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> Lost Both Of My Saints Within A Week Of Each Other...in Shock And Desp
Lps
post Aug 25 2012, 02:12 PM
Post #1





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 16
Joined: 22-August 12
Member No.: 7,736



Our two Saint Bernards passed away recently - one expected and the other not.

Our beloved 8-year old male, Dakota, had developed neurological issues back in April and had been degenerating since. Once a strong and proud figure of 185lbs, he lost 40 lbs in about five months. He just about completely lost the ability to use his back legs and had to be dragged/carried on a blanket and supported or carried down the stairs to go out to relieve himself. Towards the end, he no longer wanted to go outside, even with his life companion, Maggie. He developed many other issues which continued to degrade the quality of his life including having to be kept in a room close to a outside door (to prevent stress from having to move him through the house to take him out) and to protect him from our much younger and exhuberant dog, Kemba, so that he would not be accidentally hurt.

At times he would bark in the middle of the night and was sometimes comforted by my husband's presence, sometimes not. We tried a host of medications to ease his symptoms and anxiety, which worked at times. Good days and bad days. We had agreed with our vet that at his age for a Saint, we would not subject him to any invasive procedures or grueling regimens of medical therapy. We were providing hospice care and we knew, although with great sadness, his time was coming to an end. Last Tuesday, August 14, his left front leg and paw became swollen to twice the size of his right paw. He was panting all day although his siblings were not themselves hot. He would not move from his spot and so I brought him water and sat with him for a while waiting to hear from our vet. When my husband got home he thought that we should see if we could get him outside since he had not yet relieved himself. Some how we managed to carry him down the stairs where he collapsed and would not get up. We brought out Maggie and Kemba to see if he would respond to them as well. Maggie laid down with him for a short while but he did not move. We were frantically trying to get a hold of our vet who did not return our messages and so sat with him in our front yard for 3 hours waiting for her call back in hopes of avoiding the emergency clinic.

We could not wait any longer as we knew that he was suffering and although we wanted him to be with us in the comfort of the only home he ever knew when he passed, with the help of family we managed to get him into our truck and to the emergency clinic. My poor baby was so sick and, although he never whimpered or growled or complained whenever we had to move him, I fear he was suffering perhaps longer than we knew. The ER vet, who was wonderful, helped us decide that it was time. Dakota passed away with my husband, two oldest sons and I holding and petting him. He and Maggie grew up with our boys and it felt like one of my children had died.

We knew that our other pets may grieve and are sure that they knew Dakota was sick and near death so we were careful to give attention to Maggie and Kemba and watch them for any signs of distress. Indeed, Maggie wanted more attention from her human pack and came to be with me in my office where Dakota would usually keep me company. I shared many tears with her, we grieved the loss of her brother together. Indeed she had been there for me when my mother was dying and always seemed to know when I was sad.

The same week that Dakota passed, Maggie had a full physical and barage of tests Maggie all coming back fine. At 9 years old she was elderly for a Saint but had never had any health issues at all and was still so beautiful, my girl. On her last day, August 21 exactly a week to the day after Dakota passed, she was not herself. She paced the house, was panting and nothing I did seemed to soothe her- not water, a walk, food or even brushing, which she loved. She followed me around and I thought she was grieving so I continued to provide her with more attention. At one point I called my husband because I thought her tongue looked purpleish and she was panting so but he thought she was hot and being old the heat impacted her more.

I was sick that day and so exhausted from just losing Dakota that I lied down on the couch hoping that Maggie would lay next to me and feel comforted. I fell asleep for a short time to be awoken by my husband yelling for me to get the vet's number. Maggie had quietly left my side when my husband got home and went upstairs to my bedroom (she only came to our bedroom when it was thundering - she was so afraid of thunder, my girl). My husband knew this was odd and after checking on her and stroking her a bit he went to bring her some food and water. He was only gone for minutes but by the time he came back she was gone. I feel like she was trying to tell me something all day and I did not hear her! I feel like I let her down and although there was likely nothing we could have done to save her, I wanted to have held her in my arms when she passed. My Maggie was not supposed to go yet, she wasn't sick, she wasn't ailing, she seemed fine.

I do not know how I can stop crying in front of the kids all the time or how I can go back to work and life like I haven't lost two of my children - and so closely. I constantly question if we should have helped Maggie more when Dakota was sick or if I should have taken her to the vet that day and a million other questions "did we do the right thing?".

I have lost beloved pets before but none have consumed me with grief like this. I cannot believe we don't have either of them anymore. I don't know how I am going to function...
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"...love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."

(Kabil Gibran)
[color="#4B0082"][/color]
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moon_beam
post Aug 25 2012, 03:41 PM
Post #2


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Group: Moderators
Posts: 8,088
Joined: 20-July 08
From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Lps, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Dakota and Maggie. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels. Losing a companion so suddenly afterward, and particularly unexpectedly, intensifies the grief.

Lps, this grief journey is one of the hardest experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey filled with many different emotions usually overwhelming us all at one time - - it is a journey frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. I can so understand what you are feeling when you share with us "I do not know how I can stop crying in front of the kids all the time or how I can go back to work and life like I haven't lost two of my children - and so closely. I don't know how I am going to function..." Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief - - very painful both physically and emotionally, yes - - still very normal. One of the many hard things we are faced with in our grief journey is having to put on what I call the "public face" in order to do what needs to be done - - pay the bills, do the errands, do our jobs at work, etc., - - when our hearts are shattered with the deepest seering pain of sorrow we will know. It never ceases to amaze me how life continues on when our lives have come to a screaching halt. I remember all too well fixing my companions' meals after one of their housemates joined the angels - - sobbing that there was one less bowl to fill. I remember all too well being ever so thankful for the privacy of the restroom at work where I could retreat to to try to regain my composure so that I could go back to my desk to continue on with my work. I remember getting into my car and having the floodgates of uncontrollable gut-wrenching sobbing open all during the drive home.

This grief journey is one of adjustment to the physical absence of your beloved Dakota and Maggie. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time. Some days will be a little better than others, while some days you will feel totally consumed by your deep sorrow. Clinical professionals recognize that the loss of a beloved companion is as painful - - if not more so - - as the loss of human family member or friend. Unfortunately, our society in general - - and sometimes the people who are the closest to us - - do not understand the deep grief sorrow we feel. This is one of the many reasons why this wonderful forum was created - - as a safe place where we can come to share what is in our hearts and on our minds without fear of criticism or rejection. Please know you are among friends here, Lps. Each of us do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

One of the many emotions we all experience in this grief journey is guilt / regret, and it is one of the hardest emotions to reconcile. Guilt comes from the looking back - - to better recognizing "signals" that we did not understand at the time they were happening. It comes from all the "what ifs" "why didn't Is / why did Is" "I should haves / should nots" - - and on and on and on. Because Maggie had just had a complete physical and received a good bill of health there was no logical reason for you to think that she was ill - - that she needed immediate medical attention. Once you and your husband realized that she needed emergency care, you did everything in your power to provide it for her. We are mere mortals, Lps - - we are not privileged with the gift of foresight or foreknowlege - - only the "wisdom" - - and painful "wisdom" at times - - that comes from first hand experiences. Your beloved Maggie knows that you gave her a happy and healthy earthly journey, and that you would do everything in your power to keep her happy and healthy. I hope in time you will be able to find comfort in your heart that you are not to blame for what happened with your beloved Maggie.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow that is in your heart. I can only hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Dakota and Maggie with us, Lps. Saint Bernard's have one of the most peaceful, loving, gentle - - and mischievous - - personalities we are blessed to know, so I can understand the HUGE void that is your heart and life without the blessing of their precious physical presence with you. One of the many things you need to remember is that the love bond you and your beloved Dakota and Maggie share is eternal. It is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Dakota's and Maggie's sweet Living Spirits continue to share your earthly journey just as they always have and always will. They are forever a part of you, Lps- - for they are forever in your heart and your memories - - they are forever a heartbeat close to you.

Lps, I hope today is treating you kindly, and that your evening will be blessed with your beloved Dakota's and Maggie's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Lps
post Aug 25 2012, 08:07 PM
Post #3





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 16
Joined: 22-August 12
Member No.: 7,736



QUOTE (moon_beam @ Aug 25 2012, 04:41 PM) *
Hi, Lps, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Dakota and Maggie. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels. Losing a companion so suddenly afterward, and particularly unexpectedly, intensifies the grief.

Lps, this grief journey is one of the hardest experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey filled with many different emotions usually overwhelming us all at one time - - it is a journey frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. I can so understand what you are feeling when you share with us "I do not know how I can stop crying in front of the kids all the time or how I can go back to work and life like I haven't lost two of my children - and so closely. I don't know how I am going to function..." Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief - - very painful both physically and emotionally, yes - - still very normal. One of the many hard things we are faced with in our grief journey is having to put on what I call the "public face" in order to do what needs to be done - - pay the bills, do the errands, do our jobs at work, etc., - - when our hearts are shattered with the deepest seering pain of sorrow we will know. It never ceases to amaze me how life continues on when our lives have come to a screaching halt. I remember all too well fixing my companions' meals after one of their housemates joined the angels - - sobbing that there was one less bowl to fill. I remember all too well being ever so thankful for the privacy of the restroom at work where I could retreat to to try to regain my composure so that I could go back to my desk to continue on with my work. I remember getting into my car and having the floodgates of uncontrollable gut-wrenching sobbing open all during the drive home.

This grief journey is one of adjustment to the physical absence of your beloved Dakota and Maggie. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time. Some days will be a little better than others, while some days you will feel totally consumed by your deep sorrow. Clinical professionals recognize that the loss of a beloved companion is as painful - - if not more so - - as the loss of human family member or friend. Unfortunately, our society in general - - and sometimes the people who are the closest to us - - do not understand the deep grief sorrow we feel. This is one of the many reasons why this wonderful forum was created - - as a safe place where we can come to share what is in our hearts and on our minds without fear of criticism or rejection. Please know you are among friends here, Lps. Each of us do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

One of the many emotions we all experience in this grief journey is guilt / regret, and it is one of the hardest emotions to reconcile. Guilt comes from the looking back - - to better recognizing "signals" that we did not understand at the time they were happening. It comes from all the "what ifs" "why didn't Is / why did Is" "I should haves / should nots" - - and on and on and on. Because Maggie had just had a complete physical and received a good bill of health there was no logical reason for you to think that she was ill - - that she needed immediate medical attention. Once you and your husband realized that she needed emergency care, you did everything in your power to provide it for her. We are mere mortals, Lps - - we are not privileged with the gift of foresight or foreknowlege - - only the "wisdom" - - and painful "wisdom" at times - - that comes from first hand experiences. Your beloved Maggie knows that you gave her a happy and healthy earthly journey, and that you would do everything in your power to keep her happy and healthy. I hope in time you will be able to find comfort in your heart that you are not to blame for what happened with your beloved Maggie.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow that is in your heart. I can only hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Dakota and Maggie with us, Lps. Saint Bernard's have one of the most peaceful, loving, gentle - - and mischievous - - personalities we are blessed to know, so I can understand the HUGE void that is your heart and life without the blessing of their precious physical presence with you. One of the many things you need to remember is that the love bond you and your beloved Dakota and Maggie share is eternal. It is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Dakota's and Maggie's sweet Living Spirits continue to share your earthly journey just as they always have and always will. They are forever a part of you, Lps- - for they are forever in your heart and your memories - - they are forever a heartbeat close to you.

Lps, I hope today is treating you kindly, and that your evening will be blessed with your beloved Dakota's and Maggie's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam



Moon_beam,

I am grateful for someone who can understand the profoundness of this loss. I would like to imagine that, as you suggest, that Maggie and Dakota still walk beside me, albeit unseen. Some people who have heard the news have suggested that, as life companions, Maggie could not bear to be in this physical realm any longer without Dakota and she chose to join him. While I would be sad that the rest of her 'pack' could not be enough for her, if this is true, in some ways it does bring comfort.

I have also wondered why she chose to die alone when both my husband and I were home (on a weekday this is highly unusual). Some people have suggested that she followed me around not to let me know she needed help but to say goodbye. Again, if this is true, although I am crushed that I did not recognize this, but I would be honored that she would want to say goodbye. I only hope that both know how much they were loved and cherished by this family.

Even with my other pet companions, my home is so very empty right now.

With thanks,
Lps


--------------------
"...love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."

(Kabil Gibran)
[color="#4B0082"][/color]
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moon_beam
post Aug 26 2012, 09:27 AM
Post #4


Forum Moderator


Group: Moderators
Posts: 8,088
Joined: 20-July 08
From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Lps, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please permit me to offer you some words of comfort about your beloved Maggie when you share with us: "I have also wondered why she chose to die alone when both my husband and I were home (on a weekday this is highly unusual). " Even though you were not physically holding her in your arms when she transitioned home to the angels, she was not alone in her journey. She chose the place in her home that brought her great comfort surrounded by the sights and smells of the people she loves - - and who love her. And even though her sweet Spirit was already home with the angels when you and your husband joined her, she was still able to feel your loving arms embrace her holding her close to you one more time. Where there is love - - even though there may be physical separation - - the one who loves and is loved are never alone wherever they may be.

I can so understand how you feel when you share with us: "Even with my other pet companions, my home is so very empty right now." Scientific studies prove that every living being has an energy, and this energy is shared within the family unit. When a member of the family unit is no longer physically present, there is a very real loss of this energy. The dynamics of the family unit change and goes through a time of "re-ordering" to adjust to the physical absence. It can even feel like the house structure itself is mourning the physical absence. This does not mean that you love your precious companions who continue to share your earthly journey less - - it is simply one of the many painful adjustments that you, your family, your precious companions, and your home are enduring through your grief journey.

This grief adjustment journey does not resolve in an hour, a day, a week, a month - - or even 6 months. Clinical professionals recognize that the first year of the grief adjustment journey is basically the hardest as it is filled with all the "first withouts" - - the first hour, the first day, the first month, the first birthday, the first vacation, the first holiday - - and on and on and on. Then there are the trips to the store and the reality that you no longer need to pick up those special treats, that you no longer need to make the appointments for vaccinations, you no longer need to get those license tags as necessary according to your local animal control laws, etc..

But I promise you, Lps, that one day when you least expect it you will once again feel a renewed energy in your heart and home. Unfortunately there is no fast forward or delete button you can press to speed up the process or make it instantaneously disappear. It is very important that you allow yourself to openly grieve for your beloved Dakota and Maggie - - as you feel comfortable doing - - for the tears you shed are literally healing tears for they release the toxins that build up in the body from the stress of grief. And as your deep sorrow eases, there will come a time when you will be thinking of your beloved Dakota and Maggie and you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and the deep sorrow that is in your heart now will not be quite so overwhelming.

Lps, I hope today is treating you and your family kindly, and that your evening will be blessed with your beloved Dakota's and Maggie's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Bernadette
post Aug 26 2012, 11:20 AM
Post #5





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 17
Joined: 25-August 12
From: London
Member No.: 7,741




]Hello

This reply is to you, but I hope there might be something in it for others on the Forum too.

First of all, I can say, what beautiful dogs.

Secondly here in a link for you and others in the forum to an article in The Telegraph written by Ben Fogle who lost his black labrador Inca.:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/pets/9399980/Ben-Fogle-I-owe-everything-to-my-dog-Inca.html


I had my ow dog put to sleep 8 weeks ago , so I know about the guilt. The one thing that works or helps me in fact the only thing is to say to myself : she is not in pain NOW. Now being the operative word.

Two other books helped me, though neither are directly related to the death of a pet:
The first one is called : When you're falling , Dive. Using your pain to transform your life
by Mark Matousek.

The second book is called ' The Chemiistry of Tears' by Peter Carey. A woman loses her lover of many years, suddenly, but as he is married she has to keep her grief to herself too. This book is about her misery, which consoles because you can see thats exactly how it is for others too. Its also a great story, and will bewitch you for a couple of hours and allow you respite from your thoughts. Which is a huge thing at these times.

The other thing to remember is from this experience, you get a map of the territory, so in future times you bring the knowledge gained now , to your life.

Also try not to think of words like Never , I'll never see them again, or I'll never have a dog again, because these thoughts will make you want to jump off a cliff somewhere. Try going one day at a time, and just having the thought that time does give you distance and perspective. You need all the good thoughts you can manage to help yourself


Because I have a spiritual dimension in my life, it helps me to think as I am quiet old already 56, that I will see my dog again in not that many years. This might not work for everybody!!

Keep away from the thoughts you know make you desolate, such as I will never see, never have, gone forever. They really do bring you down.

Another thing that helps me is to remember how I felt in the first few days, basically if somebody came along for an injection for me too, that would have felt in order.


Nature does not keep us in that state of acute pain all the time, eight weeks on there are good and bad times. Know some of your triggers, the things that really bring you down, avoid those never ever again words, and remember your dogs are not in pain NOW. And however bad the present feels, it was nothing to those initial days of trauma when you were faced with these things, first.


This is my second attempt to post so here's hoping!!







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Bernadette
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Lps
post Aug 26 2012, 11:16 PM
Post #6





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 16
Joined: 22-August 12
Member No.: 7,736



QUOTE (moon_beam @ Aug 26 2012, 10:27 AM) *
Hi, Lps, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please permit me to offer you some words of comfort about your beloved Maggie when you share with us: "I have also wondered why she chose to die alone when both my husband and I were home (on a weekday this is highly unusual). " Even though you were not physically holding her in your arms when she transitioned home to the angels, she was not alone in her journey. She chose the place in her home that brought her great comfort surrounded by the sights and smells of the people she loves - - and who love her. And even though her sweet Spirit was already home with the angels when you and your husband joined her, she was still able to feel your loving arms embrace her holding her close to you one more time. Where there is love - - even though there may be physical separation - - the one who loves and is loved are never alone wherever they may be.

I can so understand how you feel when you share with us: "Even with my other pet companions, my home is so very empty right now." Scientific studies prove that every living being has an energy, and this energy is shared within the family unit. When a member of the family unit is no longer physically present, there is a very real loss of this energy. The dynamics of the family unit change and goes through a time of "re-ordering" to adjust to the physical absence. It can even feel like the house structure itself is mourning the physical absence. This does not mean that you love your precious companions who continue to share your earthly journey less - - it is simply one of the many painful adjustments that you, your family, your precious companions, and your home are enduring through your grief journey.

This grief adjustment journey does not resolve in an hour, a day, a week, a month - - or even 6 months. Clinical professionals recognize that the first year of the grief adjustment journey is basically the hardest as it is filled with all the "first withouts" - - the first hour, the first day, the first month, the first birthday, the first vacation, the first holiday - - and on and on and on. Then there are the trips to the store and the reality that you no longer need to pick up those special treats, that you no longer need to make the appointments for vaccinations, you no longer need to get those license tags as necessary according to your local animal control laws, etc..

But I promise you, Lps, that one day when you least expect it you will once again feel a renewed energy in your heart and home. Unfortunately there is no fast forward or delete button you can press to speed up the process or make it instantaneously disappear. It is very important that you allow yourself to openly grieve for your beloved Dakota and Maggie - - as you feel comfortable doing - - for the tears you shed are literally healing tears for they release the toxins that build up in the body from the stress of grief. And as your deep sorrow eases, there will come a time when you will be thinking of your beloved Dakota and Maggie and you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and the deep sorrow that is in your heart now will not be quite so overwhelming.

Lps, I hope today is treating you and your family kindly, and that your evening will be blessed with your beloved Dakota's and Maggie's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam



Hello Moonbeam,

I appreciate your comments about Maggie's choice to be somewhere safe and familiar when she passed. I am grateful that she did not feel the need to 'leave the pack' to die as I have been reading often dogs instinctively do. But this makes me sadder and angry about having to put Dakota down in the ER vet when our vet knew our wishes that he die at home and knew he was sick but was just not responsive to us. This happened a few times during Dakota's illness, we would call and leave messages but not get calls back and had to resort to emails just to get responses at times. At one point she finally gave us her personal cell but did not answer this line either.

I was unhappy with her during his illness but my husband and I felt that we did not want to find a new vet when Dakota was already so close to the end (and she had cared for him for his entire life!). Not only did her carelessness in returning our messages on his last day cause us all unnecessary stress and suffering (we knew early in the day that we needed veterinary advice) while we waited and waited for a call that came after it was too late - I feel that our plans for Dakota (to be euthanized at home surrounded by all of his pack, in his home) were robbed from us. I have read on other postings or articles about having one pet die at home so that the others understand their companion has passed and do not anxiously wait for their return. I realize that many people do not have any choice about the conditions of their pets death, but we did. I intend to find a new vet for the rest of our fur babies as ours has acted irresponsibly, too late for Dakota.

Also, your comments on the energy of our home and the changing dynamics make sense. I guess I never really thought about it until we were faced with this double-loss. The emptiness in our home matches the emptiness in my heart.

This weekend finds my family away to attend one of my son's baseball tournaments and being away for a couple of days has made the last week and a half seem like a dream. Part of me believes that I will walk through that door and my pups will be there, as they faithfully have been for so many years. I know that sounds silly and that, of course intellectually I know that they are gone, but my whole being has not accepted it yet.

Tomorrow will be reliving it over again as we return to find they are not there. I almost don't want to go home.

Thank you
Laura

"...love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."

(Kabil Gibran)


--------------------
"...love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."

(Kabil Gibran)
[color="#4B0082"][/color]
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+Quote Post
Lps
post Aug 26 2012, 11:35 PM
Post #7





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 16
Joined: 22-August 12
Member No.: 7,736



QUOTE (Bernadette @ Aug 26 2012, 12:20 PM) *
]Hello

This reply is to you, but I hope there might be something in it for others on the Forum too.

First of all, I can say, what beautiful dogs.

Secondly here in a link for you and others in the forum to an article in The Telegraph written by Ben Fogle who lost his black labrador Inca.:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/pets/9399980/Ben-Fogle-I-owe-everything-to-my-dog-Inca.html


I had my ow dog put to sleep 8 weeks ago , so I know about the guilt. The one thing that works or helps me in fact the only thing is to say to myself : she is not in pain NOW. Now being the operative word.

Two other books helped me, though neither are directly related to the death of a pet:
The first one is called : When you're falling , Dive. Using your pain to transform your life
by Mark Matousek.

The second book is called ' The Chemiistry of Tears' by Peter Carey. A woman loses her lover of many years, suddenly, but as he is married she has to keep her grief to herself too. This book is about her misery, which consoles because you can see thats exactly how it is for others too. Its also a great story, and will bewitch you for a couple of hours and allow you respite from your thoughts. Which is a huge thing at these times.

The other thing to remember is from this experience, you get a map of the territory, so in future times you bring the knowledge gained now , to your life.

Also try not to think of words like Never , I'll never see them again, or I'll never have a dog again, because these thoughts will make you want to jump off a cliff somewhere. Try going one day at a time, and just having the thought that time does give you distance and perspective. You need all the good thoughts you can manage to help yourself


Because I have a spiritual dimension in my life, it helps me to think as I am quiet old already 56, that I will see my dog again in not that many years. This might not work for everybody!!

Keep away from the thoughts you know make you desolate, such as I will never see, never have, gone forever. They really do bring you down.

Another thing that helps me is to remember how I felt in the first few days, basically if somebody came along for an injection for me too, that would have felt in order.


Nature does not keep us in that state of acute pain all the time, eight weeks on there are good and bad times. Know some of your triggers, the things that really bring you down, avoid those never ever again words, and remember your dogs are not in pain NOW. And however bad the present feels, it was nothing to those initial days of trauma when you were faced with these things, first.


This is my second attempt to post so here's hoping!!


Bernadette, thank you so much for responding and sharing your experience and thoughts. I am sorry for your loss as well but happy that you can understand what it is like. Good shout on the " never again" business - I have been telling myself that over and over, in part just to bring myself out of the shock and into the reality (does it ever feel like a haze, where some days you can be in a bit of denial and others the reality is crushing?).

I managed to find the article you referred me to and, of course, cried and cried while I read it. While our journeys are not alike I can relate to the realization of everything that Maggie and Dakota meant to me- life lessons, companionship and unconditional love, teachers for my children as they grew up together. I only wish that like Inca, I was able to offer each one of my Saints a last day of the things they cherished most and proper goodbyes.

I also have spiritual beliefs that include a journey that continues after our physical bodies die. I hope with all of my heart that the same is true for our precious pups AND of course the hope that we will be reunited one day (that right now seems a lifetime away).

With thanks,
Laura

"...love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."

(Kabil Gibran)


--------------------
"...love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."

(Kabil Gibran)
[color="#4B0082"][/color]
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Lps
post Aug 26 2012, 11:35 PM
Post #8





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 16
Joined: 22-August 12
Member No.: 7,736



QUOTE (Bernadette @ Aug 26 2012, 12:20 PM) *
]Hello

This reply is to you, but I hope there might be something in it for others on the Forum too.

First of all, I can say, what beautiful dogs.

Secondly here in a link for you and others in the forum to an article in The Telegraph written by Ben Fogle who lost his black labrador Inca.:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/pets/9399980/Ben-Fogle-I-owe-everything-to-my-dog-Inca.html


I had my ow dog put to sleep 8 weeks ago , so I know about the guilt. The one thing that works or helps me in fact the only thing is to say to myself : she is not in pain NOW. Now being the operative word.

Two other books helped me, though neither are directly related to the death of a pet:
The first one is called : When you're falling , Dive. Using your pain to transform your life
by Mark Matousek.

The second book is called ' The Chemiistry of Tears' by Peter Carey. A woman loses her lover of many years, suddenly, but as he is married she has to keep her grief to herself too. This book is about her misery, which consoles because you can see thats exactly how it is for others too. Its also a great story, and will bewitch you for a couple of hours and allow you respite from your thoughts. Which is a huge thing at these times.

The other thing to remember is from this experience, you get a map of the territory, so in future times you bring the knowledge gained now , to your life.

Also try not to think of words like Never , I'll never see them again, or I'll never have a dog again, because these thoughts will make you want to jump off a cliff somewhere. Try going one day at a time, and just having the thought that time does give you distance and perspective. You need all the good thoughts you can manage to help yourself


Because I have a spiritual dimension in my life, it helps me to think as I am quiet old already 56, that I will see my dog again in not that many years. This might not work for everybody!!

Keep away from the thoughts you know make you desolate, such as I will never see, never have, gone forever. They really do bring you down.

Another thing that helps me is to remember how I felt in the first few days, basically if somebody came along for an injection for me too, that would have felt in order.


Nature does not keep us in that state of acute pain all the time, eight weeks on there are good and bad times. Know some of your triggers, the things that really bring you down, avoid those never ever again words, and remember your dogs are not in pain NOW. And however bad the present feels, it was nothing to those initial days of trauma when you were faced with these things, first.


This is my second attempt to post so here's hoping!!


Bernadette, thank you so much for responding and sharing your experience and thoughts. I am sorry for your loss as well but happy that you can understand what it is like. Good shout on the " never again" business - I have been telling myself that over and over, in part just to bring myself out of the shock and into the reality (does it ever feel like a haze, where some days you can be in a bit of denial and others the reality is crushing?).

I managed to find the article you referred me to and, of course, cried and cried while I read it. While our journeys are not alike I can relate to the realization of everything that Maggie and Dakota meant to me- life lessons, companionship and unconditional love, teachers for my children as they grew up together. I only wish that like Inca, I was able to offer each one of my Saints a last day of the things they cherished most and proper goodbyes.

I also have spiritual beliefs that include a journey that continues after our physical bodies die. I hope with all of my heart that the same is true for our precious pups AND of course the hope that we will be reunited one day (that right now seems a lifetime away).

With thanks,
Laura

"...love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."

(Kabil Gibran)


--------------------
"...love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."

(Kabil Gibran)
[color="#4B0082"][/color]
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Bernadette
post Aug 27 2012, 03:03 AM
Post #9





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 17
Joined: 25-August 12
From: London
Member No.: 7,741



http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/celebrityn...-Hyde-Park.html

Hello
Thank you for your lovely reply. Above the link to follow for what he did next.

I hope you are having a beautiful day, its a Bank Holiday Monday in London. I was really delighted to open my mail and see your reply.

thank you.

There are at this time many of us on this journey, and I sent you lots of light and energy, and I know you will be given the strength and courage for one day at a time.

When you write the thing overwhelming you is your guilt, you could plant a tree for them?

They look so happy so well fed so humoured , and so completely indulged in the photos you know. They look like real characters, with great personalities. I do understand that you feel you didn't do this one last thing for them, but for 12 years you did everything for them, they are so healthy and glossy looking, they had a wonderful home They had lots of love. Their characters blossomed , you can see from their expressions that their expectation is total adoration. You did a great job for them, and they know that too.

They are not in pain NOW. And perhaps its no accident we all found this Forum, to say these things.

No matter how bad you are feeling today, is it worse than THAT day, - when now you know they are completely pain free , in a world we cannot see, but we know is there.


So many testimonials from people dying who experience the Light and a Being of total compassion. How else would a Creator be?

Thank you very much for your kind thoughts, they have really helped me. I do not think people who are not dog lovers understand. This Forum is full of people who love dogs, which is amazing!

Have the best day you can, whatever way you like, and however you feel able. I will do the same.

Bernadette







--------------------
Bernadette
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moon_beam
post Aug 27 2012, 07:31 AM
Post #10


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Posts: 8,088
Joined: 20-July 08
From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Laura, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is perfectly normal when you share with us "Part of me believes that I will walk through that door and my pups will be there, as they faithfully have been for so many years. I know that sounds silly and that, of course intellectually I know that they are gone, but my whole being has not accepted it yet." When we are in deep grief, our bodies go into a "survival" mode - - it's an automatic survival mechanism that our minds and bodies have developed in coping with traumatic events in our lives - - and the physical loss of a beloved companion IS a traumatic event. I know first hand the dread you are feeling about going home and opening that door - - for that split-second anticipating the greeting and then the crushing seering pain of the "new reality" sinking in once again.

Laura, we live in a physically-oriented world governed by the 5 senses of taste, touch, smell, hearing, and sight. Every time our companions touch us, kiss us, have contact with us they are literally imprinting themselves on our bodies so that they can identify us out of all the other millions of people on this planet. When they precede us to the angels, our physical bodies literally go through a withdrawal from their chemical imprint, and this is one of the many reasons why this grief adjustment journey is so very painful - - both physically and emotionally. To help comfort ourselves when the pain of not being able to hold them and see them becomes very overwhelming you may want to hold something in your arms that belongs only to your beloved Dakota and Maggie - - a blanket, a toy, their collars, - - for this will help to eventually ease the physical pain. No, it isn't the same as holding them in your arms, but it will help.

I am so sorry that your vet was so totally unresponsive to your calls for help when your beloved Dakota was in crisis, and can understand your desire to change veterinary practitioners. I experienced a similar situation when my number one kitty son Eli was in a medical crisis and sought a second opinion from another veterinary practice who became the new care providers for him and all of my furkids without regret. When Eli joined the angels, I did not have the option of bringing his body home so that my precious Noah could pay his last respects, and because of this, my Noah grieved deeply for his big adopted kitty brother. When my beloved beautiful baby girl Abbygayle joined the angels, I did bring her home so that her sibling brother Noah could know what happened. He lovingly paid his final respects to his sister, and it helped him to know that she just did not disappear from the family unit. So I can understand your anger about not being able to have your beloved Dakota transition home to the angels in the loving comfort of his home.

Laura, I hope today is treating you and your family kindly, and that your evening will be blessed with your beloved Dakota's and Maggie's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Lps
post Aug 28 2012, 10:15 AM
Post #11





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 16
Joined: 22-August 12
Member No.: 7,736



QUOTE (Bernadette @ Aug 27 2012, 04:03 AM) *
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/celebrityn...-Hyde-Park.html

Hello
Thank you for your lovely reply. Above the link to follow for what he did next.

I hope you are having a beautiful day, its a Bank Holiday Monday in London. I was really delighted to open my mail and see your reply.

thank you.

There are at this time many of us on this journey, and I sent you lots of light and energy, and I know you will be given the strength and courage for one day at a time.

When you write the thing overwhelming you is your guilt, you could plant a tree for them?

They look so happy so well fed so humoured , and so completely indulged in the photos you know. They look like real characters, with great personalities. I do understand that you feel you didn't do this one last thing for them, but for 12 years you did everything for them, they are so healthy and glossy looking, they had a wonderful home They had lots of love. Their characters blossomed , you can see from their expressions that their expectation is total adoration. You did a great job for them, and they know that too.

They are not in pain NOW. And perhaps its no accident we all found this Forum, to say these things.

No matter how bad you are feeling today, is it worse than THAT day, - when now you know they are completely pain free , in a world we cannot see, but we know is there.


So many testimonials from people dying who experience the Light and a Being of total compassion. How else would a Creator be?

Thank you very much for your kind thoughts, they have really helped me. I do not think people who are not dog lovers understand. This Forum is full of people who love dogs, which is amazing!

Have the best day you can, whatever way you like, and however you feel able. I will do the same.

Bernadette


Hello Bernadette,

Yes, you are right they are no longer suffering at all and in that I should take great comfort. In some ways I suppose it is my selfishness that would want them back here. I do so love the idea of planting something in their memory and am not sure if we have enough room for another tree but I am planning a patch in my garden bed where we will have commemorative stepping stones and will be able to plant seasonal flowers around. The stones are important because the family will weigh in or put hands on each stone themselves hopefully helping them all to process this profound loss (have I mentioend I four boys? so little if any display of emotion from them!).

Also, the article you posted about spreading Inca's ashes is touching and I have thought about doing this with Maggie's ashes in the woods where we shared our quiet walks away from all of the boys. She was always good off leash, she would dask down the path but always comeback and check on or the kids to be sure we were close. How she loved the different sites and smells of those woods, I never made enough time to take her as much as I should have and was sure, especially after Dakota's passing, that I would be once again taking her more as it got cooler. Well, I am about to get into the " never again" stuff so am going to stop there.

At the moment I am pouring some of my pain of loss into collecting photos for a memory book for each and thinking about the garden. Back to reality tomorrow when my short leave is over...

I hope your day has gone well as could be expected. I will continue to search out anything I can about the souls of our babies and will gladly share any comforting or enlightening information.

With thanks,
Laura


--------------------
"...love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."

(Kabil Gibran)
[color="#4B0082"][/color]
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Lps
post Aug 28 2012, 10:45 AM
Post #12





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 16
Joined: 22-August 12
Member No.: 7,736



QUOTE (moon_beam @ Aug 27 2012, 08:31 AM) *
Hi, Laura, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is perfectly normal when you share with us "Part of me believes that I will walk through that door and my pups will be there, as they faithfully have been for so many years. I know that sounds silly and that, of course intellectually I know that they are gone, but my whole being has not accepted it yet." When we are in deep grief, our bodies go into a "survival" mode - - it's an automatic survival mechanism that our minds and bodies have developed in coping with traumatic events in our lives - - and the physical loss of a beloved companion IS a traumatic event. I know first hand the dread you are feeling about going home and opening that door - - for that split-second anticipating the greeting and then the crushing seering pain of the "new reality" sinking in once again.

Laura, we live in a physically-oriented world governed by the 5 senses of taste, touch, smell, hearing, and sight. Every time our companions touch us, kiss us, have contact with us they are literally imprinting themselves on our bodies so that they can identify us out of all the other millions of people on this planet. When they precede us to the angels, our physical bodies literally go through a withdrawal from their chemical imprint, and this is one of the many reasons why this grief adjustment journey is so very painful - - both physically and emotionally. To help comfort ourselves when the pain of not being able to hold them and see them becomes very overwhelming you may want to hold something in your arms that belongs only to your beloved Dakota and Maggie - - a blanket, a toy, their collars, - - for this will help to eventually ease the physical pain. No, it isn't the same as holding them in your arms, but it will help.

I am so sorry that your vet was so totally unresponsive to your calls for help when your beloved Dakota was in crisis, and can understand your desire to change veterinary practitioners. I experienced a similar situation when my number one kitty son Eli was in a medical crisis and sought a second opinion from another veterinary practice who became the new care providers for him and all of my furkids without regret. When Eli joined the angels, I did not have the option of bringing his body home so that my precious Noah could pay his last respects, and because of this, my Noah grieved deeply for his big adopted kitty brother. When my beloved beautiful baby girl Abbygayle joined the angels, I did bring her home so that her sibling brother Noah could know what happened. He lovingly paid his final respects to his sister, and it helped him to know that she just did not disappear from the family unit. So I can understand your anger about not being able to have your beloved Dakota transition home to the angels in the loving comfort of his home.

Laura, I hope today is treating you and your family kindly, and that your evening will be blessed with your beloved Dakota's and Maggie's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


Hello Moon_beam,

I have the blanket that we used to wrap her to bring her to the vet (also used for Dakota exactly a week preceeding). I also have their dog beds and our pup, Kemba, does not seem interested in sleeping on them, which will help keep their scent. When Dakota became really sick during the last preceding weeks he would not sleep on his bed no matter how we tried. I always felt so bad that he was sick and would not sleep on his orthopedic bed (onto which he just fit when he curled up!). I only realize now after reflecting that this was about the time that Maggie, too, stopped sleeping on her bed. Oh, I did not see her grief and pain when she knew he was sick.

The vet called and her ashes are ready now. I will be so relieved to have them in hand. This time (because I knew to ask) some ashes have been put aside for us to bring to her favorite woods, where I will scatter them along the stream she knew so well. I am so sorry I did not have one last chance to take her there.

I wonder if you ever hear about signs coming from the other side from beloved pets? I may be emotional and sleep deprived, and perhaps on the verge of grasping for straws but yesterday while I was in the kitchen making dinner I swore I heard my beloved Maggles panting behind me. I presumed that it was Kemba, but when I turned around Kemba was sleeping in the corner.

Last night a picture of the two of them that I have been carrying around with me was on my wicker night stand next to my bed. I had my ceiling fan on so naturally the breeze blew the photo off the table but I could not find it! I moved the table and looked underneath it and under my bed but was at a loss for what could have happened. On a hunch I looked in each of the drawers (My wicker drawers are in an open metal frame so they are not sealed tight) and found their picture in one of the drawers on top of the book "The Next Place" by Warren Hansen (here is a link to this beautiful poem http://www.dj1953.com/cjd/nextplace.html).
This is a book I have had for some time and I use the poem whenever I send condolences to anyone because it is so beautiful.

I was so incredulous that this had happened that I asked both my husband and my 16 year old if they could figure how the picture could have been blown off the top of the night stand and 'drifted' into this drawer and they agreed it was very, very odd and we could not duplicate the action.

I may be crazy with grief and guilt, and I dont mind you saying it rather than going crazy reading into everything, but is it really possible that it could be a sign that my babies are there, at the next place?

Looking for signs,
Laura


--------------------
"...love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."

(Kabil Gibran)
[color="#4B0082"][/color]
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Bernadette
post Aug 28 2012, 11:57 AM
Post #13





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 17
Joined: 25-August 12
From: London
Member No.: 7,741



Hello Laura

The fact you mentioned abut sensing your dog's presence is what makes it possible for me to tell you about this. I wasn't going to because I tended to dismiss it as delusional. But also I felt it very powerfully.

One of the things I think about this Forum is that I think that sometimes a way to help us is found, in answer to our hearts asking. That is not put very well , but I hope you know what I mean!

After I sent you the email, with the attachment to Ben's second article, where he was going to Hyde park where he often went with Inca to scatter her ashes. I had a kind of impression of you and both your St. Bernard's

I think of course I had seen the picture of them, and taken fully into account being delusional or fanciful , anyway this what I saw or had the impression of in my head.

In describing it, it sounds a bit comical.

You were grieving, but both your St. Bernard dogs were beside you, one on either side of you, though you couldn't see them. They were concerned about you, and very loving and wanting you to have this solace from the communication you were receiving. When i say it was comical I mean, they were so big eyed and serious and so upset for you. They were holding close to you on both sides.

That was all it was. I couldn't see you actually physically, but I had an impression of you sitting or kneeling, one dog was either side of you. It was comical only in a very kind way, their huge affection and concern that you were upset. In the impression of this I had, they found it very hard to bear that you were upset.


I just thought since you mention the presence of your dog, that you would not find this too fantastic. I saw them very clearly either side of you, in your grief and they were full of concern, and very loving.

Anyway just to tell you. I do think that we can be deluded in grief anything that gives us the solace we want - in my own case I have experienced my dog, too.

It actually started out quiet harrowing. I had been in town and got caught in a huge rain storm and was sheltering on a church steps . As i sat there ( i think perhaps because I do so much to keep thoughts of her out of my head) I was perhaps more receptive - I don't know. I saw her in my minds eye, and she was howling to come back to me. I was incredibly upset by this, because I couldn't get to her to comfort her.

Next I came home, and again I had what seemed a dream of her, firstly she had swam a river and was in my arms, she was totally soaking wet, and she gave me a big lick on my face. Then , later I dreamt I was walking in a woods and she was sitting on the steps of a house waiting for me. As soon as I got to her , she took off into the woods, I understood to follow her. In a clearing was a mother dog with four young puppies, and Lucy was indicating one of these puppies were for me. But I what I felt she was saying was it would be her! I do think that this is delusional , very much a way of tempering the loss, by inventing a scenario by which we are together again.

But anyway who knows? the world is full of wonders and mysteries!

Anyway I just thought i would share both those things with you, it may be delusional but also it maybe that our animals who love us, do know how much we miss them and wish to comfort us.

Don't feel you have to write back, until or if you feel there is something you want to write about.


Bernadette






--------------------
Bernadette
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kittyb
post Aug 28 2012, 11:57 AM
Post #14





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 7
Joined: 27-August 12
Member No.: 7,744



I completely understand your feelings. 14 months ago I lost my Teddie Bear, a female Saint whom I rescued. When she joined me she had been so abused she literally hid behind my legs, and was glued to them. I couldn't touch her from the middle of her back down to her tail. Her tail was constantly tucked up touching her tummy. She was extremely fearful of men. It took me six months of daily love, attention and reassurance before she would even go in the pet store, sit on a bench and just look around.

My Teddie Bear, my love, my life, my soul mate, blossomed so beautifully. She became what her spirit was meant to be - so very loving, kind, gentle, compassionate and sensitive. She became a certified therapy dog (with a wonderful sense of humor).

I thought my world had come to an end when she passed away quite suddenly. All I could do was weep, scream, hold a stuffed animal and talk to her via the stuffy animal (a teddy bear), and be sadder than I ever imagined possible.

Yesterday, 8-27-12, I had to put my beloved male Saint to sleep. He was also a rescue. He had been horribly neglected - never had a bath, shots, rides in the car, nice walks, etc. He was left alone 23 hours a day and given "attention" when he was fed. Like Teddie B., ever so slowly he blossomed and his true Saint personality shone so brightly.


I was so fortunate that both could make their transition from home to heaven. I was with them the whole time. Right now I can't stop crying and sobbing, yet I feel numb inside. I had to pick up Water's dishes last night. To look at them this morning would have been too painful.

This morning the pet cremation place called and told me they were picking Walter up from the vet and taking him in for a private cremation. I just about lost it when they asked me how I wanted to pay for it. It just made it so very real! I wanted to rush to the vets just to give him one more kiss and hug him one more time. This is such deep grief there are no words I have to describe it.

I just want someone to hold me while I cry and listen to me while I talk about him (or don't). Unfortunately I live alone, family is far away and there is no one I can call upon for support during this awful time.

I understand your pain, despair and longing. Saints are absolutely angels with fur.
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Bernadette
post Aug 28 2012, 12:05 PM
Post #15





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 17
Joined: 25-August 12
From: London
Member No.: 7,741



QUOTE (Lps @ Aug 28 2012, 04:45 PM) *
Hello Moon_beam,

I have the blanket that we used to wrap her to bring her to the vet (also used for Dakota exactly a week preceeding). I also have their dog beds and our pup, Kemba, does not seem interested in sleeping on them, which will help keep their scent. When Dakota became really sick during the last preceding weeks he would not sleep on his bed no matter how we tried. I always felt so bad that he was sick and would not sleep on his orthopedic bed (onto which he just fit when he curled up!). I only realize now after reflecting that this was about the time that Maggie, too, stopped sleeping on her bed. Oh, I did not see her grief and pain when she knew he was sick.

The vet called and her ashes are ready now. I will be so relieved to have them in hand. This time (because I knew to ask) some ashes have been put aside for us to bring to her favorite woods, where I will scatter them along the stream she knew so well. I am so sorry I did not have one last chance to take her there.

I wonder if you ever hear about signs coming from the other side from beloved pets? I may be emotional and sleep deprived, and perhaps on the verge of grasping for straws but yesterday while I was in the kitchen making dinner I swore I heard my beloved Maggles panting behind me. I presumed that it was Kemba, but when I turned around Kemba was sleeping in the corner.

Last night a picture of the two of them that I have been carrying around with me was on my wicker night stand next to my bed. I had my ceiling fan on so naturally the breeze blew the photo off the table but I could not find it! I moved the table and looked underneath it and under my bed but was at a loss for what could have happened. On a hunch I looked in each of the drawers (My wicker drawers are in an open metal frame so they are not sealed tight) and found their picture in one of the drawers on top of the book "The Next Place" by Warren Hansen (here is a link to this beautiful poem http://www.dj1953.com/cjd/nextplace.html).
This is a book I have had for some time and I use the poem whenever I send condolences to anyone because it is so beautiful.

I was so incredulous that this had happened that I asked both my husband and my 16 year old if they could figure how the picture could have been blown off the top of the night stand and 'drifted' into this drawer and they agreed it was very, very odd and we could not duplicate the action.

I may be crazy with grief and guilt, and I dont mind you saying it rather than going crazy reading into everything, but is it really possible that it could be a sign that my babies are there, at the next place?

Looking for signs,
Laura


Laura, just to add to the post I just sent to you, I read that online poem Home, its beautiful, really gave me a lift. Thanks.
Bernadette


--------------------
Bernadette
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Bernadette
post Aug 28 2012, 12:33 PM
Post #16





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 17
Joined: 25-August 12
From: London
Member No.: 7,741



QUOTE (kittyb @ Aug 28 2012, 05:57 PM) *
I completely understand your feelings. 14 months ago I lost my Teddie Bear, a female Saint whom I rescued. When she joined me she had been so abused she literally hid behind my legs, and was glued to them. I couldn't touch her from the middle of her back down to her tail. Her tail was constantly tucked up touching her tummy. She was extremely fearful of men. It took me six months of daily love, attention and reassurance before she would even go in the pet store, sit on a bench and just look around.

My Teddie Bear, my love, my life, my soul mate, blossomed so beautifully. She became what her spirit was meant to be - so very loving, kind, gentle, compassionate and sensitive. She became a certified therapy dog (with a wonderful sense of humor).

I thought my world had come to an end when she passed away quite suddenly. All I could do was weep, scream, hold a stuffed animal and talk to her via the stuffy animal (a teddy bear), and be sadder than I ever imagined possible.

Yesterday, 8-27-12, I had to put my beloved male Saint to sleep. He was also a rescue. He had been horribly neglected - never had a bath, shots, rides in the car, nice walks, etc. He was left alone 23 hours a day and given "attention" when he was fed. Like Teddie B., ever so slowly he blossomed and his true Saint personality shone so brightly.


I was so fortunate that both could make their transition from home to heaven. I was with them the whole time. Right now I can't stop crying and sobbing, yet I feel numb inside. I had to pick up Water's dishes last night. To look at them this morning would have been too painful.

This morning the pet cremation place called and told me they were picking Walter up from the vet and taking him in for a private cremation. I just about lost it when they asked me how I wanted to pay for it. It just made it so very real! I wanted to rush to the vets just to give him one more kiss and hug him one more time. This is such deep grief there are no words I have to describe it.

I just want someone to hold me while I cry and listen to me while I talk about him (or don't). Unfortunately I live alone, family is far away and there is no one I can call upon for support during this awful time.

I understand your pain, despair and longing. Saints are absolutely angels with fur.

Hello

Just to say, its great you are on the Forum, it has really helped me. It is so very close , just yesterday that the biggest thing I can say to you, is jus let yourself be. If you want to weep all day and smash the dishes too , do.
I had my dog put to sleep, and the three days following were very tough. I am saying this to you, to brace you not to make you feel worse. However those three days are the days of grieving, and you can't avoid them. In fact there was something beautiful too, in it. But you won't see this right now.

I behaved very badly myself. I came back from the vet and I had to throw all her things out ,I could not bear to look at them.
It was also a survival thing for me, I could only survive by erasing her presence. I also live alone, so believe me I do understand.

For three days I let my life go to hell, and so should you. One thing about our emotions is that we don't stay in that extreme state forever, we could not. So one thing you can just know, is that you won't stay in that state of extreme painful raw grieving forever.


I dont know if you will be very ugly in your behavior and unpleasant. i had to totally avoid people, I actually found that sitting with it, (since there was no getting away from it anyway), its like a tidal wave, let it wash over you. Often after crying myself senseless I fell asleep or made a cup of tea. I felt better once I let the grief have its way with me. i

When we are in pain we always feel the extremes, we will 'never' see our pets again and this makes us feel one hundred percent worse. The thing to know, is that after the extreme pain, the light does come back. its light and darkness first, because the emotional shock is so great our whole systems close down to go inward to where the deep wound is.

For me, I could not enjoy anything, the things that usually gave me pleasure didn't work. The biggest lesson for me was that no inanimate thing, no plant or music or book would compensate for the love of a little companion .
I had my dog for many years, I am surprised I haven't a tail and paws!

the biggest hardest thing is you can't run and you can't hide, because its all happening inside of you. But if you can just remember, that nature does not keep us in that extreme pain, its the initial shock, the huge pain of loss, but it cannot sustain at that extreme place. If you can just think, that and be patient you will come from that extreme place, to a place that is not as bad and it goes like that.

Just try and know, that the extreme feeling is temporary, you have to go through it. One thing that worked for me is I wrote all my feelings out, I covered pages, - and actually once you acknowledge your feelings they stop tyrannising you. its the resistance that means they do everything to get your attention. Give them your attention, write it all out, if you feel exhausted sleep, put off things for a while, and give yourself time.

It is very hard. But the extreme pain, that does ease.

The other thing i did is pray. Not in a church but just from my heart I asked for strength to get through it. And i believe I did get some strength.

Thinking of you and knowing you are going to come through. and you have got us! we get it.

sending you a big hug.

Bernadette








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Bernadette
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kittyb
post Aug 28 2012, 06:29 PM
Post #17





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 7
Joined: 27-August 12
Member No.: 7,744



Thank you Bernadette. This morning the pet cremation people called and told me they were on their way to pick up Walter from the vets. I wanted to rush to the vets just to hold and kiss him one more time. I ended up just sobbing on the couch. I picked up his water dishes last night. I couldn't bear to look at them. I also washed all of his towels and put them away. I can't bring myself to store anything else...the runners he walked on so he wouldn't slip on the hardwood floor and his bed. Those will have to wait until he comes home. To take them up now would make it seem as though he never blessed my life.

Painful as it was, I had 4 hours with him before the vet and vet tech (whom I know - and who knew Walter) arrived. I told him everything in my heart, how blessed I was that he had agreed to share his life with me, that his work was over and it was time to go Home, that he was the very best boy in the whole world, he was my love, my little boy, my heart, and so on. I also told him who was going to meet him at the Bridge and how happy they would all be to have him. I told him that he should go with the Light, experience the love and peace that was beyond our understanding, let the angels lift him and take him Home, etc. I petted, massaged, kissed and talked to him the whole time.

When the vet arrived she was wonderful! She gave me time alone with him before giving him the sleeping sedative. She also left me alone with him as he was making his transition. At that point I reinterated everything in my heart, read him some prayers, told him it was okay to go Home, etc.

I was able to reasonably hold it together until he and the vet were gone. I simply could not watch him leave the house. I went in the bedroom, in a state of shock. The vet tech came back in and comforted me for a bit. She had baby-sat Walter and Teddie Bear when I had to go out of town. The adoration was mutual between them.

After they left I just bawled (as I am now). I don't want to go anywhere because I'm afraid I'll start crying in a public place (and not quiet, dignified lady-like tears). This pain is just so very awful. I know he's with my Teddie Bear and all my other beloveds, that he's whole, healthy, peaceful and happy beyond words. I know I have to walk through this but it really, really hurts!

Thank you so much for your support. This is the one place where I can come and freely express my feelings and devastating grief.
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Lps
post Aug 28 2012, 08:18 PM
Post #18





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 16
Joined: 22-August 12
Member No.: 7,736



QUOTE (kittyb @ Aug 28 2012, 12:57 PM) *
I completely understand your feelings. 14 months ago I lost my Teddie Bear, a female Saint whom I rescued. When she joined me she had been so abused she literally hid behind my legs, and was glued to them. I couldn't touch her from the middle of her back down to her tail. Her tail was constantly tucked up touching her tummy. She was extremely fearful of men. It took me six months of daily love, attention and reassurance before she would even go in the pet store, sit on a bench and just look around.

My Teddie Bear, my love, my life, my soul mate, blossomed so beautifully. She became what her spirit was meant to be - so very loving, kind, gentle, compassionate and sensitive. She became a certified therapy dog (with a wonderful sense of humor).

I thought my world had come to an end when she passed away quite suddenly. All I could do was weep, scream, hold a stuffed animal and talk to her via the stuffy animal (a teddy bear), and be sadder than I ever imagined possible.

Yesterday, 8-27-12, I had to put my beloved male Saint to sleep. He was also a rescue. He had been horribly neglected - never had a bath, shots, rides in the car, nice walks, etc. He was left alone 23 hours a day and given "attention" when he was fed. Like Teddie B., ever so slowly he blossomed and his true Saint personality shone so brightly.


I was so fortunate that both could make their transition from home to heaven. I was with them the whole time. Right now I can't stop crying and sobbing, yet I feel numb inside. I had to pick up Water's dishes last night. To look at them this morning would have been too painful.

This morning the pet cremation place called and told me they were picking Walter up from the vet and taking him in for a private cremation. I just about lost it when they asked me how I wanted to pay for it. It just made it so very real! I wanted to rush to the vets just to give him one more kiss and hug him one more time. This is such deep grief there are no words I have to describe it.

I just want someone to hold me while I cry and listen to me while I talk about him (or don't). Unfortunately I live alone, family is far away and there is no one I can call upon for support during this awful time.

I understand your pain, despair and longing. Saints are absolutely angels with fur.


Thank you for your message, Kittyb, I am so very sorry for your loss as well. I do agree that there is something about Saints, especially after having had many different kinds of dogs in my life over the years. The combination of the big giant stature matched with the gentleness and mellowness they tend to have is remarkable. I find your rescue work for this misunderstood breed honorable and I thank you. I am sure that all of the work and love you put into each of these rescue dogs was returned to you and appreciated more than you can imagine.

I am glad that you were able to give both Walter and Teddy Bear the transition to the next place that you wanted for them, although I know that this does not make it easier to bear. I just picked uo Maggie's ashes today and in some way found some relief that she is home again with me. I am going to work tomorrow for the first time since Dakota (2 weeks ago today) and Maggie (1week ago today) passed. I had a combination of planned vacation and sick days used but can delay no longer. I do not know what to expect of my ability to control my emotions or how to react to anyone who may bring up the topic (not too many people know). Not to mention that I have absolutely no interest in anything other than my pups (and my family) at this point!

Although I have family, I live with a bunch of stoic males who are for the most part avoiding me when I have my moments, which is quite a often! I won't say it is the same as being alone and I am sorry that you do not have anyone local to lean on during this time. Bernadette and moon-beam have been a great support for me and their experience has helped me to understand that I am not crazy ( this has been by far the worst loss of any of my companions thus far).

Without trying to preach I will tell you that I strongly believe that they are together in the next place; selfishly that does not ease my pain but it does bring the slightest amount of peace if that makes any sense. I hope with all of my heart that we will be reunited one day and I can touch them, hug them and see them at their very healthiest once more. I know that Bernadette found this poem helpful so I am happy to share with you in the hopes that it wil bring you even the smallest amount of comfort.
http://www.dj1953.com/cjd/nextplace.html

I hope that you can get some sleep tonight and a small respite from the pain. One day if and when you are up to it I would love to see both of their pictures.

Best
Laura


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"...love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."

(Kabil Gibran)
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Lps
post Aug 28 2012, 08:21 PM
Post #19





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 16
Joined: 22-August 12
Member No.: 7,736



QUOTE (Bernadette @ Aug 28 2012, 12:57 PM) *
Hello Laura

The fact you mentioned abut sensing your dog's presence is what makes it possible for me to tell you about this. I wasn't going to because I tended to dismiss it as delusional. But also I felt it very powerfully.

One of the things I think about this Forum is that I think that sometimes a way to help us is found, in answer to our hearts asking. That is not put very well , but I hope you know what I mean!

After I sent you the email, with the attachment to Ben's second article, where he was going to Hyde park where he often went with Inca to scatter her ashes. I had a kind of impression of you and both your St. Bernard's

I think of course I had seen the picture of them, and taken fully into account being delusional or fanciful , anyway this what I saw or had the impression of in my head.

In describing it, it sounds a bit comical.

You were grieving, but both your St. Bernard dogs were beside you, one on either side of you, though you couldn't see them. They were concerned about you, and very loving and wanting you to have this solace from the communication you were receiving. When i say it was comical I mean, they were so big eyed and serious and so upset for you. They were holding close to you on both sides.

That was all it was. I couldn't see you actually physically, but I had an impression of you sitting or kneeling, one dog was either side of you. It was comical only in a very kind way, their huge affection and concern that you were upset. In the impression of this I had, they found it very hard to bear that you were upset.


I just thought since you mention the presence of your dog, that you would not find this too fantastic. I saw them very clearly either side of you, in your grief and they were full of concern, and very loving.

Anyway just to tell you. I do think that we can be deluded in grief anything that gives us the solace we want - in my own case I have experienced my dog, too.

It actually started out quiet harrowing. I had been in town and got caught in a huge rain storm and was sheltering on a church steps . As i sat there ( i think perhaps because I do so much to keep thoughts of her out of my head) I was perhaps more receptive - I don't know. I saw her in my minds eye, and she was howling to come back to me. I was incredibly upset by this, because I couldn't get to her to comfort her.

Next I came home, and again I had what seemed a dream of her, firstly she had swam a river and was in my arms, she was totally soaking wet, and she gave me a big lick on my face. Then , later I dreamt I was walking in a woods and she was sitting on the steps of a house waiting for me. As soon as I got to her , she took off into the woods, I understood to follow her. In a clearing was a mother dog with four young puppies, and Lucy was indicating one of these puppies were for me. But I what I felt she was saying was it would be her! I do think that this is delusional , very much a way of tempering the loss, by inventing a scenario by which we are together again.

But anyway who knows? the world is full of wonders and mysteries!

Anyway I just thought i would share both those things with you, it may be delusional but also it maybe that our animals who love us, do know how much we miss them and wish to comfort us.

Don't feel you have to write back, until or if you feel there is something you want to write about.


Bernadette



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"...love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."

(Kabil Gibran)
[color="#4B0082"][/color]
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Lps
post Aug 28 2012, 08:32 PM
Post #20





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 16
Joined: 22-August 12
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Bernadette,

Thank you so much for sharing this with me! I do not find it unbelievable especiallY because it wasn't me who had the vision/ dream. Perhaps as a spiritualperson with some sensitivity to the animal world tou can pick up on things others cannot. I have found this very comforting and you describe them almost perfectly in their demeanor. I have also read about pets coming back to us in our lifetime from an animal communicator (i found some article online), it was so interesting...then again I find myself open to things that others would put off as nonsense.

Your dream seems so clear and vivid that I would not discount it. If and when I have any dreams I am hoping to have some peace. I eagerly await their visit.

Have a good day tomorrow,

Laura


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"...love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."

(Kabil Gibran)
[color="#4B0082"][/color]
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