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> Hankie Doo, How to survive a drowning?
Wbaugh
post May 31 2013, 07:56 PM
Post #1





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 2
Joined: 29-May 13
Member No.: 7,995



I have never written anything on this type of forum before, but here goes ... I'm dying here.

Hankie Doo was my sweet, 14 1/2 year old, blind, long haired, black and tan Doxie. He was all mine, but he loved everyone.

Last Saturday he drowned in our pool while we were gone on vacation. My cousin was suppose to be staying the night with him and decided to go out on the town instead, leaving him all alone ... all night. My poor little guy wandered around all night, completely distraught, searching for me. At some point he made his way outside and fell into the pool. I can only imagine how long he tried to tread water before dying a cold and lonely death in a complete panic. I'm so upset. This wasn't suppose to happen.

Now I am home alone. It so quiet. I cannot do anything in this house without the memory of his presence. For 14 1/2 years he slept on my left side. For 14 1/2 years he sat under my computer with me. For 14 1/2 years he laid next to my feet in the kitchen as I cooked and cleaned. He laid on my tummy when I was pregnant and then guarded my baby boy when he was an infant, making sure that all who approached the baby passed his sniff test.

Hankie was my baby before I had a baby. I can't believe how much this hurts.

When we returned home this weekend, I went to see him at the pet cemetery. He was so sweet and soft. He looked like an angel just sleeping in his bed. I cried and cried and apologized for not being there. For leaving him with someone who obviously didn't value him enough. I'm so so sad and so so sorry. Wish I could turn back the clock.

I went to see him again yesterday. It's so hard to let go. I kept stroking his head and fur, trying to implant the feeling deep into my memory. Making a decision to bury or cremate him was the worst. I never imagined it being so hard.

I know that I would have been sad if he had died of natural causes. I had been preparing myself for that over the past few years. I never imagined this. I can't sleep, can't eat. I can't stop thinking about his suffering.

Hankie ... you were the best little dog. I love you so much, and always will. Please forgive me for leaving you that day. I'm so sorry.

All my love,
mama
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janika
post Jun 1 2013, 09:57 AM
Post #2





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 1,071
Joined: 12-September 09
From: UK
Member No.: 6,120



I am so very, very sorry for the tragic loss of your beloved Hankie Doo. I know that there aren't any words, or anything that can be done to take away the dreadful grief and sorrow that you are going through right now.
I lost my 5 year old darling Pixie Dog so very suddenly on Wednesday night, because of heart failure. On Tuesday she was perfectly fit, it's been such a shock.
I wish that I could say or do something to help you through this. Please know that this is a place where you will get comfort and support, as everyone here understands how devastating it is to lose our beloved pets.

Hugs

Jan x
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marklovesbicky
post Jun 1 2013, 10:27 AM
Post #3





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 127
Joined: 25-January 11
From: Tokyo
Member No.: 6,978



QUOTE (Wbaugh @ Jun 1 2013, 09:56 AM) *
I have never written anything on this type of forum before, but here goes ... I'm dying here.

Hankie Doo was my sweet, 14 1/2 year old, blind, long haired, black and tan Doxie. He was all mine, but he loved everyone.

Last Saturday he drowned in our pool while we were gone on vacation. My cousin was suppose to be staying the night with him and decided to go out on the town instead, leaving him all alone ... all night. My poor little guy wandered around all night, completely distraught, searching for me. At some point he made his way outside and fell into the pool. I can only imagine how long he tried to tread water before dying a cold and lonely death in a complete panic. I'm so upset. This wasn't suppose to happen.

Now I am home alone. It so quiet. I cannot do anything in this house without the memory of his presence. For 14 1/2 years he slept on my left side. For 14 1/2 years he sat under my computer with me. For 14 1/2 years he laid next to my feet in the kitchen as I cooked and cleaned. He laid on my tummy when I was pregnant and then guarded my baby boy when he was an infant, making sure that all who approached the baby passed his sniff test.

