Many years ago, when our sons were still at home, I saw a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. I had never seen such a beautiful face and tghe owner told me about the sweet dispositions and charms that come with the breed. I knew we would have one someday.

That day was less than 4 years ago, when Anna literally flew into our hearts, arriving by airplane. She was so excited to see us and get out of the crate she flew on. We were overjoyed to welcome her. Arriving from So. Dakota in the winter, she had never experienced the grass we had in PA. It was funny watching her jump in the air over the strange sensation on her little paws.

Anna came into the lives of my husband and myself when both sons had graduated from college and left home. She even attended our younger son's graduation. Because of "empty-nest" syndrome and her sweet, gentle personality (with a few crazy quirks) she quickly became our baby, even more than some previous well loved dogs.

We took her everywhere and found hotels that accept pets when we traveled. She loved the car and would grab a toy to carry in her mouth and bring with her on car rides.

She loved to eat and barked and twirled on the kitchen floor when we said, "do you want to eat?"

She was a great registered therapy dog on an adolescent behavioral unit and we could see kids calm down just petting her and she sat in their laps and "kissed" them.

But 3 weeks ago, at age 4, she vomited, stopped eating and became too quiet. We took her to our local vet who told us she had fluid around her lungs and in her abdominal cavity. We then took her the U of PA vet Hospital. There she was first diagnosed with Inflammatory Bowel Disease and put on steroids and hypo-allergenic diet. At first she did well and was almost her old self, except for not really being excited about the flavorless food. But a few days ago she started the original symptoms all over again and this time, after multitudes of tests, she was diagnosed with untreatable bowel cancer.

We were and still are devastated. The staff were wonderful and we held Anna on our laps and she licked our faces one more time before her peaceful end of life drugs were given.

We're experiencing waves of grief that wash over us painfully. I can;t believe she is no longer part of our lives. Her tracks in the snow in our back yard are still there. the last toy she brought to my car is still there. Towels i used to dry her after her bath are still by the tub, along with her shampoo.

But there's no wag of a gorgeous plume of a tail in the glass door when we drive up the driveway. there's no click clack of nails on the wood floor. Her beautiful beautiful face resides only in our hearts and memories and pictures. There's no Anna to take on trips and visit our sons. There's no Anna to walk in the park and greet other dogs and owners.

Our hearts are truly broken and will take long to heal.

She was much too young and our time with her was way too short. I know she knew we loved her and she sure loved us. I just want her back.

Dear Yoyo's mom

My heart is crying with you over the passing of your beautiful Yoyo. Is there anything more beautiful than the face of a King Charles? And there is NO better place that you could have taken Yoyo for medical care. The UPenn is THE best veterinary school and hospital in the USA. And I am so sorry that even they could not fix the disease in Yoyo's body.

There is nothing anyone can say in words to comfort you in beautiful Yoyo's going home - and that is where she is now. She is NOT gone. She has shed her physical body but Yoyo is still alive. Now she is a spirit. Soon you will get a message from Moonbeam, who has conforted so many LSers and taught us all about the sensory world we humans live in - if we don't see or hear or touch something, we call it non-existent. Nothing could be farther than the truth. Yoyo has gone back to where she came from - the Perfect World. The amazing thing is that, as a spirit, she is also right where she has even been:by your side. Watching you, guiding your steps, and most important sharing the love you two have always shared.

When two beings share the intense love that you and Yoyo do, many traditions around the world say that the two share a single soul. That's where our word "soulmate" comes from. Soulmates have shared their soul from the beginning of time and will share it until the end of time. When soulmates separate, it's only temporary. There IS a place where souls (or spirits) come from and return to after their earthly life is finished - the Perfect World. Sometimes people get very subtle signs from their fur soulmate letting their other half know that they are OK. Some people don't. When you open the door expecting to see her - that's a sign. When you open a food package in the kitchen and you loook over the the door expecting to see Yoyo waiting at the door for a bite, that's a sign. Sometimes you may catch just a tiny glimpse of the beautifual swishy tail of a King Charles - that's a sign. But whether you get one of these signs or not, KNOW that Yoyo is in the perfect World, where she is healthy, young again, where the food is always tasty and the water always cool. Where it's eternal spring, with beautiful sinny grass fields to play in a cool shade trees to rest under. An zillions of friends to tell stories of their beloved parents.

