Advice On A New Friend, (this is a very long intro. post!) Options

[matildawong]

Hello, everyone.

Please forgive my barging in with this question. I have been lurking and now I find myself in a dilemma that I feel I may get some clarity out of by posting it here. (If that makes sense!?)

I am new here and have found great support and comfort (and shed many a tear) reading everyone's posts. Last week I lost my Mittens. She was 19 -- I adopted her when she was 10. She needed to be an only-cat household. I adored her. She went with me across the country and back; in planes and in cars. She suffered from CRF and almost 2 weeks ago she took a turn for the worse and I knew I had to help let her go. My vet was so wonderful. In fact, I didn't know how wonderful of a person/vet she was until that sad day. She helped me to stay in the room and be with Mitty (I was scared to see her go but knew I had to be there for Mittens.)

Fast forward and I am ready for a new friend/partner. I do know this. Not to replace M. but because my (former non-pet owner) fiance and I agree a cat-free household is much to lonesome!

My dilemma. At the 'no kill' shelter there are two girls. I love them both and I can only pick one. Micia is 11. She is a Maine Coon, crotchety, fabulous and has been at the shelter the longest. The (tougher) animal control officers tell me her time is running out. The (sweeter) volunteers with the non-profit say no, someone will adopt her. The animal control people tell me the Chief is the real boss and he knows Micia is really hard to place. She could get sent to the city shelter soon. I really like her. Though she can swat and hiss (I brushed her today and she was pretty nice.)

Melody is 6. She's sweet but very scared. Her owner died and her cat-roommate had more personality and was adopted. My heart melts a bit more for Melody because she's not as tough and sassy as Micia. She looks forlorn and it seems like she'd thrive with us. She probably has more time at the shelter than Micia because she isn't as attitude-ridden as Micia. But I fear no one will look past her shyness and see her cute personality.

They both would do well with us. We have an apartment and I'm only supposed to have one cat. Micia would do her own thing and I mean, sheesh, my fiance is crotchety, too. So there you go! Melody would hopefully thrive on affection and love from us.

My problem: I have this terrifying sense of condemning one or the other. The animal control lady looked teary-eyed when I suggested taking Melody. I think she thinks I am Micia's last chance. The animal control police-guy (so nice, has like 9 pets of his own from the shelter!) said I would be helping them no matter which one I choose.

I do know this: I want to take one of these two girls. I FEEL it, it's right for me. I will be ok once I decide, but the decision itself is really upsetting me. I try to think what Mittens would want, but come up empty. And doesn't that sound weird? But I think you know what I mean. My vet's office (works closely w/shelter, knows both cats) gently suggested Melody because they are aware that Mittens' treatment/decline/visits/meds/etc. really put a clinch on our wallets. (Not that we care!!! Not one bit!!! Just that maybe we should get a younger cat and build up our emergency fund again.)

Finally, thank you to anyone who has read through this emotional, long-winded post. I think I may have some relief just from writing it out. Goodness knows it's been bouncing around in my head so much. I do wonder if I'm channeling some of my grief into this situation but you know, I don't really think so. I tend to be emotional like this anyway.

Phew. Thanks again for letting me post this. Truly.

ETA: I was just wondering if anyone had any advice on how to handle this decision. Thank you.

[E.M]

Sorry to hear about Mittens, I know how devestating CRF is.

My gut instinct says give the crotchety old lady a chance, Melody has more time on her side, despite her shyness. Besides you are used to and are experienced with cats around this age so that makes you that special person for the job!

[Jon730]

Micia is 11. She is a Maine Coon, crotchety, fabulous and has been at the shelter the longest. I really like her. Though she can swat and hiss (I brushed her today and she was pretty nice.)

Melody is 6. She's sweet but very scared. Her owner died and her cat-roommate had more personality and was adopted

Years ago, I blundered into a cat show that was at the same hotel as another event. I saw a heartbroken depressed calico and have never bbeen able to forgive myself for not being able to rescue her. So I know the feeling that you are condemning one, but it's not fair to you. We cannot save them all.

It would probably be the most unselfish thing if you took the old Maine Coon. It might take a year of work, but you will mellow her out end and up with a good friend.
The shy one will be easier for people to work with, and will not scare away prospective parents as much as a snarler.

Both will respond to loving and spoiling. Interviewing a cat in a desperate situation probably does not show them at their best, so maybe Micia will become more docile when she realizes she has a permanent home.

