Hello, I cannot begin to express how happy I am to have found this site.

We found a lump in the summer of last year but were told by the vet that it was his microchip. I have blamed myself ever since, as I trusted the vet's advice. When we realised, by around autumn of that year, that his lump had not gone away we took him(and our other kit, Oscar) to the vets. We saw a different vet, who during his check up of Mozart said that a biopsy was warranted as he thought that it was a tumour. The next week, Mozart after he had his biopsy we received a call from the vets informing us to bring Mopey to the vets. My heart was filled with dread as I had been researching the different types of cancerous and non-cancerius tumours on cats. I had come across fibrosarcoma but was told by my family that I should not be pessimistic etc. We meet a different vet, who introduced himself as the fibrosarcoma specialist. From there, our journey with fighting this aggressive form of cancer has consisted of four operations, alternative treatment (spider venom) and quarticine (sp?). Sadly, each time the cancer has regrown and has now spread over his shoulder to around his body. We have been told by the vet that there isn't anymore that can be done but just to make him comfortable.

We all love Mozart. He is our first larger furry friend, and his character is very unique. He is part of the family. We have had him since he was four months old. He has reached his eighth birthday but I feel that this is too young for him to leave us. It is too soon. I love our other two cats, Oscar and Barnaby too but I have a close bond with Mozart that I am unsure if that will be able to be formed again with any other cats. He was there when I wss going through a very rough patch in life, he was my only friend. It pai ns me that I cannot do anything for him. For Mum and Dad, it is losing a child. I dont know how mum, in particular, will handle this when he does go. As I know that she is dreading it. I am currently away from home at university, wont return till July. I cannot go home, although i really wish to do so. I dont know if i will be back in time. I want to say goodbye but i dont know if i would make him feel distressed.

It is hard to talk about it with people as they dont really understand. In their eyes, he is just a cat but he isnt just a cat! I cant believe that this has happened to us. If one good thing that has come out of this experience it is the awarenes of fibrosarcoma. Because of Mozart, Oz and Barny will be receiving their vaccs in their arms. I plan to raise awareness with other people because some vets still vaccinate in the shoulders despite knowing about this cancer, example of this occurred when the vet tried to fob me off when Barny was receiving his first vacinations.

I know that Mozart is not dead yet. But having to watch him degenerate in his health is so very difficult. We are taking it a day at a time now but he is in pain, he doesnt eat as much as he used to do and he no longer goes outside on the balcony. He just sits, sleeps and receives hugs.


Thank you for allowing me to vent.

I have yet to work out how to use the settings but I wished to put up a picture of the little guy.

Hi, M.O.B., please permit me to offer you my sincerest condolences on your precious Mozart's diagnosis of Fibrosarcoma. I do know so well from first hand experience how devastated your heart is feeling.

Your precious Mozart is now in the stage of pain management, and there are medications that can help him with this so that he can continue to enjoy a good quality of life until there is no doubt that it is time to gently and compassionately release him from his frail, failing, painful physical body. Chronic pain is debilitating to the body and spirit, but if it can be properly managed there is the possibility that your beloved Mozart's quality of life can be comfortably extended for days, or perhaps weeks. Your parents, or you, may want to talk to Mozart's veterinary care provider regarding offering him this opportunity.

When my beloved beautiful kitty girl Abbygayle was diagnosed with Fibrosarcoma in July 2009, I specifically asked my veterinary care provider if it was vaccine induced. She assured me that the biopsy was specifically tested for this and the results were negative - - and she gladly gave me a copy of the biopsy results for me to read the results for myself. From the results of the biopsy, it was suspected that the cancer had more of a genetic source. My beautiful Abbygayle endured three surgeries to remove the tumors, but by December 2009, after the last surgery, she was telling me in no uncertain terms that she had had "enough", and the tumors were returning within days after the last surgery. And because there was no more muscle mass for her doctor to work with, no further surgeries could be done. So it was a matter of keeping my beautiful baby girl as comfortable and happy as possible for as long as possible. By March 2010 she had stopped eating and the pain management medications were no longer effective, so on Monday, March 15, 2010, my beautiful baby girl Abbygayle's struggle ended under the compassionate care of her veterinary care provider while being held in my arms. My beautiful baby girl joined the angels at the tender age of 6 years and 10 months.