Yoyo's mom, even though evenone's grief journey is unique to them, many people go through a "robot" period when their baby first goes home. That's your body protecting your heart from overload. You seem to be walking through a heavy fluid and doing the things that have to be done like an automaton - a robot. No matter what - do wahtever you have to do to grieve for Precious Yoyo. Cry (or not), scream in misery (or not). curl up in a ball (or not). This is YOUR grief and no one has any business telling you what you "should do." Especially watch out for the poor people who have never had the gift of a soulmate. They are the ones who say such terribly injurious things as "Oh, it was only a dog." NO IT ISN"T! It's Yoyo, your other half! Or: "Why don't you get another dog?" NO YOYO is NOT "another dog" - she is your special spirit dog - forever. You may decide at some point to get another dog - and your soul - and Yoyo - willl tell you when and if that time comes. And if it does, Yoyo will SEND you another special dog.

I've had the company of two soulmates: Gretta, the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived, and Rufus, my big black dog ( a half black lab, half Newfie). Their vet, Doctor Hinson, is the best vet in the nation - because he trained at UPenn and because he understands the human animal love connection. After Gretta went home, my house and my arms were so empty - nobody to "have and to hold". About four months later, Gretta sent me Rufus - the dog with the strong back and courageous heart. We shared only 21 months together and then Baby Rufus died from spleen cancer, despite Dr Hinson's best efforts and those of the U if MN vet school. I was half a continent away, taking care of a severely ill younger sister and I still feel horrible that my baby passed all by himself. Each of these dogs had a lesson to teach me: Rufus - strength, courage, get-up-and-do-what-has-to-be-done; Gretta - Kindness, patience, quiet hope and forgiveness. Now I know whay I had to learn these lessons: my father is dying in a nursing home and my mentally-ill sister is about to be appointed his Guardian.

Yoyo's mom, you have come to the right place. This is THE BEST site on the net. People care. They write to each other and don't just post snippets about themselves. Each of us have gone through what you're going through now. We get it. And, I say again, we care. Post here as often or a few times as your heart guides you. And one word you will NEVER hear is "should." Each of us knows we make heroic efforts on behalf of our spirit animals. We are a band of brothers and sisters who support each other and are always ready to help a brother or sister out when they are in particular pain. And there is no pain like that in the beginning!!

Every time I see Cavalier King Charles, I will now know her name - it's precious Yoyo.

Until next time .....

Gretta and Rufus's mom

Hi, joyo, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Anna. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Joyo, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in your own way and in your own time - - for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" to endure.

But I promise you, joyo, that it will not always be this way. One day very likely when you least expect it you will find yourself thinking of your beloved Anna, and you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and your heart will once again fill with the warmth of the eternal love you and your beloved Anna share. But until this day comes for you, please know each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. There are no judgments made here, there are no time limits or "expiration dates" for sharing with us whatever is in your heart - - whatever you feel comfortable sharing with us.

I would like to take a moment to emphasize one thing that our forum friend Gretta's Mom has already so comfortingly shared with you. As painful as this grief journey is in now having to establish new routines that no longer include the physical needs of your beloved Anna, there is one thing that will never change - - the love bond you and your beloved Anna share. Love is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Anna's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will, for she is always and forever a part of your heart and memories, joyo - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Anna with us, joyo. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of your beloved Anna with us, but only when / if you want to. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you so very much for kind and thoughtful words, special mom of 2. I have waves of grief and have stopped putting anything of Anna's away or cleaning her nose prints off the glass door. her tracks in our backyard snow are still there and her toy is still in my car. I love your belief that she will help guide us as we grieve. I will follow her lead and take my time, not forcing anything. thanks so much and I'm so grateful Joy

Moon beam, thanks so much for your loving thoughts and prayers. it means so much to have a place where others truly understand how painful this is. I'm just now watching a piece on the evening news about pet therapy and realize Anna will no longer be going to her adolescent behavior unit, where she had such a warm, non judgemental, accepting presence. I told Greata's (and Rufus' mom) that I have learned not to hurry the process. It's not necessary to put away her toys or clean her nose prints off the glass door. we did donate her food to our SPCA and her meds to the Penn vet hospital and we felt good about that. We will let Anna guide us through our grief for her and moving forward as long as it takes. The crying comes in waves. the bond is so very strong. Thank you and bless you. Joy

I wish I could upload a picture. Mine are too big, evidently. I tried downlading splashup, but that didn't work either. Anna was a gorgeous tri-colored Cavalier.

