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> Meet Lexi
Kaiasmom
post Jun 25 2012, 09:36 AM
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After losing my beloved black lab, Kaia, I didn't know how I was going to deal with it. It will be 7 weeks on Wednesday. I have been going back and forth about whether to add a new puppy, if Kona would be accepting, if I was ready.

I realized I would never know unless I tried, so yesterday I took Kona and my mom to meet 3 female yellow lab puppies. I went with no expectations, I just wanted to gauge my own reaction and also see how Kona would do. The three girls were very cute if course but very different personalities. One was bigger and seemed to be the alpha, one was very curious and active, and the last was more reserved and quiet. At first we liked the bigger but decided an alpha might rub Kona the wrong way later. Kona is not super active so we thought that puppy might bother Kona too much and she'd get aggressive. The calmer one was very sweet and tried to play with Kona but was respectful and my mom really liked her fur, so after almost 2 hours with all of them, we decided on her.

Kona was pretty indifferent to them, we were in a new neighborhood so she was more focused on the sights and sounds of that and not the puppies for most of it. When they did come up to her she was nice and never growled, barked or tried to nip them.

It's only been one night but Kona seems to be ok. My cats on the other hand are not taking it so well. They are curious but are keeping their distance. I know it will be a lot of work, but I'm up to the challenge and the distraction.
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Kaiasmom
post Jun 25 2012, 09:55 AM
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LoveMyMickey
post Jun 25 2012, 10:52 AM
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Hello Little Lexi,

You are the sweetest and cuddliest little puppy. You are beautiful. I bet your siblings will accept you in no time.

Kaiasmom, Congratulations on finding a new puppy! I think she is just perfect. Yes, puppies are a lot of work but they are worth it......God Bless you and your household of sweet furbabies.

LoveMyMickey


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"Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."
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Kaiasmom
post Jun 25 2012, 12:40 PM
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Thanks LoveMyMickey. It's going to be quite different in my house for awhile. But she really is a sweet puppy.
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moon_beam
post Jun 25 2012, 01:25 PM
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Hi, Stacy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious Kona are doing. And may I add my sincerest CONGRATULATIONS on your new family member, Lexi. What a sweet little girl she is, and I can see in her eyes why your heart is drawn to her. I know this has been a challenging decision for you, but it is one that YOU made and I know you and your precious Kona will be just fine, along with your feline companions. May you, your precious Kona, and your new baby girl Lexi, and all of your companions, have a long, healthy, and happy earthly journey together.

Thank you so much for sharing your new family member with us, Stacy. I hope this finds you, your precious Kona, your baby girl Lexi, your feline companions, and all of your family doing well and in good spirits. Please know you and your precious fur tribe are in my thoughts and prayers, and I look forward to knowing how each of you are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Kaiasmom
post Jun 25 2012, 06:34 PM
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Thank you Moonbeam. You more than anyone know of the struggle I was having. I honestly didn't expect to get a puppy yesterday, I had even told the woman that I wanted to think about it and call her today, knowing I wasn't sure if it would be a good idea. Especially after watching Kona want nothing to do with them. But my mom thought for sure I would really want one later and kick myself for not just taking one home then, so we decided to just do it.

Now that I have her home with us, it's been hard. It's only been a day, but my cats don't want to come out of my room. The girl has been curious but won't come more than a foot away. The boy has been hiding under my bed, he will come out to the sound of my voice but won't come into the main room where the puppy is. I don't really count my mom's cat as she doesn't like anyone.

I'm most concerned about Kona's reaction, at the puppy's house and now here. She is not mean at all to Lexi, but she also doesn't want anything to do with her. Lexi has been missing her siblings, whimpering and even tried curling up with Kona a few times but within seconds, Kona got up and moved. And when the puppy comes to sniff her face or paws, Kona moves away. When Kona comes near Lexi, Lexi wags her tail but not the other way around.

I hate to say it but I wish I'd listened to you more about making sure it was right. Was Kona's reaction when meeting the puppies my sign that she didn't need anyone else? She seems to be acting exactly the way she was before the puppy came. That what I thought was such a good idea is now the worst idea. I worry that me even thinking about all the things that are going wrong are making things worse. My mom says we just need to give it time, but what if it doesn't change.