[matildawong]

Thanks, Jon and E.M., for your thoughtful replies. I really appreciate it.

I do keep going back to what you said, Jon, that the shyer one won't scare away potential parents as much as the snarler.

And E.M., love it about the crotchety old lady. She is a crack-up when you see her -- so full of personality. (Catonality?)

[LoveThem]

The no kill shelters around here that I know of keep a cat until adopted..it is NEVER sent to the animal control so I don't understand what your no kill means. No kill should mean just that..not...well we don't kill them but we will sent them to be killed. I don't understand that at all.

I'm afraid I would choose the shy one and the 5 years younger helps. You just lost a cat. My 3 cats were siblings and so due to the closeness in age...I was losing them more quickly. This time I adopted a shelter cat of 2 years old...hoping my grief gets lost in the back of my mind before it is his time. I have a neighbor who adopted a scared one and she turned into the most gentle cat I ever saw. The other one they adopted was aggressive and he would bite her very badly so her hand was swollen all the time. I never had an animal bite me so I couldn't understand it but it was part of his personality. He was friendly but you really had to be careful around him.

I find people do not look for the shy ones...they look at the ones who come up to them. It does have to be hard to choose only one.

I had my last one, Little Guy, over 16 1/2 years and you had your Mittens for 19 years. After so many years, my boy and I were very close and he was the sweetest and gentlest boy. My new one being 2 years old is very active and while at the shelter I could pick him up and hold him and put him in my lap and carry him around....at home he is very loving but he does go a little crazy which at times is hard because I am used to my boy being so very different.

And, it is true we cannot save them all..and I wouldn't let others' tears influence my decision. They will cry over any not adopted because we care for them all and wish we could save them all. Over the years when I tried to help strays I found everyone always wanted to talk me into taking them when I could not...no one wanted to help them except to tell me to take them. A true no kill keeps an animal for the rest of its life if not adopted..that's their purpose...to avoid putting them down. Don't let the emotions of people there chose a life companion for you. It is the connection you feel with the animal that is important. Holding my new one and looking into his eyes...I felt a connection and as long as he is not vicious....he would have a home. When they are not kittens we don't know what they have gone through in their lifetime and sometimes it may be too much to try and change when there are so many others that need a home also. How would you feel if they put Melody down because she was not adopted fast enough?

I don't understand why you can only have 1 cat in your apt..2 cats make no noise. The SPCA no kill here has a policy that if the animal does not work out, the person has to agree to bring it back because they will take care of it for life or until adopted for good.
Is there any way you can take both for a trial like that? And see them in your home? Will the "no kill" place take one back if you find it impossible to take care of it?

We forget having older cats for many years, like your Mittens, and my Little Guy that cat bites are very serious medical situations and we have to be careful bringing in an older one that we don't know what they have been through.

I can understand it is a hard decision...maybe if you visit and spend more time with them...you may feel more bonded to one than the other. But I would not let the people there scare me with the threat of killing the animal..to make me adopt it. While I don't like any animal put to sleep..I cannot save thousands of them and it is now done humanely which is better than being out in the world being treated cruelly by people who don't care. But if they are a true no kill....that subject should not even come up.

It is your decision and if they put it that way...about putting the animal down...which one would you want to save if both were being put down and you could only take one? Because it sounds like that is what they do if the animal stays too long so it would apply to all of them and they are not a true no kill.

I wish you the best and whoever you pick will be a very lucky cat because you sound like a true pet lover who will give them the love and a safe home that they need...and of course, I agree with you about needing to fill the emptiness of a home without a cat anymore because I just had to do that myself. I saw hundreds of cats at the no kill but it helped knowing they were there for life if not adopted and also a lot of times the volunteers and workers there will adopt them. I was looking to see something special when one of them looked into my eyes...like my Little Guy used to do... and I found one and named him Lucky because he survived a kill shelter and then being abandoned after his adoption but a nice neighbor took him to the no kill SPCA and not the City animal control who are not no kill. No worker there or at the pet stores adoption days where I also went....ever tried to talk me into taking one particular animal knowing they all need homes and if I picked it out myself..chances are its chances of having a permanent home would be better than if someone else was picking it out for me.

I am so sorry you lost Mittens. They are such joys for so many years and their unconditional love will remain with us forever. Sometimes I think that they are given that love to give us so that when their time does come....we will open our heart and home to another as a tribute to the love we received from the ones we lost.

