Spike's First Memorial

Hello folks.

Though I have healed much since two years ago, I still miss my friend Spike. Recently I have posted my return along with the summary of my new beginning with Foxx, my young cat that I've had for a little over a year now.

Of Spike though, it is forever the scar on my heart and soul. Still I cry. I even forgot a posting I had made immediatly after finding this site for the first time about a dream inwhich I had seen him in a pale beige room. In this room were a series of other animals sitting next to one person each, exccept him. He sat next to an empty space.

Today I've done my first tribute to him. It isn't much, not as much as I want to do. I want to share the tribute since I cannot share him Spike in the 'New Beginning Pages'. I still cry. It was hard to make this. If not for me, would those here please visit his memorial for him. If anyone wants me to retell of his death, I'd gladly do so. Just ask and I will. If anyone has suggestions as how else I should honor Spike, please tell me. I woudl love them.

http://www.catster.com/cats/1014743

Hello Again

I do not expect anyone to remember me. For those who may I appreciate that you can. It was then that I had lost a wonderful cat named Spike, respectivly refered to when I posted as, Mr. Spike. I still miss my little friend. I have healed alot though I wish he could still be here for, I am going through much grey times still that started shortly after his passing. I think about him still.

Fortunatly, I am not reporting further loss of a pet. Infact I have had a little friend with me, a grey cat, likely with Russian Blue somewhere in his ancestory, even though a mix. One can see it in his face. Because of the shape of his tail when he was but a kitten, I named him fox. Grey from tail to head, save for a little white on his belly.

Quite bratty. Very trying at times. Scratches where he should not. Loves to ambush feet. An excellent bug-hunter, with eyes the most keen to movement I've ever seen in any cat personaly known. Cuts me off where I walk. Loves to fall asleep under one of my arms when I lay down. For a while his favorite toy was the cone that came back with him after neutered. Thinks its play time even still most of the time, even when the lights are out and its time for sleep. Can smell slimjims even without opening them, goes nuts over them. Instead of hiding from thunder, he rushes right up to the window.

I'll tell more about him this coming weekend. I must get to bed soon, third shift jobs are a killer.

Life Without Spike

There are no tears streaming down my face and there hasn't been for a couple of weeks now. Inside it still hurts though. I'm not in any hysterics, I just once and a while find myself staring into nothing and asking myself, what went wrong. How could I have had a pet taken away so quickly and rapidly when it isn't even a case of a pet getting hit by a car. Spike was a young cat. Spike never got sick. His belly was an iron stomach, as the phrase goes.

My gal's aunt was curious on something about fleas, so we looked fleas up and found out alot. It isn't that I didn't read about them after Spike died Weeks ago, its just I really didn't pay much attention to the information. This time, I read it and it soaked in. The more I read, the more sick I felt learning what was going on with Spike before he was taken to the hospital. I'm still in a guilt stage and am a little bit still blaming myself. No, that's not true. I'm blaming myself alot again.
Until this happened, I thought of fleas as pests. You know, they bite you and jump around alot. They are little monsters and if you find out the way I did, you may feel like a monster yourself. I know sometimes I have through the series of weeks that have passed on I have for not taking care of the problem there and then. Fleas do more than make you itchy, give the extended chance. And that extended chance isn't more than two weeks the way I figure it.

During the packing my gal and I am doing, I placed Spikes few but loved toys within my backpack. Ones he used to deliver to the bedroom archeway overnight whileI slept and grab when I was getting ready to leave for somewhere. I have this big dog bowl because my little goof used to knock over his waterdish. It amused him and you could see it in his face when the water started spreading onto the floor. It was funny but it didnt' do him any good when I went to work, so I got him this heavy one meant for large dogs. "Try spilling that." I remember saying when setting it on the floor for the first time. For now the toys will remain in my backpack until I come up with some artsy idea. Those toys will never be seperated, even the last one that he never got to see. (That one I've kept out in the open on my monitor) Still need to find his teddy bear, his absolute favorite. His giant waterbowl I want to get drilled on its bottom so I can grow a healthy plant in it. Plants are living things too after all. At least it could still support life still. That bowl to me is forever Spike's.

I apologize for this new article size message about the samething basicly four weeks later. I feel like I am taking up space for the inevitible newcomer. Its just that I am a mixed bag of emotions right now. This is my outlet still for coping with this and there are other things in life I must deal with. I never knew people could have life so rough until everything coming to a climax right now.

I return here several times a week because, no one's response has gone in vein. Thank you to all who respond or even want to respond but don't always have the time to. All is taken into consideration, it helps and I am more grateful than any of you will ever know.

Peace and harmony, I wish for you all out there.

Ever Dream After The Fact?

Last night I had the first remembering dream of Spike. I was drifting in and out of the waking world and the dream world, if you will. I remember in the dream seeing a quiet room, with beige walls. In the far left corner was a table lamp, softly lighting the area. One couch for each wall. On the right wall and the farthest wall, were unrecognizable people sitting with their pets. On the left couch was Spike sitting comfortably by himself. His forpaws were just over the edge of one of the cushions.

My dream portrayed him as laying on his stomach. With a healthy coat. Tail contouring one side of his body. Head raised and level, looking straight me. Not one meow. Infact there was no noise from anything in the room. The look given to me by him is that look of when a cat had finished his or her meal and then rests.

I've have been so afraid of my sleep and the dreams it would bring since a few weeks ago. I was even more afraid of waking to the reality should I dream of him. Though last night in this dream, I made no attempt to enter this room. We just looked at each other for the time I had in the dream before returning to the waking world. I feel like I should have felt fooled upon returning to a complete awoken state of mind but, I didn't. I was left with this feeling of gladness somewhat upon returning to the waking world. I feel uncomfortable with that a little because, I really do miss him and I guess I sort of feel like there is something wrong with me over that. I miss my him yet, I remember smiling at him. It wasn't painful.

Is there something wrong with me?

Does anyone else know what this is like?

Kittens

Its ever so dreary for us all here so, I thought I'd share a few links. There is just something refreshing about seeing kittens sleeping peacfully. I hope this brings at least a moments peace. It does for me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GWPOPSXGYI&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tftlYq8DfZI&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUjVWgBSViw...related&search=

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YX7PFnTuqfw&NR=1

Hope it's ok to post a few links. I enjoyed these and I think others should too.