Please permit me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal when you share with us: "I know that Mozart is not dead yet. But having to watch him degenerate in his health is so very difficult." This is known as Anticipatory Grief, and it is a very painful journey all of its own. Your mind "knows" that your precious Mozart's earthly journey is drawing to a close, yet your heart still hopes there can be a "miracle" that will restore him to good health. Your heart is trying to reconcile the joy of still having Mozart with you and the sorrow of knowing his earthly journey is quickly coming to an end. Please know that your precious Mozart knows you love him, - - even if you are physically unable to be there with him when his sweet Living Spirit transitions home to the angels. Love is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space - - or geographical distance. And if you are able to be home with your precious Mozart before he transitions from his earthly journey, the most important thing is that you be yourself with him - - hold him, cry if your heart needs to, and tell him how much you love him.

Thank you so much for sharing your precious Mozart with us, M.O.B., and this wonderful picture of your handsome boy. Please know your precious Mozart, you, and your parents are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how things are going for your precious Mozart, and you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, moon_beam, thank you for your kind response. I have read it many times, and your words were such a comfort to me. So, thank you for taking the time to respond to me as I appreciate it.

I am sorry that you have had to go through this with your own little kit. Mozart has endured several operations but like your Abbygayle, there was not enough healthy muscle mass for the vet to work with. Luckily, the vet who is caring for Mozart is truely doing his best to fight the cancer, to the extent that he has also gone out of his way to research alternative medication, such as the spider venom. In addition, the vet plans to oversee the care of our other two cats, when it comes to giving them their vaccinations as he does not want us to go through the situation again. It is a blessing that the vet is compassionate and understands how we feel.

I wish that I was at home with him but I spoke to my Mum, who has said that he is in my sister's room sleeping but he has eaten today, which is good.

Hi, M.O.B., thank you so very much for sharing with us how your precious Mozart, and you, are doing. There is no doubt your parents and veterinary care provider are doing everything in their power to give your precious Mozart a happy and comfortable quality of life. There is always the "fear" of "waiting too long" or "not waiting long enough" in "knowing when" our precious companions are truly suffering and are asking us to release their sweet Living Spirit from the painful bondage of their physical body. Please let me try to reassure you that your precious Mozart will let you know "when it is time". No, the sorrow won't be less painful, but you and your parents and family will know beyond all shadow of a doubt that you have done everything in your power to give him a happy earthly journey which will be a comfort to each of you after your precious Mozart joins the angels.

Just take each day one day at a time -- one moment at a time. And please know we are here for you to try to be a source of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope during this very difficult time for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Mozart kindly, and that your precious Mozart will have a very peaceful and cozy evening surrounded by the sights and sounds he loves the most - - his family and his home. Please know you and your precious Mozart are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how your precious boy, and you, are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Just a quick update.
Mum was on the phone today. Sounds like the tumour is splitting the skin . Problem with this type of cancer is that once it splits the skin, it is game over. You can't really leave it to continue to pop out of the cat's skin because of the risk of bacteria. I wish that this was not happening. Life is not fair. He goes to the vets tomorrow. I don't know what will happen.=(

Hang in there M.O.B. Hang in there..

Hugs to you!

Mozart is going to be put to sleep on Thursday. I am so very upset.