[matildawong]

lovethem, thank you for your encouraging, comforting words.

I do not understand what the animal control officer meant when she said "there are no such things as 'no kill' shelters." Perhaps in this case it is because the shelter is in the basement and run by the police dept. It is a small town in San Diego. The local PAWS organization says the shelter is "No Kill". The animal control woman told me that their intentions are good but the police chief reviews the animals and gets upset if they are not placed. She implied they get transferred to the downtown shelter.

My landlord originally said no pets, but I told him of my dear Mittens and he was very nice and decided to allow me to have her here. So I feel bad taking two in, especially two who are better off (at first impression) as only cats in a household. Though, if desperate, I might try to foster the one I don't take home.

Your dear Little Guy sounds so sweet and much loved. How much time did you spend with your 2 yr. old at the shelter before taking him home? I am going back to the shelter today to get to know the girls more. I don't mind that the staff must think I'm crazy.

[LoveThem]

It sounds like the animal control person was talking about City shelters. Everyone seems to use the word "shelter". Any government shelter that I have ever heard is a kill shelter. There are organizations like the SPCA, Best Friends, Heaven Can Wait, etc (and I thought PAWS was part of that group) that have no kill shelters. They take in strays and give them a home forever if they are not adopted. I have not been able to go to a kill one but I have seen the cats pictures on the Internet from there. It is so sad but it is not possible to save them all...if people would spay and neuter..that would help.

You could ask the group you found if they are saying they don't put the animal down themselves but they do turn it over to the City to do it. There are many no kill shelters as I mentioned some of the groups above. It sounds like being in the Police building this group must deal with government and they are trying to get animals adopted because maybe they are only allowed so many..by the government who owns the basement...and they want to bring new ones in so they actually turn ones over to be killed that don't get adopted right away...sounds like they are operating exactly as the City ANimal Control "shelters" do. Especially when you said they get transferred to the downtown shelter..sounds like to the City kill shelter. I never heard of an animal no kill group ever turning an animal over to the City. I know some of these groups do not have their own buildings but what they do instead of having an animal killed...is they have all their animals in foster homes and they stay there until adopted..so there is truly no kill. I thought PAWS was one of these. I will have to look them up on the internet.

If you like being on the Internet..you might go to www.petfinders.com. If you put in a zip code they will show you the true no kill shelters in your area so at least you will know the names and phone numbers of these places and if you have any questions about what they do, they are happy to answer on the phone or email.

You asked about Lucky. Well I lost Little Guy in September and went through October (Halloween without my beautiful black Halloween cat), and Thanksgiving without him and I could not stand the empty home anymore so about the middle of December I went to the SPCA (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) down the street. They are no kill and said they had 400 cats. I also looked at their website and saw pictures of about 50 cats up for adoption. The day I went they had just painted inside and the fumes made me ill so I waited until the end of the week but I had walked around and talked to some cats for about 1/2 hour but then I did have to leave due to fumes.... and on weekends, pet stores hold adoptions for the no kill shelters. I went there and made no special connection. Then the next week I went back to the SPCA and walked through all the rooms. By this time, it was the day before Christmas. I walked into all their rooms (they even have a special room for declawed cats to keep them safe from others) and in one room I saw a cat sleeping on a condo shelf at eye level...who looked like my Little Guy, black and medium haired. I just felt like walking up to him and as I did, he opened his eyes and looked straight into mine and I fell in love with the look in his eyes....they reminded me of my Little Guy's eyes. He got up and started following me around. I picked him up and he was fine with that. I walked over to a chair and sat down with him on my lap and again he was good. I played with his tail and he didn't mind. He just kept watching me. Then I thought I don't want to make an instant decision and it was Christmas Eve and they were closed Christmas Day so I went home and told my husband that I found I cat I wanted to adopt. He said fine with him so I was anxious for the day after Christmas and went there as soon as they opened and when I went into the room I found him in, he was not lying on the shelf. They did have a lot of black cats there and the worker said which one did I want and I looked around and saw the back of a cat walking away from my area and I said I think that is him so we turned him around and the girl was amazed I picked him out from all the black cats..from the back. I just felt that was cause it was meant to be.

