My Heart Is Broken...please Help

My special baby baby, Atticus, died unexpectedly on Sunday. One minute he was playing, the 15 Montez later he was gone. He was 2 years old. I found him lying on the bath mat in front of the tub. At first I thought he was just resting, he had been playing with a bottle ring earlier, but then I saw his mouth hanging open and I screamed for my husband. He wasn't breathing and had no heart beat. My husband tries giving him mouth to mouth and nothing. He was just gone.
I have had cats from for 16 years. My oldest boy Mulder passed last year, and his brother Mattie, passed just 2 weeks ago. Both were older, 16 & 12, and had kidney disease. I watched them both waste away to nothing and thought that was the worst thing of my life to have to deal with. They both let me know when it was time to go, even though I wasn't ready to let them go. But at least with them I had time to prepare. This just WAS.
I have never had such an affectionate, loving cat before Atticus. Don't get me wrong, both Mulder and Mattie were definately mama's boys and I know they loved me every bit as much as I loved them. Attikins was just different. He would reach up and beg me to pick him up, he talked to me, he loved being anywhere on me. He was brilliant and a troublemaker at the same time. He was my cuddle bunny.
When we adopted him, the shelter failed to tell us that he had a heart murmur. Our vet caught it right away and was shocked that they didn't catch it. My husband wanted to take him back, but that just was not happening! Our vet said we should have yearly check ups and he was fine at the last one.
I just can't wrap my head around the fact he is gone. I expect to see him come darting out of the bedroom or meeting me at the door. Just opening the window he liked to sit in in the morning crushes me.
I am numb yet have this horrible ache in my chest T the same time. I just don't understand why he had to go.


I love you my baby baby. I miss you!

Gone To Soon

My baby Attticus died unexpectedly this past Sunday. He was only 2 years old! He left us 2 weeks and 4 days after his brother Mattie left us, and 1 year, 5 months and 5 days after his other brother Mulder left us. There is such an aching hole in my heart. It feel like I can't breathe. Nothing feels right and god it just hurts! My other babies keep looking for them, and I have to keep telling them that they are gone. I can't bring myself to move the bath may he passed on, and I keep expecting him to come around the corner or reach up saying "Hey Mom, PICK ME UP & LOVE ME!" I was able to prepare myself, at least a little bit, with Mulder & Mattie, they both had kidney disease, but Atticus wasn't supposed to go so soon! He had a heart murmur but th dr said he looked good at his last check up. He was playing in the bathroom one minute with his favorite toy, and I went in 10-20 minutes later and he was lying there, not breathing, no heartbeat, gums blue. Just like that he was gone! It is just not fair!!!!
These are my babies: Mulder- the tuxedo, Mattie- the Siamese/Maine Coon & my baby Atticus- the orange & white. Sorry for the rant, I just needed to get this out.