Hi Everyone,

After a little nudge from Patti, (gingerspal) I decided to post this as a new thread. I posted it earlier as an addition to my thread wishing Little Man a happy 12th birthday, but (we) thought it would have a better chance of being read if it were posted as a new thread.

I wanted to thank all of you for helping me wish Little Man a happy birthday and for all of your kind words of support. Overall, I made it through his birhtday pretty well--a few smiles, a few tears, but I tried to stay busy and not dwell too much on thinking about how much I miss him.

Today has been a different story. Those of you who have read my "tribute" to Little Man in the "tribute, memorial," section of this website are familiar with the story of how I built him a box to sit in while we were riding the tractor around the farm to do various jobs. I haven't used that tractor since I lost Little Man. I have a newer one (the seat on it was big enough for the both of us) and I've been using that one. I keep the old one in the barn with a tarp over it to keep it from getting dusty. It's kind of a family heirloom, which I inherited from my grandpa. This morning the newer tractor wouldn't start so I went to the barn to get the old one. When I pulled the tarp off it and climbed upon the seat, I look to my right and there was that little box with the pillow in it and I just '"lost it.' I sat there and cried like a baby. It was uncontrollable. I didn't think I had been holding any feelings back over his loss, but apparently I had been.

After it was all over, I felt much better. I guess it was the "healing" kind of cry that I have heard other posters speak of. Maybe that means I'm one step further with the grieving process. I did manage to use the tractor to do my work and after I finished, I thought I should remove the little box--that maybe that would help bring some closure, but I just couldn't do it. I'm just not ready yet. I guess I'll know when the time is right--if ever.

I think the reason I'm having such a hard time with his loss is because he was with me 24/7. He was always with me inside the house, but he also was with me while I did my work outside. Even when I went into town to get feed, supplies, etc., he was with me, sitting in the seat of the pick-up with me---not in the back. He was my best buddy, always there by my side and even now, I am constantly "looking" for him and expecting him to be there. I makes me feel so empty and incomplete when I don't see him there.

It was a bad day and I guess I needed to vent a little. It does help so much to just talk about how I feel. And it helped a great deal to hear from all of you.

Libby, (Dieter'smom). I liked the comment: "There's a grand plan in place that our human minds cannot comprehend." I believe that too. We always try to "make sense" of everything, but some things will only be understood when the grand plan unfolds. "I walk this walk with you" was also comforting to hear. Thank you.

Carol. You lost Max the same day I lost Little Man. I like what you said about them going over the bridge together--how they'll have each other and be buddies forever. That is a comforting thought, and since they were both Lhasa's, they have a lot in common. I wish I had a picture to show you of Little Man after he had just come from the groomer. He looked so much like the picture you have posted of Max.

Steph. Thanks for all your words of support. For some reason I find just looking at the pic you have posted of your beautiful Luba comforting. That face has personality! How did you come to name her Luba? I like the name, but I've never heard it before.

j4lorn. It was good to hear you feel the same way about Jake as I did Little Man. I think the world would be a much better place if people were more like their (pets). It doesn't sound insane to me at all.

Patti. I agree with Chrissy, I had never heard the phrase "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear." That is so true. Yes, we were the students and we were incredibly blessed to have had such great teachers. I'm so thankful you are a regular here on LS--you always know just what to say and you have helped so many of us. God Bless You!

Stymy's mom. (Vic) You have been very supportive of my loss and were one of the first to respond when I came here for help. You've helped more than you know and I haven't ruled out the advice you gave me in your email. (no, I don't think you're a nut) I hope you'll post a pic of Stymy someday so we can all see what he looks like.

DJ. I recently read some of your previous posts and I must say I'm completely in awe of you. You are a wise person and have the uncanny ability to see "the big picture." When we begin to feel sorry for ourselves, you serve as an inspiration to us all. We should all have your outlook on life.

Chrissy. Many thanks to you for all your help. I like the pic of your Indy too. Indiana Jones---that name just "fits." I've read some of your past posts and you seem to have come a long way. I'm glad you're still here to help the rest of us.

littlebit's mom. (Sherry) The way you lost littlebit was a true tragedy. The way you found this website was a little strange too. But you found us and I'm glad we were able to help you and you are now helping others too. Thanks for your support. I'm looking forward to seeing littlebit's pic.

Once again, thanks to all of you for all your help. You have each helped in your own way and I am truly thankful to have your support.