So to answer your question about spending the time with this particular cat. The first time I saw him....maybe about 15 minutes or so and I knew I hated to leave him after I had picked him up and had him in my lap. It felt so strongly right inside me to adopt him I wanted to take him right away but I said I would tell my husband and then come back and see if the cat still affected me the same way then I would take him home..but I was really anxious through the Holiday. What helped was I was able to tell myself I would not be spending another Holiday in a home without one of these precious ones. The moment I looked into his eyes the 2nd visit
I knew I was not leaving without him. ANd, of course, the SPCA reminded me that if for any reason I could not keep him to be sure and promise to bring him back and never ever take him to the City kill shelter.

Listen to your heart while you are holding these babies. This is between you and them and not the staff and you. I didn't have to choose between more than one ...I think that is why I could make a quicker decision. It was important to me that I be able to hold and hug whoever I got because that is what I miss so much from my Little Guy...hugging him and loving him.

If you want to see Lucky...look at the bottom of my post here because I tell where in the New Beginnings Section of this forum, I have posted his pictures and maybe you can see what I mean about his eyes.

Hugs to you....I hope you have a new baby soon.....it helped me so very much having Lucky in my home.

Again, Listen to your heart, look into their eyes and see if they can't stop watching you and you feel like you want to look into those eyes forever.

[Jon730]

I'm afraid I would choose the shy one and the 5 years younger helps. You just lost a cat.

Good point. With an 11 year old, one may not be ready to go through it again so soon. By the time the older cat is tamed, it could be ready for the Bridge....
There are two "people" involved...One is the cat and the other is the adopter, and both interests have to be considered.

[matildawong]

Thanks for your post, LoveThem. I loved the story of how you got Lucky, I was choked up. And then I went to one of Lucky's threads with pictures and nearly fell over. I love the captions, er...I mean Lucky's running commentary!! And I do see what you mean about the eyes. Ahhhhh.

I do believe PAWS falls in with the other orgs. that they foster the pets if they are not adopted. I wonder why the one animal control person was saying, "there are NO true no-kill shelters", though. She was so nice and you could tell she just wanted a home for Micia, but she did sort of scare me. And she said the thing is, if none of the volunteers/PAWS folks fosters a pet that doesn't get adopted (after a certain amount of time) -- that's when the police have to do their jobs. Or something to that effect. And then today the PAWS folks expressed concern that I was so tormented and under the impression that Micia's time is running out. So it's very confusing.



Today I went back to the shelter and spent more time with the girls. By visits' end, I knew it had to be Melody. And I still love Micia and feel a pang of pain when I think of her, but I had to weigh everything. I really feel that I could do the best and make the most difference with Melody, who seems forlorn and so greatly in need of love.

PAWS will come to do a home safety inspect early Sunday. That way if all is well, I can go pick Melody up that afternoon! Oh I can't tell you how excited I am. The household is dreary to me without a cat to share it with.

How can I ever thank you all for 'listening' to me and offering your support? Thank you. I hope to have many pictures to post!

[LoveThem]

What wonderful news! That means you will be picking up Melody tomorrow afternoon!

I'm glad you sound very comfortable with your decision. By going back and examining your feelings you found the answer you were looking for.

I'm also glad you enjoyed Lucky's pictures...you see I was so excited...I wound up having 3 topics and pictures about him. Then too it does take time to use up those 27 picture disposable cameras.

We will look forward to seeing some pictures of Melody.

I remember being so excited to go get Lucky..I was there the time the SPCA opened the day after Christmas because I didn't want to get there an hour later and found that someone noticed him and took him right away. So I know how you are feeling being anxious to get Melody into your home as her new and permanent home where she is needed and loved and which she also needs very badly and will give you that special love...that these babies are so capable of.

You said: The household is dreary to me without a cat to share it with.

I couldn't agree with you more and I never regretted getting a new sweet one. I am kind of sorry I waited 3 months because I really needed him here earlier. What was strange to me was that I lost my Little Guy in September and Lucky came to the SPCA in September so he actually would have been there and available if I had gone sooner. Sometimes I wonder about that timing. He was so quiet the staff didn't know who he was when I met him and asked about him but when I went back on Christmas Eve...by my picking him up and them seeing him..they all knew him then and that told me he might be adopted sooner cause the staff would point him out to people. But I found him there and I got him.

I can't wait to hear about Melody and see her pictures. Even if you don't have a picture right away, this is a perfect place to tell us all how she is settling in and just talking about her.
I am sorry her owner passed away and her cat mate got adopted so she felt twice as alone.
But she will now have you and your fiance and I believe she sounds like she will be a very affectionate kitty and I'll bet she will be purring a lot once she realizes she really has a home and people who love her.

