IPB

Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

 Forum Rules Site Rules and Courtesies
 
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> So Sad And Feeling Guilty
Lunaagatha
post Jan 15 2016, 05:39 PM
Post #1





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 6
Joined: 13-January 16
Member No.: 8,768



Hello every one,

My heart is broken because my lovely Schnauzer Luna, died on wednesday, she was 11 years old.
She was fine until october, when we noticed she was coughing. We took her to the vet, and after some x rays, she told us that her heart had grown in size, and that this was causing her heart failure.
We took her to the cardiologist, who did an eco cardiogram and an electro cardiogram, and told us, that Luna had a heart abnormality that was pushing her heart to the limit, and eventually her lungs would fail.
He prescribed medicines. One of those medicines was a diuretic that would make her urinate very frequently. I am being very honest, eventhough it hurts as I tell you, that we could not keep on giving the diuretic, because every corner of the house was wet, I could not be home with her as I should have because of work, so having her all day inside a crate was out of the question. She developed edema in her lungs, and after a very hard day on wednsday (wich I also think I could've ´prevented if I had taken her to the vet earlier), with breathing difficulty, she died.
My husband, son and I, we cuddled her while we were taking her to the vet, we told her how much we loved her, how thankful we were for all the years we were blessed to receive her love and company, I asked her for forgiveness, because I felt, and still feel, that I could have done more for her, just to gain a few more days of her with us, and see her more peaceful. We cried together feeling so helpless. I feel today that she gave me way more than I gave in return. That feeling is really making me sad.
After she died, we had a few minutes with her, and we prayed, cried and thanked her again.
I wish I could have done things different, I blame myself for not doing more. I am lost in guilt and sadness, and I think that if I could not take good care of Luna I should not have another dog in my life. I should be glentler on my self (or my husband), but I cant help it.
I loved Luna very much, my family loved her and she has a very special place in our hearts. My daughter who lives in another city, came for Christmas and could hug her angel friend and fill her with love.
Thanks for allowing me to share my feelings with you. I hope you don't judge me.
I hope Luna will forgive me from heaven and love me because I love her and miss her with all my heart.

Luna's mom
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
LittleGirl's...
post Jan 15 2016, 06:21 PM
Post #2





Group: Moderators
Posts: 845
Joined: 24-March 04
From: Maine
Member No.: 274



Dear Luna's Mom,

I am so very sorry to hear about the physical loss of your precious Luna! There is nothing like this kind of grief. sad.gif

The first thing that struck me about your note was how you went all-out and took her to a cardiologist, and this was on top of all the testing/x-rays! That is beyond what many, or even most, people would do. Please try not to feel guilty about the diuretic. You gave Luna SO much love, and you did so much to try and keep her happy and healthy. She doesn't blame you for anything. She's in a realm of bliss (where you one day will join her) and she is still with you. She's a playful, free spirit in the realm where there aren't the limitations of time or space. wub.gif She wants only good things for you while you, your husband, and son are still here in your earthly bodies. She does not want you feeling all this guilt.

I have experiences with horrible guilt, including not having taken my kitty Mariah to the vet soon enough. I know the awful feeling. I think that a lot of us do.

I hope and pray that you and your family adopt another dog, in Luna's honor. wub.gif She would be so proud that her wonderful, loving family welcomed another needy animal into their home. I have a feeling that Luna might lead you to someone...

My heart goes out to you. I know this is excruciating. Can you think of anything that might possibly help you get through? One thing that helped me was to write a letter(s) to Mariah (and the others I have lost) and then write a letter "from" her. She "told" me that she felt---and feels---how much I love her. I know Luna would tell you similar things!

Please keep us posted on how you are doing!!

I will watch for anything from you.

Sending prayers of peace your way,

Kathy


--------------------
Compassion for all animals. www.earthlings.com
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Trulie
post Jan 15 2016, 07:51 PM
Post #3





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 21
Joined: 26-April 09
From: Toronto ON Canada
Member No.: 5,729



I'm sorry for your loss. It is always very hard to lose our loved fur babies. Please don't feel guilty. You loved Luna and had 11 years with her. She knew how loved she was. You did everything you could for her. You took her to the vet as soon as you saw something was wrong. You got further testing. Please don't let her last days make you think she thought you didn't care. There is a process for grieving and I think all of us go,through the guilt. Feeling like we could've done more. You did your best and you hugged and loved her till the end. She knew that and loved you. Please don't feel like you should never have another dog. There are so many dogs that need love and you have much love to give and shouldn't think you don't deserve to have another dog. You loved Luna for 11 years and loved her everyday of those 11 years and Luna really did know that. It will take time I know I felt the same guilt when my dog died. I went through deep guilt. I now have another dog which I love dearly. Luna loves you and never stopped. Dogs are very forgiving and not for one second would Luna have stopped loving you or think you stopped loving her. Trust me it will take time and many of us here have been through similar. I found it a great help when I lost my dog to read and hear from people in this network. Once again I am sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
moon_beam
post Jan 16 2016, 10:07 AM
Post #4


Forum Moderator


Group: Moderators
Posts: 8,088
Joined: 20-July 08
From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Luna's Mom, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Luna. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company.

As our forum friends Kathy and Trulie have already so comfortingly shared with you, it is obvious you and your husband did everything in your power to give your beloved Luna a happy and healthy earthly journey. Just because a treatment "can be" offered does not necessarily mean it is in the best interest of each individual patient to take / receive it. Our companions are very proud spirits - - they take great pride in not soiling their environment. Your beloved Luna could not control the effects of the diuretic, so it is perfectly understandable that you decided not to continue the medication. I hope in time you will be able to find a peace in your heart that your beloved Luna knows beyond all shadow of a doubt that you love her - - and this love transcends the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Luna is now restored to her former youthfulness in the company of the angels - - and she is forever blessed to have you for her Forever Mom.

This grief journey is one of the most painful experiences we will know on this side of eternity. It is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time which is why it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. Unfortunately there is no easy way to navigate this grief journey. There are no fast forward or delete buttons we can press that can speed up the process or make it automatically disappear. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time sometimes one moment at a time for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year to endure. But I promise you one day - - very likely when you least expect it - - you will find yourself thinking of your beloved Luna and you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and your heart will find comfort once again in all the wonderful memories you and your beloved Luna share.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Luna with us. Perhaps sometime you would like to share a picture of her with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Luna's Mom, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Lunaagatha
post Jan 18 2016, 08:16 AM
Post #5





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 6
Joined: 13-January 16
Member No.: 8,768



QUOTE (LittleGirl'sMommy @ Jan 15 2016, 06:21 PM) *
Dear Luna's Mom,

I am so very sorry to hear about the physical loss of your precious Luna! There is nothing like this kind of grief. sad.gif

The first thing that struck me about your note was how you went all-out and took her to a cardiologist, and this was on top of all the testing/x-rays! That is beyond what many, or even most, people would do. Please try not to feel guilty about the diuretic. You gave Luna SO much love, and you did so much to try and keep her happy and healthy. She doesn't blame you for anything. She's in a realm of bliss (where you one day will join her) and she is still with you. She's a playful, free spirit in the realm where there aren't the limitations of time or space. wub.gif She wants only good things for you while you, your husband, and son are still here in your earthly bodies. She does not want you feeling all this guilt.

I have experiences with horrible guilt, including not having taken my kitty Mariah to the vet soon enough. I know the awful feeling. I think that a lot of us do.

I hope and pray that you and your family adopt another dog, in Luna's honor. wub.gif She would be so proud that her wonderful, loving family welcomed another needy animal into their home. I have a feeling that Luna might lead you to someone...

My heart goes out to you. I know this is excruciating. Can you think of anything that might possibly help you get through? One thing that helped me was to write a letter(s) to Mariah (and the others I have lost) and then write a letter "from" her. She "told" me that she felt---and feels---how much I love her. I know Luna would tell you similar things!

Please keep us posted on how you are doing!!

I will watch for anything from you.

Sending prayers of peace your way,

Kathy


Dear Kathy,

Thank you so much for your wise and kind words of comfort on Luna's passing.
I'm so very thankful for people like you, who take from your precious time to uplift and help other people on their worst days.
Today I am feeling a lot better, after reviewing that sad wednesday over and over, and observing that all we did was out of love and compasion for our wonderful friend and angel Luna.
I don't think blaming ourselves for not acting soon enough, or doing different things on the 'awful' day, is what our dear angels would want from us, after all, we were also scared, and confused.
You are right, our loved angels are in heaven, enjoying their new life, where there is no pain, or having to go to the vet for shots and awful exams.
I hope Luna and Mariah, and all the other wonderful angel friends who have passed, are sending us their love and strength to go through these difficult days.
Kathy, eventhough I know there will be a lot of tears I'll write to Luna telling her about all my feelings, I know it'll be a good way to keep on healing.
Thanks so much again, I hope your heart heals completely and your journey of love on this earth may be more wonderful every day. I hope to hear from you again.

Luna's mom

P.S. There is a small seed of love in our heart that longs to love another angel puppy again : ), my son feels ready and optimistic, I am not there yet, but I hope me and my husband will be ... in honor of Luna's life.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Lunaagatha
post Jan 18 2016, 09:10 AM
Post #6





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 6
Joined: 13-January 16
Member No.: 8,768



QUOTE (Trulie @ Jan 15 2016, 07:51 PM) *
I'm sorry for your loss. It is always very hard to lose our loved fur babies. Please don't feel guilty. You loved Luna and had 11 years with her. She knew how loved she was. You did everything you could for her. You took her to the vet as soon as you saw something was wrong. You got further testing. Please don't let her last days make you think she thought you didn't care. There is a process for grieving and I think all of us go,through the guilt. Feeling like we could've done more. You did your best and you hugged and loved her till the end. She knew that and loved you. Please don't feel like you should never have another dog. There are so many dogs that need love and you have much love to give and shouldn't think you don't deserve to have another dog. You loved Luna for 11 years and loved her everyday of those 11 years and Luna really did know that. It will take time I know I felt the same guilt when my dog died. I went through deep guilt. I now have another dog which I love dearly. Luna loves you and never stopped. Dogs are very forgiving and not for one second would Luna have stopped loving you or think you stopped loving her. Trust me it will take time and many of us here have been through similar. I found it a great help when I lost my dog to read and hear from people in this network. Once again I am sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself.


Dear Trulie,

Thanks so much for being here for me during these difficult moments of my life.
I reached out to find help here on this site, and I have found that people, like you Trulie, who have experienced the love of an angel pet, are so compassionate and loving, and their words are so sincere, that there has to be a direct relationship between compassion, love and honesty, and having loved an angel dog. I think those are some of the wonderful gifts they leave for us.
I value every word you wrote so much, because you have helped me understand better that where there is love there is no space for guilt. I hope my heart heals, to a point where I can begin another journey of love with another angel puppy... my son seems to be more optimistic and ready than I am, may be because young boys are wiser and feel that love is unconditional, and that loving another puppy would not take Luna's place in his heart.
I'll follow your advise on reading and sharing my feelings with wonderful people like you on this site. (not very many people understand or value these feelings)
I am glad you found your fur angel and are sharing lots of love and wonderful moments with your puppy. It is really encouraging for me to know that.
Truly, thanks so much again for your time and wonderful words, I hope to hear from you again.

Luna's mom.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Lunaagatha
post Jan 18 2016, 12:59 PM
Post #7





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 6
Joined: 13-January 16
Member No.: 8,768



QUOTE (moon_beam @ Jan 16 2016, 10:07 AM) *
Hi, Luna's Mom, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Luna. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company.

As our forum friends Kathy and Trulie have already so comfortingly shared with you, it is obvious you and your husband did everything in your power to give your beloved Luna a happy and healthy earthly journey. Just because a treatment "can be" offered does not necessarily mean it is in the best interest of each individual patient to take / receive it. Our companions are very proud spirits - - they take great pride in not soiling their environment. Your beloved Luna could not control the effects of the diuretic, so it is perfectly understandable that you decided not to continue the medication. I hope in time you will be able to find a peace in your heart that your beloved Luna knows beyond all shadow of a doubt that you love her - - and this love transcends the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Luna is now restored to her former youthfulness in the company of the angels - - and she is forever blessed to have you for her Forever Mom.

This grief journey is one of the most painful experiences we will know on this side of eternity. It is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time which is why it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. Unfortunately there is no easy way to navigate this grief journey. There are no fast forward or delete buttons we can press that can speed up the process or make it automatically disappear. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time sometimes one moment at a time for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year to endure. But I promise you one day - - very likely when you least expect it - - you will find yourself thinking of your beloved Luna and you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and your heart will find comfort once again in all the wonderful memories you and your beloved Luna share.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Luna with us. Perhaps sometime you would like to share a picture of her with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Luna's Mom, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


Dear Moon Beam

Thanks so much for your kind words of healing and love.
On the day Luna passed, I felt like 'something' had taken away a piece of my heart in a rough way. It was me against the laws of nature, how could a sweet little fury angel, die like that? Why couldn't I do anything, or act sooner to prevent this or, at least make things easier for her? How could she leave like that, when I still needed to share many moments with her?. Sadly, moments I thought I'd share later, but I couldn't because of work and a full schedule ... How wrong I was. Luna taught me to share and say I love you, today!
Today, I thank God for His compassion and love through people like you, Kathy and Trulie and many others, and I thank Luna for her love, and forgiveness.
I've understood, that God has a time for everyone on this earth, and that last wednesday, was Luna's day for going to heaven to rest, and not expierence any more discomfort, no more vet visits, no more difficulty breathing, no more 'accidents', that like you said, hurt her dignity.
I feel her love and forgiveness all around me every day... But sometimes, I also feel that I am drawning in sadness and sorrow.
I believe, that is not the way Luna would have wanted me to feel, as you wrote, she and I share a beautiful bond of love, and I will not let it be stained by harsh thoughts of guilt, or regret.
I hope the day arrives, like you wrote, when I will feel strong again. Right now I feel scared to love another puppy, what if something like this happens again? I think time will heal, and Luna's love will keep on talking to my heart. I pray for the day I can love again another puppy.
Thanks so much Moon Beam. Your words have meant so much to me, your support and encouragement, have lifted me up from the place of darkness and sadness where I have been during these past days.
God bless you, your kind and loving heart, and your work to help many people overcome such a terrible loss.
I hope to hear from you again,

Luna's mom
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
moon_beam
post Jan 18 2016, 01:48 PM
Post #8


Forum Moderator


Group: Moderators
Posts: 8,088
Joined: 20-July 08
From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Luna's Mom, thank you so very much for sharing with us you how you're doing. Indeed, our companions help us to stay in the "present" - - to make the most of every moment. Even when we are busy with errands, jobs, chores, etc., our companions are always present with us in our thoughts and anticipation of spending quality time with them. They adjust to our routines so that they can share our daily journey with us. Their love for us is totally unconditional which is one of the many reasons why this grief adjustment journey is so very painful both physically and emotionally.

Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling with regard to embracing another companion is perfectly normal when you share with us: "Right now I feel scared to love another puppy, what if something like this happens again?" There are no "rules" when it comes to embracing another companion. While some people find it comforting to adopt quickly after a loss, other people find it beneficial to wait until the deep grief eases, while other people never adopt another companion for various reasons. It is important that you do what is right for YOU - - and should the time come when you feel your heart is ready to embrace another companion rest assured your beloved Luna will guide you to that moment in time when you will know you have met a special "angel ambassador" to share your earthly journey.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Luna's Mom, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Luna's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
LittleGirl's...
post Jan 19 2016, 07:37 AM
Post #9





Group: Moderators
Posts: 845
Joined: 24-March 04
From: Maine
Member No.: 274



Dear Luna's loving Mom,

I was so glad to see your note and to hear you say "... all we did was out of love and compasion for our wonderful friend and angel Luna." wub.gif

And this was wisely and brilliantly stated when you said, "I don't think blaming ourselves for not acting soon enough, or doing different things on the 'awful' day, is what our dear angels would want from us, after all, we were also scared, and confused."

I hope you keep in touch and continue to let us know how you are doing. We're here for you.

Prayers of warmth and healing your way,

Kathy



--------------------
Compassion for all animals. www.earthlings.com
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

Reply to this topicStart new topic

 



Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 28th March 2024 - 12:04 PM