Scooter

Hi Everyone-

I just lost my cat about a week and a half ago. I joined this forum to find other people who have similar emotions about losing a pet. Most of my friends and even my family don't seem to understand the depth of how horrible I feel. I got Scooter when I was 10 years old and he was with me for the past 15 years. I just keep replaying when he died in my mind. He had kidney failure and that saturday night he completely crashed and was having seizures on my bed. He looked so scared and completely out of it. I asked my family to give me some time alone with him before we went to the vet and I told him how much I loved him. I said he was my angel and that my life was so much better because of him. And I kept telling him that all the way and the whole time we were with the vet up until he had to be euthanized. We had spent years giving him treatment for his kidney problems and he just was done. I could tell that this was different from all the other times. The vet said there was no reason to treat him anymore cause it wouldn't be worth it. Even though I feel like I did everything I could there is still always the thought of if I could have done more. I truly feel like I've lost a best friend. I think I'm still in denial. I feel like I'll be able to go home and he'll be there. It seems imaginable that I have to go on for the rest of my life without him. And I don't want to, even though I obviously don't have a choice. How do you learn to accept that? Because at this point I don't want to/know if I can. But at the same time being sad about it all the time is terrible. I have this huge hole in my heart that I can't imagine ever going away. I feel terrible about everything. In the past whenever things would be hard I always felt like I had him to help me. And now that's gone also.