Missing Him :'(

I don't really know what I should post. I came here looking for some kind of support. I feel so alone. On Thursday evening at 5 I lost my dear friend. I had my dog Skipper for almost 11 yrs. He was in a ton of pain and I made the decision to have him put to sleep. The vet gave him a sedative first and I held him the whole time. He died in my arms. I know it was a peaceful death for him but it wasn't for me. I didn't want that to be my last memory of him and that's all I keep seeing. He deserved to be with me during his last moments. It was just so hard on me. I honestly didn't know my heart could hold this much pain. I seriously cant stop crying. Everything reminds me of him. I feel like I betrayed him. He would have given his life for me or my daughters in a heartbeat and I took him to the vet and had him killed. I feel so much guilt. All I have left is his leash and his cover he slept on. I keep picking it up and holding it tightly. It smells like him. I miss him so so much! When will this heartache go away? What am I supposed to do with all these emotions. I'd give anything to have him back healthy and strong again.

I love you Skipper. I'm so sorry. I miss you so much!