__Jim

I've got to thank you Jim--for all your kind words! You really are a tender man (if you don't mind my saying so!) It is just wonderful to feel understood and that is what you've done for me--I can't tell you how much I appreciate it!
You are a stand up guy--with a very big heart!
Love,
Patti

Dear Jim,

A few weeks after Luba died I had an experience similar to yours when you found the box with the little pillow on it. I was puttering in the backyard, and when I got to the very back I found one of Luba's favourite balls (she had about 15 in total) lying under a bush. It was so heartbreaking seeing something that she had left there in play lying there, never to be touched by her again. I just started crying uncontrobably.

Thanks for your kind words. I'm glad that looking at my girl's picture makes you feel better. I think that your little man and my girl must be connected because he and I share a birthday, and, no doubt, my girl peeked in on me on that day.

Luba means "little sweetheart", or "sweetie" in Russian. I don't speak Russian, but my grandfather did. He was still alive the day I brought 7-week-old Luba home. The name just really fit her.

Jim - thank you for taking time to send so many of us a kind comment I think that you are well along in the grieving "process". Missing our friends never completely goes away - and since you had a particularly strong bond with your little one, I think you are showing incredible strength of heart.

As always, we are here to listen to you talk and to give you some feedback. I hope you remember, when you are feeling the loss, that you have true friends on this board. People who not only understand your pain - but share it as well.

I don't necessarily believe that soul mates have to be spouses. I truly believe that, for some of us, our pets were our "soul mates". Another soul that resonated with our own harmony so strongly that we couldn't help but love them. That's also why we sometimes take them for granted - they are like a part of ourselves.

Keep healing - and I am glad to have made yet another wonderful friend here. Although I wish the cir%%stances were different for all of us, I am sure one day we will all look back and say to each other "How silly we were - thinking their movie was over, when all they did was change theatres!"

Dear Jim,

You are a special man! Thank you for your kind words because today is one of those bad days, your words touched my heart. I would love to show you and everyone else how handsome my Stymy was. The scanner at work is down this week but I will make sure I post his beautiful face for all to see. If I could I would give you a huge hug right now but a cyber hug will have to do

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((JIM))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thank you sincerely,
Vicki (Stymy's Mom)

Hi there Jim:

How are you? I hope that this day finds you doing well......

I have read (a few times over), your absolutely beautiful tribute to your sweet Little Man...
So much LOVE eminates from your words, sharing with all of us what obviously was your story of Father and Son!

I honestly feel that way, in my heart when I read just how much 'I sense that' you and he loved one another......
A very true, strong bond - A bond for life---- In life and in death.

I loved DJ's Quote, from 9:05am on 9/28/2004............


When I read and think about the little box, with the pillow in it, that you made, (with love, of course), for your beloved Little Man, I get teary eyed.
Just thinking of you and your Little Man.........spending every day together......riding around in the tractor; doing your work....
I am so sure that that was a very beautiful site!!

I can imagine that, when you pulled off the tarp....and then, seeing the little box.
I certainly would've "lost it" myself..............

I'll bet that ALL OF THE MEMORIES that the you and he shared came flooding back...
Being together with your sweet Little Man 24/7...........
There's no question in my mind, Jim......... I am soooo sure that He felt like the most loved furkid in the world.....

You know............????? Getting to spend all day & night wih his VERY, VERY BEST FRIEND... (and, human) !!!

I know what it feels like TO LOOK AROUND, ALL AROUND.......... BECAUSE you truly expect Little Man to be there.....
I can clearly remember after Ernestine was put to sleep........... there were many, many times that I thought I could see her, out of the corner of my eye.

And, I am sure that a lot of us have experienced "looking around"; quite sure that our furbabies are around somewhere.
In my case, I'd look around the house, sometimes frantically ---- but, then I would remember "that day at the vets".

I can assure you Jim, that you will come to the realization that your sweet Little Man is at Rainbow's Bridge, and he is enjoying life up at Rainbow Bridge, with all of our furbabies......who have gone there before him ---- He is happy now;
playing, running.... And now, Little Man is welcoming the "newcomers" to Rainbow's Bridge...

Please, don't ever, ever forget Jim, that your Little Man is Always with you........ He's right by your side; AND HE WILL ALWAYS REMAIN WITH YOU

You know, I am always sad that people have to find a pet-grief site, but:

#1: If you had to find a site at all, I am glad that it was this one -- Lightning Strike.

#2: ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE AMONG FRIENDS HERE..... YOU CAN SAY ANYTHING THAT
YOU WANT....ALL OF US "HAVE LOST", AND WE TRULY UNDERSTAND..

I must quote DJ again............

That's a great thought.....

Well Jim, I'm going to close for now..........

God Bless you Always, my friend!!

Denise