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> My Beautiful Pompom, You Are Forever In My Heart.
mollyg
post Jan 20 2010, 03:11 AM
Post #1





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 5
Joined: 19-January 10
From: Riverside, CA
Member No.: 6,325



Hi all, I am new here smile.gif My name is Molly, I'm 19 years old.
Last Thursday (1/14) we could not find my cat, Pompom, when it was time for him to come inside. I had a feeling that something bad had happened, since this was not like him. I woke up early, unable to sleep, and went outside to try to look for him. I asked a woman who was outside if she had seen a cat. She looks at me and says "Oh, honey, a cat was mauled yesterday."
My heart sank. I have relived this moment countless time in my head trying to remember how I felt at that exact moment. I felt shocked, sad, angry, wondered why I didn't know until now and somehow.
We got Pompom when I was about 5. He was a kitten.
There is a house two houses down with 2 Boxer dogs. They have gotten out of their yard at least 3 times that I remember and apparently have had problems with cats in the past. They got out and mauled him to death. It was in the yard next to me, I guess. I figured Pompom was sitting in the leaves under our bush, as he always does, and was ran out by the two dogs and then brutally killed. The owners never exercise them, so I assume that is why they got so aggressive towards my Pompom.
I volunteer at a humane society and always hear staff talk about how you should not let your cat outside. Well, I have had this cat since he was a kitten. He was 14 and spent everyday outside. He loved to sit in the leaves in the bushes in our front lawn or on the porch on his chair. He was happy there, smelling the air and feeling the soft leaves under his bush. I was angry hearing people say this, thinking they were calling me stupid, irresponsible, and to blame for my cat's death.
Animal control was called and some people say that they took his body. I went to animal control to try to find out what happened and they had no record of anything at all. Someone said AC thought my cat was a stray, even though he had a collar. I don't know where the collar is either... The owners of the dogs claim they didn't do anything with the body and don't know where it is either. They were not even sorry about their dogs killing my cat, just angry they had to pay to get them out from AC.
So here I am, without a body, collar, or any peace of mind. I am having the worst time getting over his death because it was so awful and painful and scary. I cry everyday and have lost my appetite completely. I have never felt so depressed before in my life. I don't have many friends, I felt like Pompom was my best little buddy. I loved to go outside and just sit with him.
I miss him so much, it hurts. I go back and blame myself for not being home or not putting him inside. I get angry, very angry, and I can't even figure out why.
Mostly, I wish that he didn't die such a painful, scary death and that we had his body and could know that it was respected and loved.
I want so much to be able to bury him and have a place to visit and feel like he is there, but I have lost hope for anything like that. He is gone. Forever. He died afraid and in pain...I hurt so much, I just want it to go away. Talking has helped me. I wrote a letter to him, that helped too... I just want to feel at peace with his death... I need to be able to accept the way that he died and accept that I do not have his body. I need to get over my anger towards people involved and the anger directed towards myself that I have. I'm just so sad and lonely without him. I literally feel like I lost a sibling, a family member. I hope that talking to many of you will help me. I hope to be here for anyone else to help too.
I love you Pompom, I miss you so much. I wish you were here, curled up in a ball on my bed again.


--------------------
Pompom 1995-2010 Always in my heart <3
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janika
post Jan 20 2010, 03:48 AM
Post #2





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 1,071
Joined: 12-September 09
From: UK
Member No.: 6,120