Hi, M.O.B., thank you so much for sharing with us how your precious Mozart is doing. I am so very, very sorry about the aggressive turmor and what it is doing to your precious boy's body. I do so know how your heart is breaking with this latest news, and my heart is breaking with you. It is one thing to "know" that releasing your precious boy from his frail, failing physical body is the right thing to do - - but quite another to reconcile the heartbreaking "reality" that you will no longer have the privilege of his sweet precious physical presence to enjoy. This grief journey is one of coping with both the emotional and physical adjustments to the physical absence of your beloved Mozart. Please know we are here for you, M.O.B., for as long and as often as you need us.

Please know your precious Mozart, and you and your family, are in my thoughts and prayers, that the procedure willl go smoothly and peacefully for your precious boy on Thursday - - and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I had to say "goodbye" to him. All day, I have spent between crying and internal grief. I have never grieved over a person as I am currently grieving over Mozart. It took a lot of strength today just to "talk" to him on Skype. It isn't enough. I wish I was at home to be there with him till he goes but I can't. I thanked him. Thanked him for everything that he has done for me. I told him that I loved him. I tried hard not to cry, I did slip. I then spoke to my parents. I said a few things that I shouldn't have said but it is the truth. As callous as it may sound. i don't have many friends, and none who I would dub as my best friend. My experience with humans has been pretty negative. Friends don't turn out to be the way I thought friends act, and of course it is very difficult for me to interact with other people so it isn't rocket science to figure out that I'm going to latch onto a cat for companionship. Mozart is my best friend. He will always be my best friend. He asks for nothing in return. He does not pass judgement on me. I feel as though my whole world is crumbling apart. On top of a recurring health issue, I have to say goodbye to my friend. I don't need to be told (by my dad) that he is just a "pet" when both parents should know how much Mozart means to me. He saved me. He saved me from a time when my life was crumbling apart, when I was teetering to the edge of suicide. He offered me friendship and his love. We have a very strong bond. So I am grieving as another person would grieve for a human. I don't want to be told that he is just a "pet" or just a "cat". It is dismissing our friendship. I can't believe that he is going tomorrow. I wish I was there with him, in person. Tomorrow is going to be hard.

Hi, M.O.B., please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies as you travel your grief adjustment journey in the physical loss of your beloved Mozart. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

M.O.B., I truly am very sorry your dad was not able to offer you the comfort you needed yesterday. Clinical professionals recognize that the grief journey for the physical loss of a beloved companion is the same as for a human family member or friend. Sadly sometimes, though, our society in general, and sometimes the people who are closest to us emotionally and geographically, do not. This doesn't mean they don't love us - - it simply means that for whatever reason they do not understand the deep bond that can be shared with a beloved companion.

I promise you I DO understand, for, like you, with very rare exceptions I have for the most part of my life not known the genuine acceptance and friendship and love with human family members, acquaintances, and friends as I have known with each of my beloved companions. Family members even to this day consider me "abnormal" because of my feelings and beliefs, which is one of the many reasons why my siblings and I are not "close."

Clinical professionals recognize that our relationships with our companions is very unique compared to our relationships with our human family members and friends. Our companions give to us their undivided attention and unconditional love, and we in turn surrender ourselves to them without reservation and without fear of rejection. They do not care who we are, what we are, what our social status is, what our financial wealth - - or lack thereof - - is. They do not care if we live in a tent, under an expressway overpass, in a modest home, or in a mansion. Their ONLY desire is to give love - - and if possible - - receive love in return. Our relationships with our human family members and friends are on an entirely different level. With our human relationships there are "expectations" involved to obtain "acceptance" - - social behaviors, education, jobs, financial ability to support oneself and perhaps a family, etc.. When these expectations are not achieved in a relationship - - for whatever reason - - the relationship is then tested to determine if it can survive the "disappointment" or if the relationship will erode and eventually fail. This does not mean that our human relationships are less important - - it simply means that the relationship we have with our beloved companions is on an entirely different level than what we have with our human family members and friends.