It's not Lexi's fault, she is such a sweet puppy, wants attention, and all the things I know I wanted, but at what price to the rest of my fur kids. I'm probably making too much out of it and just need to relax. But I worry that I made the wrong decision.
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DannysMom
post Jun 25 2012, 06:43 PM
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Hi Stacy, your little Lexi is so cute! I like her gentle eyes. Introducing a new fur kid into the household can be upsetting to the other fur kids. It's a change, and it takes time for your cats and Kona to get used to Lexi. I think their reactions are quite normal. The cats will get used to the new family member in time. Give them about a week or two. Kona is probably still grieving over Kaia, so give her some time as well. Maybe give Lexi a separate area to sleep an play in for a while. I think your Mom is right. Please don't give up too soon. Your Lexi looks like a "keeper" to me! smile.gif


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Danny: March 4, 2001 - December 28, 2011
Tina: October 27, 1997 - April 28, 2012


To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.
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Kaiasmom
post Jun 25 2012, 11:22 PM
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Lexi went for her first vet visit tonight. Everything went great and the vet thinks she's healthy, cute and will be a nice size lab. We talked about my concerns and she agreed with everyone that it will take time and that I should not feel so frustrated.

Thank you all for your helpful and comforting words, they mean a lot.
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moon_beam
post Jun 26 2012, 11:22 AM
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Hi, Stacy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I hope this finds you, your precious Kona, your baby girl Lexi, and all your precious furkids doing well and in reasonably good spirits.

Please let me add my words of support and encouragement to DannysMom and your vet that it will take time for your precious Kona and feline companions to adjust to this new change. Remember, your and their lives were changed when Kaia joined the angels. Now your lives are changed again with a new furchild. Each change causes an adjustment to the family dynamics, and when there is already stress - - the new change - - however positive -- is another ingredient added to the stress levels.

A puppy requires a lot of care, and of course your sweet Lexi is going to want to cuddle up with Kona. Dogs are social by nature, particularly when they are puppies. Kona, on the other hand is older and looks to you now for her comfort and care. She may initially perceive Lexi as an "intruder" into her space - - hence the walking away. Kona may also view Lexi's attention that she needs right now as diminishing the attention you give to her. It is important that you spend quality time with Kona letting her know that Lexi is NOT a replacement for Kaia - - or her - - but IS a new family member who needs her guidance and loving attention. Spend time with the both of them together, keeping Kona in the "sub-alpha" position next to you as much as possible - - keeping in mind that YOU are always the Alpha "pack leader." For now Lexi needs to be kept in the "subordinate" position when you share time with both Kona and Lexi. This does not mean that you can't spend any private quality time with Lexi. This is important as well for her emotional and physical development. It's a "tightrope" act for sure right now, but I have every confidence you will do just fine.

Another "ingredient" in this mix is that Kona and Kaia were natural siblings, and had the chemical scent of one another for identification. Lexi is a "stranger" - - totally - - so it's going to take time for Kona to "identify" with Lexi and "accept" her into the family unit. As for your feline companions, they, too, need some extra encouragement that everything is okay with Lexi joining the family unit.
Patience, understanding, and love will go a long way in settling into your "new normal."

Of course what I have shared with you sounds so simple, and from personal experience I know this is far from true. However, I hope what I have shared with you will offer you encouragement and support as you establish a new family unit, Stacy. The "comfort zone" you shared with Kona and Kaia is forever changed, and now you are embarking on a journey of establishing a new "comfort zone" with Kona, your feline companions, and Lexi. This is an exciting time in your and your precious companions' lives, but it is also stressful. Please know each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope today is treating you, your precious Kona, your feline companions, your baby girl Lexi, and all your family kindly, Stacy. Please know you and your precious fur tribe are in my thoughts and prayers, and I look forward to knowing how each of you are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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LoveMyMickey
post Jun 26 2012, 11:26 AM
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Hi Stacy,

I hope everything is going better today. I have watched animal trainers on Animal Planet tv....They tell the owners to be more relaxed around their pets while working with them. Also if you could give Kona a treat when Lexi gets close to her, then Kona will idenify Lexi as something good. (Just a thought)...It still takes time........I'm glad Lexi's vet visit went well and that she is healthy.....She is a cutie pie......

LoveMyMickey


--------------------
"Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."
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Kaiasmom
post Jun 26 2012, 12:56 PM
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Thank you for your words of support and checking on us. After a rough night of her crying in her crate things are better this morning. Lexi came and laid in between Kona and I and they were touching just a little, but Kona did not get up. Kona has tried to play with her a little, but it hasn't worked so well mostly because of the size difference. My boy cat ventured out into our main room for awhile this morning and was watching Lexi from our table and the counters, all while she was sleeping of course. Zoe is still curious.

I got to take Kona for her regular morning walk and I know that will help her by keeping our routine.

The treat thing sounds like a good idea, I will try it.