Dear Molly

How heartbreaking for you, I do send my love and sympathy for your sad loss.
I'm pleased that you managed to share your dear Pompoms story with us on here, and post the picture too. He sure is a beautiful kitty. I say is , because I so believe that our precious Angels have just moved on, before us, but are still here with us in their 'Angel' form. Always watching over us, free from any pain or suffering and waiting patiently,( time is of no essence for them), until we meet them again. They know how much we love them and all they want is for us to remember them with happiness and joy, not the awful , unbearable sadness that we all feel. This will take time, I know, I still cry for my babies, but I'm at the stage where I can now laugh about the funny little things they did. I'm healing and finding happiness again.
All the emotions you are feeling, I can so understand. Sadly some things are out of our control, but we still feel guilty that maybe we somehow let our fur babies down. Your Pompom, loves to be outside so it would have been wrong to keep him 'inside' all the time. Please try not to blame yourself, Molly. Pompom certainly won't.
Plant a special little shrub or flower where your darling Pompom, loves to sit under his bush, maybe somewhere that is his and your special place. I did that and it gives me comfort, I'm waiting for them to flower this spring.
I found writing on here, and posting pictures of my girls, reading everyone elses 'stories', really is helping me to get through.
I wish I could say more to help you, but please know that I'm thinking of you and your darling Pompom and sending a big HUG.
Love Jan and my Angels x
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mollyg
post Jan 20 2010, 04:17 AM
Post #3





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 5
Joined: 19-January 10
From: Riverside, CA
Member No.: 6,325



Thank you so much for your reply, Janika. It means so much to know that someone is thinking of me and can read my story.
I love your idea of planting a shrub. I will do that. I even want to make a garden for him. I also want to paint a rock and make it his tombstone for the bush area. I will miss him so much everyday, I am sure, but hopefully can remember him and not cry, but smile smile.gif


--------------------
Pompom 1995-2010 Always in my heart <3
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janika
post Jan 20 2010, 04:25 AM
Post #4





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 1,071
Joined: 12-September 09
From: UK
Member No.: 6,120



Thats a lovely idea Molly, a special garden and memorial, in his special place. I keep going out to see if any of the snowdrops are peeping through yet in my girls place, but it's been too cold. Maybe soon.
Hugs Jan and my Angels x
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madi
post Jan 20 2010, 05:07 AM
Post #5





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 381
Joined: 31-October 09
From: Australia
Member No.: 6,207



What a heartbreaking story, I feel so very sorry for you Molly. It was not your fault that your cat was killed, it is the irresponsible neighbours who are to blame, they should keep their animals under control and that means behind fences where they can't get out to maul other animals. Obviously they have hidden the body so they can't be taken to court or blamed. These neighbours of yours aren't animal lovers, so they will not care about your feelings at all or the lose of Pompom's life. Why people like these have animals in the first place is beyond me.
You loved and took such good care of Pompom, that is obvious by reading your post and you have no reason to feel guilty. My cat Ulriich was run over and I had such a bad time with that too, thinking of the way he died so I know the pain and despair it brings with their death. Unlike you, I had a body to bury and for that I am thankful and I wish more than anything you could have that closure as well. I think Jan had a good idea in suggesting you have a memorial to Pompom somewhere in your yard. I just feel so sad for you and I would love to give you a big hug, hang in there Molly xx

madi xx
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ladywolf
post Jan 20 2010, 02:58 PM
Post #6





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 830
Joined: 6-December 09
From: Oracle, Arizona
Member No.: 6,254



Dear Molly--

What a sad, sad set of circumstances. I'm in tears after reading your story, but don't worry--that happens to me a lot on this Forum! How heart-wrenching. I feel for you so deeply--that's an AWFUL way to lose a pet!

Planting a flowering bush is a grand idea, and something else you could do is make a little alter in your house, with a picture of PomPom and a candle and some flowers and whatever else might remind you of him. That way, you'd have a place to sit and be in contact with him and try to find some peace.

Sadly, violence is a fact of life, and it touches us all in many different ways. Just as not all people go peacefully in their sleep. neither do a lot of pets. It's so sad, but it is the way it is. I wouldn't feel a moment's guilt for letting PomPom be outside every day. He was an OUTDOOR-loving cat! He obviously lived many happy happy years with you, because you let him enjoy his pleasures, which included being outside. None of what happened is your fault--please know that. I know that we all get wracked with guilt, but it can tear us into pieces needlessly.

You WILL eventually recover from this, hard as it is to believe now. Meanwhile, let your grief unfold as it naturally does. Please keep coming here--this Forum has been more helpful to me than I can believe! (I lost one dog a month ago, and now my Ladywolf has cancer.)

Big, big hugs and welcome to you!

Margi and Ladywolf
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