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lilysmommy
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Joined: 17-September 14
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Last Seen: 18th September 2014 - 09:34 AM
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lilysmommy

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17 Sep 2014
Unfortunately my baby pug Lily passed away yesterday. I'm still in shock and can't really believe she's gone. I keep thinking I'm going to go home from work tonight and see her little wagging tail greeting me at the door. She was just shy of 5 months old (she would have been 5 months tomorrow), and I barely had her for 3 months. Honestly it's hard to believe that a little animal could touch my heart and change my life so much in those 2 1/2 months, but she did. She had a crazy huge personality, and a stubbornness that could almost match mine. She was my little princess.

While I was at work yesterday my mom had her and my other dog playing outside, all of a sudden she started favouring her paw, so my mom brought her inside. By the time they came inside she was limp. My mom called my vets office as my baby vomited her breakfast. They told her to bring her in, and she was still limp when they got there. Apparently she still managed a little tail wag when she saw her vet however (whom she loved dearly). They found a stinger in her foot, and from there began treating her for anaphylactic shock. At this point my mother had gotten a hold of me, but I couldn't leave work until my lunch, which was 20 minutes away, so I told her to keep me posted. The vets office had her on an IV and steroids, but nothing was helping, so my vet told my mom to take her to the animal emergency clinic where they might have more to help her. At this point I could finally leave work so I told my mom I would meet her at emerg. By the time I got there they already had her in and were doing CPR on her as she had gone into cardiac arrest. After what seemed like hours, the doctor came in and told us she didn't make it.

I was in a numb state of shock for the entire 30 minute car ride home. I held her little limp body the whole way home, and couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my face. When we got home I just sat down on the kitchen floor with her. I knew my other dog needed to sniff her to know she was gone, but I couldn't let her go. I held her for as long as I could, but she when she got too stiff and cold I had to put her down, I didn't want my last memory to be of a cold little puppy.

Today I'm back at work, and it's taking all I can to not break down crying. I'm definitely experiencing all the typical guilt emotions, sadness, loss, guilt. I just wish I had left work earlier and got to see her alive one last time, that will be my biggest guilt, and it this point, it feels like a guilt that will haunt me forever. I've never grieved well, and it definitely does not help that I wasn't there when she passed, and that this was my first dog (like I bought her and she was mine as opposed to a family dog). I just want to grieve properly so I can reach I point where I look back with a happiness and cherish the time we spent together, because honestly she changed my life so much in those 2 1/2 months.

I guess what I'm looking for on this site is just knowing that a) I'm not alone, and cool.gif this will pass, there will come a day where my heart doesn't feel completely shattered. Also if anyone has any tips on grieving methods that work for them that would be great. I know everyone grieves differently, but I don't know how I grieve and I'd like to try anything.
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17 Sep 2014 - 15:37

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