I keep them both in the main room with me, but if my mom is home I try to take Kona into the other part of the house and leave Lexi with my mom, to give Kona a break. That way my mom can bond with Lexi too, especially since she'll be the home with them when I go back to work. At night Lexi sleeps in a crate in my room and Kona gets the bed with me or she lays in the hallway right outside my room.
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moon_beam
post Jun 26 2012, 03:29 PM
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Hi, Stacy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you, your precious furkids, and all your family are doing. I'm so glad today has been a better one for you and your furkids. Just remember one day at a time - - sometimes one moment at a time. Celebrate the good moments, and take 10 deep breaths when chaos and panic seem to prevail. And always remember we are here for you, Stacy.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Kaiasmom
post Jun 27 2012, 07:30 PM
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I feel so bad writing this but I can't get over the feeling that getting Lexi was not a good idea. It's been so stressful and caused so much discontent in the house among my other animals. Kona is tolerant but still acts as if she's not even here. Kona started chasing Lexi around the backyard this morning, playing like she used to with her sister, but I think Lexi was more scared than playful. I also made the mistake of giving Kona a treat that takes a little bit to eat while Lexi was eating her mid-day meal, well Lexi finished early and it was all I could do to keep her away from Kona and Kona was not happy to have her try and get her treat. I should have given it to Kona in another room. The cats still won't come out of the back of the house, which is bad for my mom's cat because she's supposed to eat mostly wet food and she usually gets fed in the kitchen.

There's just so much change going on and I'm not handling it well. I was unsure when we were meeting the puppies and I knew it but I let my heart and my mom change my mind. Now it's been so many days and we've already gone to the vet to get shots, given her flea meds and heartgard, I don't think calling the breeder to discuss it would be a possibility. I even signed up for puppy classes next month that I found out this morning are non-refundable.

I feel like such a horrible person for saying/doing this to an innocent puppy, but I just feel stuck. My mom is trying to help but she has minor health issues and right now she's on vacation, so it's just me for a few days. Plus, it's hard for me to talk about with her because she feels like it's her fault. I just don't see it getting better. I know it takes time, but I don't know if I can handle it. I feel like it's only going to get worse, if the cats can't handle a puppy they certainly aren't going to like a bigger dog as she gets older. And I feel like it's always going to be a competition between the dogs too.

I don't know what I was thinking. I feel so stupid. I have never felt like giving up a pet before, that's why I still have a lizard after 6 years that I got as a gift, but it's different this time. I'm not really bonding with Lexi either as I can't turn my mind off and Kona is around so I feel like she's going to be jealous or feel unloved.

It's such a mess, I'm crying all the time because of how I feel, and I don't know what to do.
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DannysMom
post Jun 27 2012, 07:49 PM
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Stacy, my heart goes out to you. I know from my own experience how difficult it can be adopting so soon after a beloved fur baby's death. Please don't give up! With cats it really can take some time, just give them a few more weeks to adapt and adjust. It IS a big change for you and your fur tribe, but I really do think that Lexi deserves a chance. She looks like such a sweet dog, and in time she will become good friends with Kona. I know your nerves must be so frazzled and this is a lot to handle, so please just take it one day at a time and be patient and loving with all your babies. Maybe you are expecting too much at this early stage.

It is quite normal that you haven't bonded with Lexi yet. You are still grieving, and bonding takes time. It may take a few months before you will establish a bond with Lexi. Please don't give up! I too felt that I had made a mistake when I adopted Shelley, my little calico cat. All I could see was Tina, and I had the image of Tina firmly fixed in my mind. But now, after two months I am getting quite attached to my little Shelley. Please hang in there. It will be worth it! smile.gif

Hugs,
DannysMom


--------------------
Danny: March 4, 2001 - December 28, 2011
Tina: October 27, 1997 - April 28, 2012


To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.
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Kaiasmom
post Jun 27 2012, 08:09 PM
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Thank you Dannysmom for responding so quickly. I have never felt like this before, and never thought it would be this hard. I know I say it and I'm outwardly thinking it, but I also know that I could never give her up. I would always worry about her getting a new home that she deserved. That'a also why I feel so stuck. Knowing I probably never should have gotten her in the first place and at the same time knowing I could never give her up now.

I think I am expecting too much too soon. But I don't know how not to. I am a person that worries by nature and have been labeled a "pleaser" in the past so it makes it that much worse when things don't work out and everyone (including animals) are not happy.

I've never dealt with this situation before. My first dog was an only dog and then I got the sisters. They were supposed to live their full lives together and I was going to have them be my last dogs. If Kaia was still here I wouldn't be dealing with any of this. I should have given myself more time and I truly think now Kona would've been ok as an only dog. I just wish I trusted my instincts and listened to the people who told me to wait.