Good Morning Yoyo's mom

Thank you so much for the honor of adding me as your friend. I hope something in my message comforted you in some tiny way. The homegoing of a soulmate is one of the saddest experiences this side of heaven and it takes a LONG time to become functional again. Some people say that eventually the grief is replaced by fond and happy memories of times you shared together. I think that's true for some people but maybe not for others. After three years, I'm still in grief about Gretta and after coming up on a year I'm in some pretty deep sadness about Rufus, too.

But like the experiences we have with the people we love in life, in the end we will be separated for a while. I have found that if I keep my mind and heart fixed on the fact that my fur-babies ARE alive and that they are well and perfectly contented and that they can see and hear me even though I can't see and hear them, and that one day we will all be reunited in the Perfect World and led by the Good Shepherd in that world, I am sustained somewhat.

This month I am retiring and moving to the East Coast to live with my sister who is so sick. When I was packing up my "stuff" I came to Gretta and Rufus's stand where they ate and drank - and I just couldn't let it go. After a good cry, I decided, "Well, it's MY stuff and MY heart and I'm paying for stuff to be moved, so I'M GOING TO TAKE IT WITH ME as a link to their lives".

What a BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL dog Yoyo is! I'm glad you figured out how to post pictures. King Charles's are special - they have EXACTLY the face the says LOVE on it. And whenever you see something swishing in the breeze, be it a giant feather, seaweed in the ocean or the tail of a dog or cat, you will know that Yoyo is sending you as sign that she loves you.

LIke you, I gave my left-over meds to the U of M hospital and my left-over dog food to the rescue organization from which I had adopted Gretta and Rufus. When I decided to move, I gave the world's biggest dog crate (which Gretta had used once and had almost had a heart attack from fright) to another organization that rescues big dogs. I'm taking their big orthopedic bed with me and if I have to, I'll sleep on it myself - like I did for more than a week after Gretta passed.

One of these days, when I think your heart will be able to stand it, I'll share wiith you a poem that one of my friends here on LS, Love My Mickey, wrote to console me after Rufus's homegoing - which he had to do all alone and for which I'll feel sad until I can see him again.

One hour at a time, my friend, and many of those hours will be with a lump in your throat and tears in your eyes. But do you know something I discovered during that time? That every dog lover, every ANIMAL lover, everyone who shard a soul with an animal, knew what I was going through and conforted me. Those who really love you will stand by you and comfort you even if they don't understand what you're going through. Those are your true friends. Cherish them. They will never leave you - and neither will the Unbelievable YOYO!

I'll catch up with you later this evening or tomorrow.

Rufus and Gretta send their love and want to ask you if they can be YOYO's adopted cousins even though they're so much bigger than she is.

Until then .....

Gretta and Rufus's mom

You are so, so wonderful. words cannot express how grateful I am to you for all your understanding kind words. I have friends taking me out to lunch and I'll write more later today. I just listened to the sad, beautifyl song "Goodbye my friend" that one of the other mom's on this site wrote about. had a good cry. Just so you know my dog's name is actually "Anna". no harm done. your spirit is what counts.

Hi, joy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and for the wonderful pictures of your beloved Anna. There is no doubt from the expression in her eyes and on her face that she knows she is eternally loved.

I am not a techi whiz by any stretch of the imagination. Please let me reassure you that our L S Administrator is always willing to help us when technology does not always cooperate. All you need to do is e-mail him and send him a copy of the picture you would like to upload to your topic and he will be more than happy to help you.

