Almost A Year We Said Goodbye

It is coming up on a year that I had to have my precious kitty euthanized. The worst day of my life. 16 years we spent together. She was with us last Thanksgiving but we had to say goodbye Dec. 9. I finally figured out I have no choice but to come to terms with this. But..have I really? I don't know. I know the sadness does fade somewhat and I have my other 3 kitties who help me through ( they are so wonderful and make me laugh so much , they are my world ) and I don't cry as often but I worry because I know I will probably have to experience it again. I am having a down day. I am so sorry for all of you going through this surreal experience.

Thank you for listening,

Hugs...Kimi

4 Months & Still Grieving

Hi Everyone,

I am new here but I have visited this site for many weeks now and feel that I know so many of you. What wonderful , compassionate people! How I have cried and would like to tell my story now. I had to say goodbye to my beautiful furbaby Ayla after 16 years on Dec. 9, 2004. 4 mos. now. Just like all of you I feel o.k. and then oh boy here it comes again, the tears, the guilt, the what if I had done this or that and so on....and I want her home with me again. I want to take care of her again.

Well, we noticed Ayla was a little off balance a year ago last Sept. When we took her to the doc he put her on an antibiotic and we thought soon everything would be o.k. and it was. Then Jan. came and my husband yelled to me while I was still in bed saying that something was wrong with Ayla. She was turning in circles and crying, falling down and all I could think of was stroke. We got in her in that morning to her vet and he was sure she just had an ear infection and more antibiotics. This was the beginning of series of problems with my girl. Vestibular disease is what was finally determined along with kidney, liver failure. My poor girl lost her hearing. We took her to OSU Vet. Hospital here in Columbus, Ohio. A bad experience!! They wanted to put her under anesthesia and a series of tests which due to her organs failing and the advice of our vet we did not do. I had researched this vestibular disease and I think I knew more than the vets did at this point. When I called OSU to ask about another antibiotic which would not give her diarrhea they did not even remember seeing my girl ( this was the next day) .

She did not have a good year after this. I think now that my girl had a brain tumor due to her personality change in the last year she was with us which will sometimes show the same symptoms. She cried all the time our last year and the only thing that made her feel better was food which was quite the opposite of some animals that are sick. She always fooled us. Sometimes she would sit at the top of the stairs and look down at me on the couch and just stare at me. It was so eerie and I told my husband that she was pleading with me to help her. I knew she was pleading with me!! How could I help her! I loved her so much but I couldn't help her anymore.

The day came when she wouldn't groom herself anymore. She felt like crap! I tried to help groom her by cutting off these mats of fur that she couldn't groom anymore. I probably made her feel worse ( I know I did)



Then, we thought she was gaining weight (denial) only to find out she had fluid buildup in her stomach.

Anyway, after her last blood test our new vet (which I love to pieces) said... what I need to think of... am I extending her death or am I extending her life. When I decide that then I will know and then I knew. But then the denial set in again... and then the dreaded phone call ... How do you make a phone call to end your babie's life? and then ....

I have to go now..
Love to all and my heart and soul is with all of you who have lost a furbaby. We are ONE!

Kim