It just happened so fast. And I know if I had not gotten her that night and took a day to think about it, like I told the breeder and my mom I wanted to, I wouldn't have. But now she's here and she is a sweet, adorable dog, I feel like I have to make it work. I'm just so afraid it won't.
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Kaiasmom
post Jun 28 2012, 12:03 AM
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So after actually having a good play session between Kona and Lexi out in the backyard Lexi found a bee and got stung right under her nose!!

I swear I hate bees. Went to the vet, she couldn't believe it either. I haven't even had her 3 days. Lexi is ok, benadryl and steriod shots just in case and the vet worried she might have scabies so gave me Revolution every 2 weeks for 3 doses.

If anything good came out of it, I was the only one there, since it was so late, so I got to talk to one of the vet techs I really like and we talked about all my concerns and issues with everything. She agreed I just need to give it time and told me it all sounded normal and I wasn't doing anything wrong. The animals will work it out.

Thank you all for your concern and helpful comments. I don't know what I'd do without you.
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moon_beam
post Jun 28 2012, 02:27 PM
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Hi, Stacy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you, your precious Kona, your baby girl Lexi, and your feline companions are doing. I am sooooo sorry you are feeling so stressed right now, but I agree with DannysMom and your vet tech that things WILL smoothe out for you and all of your furkids in time. Once again, try to remember to take one day at a time - - sometimes one moment at a time. Celebrate the good moments, and take 10 deep breaths when chaos and panic seem to prevail.

I hope today is treating you, your precious Kona, your baby girl Lexi, and your feline companions kindly, Stacy. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, that I look forward to knowing how you're doing, and that we are always here for you, Stacy.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Kaiasmom
post Jun 30 2012, 02:41 PM
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So after A LOT of thought, research, reading and getting advice I have decided it is best to take Lexi back to the breeder. I thank you for all your advice and thoughtful words but in the end I had to take into account all my fur kids feelings and the amount of time it would take to adjust, if it ever would happen. Lexi is a wonderful puppy and will make her next family very happy.

My original reason for adopting her was for Kona to have a companion and I know it takes time for animals to adapt to each other but Kona wasn't interested from the start and I knew better but hoped once we got the puppy home that it would get better. It has been an extremely stressful week of trying to make it work and hope that things would at least start to smoothe out.

I have never been the type to reconsider or give up on an animal, but I really feel like this is the best thing for the puppy, to give her the best chance at a good life. I don't want her to feel resented or to chance waiting in the hopes it gets better and then 6 months down the line it's still not and there's nothing I can do.

The breeder said she still had two puppies left, plus the mom dog is there, so she will have her family back for awhile. I hate having to change-up her life so much at such a young age, but I truly feel like this is the best decision for everyone involved.
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DannysMom
post Jun 30 2012, 04:41 PM
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Stacy, so sad to hear that you are giving up so quickly on Lexi. One week is really too early to tell, especially after you and your fur tribe have just gone through losing Kaia. The reactions you were getting from your cats and Kona were fairly normal, all things considered, and nothing to be alarmed about. Cats are naturally cautious. And Kona is probably still grieving, as are you. Maybe you were expecting too much too soon? Regardless of your decision, you need to keep in mind that should you decide to get a new dog in the future that you will still be facing the same thing, an adjustment period for your animals and the new dog to get to know each other. There is no getting around that, no matter what dog you get. You will always have an adjustment period to deal with where the new family member needs to settle into the household. Perhaps it was too early for you as you are still dealing with a lot of grief over Kaia, and maybe need to wait a few months. May I suggest getting a rescue dog instead of going to a breeder? Breeders will always find someone to take their dogs, but when you rescue a dog you are actually saving two lives, the life of the dog you are rescuing and making space for them to take in a new animal. There are so many dogs and cats waiting in shelters, and they make perfectly good companions. I hope that things will work out for you in the future.

Hugs,
DannysMom


--------------------
Danny: March 4, 2001 - December 28, 2011
Tina: October 27, 1997 - April 28, 2012


To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.
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Kaiasmom
post Jun 30 2012, 05:31 PM
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I do realize there are adjustment periods and I was prepared to work through them. The bottom line is that I was not and am not ready to adopt a puppy. I knew that last week when I met all the puppies and I got caught up in the moment and cuteness of them, which is the worst reason to get a dog.

By taking her back to the breeder I can only hope she finds a family that can give her the kind of home that I could not. It really hurts my heart to have to give her back, but I feel like its the right decision.
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