Hankie was my baby before I had a baby. I can't believe how much this hurts.

When we returned home this weekend, I went to see him at the pet cemetery. He was so sweet and soft. He looked like an angel just sleeping in his bed. I cried and cried and apologized for not being there. For leaving him with someone who obviously didn't value him enough. I'm so so sad and so so sorry. Wish I could turn back the clock.

I went to see him again yesterday. It's so hard to let go. I kept stroking his head and fur, trying to implant the feeling deep into my memory. Making a decision to bury or cremate him was the worst. I never imagined it being so hard.

I know that I would have been sad if he had died of natural causes. I had been preparing myself for that over the past few years. I never imagined this. I can't sleep, can't eat. I can't stop thinking about his suffering.

Hankie ... you were the best little dog. I love you so much, and always will. Please forgive me for leaving you that day. I'm so sorry.

All my love,
mama


Dear Hankie Doo's mother
Oh how my heart breaks for you as you go through this terrible grieving process. I know no words can sufficiently console you
but try to focus on the wonderful 14.5 years that Hankie Doo had with you. You gave him a fantastic life....and for that Hankie Doo will eternally be grateful.

As you navigate this roller coaster of grief (I've been exactly where you are now), guilt will be one of the nasties that undoubtedly rears it's ugly head. Don't let it tarnish your memories of Hankie Doo. Hankie Doo wouldn't want that. Please forgive yourself for any imagined mistake; this will enable you to honor Hankie Doo's memory the way he would want.

When I lost my beloved dog Bicky, I found that sharing my feelings with others who have had similar experiences was incredibly therapeutic. I hope you can find the same relief here.
You and Hankie Doo are in my prayers,
Mark (and Bicky)
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moon_beam
post Jun 1 2013, 12:09 PM
Post #4


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Posts: 8,088
Joined: 20-July 08
From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Wbaugh, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Hankie Doo. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion so tragically does intensify the grief.

Wbaugh, this grief journey is one of the hardest experiences you will know on this side of eternity, for it is a journey that is filled with many different emotions that usually overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride.

Unfortunately, one of the many emotions we all go through is guilt / remorse, and it is one of the hardest emotions to reconcile - - for it is an emotion that haunts the depth of our heart and fills our mind with all the thoughts of "should have / not" "if only" "why did I / not" that consume us. Wbaugh, your beloved Hankie Doo KNOWS that you love him, and that you did everything in your power to give him a happy, healthy, and safe earthly journey. You left him in the care of a family member you believed you could trust to take care of him. Had you known differently there is no doubt you would have done everything to secure his safe keeping with other arrangements. I hope in time as you travel your grief adjustment journey that you will be able to have peace in your heart that what happened to your beloved Hankie Doo is NOT your fault - - it was a very tragic accident.

As Jan and Mark have so compassionately shared with you, please let me try to reaffirm their words of comfort: The love bond you and your beloved Hankie Doo share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Hankie Doo continues to share your earthly journey now as he always has and always will - - for he is always and forever a part of you, Wbaugh - - he is always a part of your heart and memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you. And it is the wonderful memories you and your beloved Hankie Doo share that he wants you to embrace and focus on.

But I know from first hand experience that it will take time for your heart to be able to do this - - for you are now on a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time. There are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow that is in your heart. Still, I hope and pray that the words I share with you will somehow be able to offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey. One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone, Wbaugh - - you are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Hankie Doo with us, Wbaugh. Perhaps sometime you would like to share a picture(s) of him with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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raccoonkisses
post Jun 1 2013, 12:12 PM
Post #5





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 24
Joined: 8-May 13
From: Austin, TX
Member No.: 7,981



Hankie Doo's mother, I am so sorry for your loss. It is an excruciating time for you right now. Please know that all of us on the boards know what it is like to lose a fur child. Yes, you lost a son. Your grief is compounded with guilt that unfortunately real or not real that hinders remembering the wonderful 14.5 years you had together. Please do not beat yourself up. You were the victim of this horrible accident and did nothing wrong.

