First time posting on this site, thanks God I've found it. Cindy, my gorgeous, soft, mummy's girl, was diagnosed with renal failure on Friday, we'd initially taken her to the vets because she was off her food and just wasn't herself. After two courses of antibiotics to solve the supposed "upset stomach" they ran a full blood scan. From the moment I realised Cindy was sick I called in sick at work, so that I could spend more time with her. On Friday morning my husband woke me, in tears, saying that the vet had just got in touch with the results from the tests, Cindy has renal failure. This was made all the worse for us, if that's possibly, because it only seems like yesterday when we lost our other baby, Kim, to cancer, although it was three years ago.

I telephoned the vet to ask her advice and she said that it would be best if we brought Cindy down straight away, which we did. . The vet has told us there's a very slim chance that she may come back, I wanted to ask if Cindy was going through any pain, but I was too upset, I wanted to say well if there's only a slim chance would it be fairer on Cindy if we put her to sleep....but I didn't, I asked what we could do. Thankfully we've just been sent a credit card, which I activated on Thursday, I don't know what we would have done if we'd have not had it.

Complications occurred, Cindy would have to be kept in for at least 48 hours, and there would be no one there on Sunday, so we had to take Cindy, complete with drip, to another vets, about an hours drive away. Once there we had to say goodbye to her yet again, she climbed slowly into her new home and initially turned away from me when I went to kiss her goodbye, although the she later kissed me too.

I've called the vet, yesterday and today, today I was told that Cindy's not improved, and she's depressed, tomorrow they're going to take more blood, which will tell us if the drip and medication has done any good. I'm so scared, I want to see her so much, but the vet has said it wouldn't be a good idea, we're both waiting at home, knowing what she's going through, we cann't eat or sleep at the thought of her being alone and depressed....she's been there for us for eight wonderful years, I cann't begin to describe how much we miss her, I just want her back so much.

I've got to go into work on Monday, the day when the results are due in, and I honestly don't know how I'm going to cope, how can I go into work when my Baby is all alone and poorly.......I keep thinking I sound selfish, but it's not me I'm thinking about, Cindy is all I'm able to think about, her suffering, her pain, her lonliness. I'm so scared for getting these results, I know with Kim they telephoned us and told us that she had cancer and there was nothing we could do, the best thing would be to put her to sleep, we couldn't say goodbye, but with Cindy I think the decision is going to rest with us and we're going to go to the vets to say our goodbyes, and I'm besides myself at the prospect.

Any support, anything, please help me through this because I'm finding it so hard.

Thank you

Nicky

Oh dear. I am SO very sorry for what you are going through. I completely understand. I just had to put my kitty cat to sleep this week. I know how you feel about not wanting to go to work. My kitty got sick a couple years ago and the vet had a very difficult time figuring out what was wrong. I had to leave her overnight several days and it broke my heart. Then she got sick again with cancer. This time it was untreatable. I wish I could offer words of comfort. I know you must be feeling "numb" and finding it hard to concentrate on anything. Please just know that you are not alone. If you would like to email me, please feel free. Remember that your baby Cindy will always love you and will be with you in spirit always, no matter what happens. Love, Laurie

Laurie, thank you so much for your support, and I'm so sorry for your loss, you're right, it's so hard to find words to comfort anyone when they're faced with something like this.....just knowing that there are other people out there who understand helps.

We got the telephone call we've been dreading this morning, I'd just got up as the telephone rang. The vet had taken another blood tests and it showed that Cindy's kidneys weren't improving. We, my husband, two stepsons and myself, all went to see her. As soon as she saw us she got up and wagged her tail, we were all crying and I didn't think that I could make the decision, but then she came over to me and buried her head between my lap and arms, she stayed that way for a good five minutes. Cindy hated more than anything else, having her eyes covered, I think she thought she was missing out on something. I knew when she did that that it was time to say goodbye.

I've been reading this site for a couple of days and I didn't believe I would go into "auto" mode, but I did, even though a part of me was dying, another part, the over riding part, knew that our time was over, and I sat there, with my husband, and held her as she died. I know at one point, about half way through the injection, when she started struggling, I cried out "oh god no", but I was being selfish, wanting my baby back so much. She fell asleep at 1/2 to 12 GMT, lying in our arms.

I've not cried all morning, typing the has made me cry, I know that in the coming days and weeks I'll probably do a lot more, I miss her so much already, and it's only just hitting home, I feel as though half of my insides have been cut out, but I'll pray for her, and I'll know that Kim will be there to show her around Rainbow Bridge.

Always and forever Cindy's mom

Nicky,

I know how hard it is to make the decision for them. But I think in some ways, they help us with that. We think it is all us, but they let us know -- like Cindy did when she covered her head in your lap...

I know the past few days have been terrible for you, and you are going to miss Cindy so much. But it does get easier with time.

Love,
Jennifer

Hi Nicky
I didn’t know about auto mode, when I thought of the vet putting a needle near Jude my instincts were that of punching him or at least hitting out at him to stop him.

But I guess that the spirit within us remembers how wonderful it is over there and knows that our precious darlings should be there not suffering here on earth, if only we could remember but I guess if we could we would all be jumping off bridges or under buses.

Remember not to hide your tears from you stepsons, and all support each other when the tears have to flow.

Lots of love
Sue

Nicky,
I am very sorry about your loss. Please know that everyone here knows and understands your pain first hand. You made the most loving and courageous decision of your life. Kim and Cindy are frolicking painlessly at the Rainbow's Brige-where they will wait to be with you again. Hopefully, they are playing with my Tay-Tay and Mama's boy who are waiting for me. Hugs to you and yours.
Kimberly
***if i can only be with you in my dreams, then i want to sleep forever***
Tay and Mama's boy-thanks for the butterflies...it really helps.

Thank you for your support, you've no idea how much it means to me right now All day yesterday I kept counting off how long Cindy had been on the bridge, hoping she wasn't lonely, hoping that she'd found lots of friends, because she was a pretty nervous dog! I know she will have done, but I remember so well how she wouldn't interact with other dogs after Kim, she always hid behind me. The thought of her, all mended, with Kim and all her other new friends, is so comforting, I know, when I eventually start to heal, this will be in my dreams always.

You're right Jennifer, I guess Cindy was saying her goodbyes to me, even now I cann't stop thinking about her burying her head, at all. She was so good to me, and us, through her short life, and she kept it up to the very end.....we were truly blessed.

I'm finding it so hard remembering anything but the very end, everytime I close my eyes she's there in our arms all over again...it's so hard, I wish we'd had more time, I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish......

Our Baby

Nicky,

I myself went through the same thing as you did with my cat just 4 weeks ago. My guy (over on the left) went into renal failure and I did whatever was necessary to keep him alive - for nearly 2 weeks, his condition went from being better one day, to horrible the next. Even though my bill was nearing the $4,000 mark, I never gave up hope that Kudi would get better. However, after a blood transfusion, Kudi just looked like he was done trying and that's when I completely broke down and knew it was time. The vet told me that no matter how much money I spent, Kudi would not make it. My main concern was that I didn't want Kudi to die alone in his cage by himself, so I made the horrible decision to let him go because I felt he was starting to suffer. Honestly, I am still somewhat haunted regarding that day because when the injection was made into his catheder, Kudi struggled too! Not violently or anything like that, but he showed enough strength that I often wonder if I did make the right decision or not....I guess I'll never know but I do feel somewhat better now knowing that Kudi is no longer in pain and he's in a better place now.

I guess the part that just breaks my heart is at the exact moment that the injection was made and after some stuggling as I mentioned above, Kudi looked me in the eye, rubbed his head on my face and meowed one final time like he was saying goodbye to me, then he layed his head on my arm one final time - he was gone. One thing that struck me as rather odd is that after he passed away, he had this look on his face like he saw something, or felt something right before he died - it had to have been something good because I have not seen that look on his face since one time when he was just a baby 13 years ago.....I often wonder if he saw that "bridge".......I'm just glad I was with him when he was born, and when he died. Over the past 4 weeks, the unbearable pain has turned to good thoughts even though I will always carry around a hole in my heart because I miss him so much.

Trust me, I believe you did the right thing and I think Cindy was expressing her love to you and your family because she too knew it was time for her move on to her new life - you'll all be together again someday soon!

My best to you and your family.

Tony in Phoenix

Thank you so much for your support, Tony, Kudi looks gorgeous, how blessed we were.....

I feel the same, knowing Cindy is no longer in pain, I do miss her, I don't think there'll be a day goes by without me thinking of her, but I could tell how much this disease had taken out of her.

I often wonder, maybe the struggling is because they've seen the bridge and want to get there?

Thank you, again, and take care to you and yours.

Nicky

You know, you could be right about the bridge, must be a special place.....can't wait to see it someday to re-claim my best friend.