My Sweet Lab And Lymphoma Cancer Options

[Ankababy]

I know what I should do but I am still holding onto my 12.5 year old lab. People say "you will know when it's time." I think I do but I don't. I know but I don't want to. Yes, someone should kick me. I'm not ready but I should. I can't keep showing up at work with swollen eyes from crying myself to sleep. So pathetic.

So this creature of mine that I love so very much is Anka. She was diagnosed with lymphoma cancer 4 weeks ago after we noticed heavy panting and lumps around her neck, shoulders and stomach. And then we received the dreaded news. I cried for days and haven't really stopped when I'm at home. I'm pretty sure she feels worst. Unable to breathe properly. We put her on steroid medication and she was back to her old self for 2 weeks. Unfortunately, the medicine is no longer effective. Her breathing is heavily labored, all the time especially when she is sleeping, stopped eating, lost weight, goes for short walks only and lately snorts/whimpers. She doesn't eat her food but eats cheese and treats.

I scheduled at home appointment to put her down this Saturday. It was a hard decision, I went back and forth on it for what seems like a million times. I can't and don't want her to suffer. But each time she seems like her old self, comes in for snuggles and eats her food, I feel hopeful again. Sadly there are more bad than good days. I'll miss you my dearest sweet Anka. Mommy loves you forever.

I need the courage to see this thru. I had no idea this would be so very hard.