I Accidentally Killed My Soul-dog, How Do I Move Forward? Options

[Zephyr's Mom]

Two days ago, on my way home from a long drive with the dogs, I stopped at the top of our long drive way to let them out of the car to run alongside as we sometimes have done in the past. Their joy is contagious and so beautiful. It was the most stupid thing I've ever done. Within 5 sec, Zephyr somehow ran under or in front of the car. I never saw. I just thought I hit a rock, then I looked for him and only saw him collapse in the dirt. I scooped him up and rushed him to the vet, but he was already gone. Gone! My most beloved friend, my only true friend. The sweetest and most loving presence anyone could ever know. I had taken him all over the world, even Kenya, with me. We were inseparable. He never left my feet. I work at home so he was a constant loving presence all day, every day. Always snuggling and full of joy. How could I have ended all that life and love? I hate myself. I don't know how to keep living. He was the love of my life. And, it was all my fault. Maybe no one here will even want to respond because you will think I am the worst person in the world. I am! I can't stop thinking of those last few minutes. He trusted me and I betrayed him. I can't tell you how painful this is. I can't stop crying. I haven't been able to eat or sleep since it happened. I am bereft. Everything reminds me of him and then reminds me of the accident. I can't go outside. I don't know how life can continue. Everything is empty and hollow. I am empty and hollow. This being that I poured my love into for seven years is just gone. What am I going to do? I can't bear this pain.