Six years ago, my sister was looking after my two cats while I was on vacation. My cat, Lily, had gone missing for a day and then came back. My sister let me know and I was relieved. But, she let her out again due to the yowling. My Lily never returned. For months I posted missing posters, talked to neighbors, and posted on missing sites. The grief was so immense since I was not there to say goodbye. I was mad at myself for not getting her chipped since I was going to do that when I returned from vacation. I was was so angry with my sister for not putting her collar on like I had asked. I was angry that she let her out again after she was missing for a day. It took over a year for me to realize that it could've been me letting her out and for her to never return. It was an accident. And for you, I'm sure your cousin never meant harm to your dog. It was a horrible, tragic accident that happens to loving people. Life can be so cruel. Six weeks ago, I witnessed the death of my dog, Diva getting hit by a UPS truck. I still am plagued by the visions of that horrible moment. Not only am I plagued with guilt, but I know all too well what you're imagining with the loss of your baby. Please try to refocus your thoughts AWAY from that. I know it's not easy, but I invite you to try. Remember instead all of the simple things you enjoyed together. Your Hankie Doo wouldn't want you to suffer.

Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. May Hankie Doo visit you in your dreams to comfort you.

-raccoonkisses
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Wbaugh
post Jun 2 2013, 09:34 PM
Post #6





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 2
Joined: 29-May 13
Member No.: 7,995



Raccoonkisses, Moon_beam, Marklovesbicky & Janika,

Thank you so much for taking the time to write such kind words of encouragement. It's been a week now. I will pick up Hankie's remains tomorrow.

I'm such a mess. A couple of days ago I got up from my computer and totally assumed that he was underneath my seat. He wasn't of course, I was just always careful about moving my chair so I wouldn't hurt him. I had actually distracted myself on the computer for a time and had forgotten that he was gone. It nearly did me in.

For the last 5 months I would carry him downstairs each morning in my arms, giving him kisses on his head. Now, every morning is a stark reminder of his absence as I descend the staircase alone. It's the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about before bedtime. This is so hard.

I'm trying to post a photo of him. We'll see if it works.

Thanks again guys. I really appreciate your time and effort in trying to sooth the pain.

Blessings to you all,
Wendy
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marklovesbicky
post Jun 3 2013, 01:09 AM
Post #7





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 127
Joined: 25-January 11
From: Tokyo
Member No.: 6,978



QUOTE (Wbaugh @ Jun 3 2013, 11:34 AM) *
Raccoonkisses, Moon_beam, Marklovesbicky & Janika,

Thank you so much for taking the time to write such kind words of encouragement. It's been a week now. I will pick up Hankie's remains tomorrow.

I'm such a mess. A couple of days ago I got up from my computer and totally assumed that he was underneath my seat. He wasn't of course, I was just always careful about moving my chair so I wouldn't hurt him. I had actually distracted myself on the computer for a time and had forgotten that he was gone. It nearly did me in.

For the last 5 months I would carry him downstairs each morning in my arms, giving him kisses on his head. Now, every morning is a stark reminder of his absence as I descend the staircase alone. It's the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about before bedtime. This is so hard.

I'm trying to post a photo of him. We'll see if it works.

Thanks again guys. I really appreciate your time and effort in trying to sooth the pain.

Blessings to you all,
Wendy


We have all been there Wendy...it will take a while for your brain to adjust to the fact Hankie is no longer with you in physical form. It will most likely take much longer for your heart to accept it. What's important though is that you know that Hankie is with you in your heart, and nothing can take that away.

Please let us know know how you are doing. Some days will be better than others (if your experience is anything like mine). The hurt will be there though...Try to take the pain and work it into happiness by concentrating on the good. Easier said than done I know....but 14.5 years must have a treasure trove of happy times.

And by the way, Hankie is absolutely beautiful. Wow....What a handsome boy!
Thinking of you, Mark (and Bicky)
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