I can so understand how you're feeling about you and Anna no longer being able to do your "rounds" at the adolescent behavior unit. My beloved Black Lab Oslo and I also shared the privilege of being AAT partners which we pioneered in our community. It was a very sad day indeed when he could no longer make his visits due to health and age related challenges. This was his "second career" as his first career path was as a Special Needs Service Partner to a woman who had both vision and physical challenges. His "alma mater" is Guiding Eyes for the Blind in upstate New York. Like your beautiful Anna, my beloved Oslo was well received wherever he went. My beloved Oslo joined the angels on November 29, 2009.

Sadly there is no easy way to navigate this grief adjustment journey - - there are no fast forward or delete buttons we can press to speed up the process of make it automatically disappear. Individually we would find this grief journey so overwhelming that we could find ourselves trapped in a dark abyss of sorrow. Together we can find comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as we navigate the many twists and turns and uncertainties that are a part of this journey.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, joy, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Anna's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I can't believe how wonderful you and Gretta's mom are. I feel so very blessed that I can write to you and know you know exactly what i am going through. Some friends took me to lunch today. they don't quite know what it is to grieve so hard for an animal, but they know I am hurting, so i love them for helping too. then i went shopping, or tried to. but I was just wandering aimlessly through the store. But you know what. Anna was helping, because people were so very kind in the store. Several workers took extra time to wish me a nice afternoon and weekend and fellow shoppers engaged me in conversation in the check out line. Usually, in the northeast, we just mind our own business and hurry on to the next errand. But Anna sent folks my way so I didn't feel as alone. My husband is in the same place i am, so it's good we can talk and cry together. And so wondrful I can talk to you. I started a journal to anna today too. It was in the checkout line just waiting for me! Joy

I am having another wave of grief this morning. Anna, I miss you so, so much. One of your doctors, Dr. Tannert called this morning to see how we were doing. Everyone who met you, Anna, knew what a sweetie you were and are and how much we would grieve for you. This hurts so much.

today we need to do errands in the car and I can't believe you won't be riding with us. I still have your little squeaky toy in the back seat that you brought with you the last time we took you in the car. I'm not sure I can drive yet. I'm going to have to cry more first.

Oh Anna. Oh Anna, my sweet, sweet girl.

Love you so much, Mom

Hi, joy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Yes, this grief journey does come in waves. At first during the very deepest grief it is like the "perfect storm" with waves towering above us and crashing over us to the point where we can feel like we're drowning - - barely able to catch our breath before the next wave of grief comes crashing over us. We see the shoreline of safety but the harder we try to move toward that shore it seems the waves from the "perfect storm" of grief draw us further away from it.

But I promise you, joy, it will not always be this way. Eventually the waves of grief begin to become less intense and less frequent, and we find ourselves coming closer to the safety of the shore where we can rest in the warmth of the enduring and eternal love of our beloved companions. But until this day comes for you, joy, we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope today is being kind to you and your husband, joy, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Anna's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, joy, and please let us know how you're doing,

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you so much for your comfort, moon beam. I've been in that storm a lot today. right this moment there are calmer waves, though my heart is beating faster than normal.....at Anna's rate of 100. I think she is there, right in my heart, which is physically grieving for her.

Thank you much for being there. this really hurts. I've had many pets and lost many, but at other times in my life, i had my kids at home or was going to school, etc. and though I grieved, I don't remember it being this intense.

It helps so much that kind people who understand, like you are there.

always, Joy

It is one week since we found out our Anna had untreatable cancer and blood clots in her lungs. tomorrow it will be a week since her death. I am so grateful to this site, where I feel safe to pour out my feelings and also to some family and friends who truly do "get" how intense this grief is and how long the grief journey can take.

I have found it a little bit helpful to do a couple of things. I exercise, when it not snowing for the 7th time this winter (enough already) and I now know to stay away from places where I walked Anna.). I cook healthy dinners that take some planning and cooking time (I like to cook). I write to Anna everyday in a journal, but I don't force myself to write: only when I feel like it.

I donate a little that we can afford to SPCA and to this site.

I talk to people who are safe to talk to: understanding of the intensity of this grief.

As moon beam has pointed out, there is no delete button or hurry button. the painful journey through grief takes it own time.