M.O.B., this grief journey you are now traveling is filled with many different emotions. It is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. It is a journey that cannot be reconciled in a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year to endure. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time - - with the reassurance that you are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

As painful as this grief journey is, there is one thing that will never change - - the love bond you and your beloved Mozart share. Love is eternal, M.O.B. - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Mozart's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will for he is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I do know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so very much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Mozart with us, M.O.B.. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you moon_beam for your replies, I know that I haven't responded directly to them but I want you to know that I have read every single one. I do appreciate it.

Mozart was put to sleep today. He died at 14:20 CH-time. I am so very upset. I feel as though something has been ripped out of me. I'm going to miss him so much. He was only eight.

Hi, M.O.B., thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief when you share with us: "I feel as though something has been ripped out of me. I'm going to miss him so much. He was only eight." I do so understand how cheated you feel in not being there with him - - of not having the privilege of more time with him. The ache that is in your heart and the void you feel is very normal - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - yet very normal.

We live in a physically oriented world governed by the 5 senses of sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. Every time our companions rub against, lick / kiss, touch us they are literally chemically imprinting themselves onto us so that they can identify us from the millions of other people on the planet. When they precede us to the angels, scientific studies prove that we literally go through a chemical withdrawal from their imprint on us, and this is one of the many reasons why this grief journey is so very painful both emotionally and physically.

But I promise you, M.O.B., it will not always be this way. Someday when you least expect it you will find yourself thinking of your beloved Mozart and you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and your heart will fill with the warmth of the many treasured memories you and your beloved Mozart share. But until this time comes for you, please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope today is treating you kindly, M.O.B., and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Mozart's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, M.O.B., and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi moon_beam, thank you so much for your kindness in taking the time to respond. I really appreciate your words. I hope one day I can look back with a smile instead of fighting back tears. I miss him so much. I don't know how my parents can cope with living at home without Mozart there. It is something that I'm dreading to go back to. The last few days have been very difficult. I feel emotionally drained and numb. There are times when i am in silent grief and times when i am sobbing. My sister and I lit a candle for him on Thursday, we also lit an electric candle which I have kept on ever since. The time of when he went, i have sat waiting for it to pass. I know that it isn't healthy to do this but I cannot seem to shake from this. I have very little to no desire to go out and socialise with friends. Even though some are understanding, i just cannot bear going out and putting on a mask that everything is fine when it is not. I i don't think it is fair on them and I do not know how far their understanding may go, i cannot handle it if they just dub Mozart as "only a cat/pet". I don't think that i am handling this grieving stage well. I have found myself looking at pictures of him or refer to him in the present tense, and I just burst into tears. It is very hard to function normally. I just want him back.

Hi, M.O.B, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling and experiencing is very normal deep grief - - the horror roller coaster ride of emotions that are uncontrollable right now. Please know in reality you are handling your deep grief very well when you share with us: "My sister and I lit a candle for him on Thursday, we also lit an electric candle which I have kept on ever since. The time of when he went, i have sat waiting for it to pass. I know that it isn't healthy to do this but I cannot seem to shake from this. I have found myself looking at pictures of him or refer to him in the present tense, and I just burst into tears. It is very hard to function normally. I just want him back."

It is okay to refer to your beloved Mozart in the present tense because his sweet Living Spirit is always with you - - it is his physical body that is no longer with you. Love is a living, thriving, growing reality - - NOTHING in heaven or on earth can ever diminish it. Since your beloved Mozart is always and forever a heartbeat close to you, he continues to live in the physical sense through your continued earthly journey even though you can no longer physically see him or touch him. One of the many important things you need to focus on is doing for YOU healthy things that bring comfort to YOU particularly during this tme of deep sorrow.

I do so understand how you're feeling when you share with us: "I have very little to no desire to go out and socialise with friends. Even though some are understanding, i just cannot bear going out and putting on a mask that everything is fine when it is not." I remember so very well how difficult it is to put on what I call the "public face" in an attempt to disguise the deep pain of sorrow in my heart while grieving the physical loss of a beloved companion. I remember being ever so thankful for the privacy of the restroom at work where I could retreat to try to regain my composure so that I could go back to my desk to resume my work. And I remember having to bolster myself when I was invited to visit with family members - - none of whom are ever understanding of my feelings concerning my companions. Having the additional expectation to disguise the deep sorrow in our hearts so that others around us will not be "offended" by it is a heavy burden to carry indeed.

