To Everyone Here.....please Read. Options

[BuddyFerret]

I lost my little ferret boy, Buddy the ferret, last September. I thought I was going to go out of my mind. I cried, I got angry, I blamed myself, I played the "What If?" game over and over..........the pain was so great and I had never felt such an emotional stirring as I did that day and the weeks that followed.

This site was a huge support for me. Stay here as long as you need to and use it. Let it help you heal. It helped me.

Occasionally I come back and read some of the things that people are going through with their loss or eminent loss.....and I want to say everything I can to comfort them and console them. To make their hurt, emptiness and loneliness go away, forever. But alas, I can't respond to everyone, so I wanted to just put this out here for you all to read, it may help...and if I can make one person better, as so many tried and did for me, then I have been successful at my attempt here.

Grab a tissue and read on:

It hurts. I know it does. Don't be afraid of that hurt, don't be afraid to show your feelings through your emotion. Cry if you need to cry. Scream if you need to scream. Let it out. Don't bottle it up and let it fester. It's good to get it out. Talk to others who will listen. Let them know you're not looking for answers, or even for them to understand what you're going though, just that you need the ear, the out. The vent. Some people are not pet lovers and may not know or fathom what you're going through. Maybe not the best people to talk to, but if you have someone who is willing to listen, then TALK!

Stay busy. Keep your mind occupied. Do what you normally do. Don't hide, don't crawl in a hole and pull the hole back in over you. Yes, that is the easy thing to do, but it doesn't lessen the hurt or change history. The less free time you have, alone time or quiet time, the better. As is want for human nature you will dwell on the negative and find yourself once again, upset and boo-hooing if you have a lot of idle time to dwell on the negative. Nothing wrong with that, but it's better to not have to have that stress and added negative in your life, if at all possible.

Remember, the past is the past, you have to move on, but only when you're ready too. And you will find that time. I promise. It comes. But whatever you think, you can not change the past. So don't let that be part of what you do with this. Let that part go.

As you have all heard, a million times over, "With every day that passes, a little healing takes place and things get a little bit easier" that's true. I won't say better, because nothing makes this better, but it does get easier.

Remember your pet. Remember what fun you had. Remember all the times they did crazy, little, funny things that made you smile or call them "goofball"..... Keep them close to your heart. Did your pet ever react to your being sad or upset around them? Mine did. And it bothered him. So know, your pet wouldn't want you upset now either. They know. They do.

As for the physical things, the belongings and toys and stuff, well, that's hard. I got angry and I just wanted all reminders of Buddy to be gone. So I took his cage, which he never stayed in anyway, and stuffed all his toys and sleeping bags and stuff inside it and hauled it to the basement. I figured to have it out of sight would be the best thing. Oh, but I was wrong!

Every time I went downstairs to do laundry or get supplies from the basement I would see it and just cry and cry. I would take out the sleeping bag he slept in and smell it....just so I could know that unique ferret scent once again. It broke my heart. It reinforced even more so that he was gone. Maybe it's a good idea to leave things out and just put them in a corner. But trying to hide them and remove them makes it worse, I think. Do whatever you think is best.

I went around to all the pet stores the following week after Buddy died and I played with all the ferrets I could find. It helped, but didn't change anything, of course. I just hoped they all went to as good a home as Buddy had in ours.

Eventually I broke down and went against my promise to myself that I would never have another animal because I didn't want to ever feel this pain again at their loss. I bought a lonely little ferret boy, all by himself in the pet store, who needed my love. He has turned out to be a sweet addition to my family. We welcomed Ferris the ferret with open hearts and arms!

So, don't make that promise that you won't get another pet. It's not a fair one to make, to you or to a lonely animal out there who deserves the love you have. We can not deny ourselves the joy that they bring into our lives.

If you feel like you want another pet, don't be hasty, pick the right one for you, but MOST IMPORTANTLY: DO NOT TRY AND REPLACE YOUR LOST PET. You can NEVER replace the former pet. You can get another one, sure, but it won't be the same pet or a clone. It will act differently and have its own personality...remember that. ALWAYS.

DO NOT compare the new pet to the old pet. Don't expect them to be the same or act the same and don't punish them for not being the former pet. Don't say things to yourself or the new pet like "Well, Buddy learned how to do that really fast" or "Buddy was smarter" or "Buddy would never have done that" ........This new pet is not your "Buddy, or Spot or Fluffy" and it's not fair to the new pet to have you expecting him or her to fill the shoes of your lost pet. Not fair at all. And they can tell when you're demanding or expecting of them. Animals sense things, we all know they know.

And don't not love your new pet any less or differently, they're just sweet animals and they try to please us as best as they possibly can. They deserve the same amount of love and caring and understanding that the former pet did. Show that love and let it be that way again.

And lastly, I have to tell you, I know for a fact, that with time, these wounds all heal. You will get through this. Not over it, but through. That hole will always be there, but it gets easier every day to cover the hole and remember the happy stuff. And soon enough, like myself, you will find that you aren't crying over the loss and sadness anymore......you're living life, you're carrying on and you're smiling at the good memories you have of your beloved pet, your pal, your best friend........your Buddy.

Best wishes to you all, each and every one of you. Hang in there.....be strong. You'll make it.

Buddy's Dad.

(reading this next little piece might pull at your heart strings. You may have seen it before or not. It was given to me by the wonderful people at my vet's office. It came with a little memorial that had been cast in ceramic of Buddy's footprint.......Read it if you want, it's very sweet and may make you feel better for the moment) :

Heaven got a STAR today
And earth seems somehow dim.....
On angel's wings you went to God
And leapt, four footed to him!

Wait for me, my dearest
Though you're gone I'm not alone....
You've left pictures in my memory
And paw prints on my soul!

This post has been edited by BuddyFerret: May 21 2009, 04:33 AM