Peace to all fellow, sad travelers. Joy

Hi, joy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and your and your beloved Anna's first week angel-versary. During the deep grief we measure time by the hours, days, weeks, months since our beloved companion joined the angels. But I promise you, joy, that as your deep grief eases you will once again be able to measure time through the many treasured memories you and your beloved Anna share - - and will be able to truly smile once again.

I hope today is being kind to you and your husband, joy, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Anna's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, joy, and please let us know how you're doing,

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thanks so much, Moon Beam. My husband and I are a little further along on the grief journey. Anna's ashes and plaster of her paw print arrived yesterday and we find it comforting to have her physical remains close to us. We both have bouts of crying (I saw my boots by the door out of the corner of my eye and automatically thought it was Anna) and burst into tears. but we also kind of accept that we are going to feel sad and heavy-hearted for a time, but we're able to go about our normal routines.

We had a terrible ice storm here in Philly and have not had power in 2 days, so we'll be at a hotel tonight. I actually found my self thinking if Anna were still here we would have had a hard time finding one that allows pets, because all the hotels are quite full. I felt a little guilty for thinking, " well at least we don't have to stay in a 50 degree house with no lights tonight." But I know it's okay to have some feelings of relief, not only for the hotel, but because Anna is no longer suffering and we don't have to worry about her now.

Anna's vets have emailed and called saying they think of her and us a lot. She had that kind of affect on any dog lover she met. She melted our hearts.

thanks for all you do on this site and I imagine in your personal life also. Joy

Hi, joy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Getting our beloved companion's ashes is a two sided coin: on the one side it is a relief to have them back home with us where they belong, yet the other side is yet another heartbreaking "reality check" they are no longer with us in the physical form that our hearts and arms long for.

Please know that what you are feeling is very normal when you share with us: "I felt a little guilty for thinking, " well at least we don't have to stay in a 50 degree house with no lights tonight." But I know it's okay to have some feelings of relief, not only for the hotel, but because Anna is no longer suffering and we don't have to worry about her now." What you are feeling is called "Caregiver's Relief" - - and I felt the same way after each of my companions joined the angels. I assure you, joy, your beloved Anna understands the "relief" that is in your heart - - and she is smiling in approval. She only wants the very best for her Forever Mom and Dad.

If my life's experiences can offer you and your husband some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you and your husband travel your grief adjustment journey, then they have not been in vain. By ourselves traveling this grief journey we can find ourselves feeling overwhelmed and consumed by the deep piercing sorrow. Together, we can find the strength and courage to find a "new normal" in our daily routines while finding comfort in knowing that our beloved companion's Sweet Living Spirit is forever with us.

I hope today is being kind to you and your husband, joy, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Anna's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, joy, and please let us know how you're doing,

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Oh, Moon beam your are the gem of my life right now. I have also followed how you have helped Dave.

My husband and I had a distraction from our grief with all the problems with the ice storm we had in the Philly area.

but today we are back home and missing Anna and shedding some tears

we will definitely get another dog after some trips we have planned through March.

We will talk about whether to get another CKCS from a responsible breeder or see if we can adopt a very very sweet rescued dog from our wonderful no kill SPCA.

Really really appreciate you, Joy

Hi, joy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Yes, the coming home can be very painful during the deep grief - - it can feel as though the structure of the house itself is grieving the physical loss.

Every time our beloved companions rub against us, lick / kiss us, they are chemically imprinting themselves on us so that they can identify us from the millions of other people on this planet. When they precede us to the angels, we literally go through a physical, and emotional, withdrawal from this chemical imprint. This is yet another reason why this grief adjustment journey is so very painful.

I truly wish there were an easier way to navigate this grief adjustment journey. There are so many ups and downs and twists and turns in this grief journey, and sometimes we can feel like we are literally going insane with grief. I assure you, joy, that everything you are feeling, and experiencing, is very normal deep grief - - and you are not alone - - for each of us are here for you, with you, and beside you through every step of your journey to share your not so bad days, your not so good days, and the days when you feel the deep crushing pain of sorrow in your heart is more than you can bear.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, joy, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Anna's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, joy, and please let us know how you're doing,

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam