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> Living Without Amber Visibly There, Moving Forward Is Hard
luv_my_catz
post May 5 2005, 09:00 AM
Post #1





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 256
Joined: 31-March 05
From: Upstate NY
Member No.: 789



Hello All ,

Today I am faced with the dilema of inertia ~ I cannot seem to move beyond where I am in my grief ~ I have the Master Bedroom closed ~ Amber's ashes are in there ~ the flowers on the table ~ the music playing ~ the quiet beauty of her life and the peaceful retreat we shared preserved ~ I feel as though I would be betraying her by letting the other cat in that room ~ she was protected from him in her little safe world there with me ~ He lost his rights to be in there by attacking her so much when she was beginning to show her age years ago ~ I cannot imagine sleeping in my bed without her there - or allowing him to "invade " her domain ~ its just not honorable ~ so now I don't know what to do ~ I have a lovely Master Suite ~ yet cannot find the way to reclaim it and integrate the sweet memories of " Amber's Days" with the Hope for the future and years I may have left with Ceece ~ he is a sweet ol' boy just always was too in his own world to ever properly learn cat protocol ~ I am stuck ~ I need to remain true to my loyalty to Ambie and her spirit within and without my soul ~ yet I do not want to keep myself locked in the past ~ life is filled with integrations and weavings of the spirits we have with us and the events we find ourselves moving through ~ I tried to sleep in the guest room ~ that didn't work either ~ so for now its back to the sofa bed ~ I am in a quandry ~ does anyone have any ideas?

Many THANKS,
Kathryn


--------------------
Peace Be With You ~ Kathryn ~ Angel Amber ~ Angel CC~ and Sammie

I lost my Amber Tabby Girl of nearly 20 years on 3/28/05 after a valiant battle with end stage CRF. Always a beacon in the storm ~ steady and true.

C.C was my purebred White Angora I lost to cancer on 10/22/05 at age 13~ A Big Gentle yet Oddly Eccentric Creature ~Through his congenital deaf ness ~He brought an innocent joy to my life and light to my heart

I also adopted an 8 yr old Burmese named Samantha who led me back into my own room ~ still a stranger to me ~ she sweetly gives peace to Amber's final days spent there and lights my way to see in the darkness of the spaces that my precious CC has left behind.
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FurBabyMom
post May 5 2005, 11:26 AM
Post #2





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 48
Joined: 21-April 05
Member No.: 837



Kathryn,

I'm so sorry you are struggling with this. Do you think that Amber would want you to stay out of the room you shared with her? I understand how hard it is. My Gandalf spent time with me in my computer room, he was my computer buddy. It's taken me almost 6 weeks to be able to spend any time in there. It's still hard but now along with the empty feeling inside I can smile when I think of him in there.

Take it one day at a time.

Hugs,
Dawn


--------------------
Hugs,
Dawn

Furbabies waiting for me at Rainbow Bridge.....

Tigger - 2008 - "My Tig Wee"
Merlin - 2006 - "Goofy Boy"
Gandalf - 2005 - "Little Buddy"
Dorian - 2004 - "Daddy's Baby Girl Kitty"
Friskie - 2004 - "Good Kitty Boy"
Spike - 2001 - "Piggy Puppy"
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encouragingangel
post May 5 2005, 12:44 PM
Post #3





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 47
Joined: 24-March 05
Member No.: 774



dearest Kathryn,
i've been thinking of you, so glad to read your message. my first thought after reading, is to say;
Allow the inertia.
it will change into something else soon enough, and when it does, and if you're ready, you might consider a ritual in the bedroom with burning sage and especially sweetgrass, and a special and loving cleaning of all the objects in the room, new sheets or blankets, different music or lighting.
i did this with my bedroom, and at first i was crying and feeling like i was "erasing" him, and then realized that i was releasing the 11months of his illness, that the joy, and especially the LOVE will always be with me in that room.
And it is.
my bedroom is now a new sanctuary that vibrates with life and color, and shelters me with soft blankets and soothing music. changing the lighting really helped me too, because it felt like i was "frozen in time" before, looking for him to appear in the same kind of light.
he "appears" all the time and has told me that he loves the new room! And so do I.
Sending you soft acceptance and love
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Kristie
post May 5 2005, 12:51 PM
Post #4





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 143
Joined: 27-October 04
From: Ontario, Canada
Member No.: 530



I can really relate to this Kathryn. Kasha was my little cuddler at night and always slept either at my feet or on top of me and would "log roll" with me when I rolled over in the middle of the night. LeStat always slept at the opposite end of the bed from Kash, giving her the choice of sleeping arrangements from night to night (she ranked above him in their hieracrhy). Riley, as a new family member, didn't get get to choose her spot on the bed...she just took whatever was left over.

Since Kasha died LeStat has claimed his place at the top of the cat-pack and he now chooses his spot which is usually right on top of my husbands chest. Riley has taken to sleeping on top of me for a little while each night and at my feet after that...Kasha's spots. At first it was hard because I would wake in the night and feel the familiar soft fur tickling my feet and would think it was Kash for a second. Then I would remember that she was gone and my heart would break all over again.

I tried to keep the cats off the bed for a few days but it felt cruel...they just wanted to sleep with their mommy and I was messing up their routine, not to mention that LeStat didn't get to express much dominance over Riley aside from the assignment of bed space because for the first months following Kash's death he never left that bedroom.

For a while I felt like I sould be honouring Kasha by keeping everything the same but in the end I decided that I was only doing us all a disservice. Riley and LeStat need my love as much now as they ever did and they needed to re-establish the hierarchy. Akasha died second in command (after me...I swear she thought she outranked my husband tongue.gif ) and I think she would want things to go on, as they should, without her. She was always respected and honoured around here by her human and cat family members...she lived a good life. I came to realize that she only picked her spot on the bed first because she could and she had earned the right to do so in the other cats eyes. She doesn't care if Riley curls up by my feet every night..she knows, and will always know that she deserved the best in our family...and she got it.

Amber won't mind if you share your room with Ceece. It wasn't the place that she spent her time that made her life great...it was who she spent her life with that made her life extraordinary. She could have lived in the bathroom and would have been just as happy as long as her Kathryn came in to say hello often during the day. It's not the room that she loved....it's YOU.

That being said, I know how hard it will be for you to sleep in there. Maybe Ceece will make it a little easier for you to adapt to not having Ambie there. Only do what you feel you can Kathryn...don't push yourself too hard. (Just so you know, when Kash died I slept on the pull-out couch for six weeks and had to rearrange and redecorate my bedroom before I could sleep in there again).

Sorry to ramble on....

Kristie
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Ann H
post May 5 2005, 01:39 PM
Post #5





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 1,165
Joined: 31-October 04
Member No.: 538



Dear Kathryn, I think Ambie knows and understands how you feel and that you want to protect her room that you shared with her. You will just have to do what feels right to you, give yourself a little time and see how it goes. I agree with the others and Kristie is so right it is not where Amber was but who she was with that filled her with love. Still I know it is hard I thought about shutting my door the my other furbaby after Snookie left this world but I did not want her to feel unloved either.
Love, Ann


--------------------

My girls went to the Rainbow Bridge 6 weeks and 3 days apart.
Snookie had cushing's disease, and later developed diabetes. Both had cancer, Snookie had cancer of the liver, and Chili Bean had cancer of the pallet. Chili Bean was our son's chihuahua but we kept her often throughout her life and she stayed with us for the last 9 months of her life. Chili Bean also had asthma and heart failure. We will see you in Heaven my precious darlings.


Snookie Lynn Howard
2-04-94 - 12-26-04


Senorita Chili Bean Bubbles Howard
11-05-94 - 11-11-04
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Ladypurr
post May 5 2005, 03:33 PM
Post #6





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 36
Joined: 8-April 05
Member No.: 813



Hello Kathryn,

When the time is right, you will again feel comfortable in your master suite. Feelings have to evolve. Motivation is sometimes in very short supply.

Only you will know when that door can be opened and you can enter the room and occupy the space comfortably again, knowing that Amber would want you to be there. Her memories will trickle back in the most inspiring and amazing ways.

It just takes time. She is watching over you. When you least expect it, you will feel her presence in a very powerful way and you will smile and begin to feel okay again.

Love to you,

--susan
~ a voice for the voiceless ~
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luv_my_catz
post May 6 2005, 10:07 PM
Post #7





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 256
Joined: 31-March 05
From: Upstate NY
Member No.: 789



Thank you all from my heart of hearts ~ your posts have given me some spiritual energizing and validation I sorely needed ~ I APPRECIATE the thought and suggestions ~ reflections and personal experiences that truly strike a harmonic chord in my soul ~ these are difficult days for me ~ yet I am so grateful to know that I am not alone ~

These thoughts I have copied from the posts especially ring so true ~

It just takes time. She is watching over you. When you least expect it, you will feel her presence in a very powerful way and you will smile and begin to feel okay again.

Ambie knows and understands how you feel and that you want to protect her room that you shared with her. You will just have to do what feels right to you, give yourself a little time and see how it goes.

Amber won't mind if you share your room with Ceece. It wasn't the place that she spent her time that made her life great...it was who she spent her life with that made her life extraordinary. She could have lived in the bathroom and would have been just as happy as long as her Kathryn came in to say hello often during the day. It's not the room that she loved....it's YOU

Allow the inertia.
it will change into something else soon enough, and when it does, and if you're ready, you might consider a ritual in the bedroom with burning sage and especially sweetgrass, and a special and loving cleaning of all the objects in the room, new sheets or blankets, different music or lighting.
i did this with my bedroom, and at first i was crying and feeling like i was "erasing" him, and then realized that i was releasing the 11months of his illness, that the joy, and especially the LOVE will always be with me in that room.

It's taken me almost 6 weeks to be able to spend any time in there. It's still hard but now along with the empty feeling inside I can smile when I think of him in there.

Take it one day at a time.


Thank you again ~ Sincere Appreciation and Gratitude wub.gif

Kathryn


--------------------
Peace Be With You ~ Kathryn ~ Angel Amber ~ Angel CC~ and Sammie

I lost my Amber Tabby Girl of nearly 20 years on 3/28/05 after a valiant battle with end stage CRF. Always a beacon in the storm ~ steady and true.

C.C was my purebred White Angora I lost to cancer on 10/22/05 at age 13~ A Big Gentle yet Oddly Eccentric Creature ~Through his congenital deaf ness ~He brought an innocent joy to my life and light to my heart

I also adopted an 8 yr old Burmese named Samantha who led me back into my own room ~ still a stranger to me ~ she sweetly gives peace to Amber's final days spent there and lights my way to see in the darkness of the spaces that my precious CC has left behind.
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Pamela
post May 7 2005, 10:54 AM
Post #8





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 496
Joined: 6-November 04
From: Lynden, Wa
Member No.: 548



Kathryn,
I have always been able to relate to what you are feeling. After Moose was gone, I could not sleep in my room anymore, my cuddle bug was gone, the room where he and Gato slept all day waiting for me to get home from work.
I spent a good 3 months on the couch, I had lost my job too. Then I moved into my spare bedroom for the rest of the time. It was crippling for me to even walk into the main bedroom.
When I first got my boy's ashes back I put him in the living room by the couch, not for long though, I had to put them in the bedroom because every time I looked at him it broke me up. I could not look at his pic's either, I put all my reminders in that room. But it didn't work... I remember talking to Ann about that...this was a huge thing that she helped me through, then I finally came to a place I could post Moose on my avatar...but that took awhile. Now I have his pic's but I can't look to long at them.
So I let the rental go...and now I would give anything to have my own home again and not have to stay with friends. I am ashamed of myself for going so far down and not being able to stop myself, I have never experienced grief like this.
I've had a rough week here, the fact of not being able to be there as he took his last breath will always haunt me, the time in his life he needed me most.
Do you have a spare bedroom? I found that it helped me and it was much better than that couch. I also changed the atmosphere as much as I could, like E-angel said. I went through my house and got rid of so much...I let go of material things that I had held onto so tight...this was a deep lesson for me as far as changing my priorities.
I am learning to let go...because it is the wrong kind of treasures to store up (materially speaking) I still have to work on letting go of the spirit of My Moose, I haven't come to that place yet. I just want to encourage you to hang in there, and hopefully that room will become a place of solace for you and you will be able to embrace the memory, that is my wish for you........and me. wub.gif Pamela


--------------------
Moose, you were a gift for my heart and my soul. I am so thankful to have had you. I love you forever My Mooser.1995-2004
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