Just absolutely wonderful. I am excited for you and will check back looking for your post that she is yours.

Our SPCA gave me a bag of Science Diet as that is what all the cats are fed in their shelter but of course I had to also get some canned cat food. Last time I shopped I bought 3 boxes of 24 cans and the checker asked me how many cats I have. I laughed and said "One". It is fun buying the food and looking for toys although no cat resists a string being pulled across the floor and Lucky loves to bat a tiny ball around. It is a wonderful distraction to have a new one. I will love and miss my 3 others but if they can't be with me...what better tribute to them can I give but to want another in my home and heart?

Hugs and Happiness!

[matildawong]

Hi LoveThem. I just love reading your posts. What you said about my going back and examining my feelings to find my answer really touched me. Like, "See? I COULD do it!" I tend to panic and then obsess. (Can ya tell? haha.) For example, when it became clear i would probably eventually need to put Mittens down rather than let her suffer it was, "Oh NO, how will I ever be able to put her down? I can't do it! It will kill me." But the time came and I did it. Same thing with this situation.

The timing thing you mentioned with Lucky is one of those strange cir%%stances that I would wonder about, too. That Lucky was there in September seems rather ominous, in a neat way! I'm just so glad you found Lucky. And that Lucky was still there the day after Christmas. How did you manage on Christmas? I would have been thinking Lucky-thoughts non-stop. I love that you were there at the SPCA at opening time to get Lucky.

I'm waiting for the PAWS folks to call. I have what I call the 'pre-Disneyland excitement' -- why yes, I am 35 yrs old. But it's that excitement for something magical and fun and emotional. Disneyland is a good example, plus it sounds funnier than 'pre-trip-to-europe excitement' which is also cool, but you get the drift.

Whoah. Little too much coffee! Hope to post again soon!

[LoveThem]

I signed on this am just to see if you posted cause I am as excited as you about your new baby. As far as how I was on Christmas...I was okay because when I left Christmas eve...the SCPA was closing for the day and was closed on Christmas Day so I knew Lucky wasn't going anywhere and that's why I was there the time they opened the day after. I just felt I knew he would be there for sure if I got there when they opened...and on Christmas Day....I just kept thinking..this is the last Holiday this home would be cat-less. I guess I wanted to sleep on the decision but only cause I knew he wasn't going anywhere immediately.

I knew you could do it. Sometimes I think writing out what we are feeling and thinking helps us to look at it better, and also sometimes others looking at the same thing may point out something we hadn't thought of. I am so glad you decided to post here and ask your questions...even if the right answer didn't come....at least you kept looking..and I am also glad hearing what happened.

Now the important thing is hearing about Melody.....I will look for your post....when you two are settled.

You are so right in your thinking about Mittens. My Little Guy hadn't been himself for about 8 weeks even though we were at the vet, getting x-rays, getting blood tests..etc...and I knew if he continued to lose weight because for some reason he didn't really want to eat, that he would get very very sick and so I was discussing giving him peace with my vet and she had just said she wanted to try a cancer medicine for a couple of weeks..although no one knew if it was cancer or not...when as my thread in the Death & Dying section listed below in my reply here...describes the emergency that resulted in my making the instant decision to lose him rather than put him through a lot of pain draining fluid...so I could keep him with me longer. So yes, when it is time you know you have to do it FOR THEIR SAKE..that's the most important part of it. And so we thank them for their many years of unconditional love and companionship by making sure they do not suffer when we know they are having a bad time and there is no cure. It is sad but we never would trade the many years of healthy and happiness and love they gave us and we gave them. They are in our hearts forever and their pictures remind us of the good memories which help us to move on.

And, a new baby is such good medicine....it means so much to me to have a furbaby in my home again. I know you and Melody will form your own special bond between the two of you that is unique and I know it makes you feel good inside to know you will be taking care of one of these special ones that has no one to give their love to. She will indeed complete your home.

Hugs to you and her

[matildawong]

Good morning LoveThem!

First, I'll have to go read your chronicles of Lil Guy. I'm so glad you were able to make the decision to let him go rather than suffer thru a procedure. I'll read his story when I'm a little more recovered from Mittens' ordeal.

Second, Melody is here! We've got her set up in our bedroom with everything she needs. She is staying under the bed. Which, from everything I've read, is normal. She comes out to eat and drink and use her box. In the night I heard her exploring - once I saw her up on top of a stack of pillows on the floor and once she was on the ''stairway'' that's at the end of the rather high bed (sturdy plastic storage boxes that mittens used as her stairway).

She was quite friendly when we first got her here. I was able to pet her and she ate right in front of me. But now she's in stealth explore mode. We keep going in and spending time -- reading on the bed, etc.. So she knows we're here. It's been a long time since I've done this, but I seem to remember Mittens doing the same thing.

Regardless, we are both over the moon. Melody is a total sweetheart. We're so happy to have her here. I'll post some pics as soon as I can get one!

Thanks for your encouragement and lovely conversation!

[LoveThem]

I am so glad to hear your news.

If you want to laugh some more...I do have 3 topics for Lucky in the New Beginnings with pictures and I have 3 topics
with pictures in Tributes to Little Guy, Keeper (his twin brother) and LIttle Girl...their sister. Just lots of pictures people have said made them laugh and that is what it is all about. Nothing sad in these.

I think what you described is indeed normal. One of the gals here, Joanne, who is called jackjackbojack, has a thread in the sad section but she has adopted 2 kittens and her last one she arranged to come from Georgia to her home in Texas and she described to me at first how the new cat hid under the bed...Well that didn't last long and now she talks about how he jumps in her lap.

It was like you said...lots of talking, petting and reassurances to the kitty. I told her how when I lived in California and we had the Northridge quake in 1994, my 3 kittens were 3 years old and they went under our bed and did not come out for 3 days..no food, no water, no nothing. So I just talked to them whenever I was in the room, told them it was okay to come out but of course, the
5.0 aftershocks didn't really reassure them but they did come out.

Just write when you can...I'll love to hear how Melody is adjusting. Everything probably seems so new to her but cats are smart and I don't think it will take long before you see her nosing around lots of places.

Hugs to all of you and please keep us posted here. We love new babies....it is truly a New Beginning.

[havana]

Hello, everyone.

Please forgive my barging in with this question. I have been lurking and now I find myself in a dilemma that I feel I may get some clarity out of by posting it here. (If that makes sense!?)

I am new here and have found great support and comfort (and shed many a tear) reading everyone's posts. Last week I lost my Mittens. She was 19 -- I adopted her when she was 10. She needed to be an only-cat household. I adored her. She went with me across the country and back; in planes and in cars. She suffered from CRF and almost 2 weeks ago she took a turn for the worse and I knew I had to help let her go. My vet was so wonderful. In fact, I didn't know how wonderful of a person/vet she was until that sad day. She helped me to stay in the room and be with Mitty (I was scared to see her go but knew I had to be there for Mittens.)

Fast forward and I am ready for a new friend/partner. I do know this. Not to replace M. but because my (former non-pet owner) fiance and I agree a cat-free household is much to lonesome!

My dilemma. At the 'no kill' shelter there are two girls. I love them both and I can only pick one. Micia is 11. She is a Maine Coon, crotchety, fabulous and has been at the shelter the longest. The (tougher) animal control officers tell me her time is running out. The (sweeter) volunteers with the non-profit say no, someone will adopt her. The animal control people tell me the Chief is the real boss and he knows Micia is really hard to place. She could get sent to the city shelter soon. I really like her. Though she can swat and hiss (I brushed her today and she was pretty nice.)

Melody is 6. She's sweet but very scared. Her owner died and her cat-roommate had more personality and was adopted. My heart melts a bit more for Melody because she's not as tough and sassy as Micia. She looks forlorn and it seems like she'd thrive with us. She probably has more time at the shelter than Micia because she isn't as attitude-ridden as Micia. But I fear no one will look past her shyness and see her cute personality.

They both would do well with us. We have an apartment and I'm only supposed to have one cat. Micia would do her own thing and I mean, sheesh, my fiance is crotchety, too. So there you go! Melody would hopefully thrive on affection and love from us.

My problem: I have this terrifying sense of condemning one or the other. The animal control lady looked teary-eyed when I suggested taking Melody. I think she thinks I am Micia's last chance. The animal control police-guy (so nice, has like 9 pets of his own from the shelter!) said I would be helping them no matter which one I choose.