There are many "first withouts" you will experience during this grief adjustment journey, and one of them is going home for the "first time" without your beloved Mozart being there physically to greet you. I can certainly understand your dread of when this time comes, but I promise you will endure through it. And we are here for you to help you through it, M.O.B.

If this might help there are several books on grieving the physical loss of a beloved companion that many people find helpful reading. If nothing else they will help you understand that what you are feeling is very normal, and eventually there will come a time when the deep sorrow will not be so intense.

I hope today is treating you kindly, M.O.B, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Mozart's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, M.O.B, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you moon_beam for your reply. I feel silly about talking about him in the present tense but I spoke to my Mum today, and she is doing the same thing. She also added that Mozart is close to her heart, as he is her little boy. It made me feel much better. We talked a lot about him today, and also how much Barnaby and Oscar miss him.

I had a dream about him ast night. He was meowing like he normally does around the house but I could not pin point the direction of the sound in the dark to find him. I don't know what that all means but I have made certain that the candke is always on for him to see. He doesn't really like the dark.

Hi, M.O.B, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I am so very, very glad you and your mum are able to comfort one another during this very sorrowful time. I am so smiling at you keeping the light lit for your beloved Mozart. And I'm so glad you had a visit with him in your dream. Although your beloved Mozart is no longer physically with you, I assure you he will find a way to let you know his sweet Living Spirit continues to be a part of your earthly journey, and I hope this dream will be the beginning of many more for you and your beloved Mozart to share.

I hope today is treating you kindly, M.O.B, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Mozart's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, M.O.B, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

It is so very difficult to accept that you are gone, buddy. I know that you are always going to be here with me but I have yet to reach that idea with acceptance. I cry for you, every single day. I watch the clock strike your time when you leave us, in silence. I know that we said our goodbyes but I don't think that it was sufficent of a farewell. I don't think I told you have much i love you, appreciate you and thank you for everything. I can talk about some of the odd things you did but I cannot yet look at your pictures without crying. Your eyes were so expressive. I knew by looking at you, that our connection was solid. I will miss your 'meeps' and nods when you agree with something, and I miss your frowny face when you are not getting your way, although I do think that Barnaby has copied from you, so thanks bud. Don't worry about mumny and daddy, Ozzie and Barny are ensuring that they receive lots of love (and vice versa) but the house is so empty without you. I dread to go back home where I know you won't be greeting me in your chair. I love you. I miss you. I keep a candle going as I know that you don't like the dark. I cannot believe that you have been gone for a whole week. I am so sorry that I could not save you, as you saved me.

That's very beautiful. I totally get how you feel. It's been 19 days since I lost Henry, ans I still find it pretty hard. Last night I slept with his little bed, but the feel of the "fur" (it is fake) of the bed just made me miss him more.

Hope you feel better soon and can have a nice weekend.

Hi, M.O.B, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and your heart-filled love letter to your beloved Mozart. Indeed, during the deep grief our hearts mark every minute, every hour, every day, every week that our beloved companion's are no longer physically with us. This grief journey is one of adjusting to the physical, and emotional, absence of our beloved companion, and it is a very painful adjustment. I can soo understand how you're feeling when you share with us: "I dread to go back home where I know you won't be greeting me in your chair." This is one of those "first withouts" that will feel like a sword piercing your heart and taking your breath away. But I assure you, M.O.B, that you WILL endure through all the first withouts, and hopefully you will feel your beloved Mozart's sweet Living Spirit comforting presence in your heart to help ease the painful adjustment.

I hope today is treating you kindly, M.O.B, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Mozart's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, M.O.B, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam