Help, I Am So Sad. Options

[BabyHenry]

My baby and very best friend Henry died suddenly 3 days ago right in front of me with no warning (he was not sick, that I knew of). He was a beautiful orange kitty that we rescued when he was probably about 6 months old, ten years ago.
He has been with me ever since, through some very hard and some very happy times in my life. He was a special cat and fantastic friend, always ready to sit with me and "talk".
I loved him so much and am literally in physical pain from losing him. He died in my arms in my bed at 9:30 at night and my husband almost had to pry his body from my arms - I could not let go,
and part of me still wishes I could hold him one more time. I loved him so much.

I simply do not know what to do my grief is so powerful. I feel like I am going crazy and I can't stop weeping.
At work, I try and act normal but just sit at my desk with tears running down my face.

[Rockyboy]

Im so sorry to hear about the loss of your Henry. The pain of losing an animal is like nothing else and whilst i know there's nothing I can say that will make it any better just know that there are others who are going through it too. I lost my boy close to two months ago and things I do to help cope with the pain a little is talk about him on here as well as write to him in a journal I've dedicated to him. Do you have any pictures of your Henry? I'd love to see them

[moon_beam]

Hi, BabyHenry, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Henry. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion suddenly intensifies the grief.

BabyHenry, please permit me to try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very normal. This grief journey is one of the hardest experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that cannot be reconciled in a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" to endure. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in your own way and in your own time - - with the reassurance you are not alone but rather are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Clinical professionals now recognize that the grief journey for the physical loss of a beloved companion is the same as for the loss of a human family or friend. When our companions come into our hearts and homes, our lives are changed for the better. They give to us their unconditional love and undivided attention, and we in turn surrender ourselves to them without reservation and without fear of rejection. They literally become the center of our universe as they are totally dependent upon us for their every physical and emotional need. We live in a physically oriented world governed by the 5 senses of sight, sound, taste, touch and smell. Every time they rub against us, touch us, lick / kiss us they are chemically imprinting themselves onto us so that they can identify us from all the other millions of people on this planet. When our companions precede us to the angels, scientific studies confirm that we literally go through a chemical withdrawal from this chemical imprint, and this is one of the many reasons why this grief journey is very painful both emotionally and physically. And yes - - during the deep grief we can begin to feel as though we are losing our minds from the sorrow.

One of the many difficult challenges we endure when we are grieving for a loved one - - whoever the life form - - is having to put on the "public face" only to have it crack, and shatter, from the strain of our deepest sorrow. I remember so well being thankful for the privacy of the restroom at work where I could retreat to regain my composure so that I could go back to my desk to resume my work. And I remember getting into the car to drive home and the dam of gut-wrenching tears breaking and flowing uncontrollably all the way home. Even when there are other precious companions remaining in the home who need our love and attention, there is the deafening sound of silence because the physical energy of a beloved companion is no longer present. And even the remaining precious companions grieve for the physical absence of their housemate.

Each of us here can so identify with how you are feeling when you share with us: "He died in my arms in my bed at 9:30 at night and my husband almost had to pry his body from my arms - I could not let go, and part of me still wishes I could hold him one more time." Many of us here, including me, have found it helpful to hold a blanket, toy, collar - - something that belongs only to our beloved companion - - when the ache to hold them is more than what we can bear. No, it isn't the same as holding our beloved companion's sweet precious physical body, but it does help to bridge the emptiness especially during the very deep grief. And I promise you, BabyHenry, that one day when you least expect it the very deep pain and sorrow you are feeling now will ease, and you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and your heart will fill with the warmth of the many treasured memories you and your beloved Henry share.

In the midst of your deep sorrow there is one thing that will never change -- the eternal love you and your beloved Henry share. Love is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Henry's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will for he is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Henry with us. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of him with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, BabyHenry, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[BabyHenry]

Thank you for you kind notes. It's been a week, a week that was pretty hard. Who would think you could love a creature that didn't talk so much? Right now, I feel very sad but have less physicality to my grief. I'm so afraid I will forget something about him though or even forget how much I loved him and how it felt like he loved me back.

I know it's simple and chidlish to say, but I just wish with all my heart, that he was still here.

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[SilNickCal]

What a beautiful baby.....I am sooo sorry for your loss.

I too, lost 2 of my best friends, one in April and one last June...........

Let yourself cry.....It's OK.....Tears are a way of releasing the intense pain.

I am sad for you, and you are not alone..

Hugs!!

[Rockyboy]

Oh what a handsome boy. And I completely relate to your fear of forgetting some detail. One thing I found which helped a bit for me was to make a scrapbook with my boys pictures and some memories of him...I don't think you could ever forget the love you had for him or him for you though. I would give anything to have my boy back with me- i don't think it's childish at all /bighugs

[moon_beam]

Hi, BabyHenry, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing and this wonderful picture of your beloved Henry. He is so very blessed to have you for his Forever Mom, and you are very blessed to be his sole - - and soul - - heir to his eternal love.

I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Henry's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[BabyHenry]

It helps, I guess, to read other people's notes about their pets here too. I am still feeling very sad but I think my family is getting annoyed with me for not "bouncing back", so I can really only cry in my car to and from work. I just really miss him. I believe I'll see him again, but I would rather have had him here for a few more years.

[JaxForeverMissed]

I'm sorry that people are annoyed of your sorrow. Sometimes pets don't get the same treatment as people in terms of how long others thing you should mourn. Take as long as you need to while trying to take care of yourself. Make sure you can get some rest and good nutrition. Hugs.

[Grizzly]

Hello, my beautiful baby griz (big black cat who acted like a dog), passed suddenly on June 8th. I was in so much pain, we all can relate to. I was hyperventilating and seeked out this sight for help as the days went on. Today I am finally able to breath and now the depression has hit. My few friends to think I should be ok now and it makes me sick, I just want to recluse from everyone. But the reason I wrote on this post is to share my sympathy for Henry, and moon beams reply was very special. I would like to leave these words, just insert he rise name. I put it on my grizzly's urn. It made complete sense of why his passing was so devastating.

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[moon_beam]

Hi, BabyHenry, please permit me to add my comfort, support, and encouragement to you as you continue to travel your grief adjustment journey. Although clinical professionals recognize that the grief journey for a companion is the same as for a human family member or friend, sadly our society in general and sometimes the people who are closest to us do not. And not having the comfort and understanding from the people who are the closest to us emotionally and geographically adds to the intensity of our sorrow at a time when we are the most vulnerable emotionally.

Please know there are no "expiration dates" here, BabyHenry - - we are here for you, with you, and beside you for as long and as often as you need us as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

I hope today is treating you kindly, BabyHenry, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Henry's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[M.O.B]

I am so sorry about your loss. To lose a friend in such a manner is heatbreaking. I recently lost my best friend, and although my parents understand and are also grieving for him, i was told that it was time to "pick myself up" again and socialise with friends. Yet, whilst some of them have been supportive, others just dont get it. I dont want to push too much on the friends that are understanding of my grief because i dont know how far their understanding may go. I dont want to be told that i need to "buck up" because it seems to me that i am not entitled to grief for as long as necessary. All i want to do is cry and be away from people. If i lose friends because of this, then...they werent friends to begin with.

Henry looks like an awesome cat. You wont ever forget him. Even though it may make you cry, you probably remember all the weird minor things that he has done.

Mozart was my special friend. Now that he is gone, i just want him back. I miss him so much, i feel like something is missing, broken inside of me. I wish i had a few more years with him too.

I know that the lack of support from people may make you feel like you are on your own but you are not alone.

Hugs and best wishes to you.

[BabyHenry]

Thank you for your kind words. I'm sorry for the loss of Mozart - I read your story a few days ago and was crying along with you.
Sundays are hard (Henry died on Sunday night). Yesterday was the the third Sunday. I miss him so much, much like you describe the missing of Mozart. I wish I had something more cheerful to say!

Well, now I have to try to go to bed without my special cat friend, again. I hope you (and I) feel better soon!

[BabyHenry]

ACK! The weekend . . . another Sunday! Why is this so hard? It's been 19 days, and I feel like I am having some kind of relapse - I was kind of feeling better (less "punched in the stomach"), but now I am crying a lot again. Lot's of stuff reminds me of my little H.

[moon_beam]

Hi, BabyHenry, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Indeed, this grief adjustment journey is one filled with many ups and downs, twists and turns and turnarounds rather than a straight line from A to Z. The good news is that eventually the roller coaster of emotions will ease and you will begin to feel like you are regaining "control" of your feelings - - and life - - again. The important thing is allow yourself the opportunity to grieve openly for your beloved Henry as you need to - - even if you must find a private place to do it. Clinical professionals agree that it is very healthy to allow yourself oppportunities to release your grief rather than to suppress it.

I hope today is treating you kindly, BabyHenry, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Henry's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Snapdragon]

BabyHenry. I have been away for a couple of months. I just read your first post in early June. I am so, so, SO sorry for your loss! I understood every word you said! I FELT every word you said. I know exactly what you're saying. I lost Molly (who was also an orange tabby!) almost four months ago. At the time I lost Molly, I thought my world was ending. I loved her SO SO much. The pain was unbearable (you can read my posts). And there are SO many others who understand exactly what you're going through. It's a pain that is like none other and it takes you so by surprise. And it feels like nothing can help--the closest thing to help I got, that I felt made a difference, was coming her and connecting with others and writing about my feelings. Yes, there will be others who totally don't "get it"--not their fault, they just don't know. So just leave them be and seek out people who understand (here or in your world) to support you. It's been four months since I lost Molly and if I allow myself to really think about her, the pain can feel just as stabbing as early on. I knew how much I loved Molly, but I not prepared for how very, very painful her loss was. I probably will never have another pet because the pain was frighteningly deep, I just don't want to ever go through that again. But, I suppose on the positive side, I do get through my days. To the rest of the world I'm sure I look "normal," though I know on the inside I feel like my world will never be the same (and I'm in my 50's, so I have had my share of ups and downs in life, and I'm in a really good space in my life now, though the loss of Molly shook me to the core!). So hang in there. It's NOT easy. Come here for support. Henry was lucky to have such a loving mom!!

[Snapdragon]

Thank you for you kind notes. It's been a week, a week that was pretty hard. Who would think you could love a creature that didn't talk so much? Right now, I feel very sad but have less physicality to my grief. I'm so afraid I will forget something about him though or even forget how much I loved him and how it felt like he loved me back.

I know it's simple and chidlish to say, but I just wish with all my heart, that he was still here.

What a very, VERY handsome boy!! Reminds me so much of Molly. But gosh, yeah, I'd love that boy too!!!

[Katja]

Sorry about Henry, it's awful isn't it?

I am having to organise cremation for my dog so I can pay in advance as I think I will have to let her go soon and also tears are running down my face writing emails and looking at urns etc, even though she is still here.

[BabyHenry]

Sorry about Henry, it's awful isn't it?

I am having to organise cremation for my dog so I can pay in advance as I think I will have to let her go soon and also tears are running down my face writing emails and looking at urns etc, even though she is still here.

That's terrible. I'm so sorry. As hard as it was losing Henry as a surprise, I can imagine having to plan for it must be awful. Enjoy the time you have left with your dog. It may be painful now, but you will not regret it. I went away for four days the week before Henry died. I would give anything to have those 4 days back, so I could spend at least some of the time with him.

[BabyHenry]

BabyHenry. I have been away for a couple of months. I just read your first post in early June. I am so, so, SO sorry for your loss! I understood every word you said! I FELT every word you said. I know exactly what you're saying. I lost Molly (who was also an orange tabby!) almost four months ago. At the time I lost Molly, I thought my world was ending. I loved her SO SO much. The pain was unbearable (you can read my posts). And there are SO many others who understand exactly what you're going through. It's a pain that is like none other and it takes you so by surprise. And it feels like nothing can help--the closest thing to help I got, that I felt made a difference, was coming her and connecting with others and writing about my feelings. Yes, there will be others who totally don't "get it"--not their fault, they just don't know. So just leave them be and seek out people who understand (here or in your world) to support you. It's been four months since I lost Molly and if I allow myself to really think about her, the pain can feel just as stabbing as early on. I knew how much I loved Molly, but I not prepared for how very, very painful her loss was. I probably will never have another pet because the pain was frighteningly deep, I just don't want to ever go through that again. But, I suppose on the positive side, I do get through my days. To the rest of the world I'm sure I look "normal," though I know on the inside I feel like my world will never be the same (and I'm in my 50's, so I have had my share of ups and downs in life, and I'm in a really good space in my life now, though the loss of Molly shook me to the core!). So hang in there. It's NOT easy. Come here for support. Henry was lucky to have such a loving mom!!

Thank you for you kind words. Your Molly was beautiful!