I do know this: I want to take one of these two girls. I FEEL it, it's right for me. I will be ok once I decide, but the decision itself is really upsetting me. I try to think what Mittens would want, but come up empty. And doesn't that sound weird? But I think you know what I mean. My vet's office (works closely w/shelter, knows both cats) gently suggested Melody because they are aware that Mittens' treatment/decline/visits/meds/etc. really put a clinch on our wallets. (Not that we care!!! Not one bit!!! Just that maybe we should get a younger cat and build up our emergency fund again.)

Finally, thank you to anyone who has read through this emotional, long-winded post. I think I may have some relief just from writing it out. Goodness knows it's been bouncing around in my head so much. I do wonder if I'm channeling some of my grief into this situation but you know, I don't really think so. I tend to be emotional like this anyway.

Phew. Thanks again for letting me post this. Truly.

ETA: I was just wondering if anyone had any advice on how to handle this decision. Thank you.

Matidawong am so sorry to hear about your loss, think that you have the opportunity to have dobble the love from the two of them, yes, that is axactly what I would do, talk to your other half you may get lucky and could bring them both into your house and under your wings, best wishes from Buster and Jorge

[matildawong]

Thank you so much, Havana. And thanks to Buster and Jorge! ... We did take home Melody but I will be monitoring Micia because I would love to either give her a home or help find one for her.

[matildawong]

And introducing Miss Melody! I snapped this picture on my phone before she found her hiding spot under the bed. She's still under there but she lets me pet her if I crawl a bit under there (and she goes nuts with love, purring and rolling around). Once I opened the door and she was ON the bed, so I'm thinking that means she'll be OK. Hee hee.

Attached image(s)

 

[LoveThem]

Oh...she looks so precious. I'm glad you were able to snap a quick picture. Yes, from what you said she is definitely starting to feel more secure and looking around..especially being ON the bed.
And, lots of purring etc. She is doing very good for such a short time being with you and coming to you as a scared baby.

Keep writing about her...I love to hear how she is doing and what she is doing.

"love, purring and rolling around". She is saying a lot of wonderful things to you there. Sounds like a very grateful kitty.

I am so happy for you.

[goliath]

We did take home Melody but I will be monitoring Micia because I would love to either give her a home or help find one for her.

Congrats on your new kittylove. A new furball in the house brings so much fun and happiness for everyone around. I'm also glad to hear you are watching out for Micia. When you tried to decide between the two of them I know it was difficult for you to make a decision.

After I adopted my new baby Browser, I felt awful leaving his sister behind and prayed for a miracle. I had decided if she wasn't placed very soon in a caring home I was going to adopt her myself. Then a friend of mine from this forum wound up adopting her after I had fostered her for two weeks. It was a very happy beginning for two siblings that I know will be loved for the rest of their lives.

Be well and have fun with your sweet Melody. The best is yet to be.

[matildawong]

hi goliath and jackjackbojack (joanne) --

Thanks for your kind words on Melody. We haven't forgotten about Micia, either. Maybe we will find a way to bring her here. For now, we are being patient and hoping Melody will someday venture into the living area of our apartment. She lives under the bed but usually as SOON as I am up on the bed she hops up with me. My fiance goes to bed earlier and I get in bed and say goodnight. Now Melody does (always staying on the other side of me, putting me in the middle) too! Then, a few hours later, when the night owl (me!) goes to bed, Melody hops right up and settles in for a few hours with us.

The best Melody part of the day is at 5am, when fiance leaves for work and Melody gets back in bed with me for some serious cuddle/purr/snoring time for another few hours!

In Mittens news (RIP) - I paid for the 'group cremation' option which wouldn't return her ashes to us (they scatter them at sea, so they say) but would give us a plaster pawprint. When I let Mittens go (her body I mean, with the vet) I kept telling myself, "It's OK. Let her go. You will have a pawprint to hold" Weeeeeeellll, it's been 3 and some weeks and no pawprint. I totally GET that there's nothing I can do if they didn't make one. But I'm like, in denial and keep checking the mailbox and I'm afraid I'm not just dealing with it. I don't know. I already mentioned it to my vet's office and you know, they don't run the cremation service, there's not much they can do.

At the same time, sheesh, I did pay extra. But that sounds so horrible. My partner says the memories I have are more important than a pawprint. He's right but I'm still feeling strange about the whole thing. Like, did I get USED??? Over my beloved pet's death??? Ugh it's too ugly to think about. Watch it come tomorrow....<please?>